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3 months dating the same guy...


mejustme

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So I’ve been dating this guy for three months now. I was dating two guys at once. Couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t like the way that I felt while out with each of them. At any rate I decided to only date one of them. Any how it’s been three months. We have become intimate for at least two months now and we’ve been seeing more of each other. We both knew that we were dating other people in the beginning and we were very honest about dating others. He seemed to care before, said he even felt a little jealous. I can agree to that as well Bc I too felt jealous when I knew he was on a date. But now three months in and no mention of dating other people. It’s like he doesn’t even care. We haven’t had the exclusivity talk and now it doesn’t even seem to phase him. He is still extremely active on social media. I mean like extremely flirtatious. It bothers me, but I don’t say anything Bc I feel as tho that my be viewed as juvenile.

What am I doing wrong? Why haven’t we had the exclusivity talk and why is he so compelled to constantly flirt with all kinds of women? Is it so much to ask to find a man that is captivated by only you?

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What am I doing wrong? Why haven’t we had the exclusivity talk and why is he so compelled to constantly flirt with all kinds of women? Is it so much to ask to find a man that is captivated by only you?

 

You failed to get him emotionally invested. If you want a relationship this should be your top priority. It's something you should achieve prior to becoming intimate.

 

Most people will say you just chose the wrong guy. I think it's much more likely that you don't know how to make men care about you.

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I've been in this situation several times.

 

When a guy knows you're dating others it forces us to suppress jealousy, date others and avoid having feelings that make you seem serious or gf material. At some point we stop caring if you're seeing someone else because it's never going to be serious. In the end it's a superficial 'city-casual' type of relationship.

 

If you mess up the foundation then you're going to have problems from the ground up.

Edited by bpb2017
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I don't even understand how somebody could be "dating" more than one person at a time. I can understand going on dates with different people, but that's not "dating" somebody. If you're dating two guys at once, that is probably a turn-off to both. I would have a hard time taking you seriously as it would seem I'm just another notch on your bedpost or something. It seems shallow.

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So does this mean that you only date one person at a time? I never said I was intimate with both. I was dating two men and found myself more attracted to the other, stopped seeing one and started only dating the guy that I felt most compatible with. I’m confused; isn’t this how it works?

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So does this mean that you only date one person at a time? I never said I was intimate with both. I was dating two men and found myself more attracted to the other, stopped seeing one and started only dating the guy that I felt most compatible with. I’m confused; isn’t this how it works?

 

Dating is very different for males vs females. It's fine to date multiple people, you just have to be discreet about it.

 

I will say again that the point of dating IF you want relationships is to get the other person to emotionally invest in you. Jealousy may have played a role in making him see you as a bad long term fit. I can't say for sure because not every guy is the same.

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So does this mean that you only date one person at a time? I never said I was intimate with both. I was dating two men and found myself more attracted to the other, stopped seeing one and started only dating the guy that I felt most compatible with. I’m confused; isn’t this how it works?

 

We probably define "dating someone" a little different. If there's been no intimacy, then I don't feel like I'm really dating somebody. Going on a date, and actively dating the same person seem two different things.

 

As far as "how it works" - different strokes for different folks! I couldn't date two women at the same time. I'd mess it all up. ;)

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I also think you've missed the boat by letting him know you were dating others. We all know at the very beginning of getting to know someone there is no exclusivity, it's an unspoken understanding. That being said no one wants to hear the other person mention they're dating others.

 

I multi dated many times and I always was very discreet about going on dates with other men, I also made a personal rule to never multi-date more than 3 times, past 3 dates in my book it's misleading people.

 

The exclusivity talk should come much earlier than 3 months if you are online to find a serious dater. Men don't need 3 months to figure out if they prefer girl A or girl B. They know very very very quickly, I'd say by date 2-3 they have made up their mind if they'd like to date you exclusively. By remaining on line 3 months without speaking of exclusivity you sent this guy the message you are all about casual and you're ok with all this flirting around.

 

Exclusivity doesn't have to be approached by men. I am the one who spoke about exclusivity to my bf after 5 dates. We had been intimate once and I was not gonna put myself through the nightmare of seeing him going after other women. He was happy as a pinguin when I mentioneed exclusivity.

 

You need to speak to him clearly, if he's not interested in exclusivity than discountinue seeing him. Don't put the blame on him, you are also responsible for letting this go for so long without a conversation.

Edited by Gaeta
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