Why do guys ask for "pics"? Is this a red flag?

[Cookiesandough]

How many other women encountered this? I dated a lot online. I had a typical profile with a variety of pics. After we exchanged numbers, I noticed some guys still ask you for a pic before they meet you. Not a sexy pic specifically, just "pics".

 

They'll say "Mind sending a pic?" or something like that. UGH

 

I was had been on some dates with this guy who 80 miles away. He wanted to be friends on social media but I don't add people until I see it being long-term, so he couldn't see "pics" there.

 

Anyway, I'm only recently getting comfortable with pics of myself, so I would mess around give him a childhood pic or a pic of a troll. He'd say "seriously. :/ pic please?" So I gave him a selfie and he did the little heart face and said thank you.

 

Next time we met up he said "I wanted a recent pic, the way you look now(I had dark blondish hair in the pic I gave him and dark hair now) WHY????!?!?!? When we were apart for a bit, he asked again for a pic. So I gave him some selfies and he was satisfied.

 

So yesterday, this guy cold approached me. I shouldn't be dating but he's cute and cold approaches are extremely rare so I gave it a shot. Not long after we greeted he wrote "Send pic for contact?"

 

I guess he asks so many chicks out he forgets who's who so he needs pics for reference. I get nervous when guys ask for pics. Should I? It just seems...shallow at best. And something perverted at worst. What is up with this? Does this happen to you or do you do this?

[staggerlee71]

they are looking for the most current picture possible.

 

how do you look today. how do you look on an everyday, not a staged pic

 

its that simple

[Cookiesandough]

they are looking for the most current picture possible.

 

how do you look today. how do you look on an everyday, not a staged pic

 

its that simple

 

I see. I don't think I changed incredibly in the 10 min since we had exchanged numbers. Do you like to keep seeing pics of girls you are already going on dates with(so you know what she looks like).

 

Accidentally clicked awkward winky face.

[phineas]

maybe he thinks your pretty?

[Cookiesandough]

We ask for recent pictures because women for the most part are using old pics online.

 

the number of times i met women who looked nothing like their pictures.

i don't have time for that.

sorry.

 

also when women from online asked me for a now pic i had zero problem providing because i know they are making sure i'm not frauding either.

 

It seems kind of shallow. But I guess I understand that with all the deception that occurs. I find it a big turn off, still. Do you still ask for pics even after you meet sometimes?

[Cookiesandough]

I guess I should ask the biggest question on my mind : Do you guys typically ask for "pics" in hope to get sexy pics?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I guess I should ask the biggest question on my mind : Do you guys typically ask for "pics" in hope to get sexy pics?

 

Some undoubtedly do, but I suspect it's more b/c they want a more recent picture. Body pics. I was a couple of days of meeting a lady and asked her for more pics before meeting. She continued to send pics w/o body shots, but one was enough for me to realize that she was not as advertised.

[staggerlee71]

Hell No. I'm interested in dating a women who is smart, confident, sweet, with a decent sense of humor.

 

 

Ive never asked or expected sexy pics from a women I was in a relationship with let alone I just met. If she sends, great but not remotely looking for that.

 

Guys you just meet or are not in exclusive relationship with, who want sexy pics, have their priorities fd up.

 

regarding my last post, current pics are for on OLD. On the cold approach, I would guess he finds you attractive and wants a current to show a friend he met a cute women he wants to take out and ask their opinion

[phineas]

It seems kind of shallow. But I guess I understand that with all the deception that occurs. I find it a big turn off, still. Do you still ask for pics even after you meet sometimes?

 

I missed the part where you said you'd been out a few times so i edited my original response.

 

however, no i don't ask for pics after i've gone out.

I know what she looks like.

I might ask for one if someone wants to know what you look like if i've mentioned a woman but usually i don't even talk about women i'm seeing to friends.

I just show up with them if it starts to go somewhere.

[Romantic_Antics]

I see. I don't think I changed incredibly in the 10 min since we had exchanged numbers.

 

A lot can happen in 10 minutes. Maybe he was just making sure you weren't spontaneously disfigured by an escaped orangutan?

 

Asking for a pic of someone you just met shortly after meeting them and exchanging numbers is definitely odd. My first thought was that he's some kind of creepy pervert.

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks. I guess that makes sense. Not very thrilled about that, but thanks for enlightening me, you guys.

[grays]

So so so many guys ask for pics when online dating. I hate it, too. I hate to take pics of myself and to see them.

 

Oddly though I feel a little better about it if I've already met them. Maybe because Im only going to send out pics that I think I look good in, and then I feel pressure to live up to them. If they've already seen me irl, the pressure is off. And I fddl like if they ask for a pic after seeing me then they must thibk I'm attractive, or at least its a sign they probably do.

