Can Situation be Rectified?

[Grey40]

Went on one date with an amazing woman, both had a great time and agreed to see each other again. We have been texting here and there, she asks me how my day was and everything etc. she was unable to meet last week due to work and getting her wisdom teeth pulled, etc. Texted her this week to try and set something up and she texts back ,”I will have to let you know, but is it ok if we hang out more on a friends level? I had a really good time on my date with you but I’m just unsure if I can connect on a dating level. I’d love to hand out with you as a friend but I’m not sure about a dating level. I hope you’re ok with this.”

 

Couldn’t believe it. Was there something I did wrong? Or maybe she had second thoughts? I was certainly not needy at all, I would text her how her day is going and stuff and sometimes she would text me first too. So I don’t think that was the issue.

[Gaeta]

 

Couldn’t believe it. Was there something I did wrong? Or maybe she had second thoughts? I was certainly not needy at all, I would text her how her day is going and stuff and sometimes she would text me first too. So I don’t think that was the issue.

 

No you did nothing wrong.

 

Happened to me a few times. I had a great time, I laughed and even flirted and when I got home I changed my mind.

 

How focused are you on finding a gf? If you are very focused than don't let her distract you with a 'friendship' I am sure you already have friends. On top of that if you meet a woman serious about dating you she won't like to see you've kept all types of online female friends.

[Grey40]

No you did nothing wrong.

 

Happened to me a few times. I had a great time, I laughed and even flirted and when I got home I changed my mind.

 

How focused are you on finding a gf? If you are very focused than don't let her distract you with a 'friendship' I am sure you already have friends. On top of that if you meet a woman serious about dating you she won't like to see you've kept all types of online female friends.

 

Yeah I just told her that I’m interested in more than friends and don’t think just hanging out as friends will work. I said “but if you’re down for a second date that would be cool. First impressions aren’t always the best. Who knows maybe you’ll feel differently after a second time. If not, that’s cool too, if you’re not feeling it I don’t want to waste our time you know?”

[Gaeta]

She knew for sure it was a no-go. When we're ambivalent a little we don't advertise it, we just don't say a thing and go on a second date and make up our mind. It was her very very very diplomatic and kind way of telling you she is not feeling it.

 

ETA: It's the problem with a lot of women. They can't give men a definitive no in fear of hurting their feelings. They make much more damage by closing a door half-way and leaving the man in limbo.

[Grey40]

She knew for sure it was a no-go. When we're ambivalent a little we don't advertise it, we just don't say a thing and go on a second date and make up our mind. It was her very very very diplomatic and kind way of telling you she is not feeling it.

 

ETA: It's the problem with a lot of women. They can't give men a definitive no in fear of hurting their feelings. They make much more damage by closing a door half-way and leaving the man in limbo.

 

Yeah, I know that. But I didn't like the fact that she kept me thinking otherwise by texting me first and initiating conversation etc. Though when I said stuff like, "can't wait to see you again", she never returned that gesture. So, I should have picked up on that sooner.

[Grey40]

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I know it’s pretty straightforward but it still bums me out, because she seemed really into me after the date and then slowly faded.

[act00]

Sometimes you lose that momentum, I think. The date went great, but maybe she had reservations, and a second date might have pointed her in the definite yes or no direction, but with the length of time in between due to busy schedules, it allowed the "not sure" to take over. I have a difficult time explaining it, but if the enthusiasm was a little bit lacking, at some point your priorities shift and going out on another date goes to the back burner.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong unless you were leaving her to initiate all the conversations. It doesn't sound like it was too much or too little, but if you were allowing too much time to pass and didn't initiate much communication, that could have led to this loss of momentum, particularly if she was already teetering on the fence.

 

What's most confusing about this is her efforts to text and chat during this busy time and keep that communication open. It would make me think she's interested, so a bit of a whopper to get handed the friend card. I certainly don't have any answers on what she's thinking, but my thought is that she didn't have the same level of spark and enthusiasm romantically, though she likes you a great deal and had a good time, possibly (and hopefully) found you to be a great kisser, but it wasn't "all that," and the momentum just got lost.

 

This weekend, her priorities could be hanging at home, unwashed, with a tub of ice cream, a movie, and a glass of wine, relax from the busy week, and her motivation to go out with you and put effort into a relationship feels like more work...and it shouldn't feel like a job. It's pretty effortless when you have that explosive connection. Does that make any sense?

 

There could be another/other guy(s) she's dating or about to date, and her connection with you didn't put you on the top of the priority list. It's really hard to say.

 

It would be nice if we could see what could have happened if there was time for another date sooner. It could have ended the same with her just not "feeling it," but maybe it could have driven that momentum forward to long-term.

 

There are no answers here. Sorry. It sucks. It hurts. It's just something that didn't work out.