 

I never ask for pics because I don't like to be asked. But just recently I've gotten involved with someone Im crazy about. The only pic I have of him just doesnt look anything like him and I would love to have one that does. Its only because I dig him that I want it. There's no bad motive at all.

 

And I think asking for a contact pic flags that they're not looking for a sexy pic or full body shot. That's just for your face. And I don't think it implies that he's expecting to forget who you are. I like to have pics for my contacts, too. The only times Ive asked, tho, have been when theyve already asked.

 

ETA: I feel like as a group we are fairly jaded here at LS and jump to the most unpleasant and ungenerous explanations for people's behaviors. I don't think humanity is so awful for the most part. Many of us have a lot of good in us.

Edited October 18, 2017 by grays

[Cookiesandough]

So so so many guys ask for pics when online dating. I hate it, too. I hate to take pics of myself and to see them.

 

Oddly though I feel a little better about it if I've already met them. Maybe because Im only going to send out pics that I think I look good in, and then I feel pressure to live up to them. If they've already seen me irl, the pressure is off. And I fddl like if they ask for a pic after seeing me then they must thibk I'm attractive, or at least its a sign they probably do.

 

I never ask for pics because I don't like to be asked. But just recently I've gotten involved with someone Im crazy about. The only pic I have of him just doesnt look anything like him and I would love to have one that does. Its only because I dig him that I want it. There's no bad motive at all.

 

And I think asking for a contact pic flags that they're not looking for a sexy pic or full body shot. That's just for your face. And I don't think it implies that he's expecting to forget who you are. I like to have pics for my contacts, too. The only times Ive asked, tho, have been when theyve already asked.

 

ETA: I feel like as a group we are fairly jaded here at LS and jump to the most unpleasant and ungenerous explanations for people's behaviors. I don't think humanity is so awful for the most part. Many of us have a lot of good in us.

 

Thank you! I really appreciate it. Glad to find someone who has experienced this and hates it too. lol. Before we meet, I'm worried he's not sure he's attracted or making sure he is. It makes me think he's going to scrutinizing everything. It's is common online. So guys have asked you just for pics after you met too. And yes, just to be clear these guys specifically never asked for "Sexy" pics or nudes. They just want "pics". So maybe it is like you say. Hopefully. That's cute about that guy you are dating and wanting a pic. Maybe he will be flattered you want to see a better pic of him because you like him. Or maybe he'll wonder the same thing I am here. lol. I agree with you 100% since it's mostly problems on the board and a lot of us are jaded we jump to the worst conclusion.

[grays]

I've been adked for just "pics" and for "sexy pics." I hate it all.

 

Im scared to ask my new guy for a pic. I probably won't. But I have seriously considered whipping my phone out and taking one. I don't even know if that's better or worse. I thinkno one is expected to have a problem with that, but why would asking for a pic be worse than taking one?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I missed the part where you said you'd been out a few times so i edited my original response.

 

Oy, I missed this as well. Sorry. Once I meet, I don't ask for additional pics.

[OatsAndHall]

I ask for a pic or two before we meet, in an attempt to make sure that the profile pics aren't out of date. But, there's no guarantee there either; they could be sending me an old one anyway. I do know have a few friends who ask women for pics in an effort to get some nudes but I've only done that when I was in a serious relationship with someone.

 

I was texting back and forth with a woman a few weeks ago who was continually asking for pics and it got annoying. I sent her a couple of selfies and she responded with a half dozen full body pics including one of her in a bikin. I knew what she was getting at; she wanted a current full body pic. But, my full body pics on my profile are up to date and I told her that from the very beginning when she complimented me on them. She even started hinting at sexting and was sending me texts filled with sexual innuendo.. I was beyond turned off as she just struck me as shallow.

 

When I first started using OLD, a woman asked for my number straight off the bat and started sending me unsolicited full body pics of herself. They started with her being dressed in every day clothes, progressed to a skimpy cocktail dress and then I got a full on topless shot.. That just screamed "INSECURE".

[rightondude]

I like having a pic for a contact and seeing it pop up big on the screen when the call comes in. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

 

But there are pervs out there who want sexay pics for nefarious purposes I'm sure.

[JEG88]

they are looking for the most current picture possible.

 

how do you look today. how do you look on an everyday, not a staged pic

 

its that simple

 

This, plain and simple. When I was on OLD in the past, it was like a double-check that the pics she posted on her profile were actually current. (You can always edit the dates you put as captions or photoshops on profile pics.)

[Cobra_X]

How many other women encountered this? I dated a lot online. I had a typical profile with a variety of pics. After we exchanged numbers, I noticed some guys still ask you for a pic before they meet you. Not a sexy pic specifically, just "pics".

 

In OLD a guys #1 fear is that you will show up for the date and be fat. The term is SIF... Secret Internet Fatties. I've got a Chinese friend who absolutely goes crazy over this... he doesn't like fat girls at all.

 

This is why they are obsessive about your most recent photos.

 

So yesterday, this guy cold approached me. I shouldn't be dating but he's cute and cold approaches are extremely rare so I gave it a shot. Not long after we greeted he wrote "Send pic for contact?"

I guess he asks so many chicks out he forgets who's who so he needs pics for reference. I get nervous when guys ask for pics. Should I? It just seems...shallow at best. And something perverted at worst. What is up with this? Does this happen to you or do you do this?

 

When I was cold approaching women a lot... I would need to write down distinctive factors to separate them. When you hit up 20 or 30 women in a day you forget what they all look like and mix them up. It takes a lot of approaches to get a date at first. Once you get good at it the ratio gets better.

 

So... I think you might have nailed it. The guy needs to remind himself what you look like to get interested again.

 

OR... He could be a picture collector.

[Cookiesandough]

In OLD a guys #1 fear is that you will show up for the date and be fat. The term is SIF... Secret Internet Fatties. I've got a Chinese friend who absolutely goes crazy over this... he doesn't like fat girls at all.

 

This is why they are obsessive about your most recent photos.

 

 

 

When I was cold approaching women a lot... I would need to write down distinctive factors to separate them. When you hit up 20 or 30 women in a day you forget what they all look like and mix them up. It takes a lot of approaches to get a date at first. Once you get good at it the ratio gets better.

 

So... I think you might have nailed it. The guy needs to remind himself what you look like to get interested again.

 

OR... He could be a picture collector.

 

Thank you. That makes sense . What about the guy I was seeing long distance who kept asking for pics between times we dated? We saw each other like 2 days a week and he had plenty? I had people I've already me ask me for pics of me doing activities and just wondering if its a red flag. It's either sweet because they like you or theyre trying for nudes in a very subtle, unsuccessful way

Edited October 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[guest569]

In OLD a guys #1 fear is that you will show up for the date and be fat. The term is SIF... Secret Internet Fatties. I've got a Chinese friend who absolutely goes crazy over this... he doesn't like fat girls at all.

 

This is why they are obsessive about your most recent photos

 

I agree with these explanations and to me, it is a red flag. I don't want a guy like that (already thinks I'm being deceptive before even knowing me, hates fatties, has too many women) pass.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with these explanations and to me, it is a red flag. I don't want a guy like that (already thinks I'm being deceptive before even knowing me, hates fatties, has too many women) pass.

 

couldn't agree more. I never go out with them if they ask for pics first. It means they're superficial and distrusting. But if they ask after we have had good dates or they've seen me, I get confused. It also seems superficial. example: I was at a pumpkin patch a week ago and the guy I was seeing at the time asked me for pics of me there and my red flag alert went off

 

keep in mind I don't keep in touch with them on snapchat, Instagram, fb, or any of that like people usually do when they are dating

Edited October 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[JEG88]

couldn't agree more. I never go out with them if they ask for pics first. It means they're superficial and not trusting. bUT if they ask after we have had good dates or they've seen me, I get confused. example: I was at a pumpkin patch a week ago and the guy I was seeing at the time asked me for pics of me there and my red flag alert went off

 

Devil's advocate, you should try to see it from a guy's perspective on OLD. So many women lie about who they are and what they look like, that I don't blame guys who ask for pics before meeting.

 

I have personally experienced this form of catfishing (women who looked completely different from their pics) from early days on OLD as well, and it sucks.

[mortensorchid]

I don't like it when people ask for pictures of you. I've only encountered this on dating websites once you have connected. People do it for a few reasons:

 

1) To verify if you are actually a woman

2) To see what you look like up to date rather than use an old picture of you on the website / app that may be 15 years and 30-40 lbs ago

3) To see your body more

4) To see if they like your body enough to meet you

 

But someone you meet IRL wants to see a photo of you? That's odd.

[guest569]

couldn't agree more. I never go out with them if they ask for pics first. It means they're superficial and distrusting. But if they ask after we have had good dates or they've seen me, I get confused. It also seems superficial. example: I was at a pumpkin patch a week ago and the guy I was seeing at the time asked me for pics of me there and my red flag alert went off

 

Yeah that just seems odd and maybe creepy lol. I am fine with sharing pics on a dating site (need to know if we are attracted and makes it easier to find him) but if we are having a great online chat and get along and I realise it is conditional (on looking a certain way or being a certain weight) then I'm out.