Zul Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I was with a girl for 5 years, she left me the first year we were together and cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. Then we got back together for four more years and I pretty much resented her the entire time, didn't trust her, and found out a lot of things she was still doing behind my back. Basically, I only stayed because we were compatible on the physical level but emotionally, she just destroyed me. Then when we broke up, she lied yet again... It was full of lies from her end. Now, I find myself not interested in anyone. I've been on 3 dates in the last year, talked to over 2 dozen girls and I wind up ghosting them because when I get home after a date, or talk to them long enough I get depressed and think I'll be happier alone. I've been out of a relationship for 15 months, and I feel very messed up from it. I get ghosted a lot from other girls, and I have ghosted my fair share. I want a family, I want someone to settle down with, I want to find someone to have a fun time with. If it isn't them losing interest, it is me. What am I to do? I'm completely over her, but what she did to me still haunts me. She cheated, lied, threw temper tantrums like a kid... She was awful and I don't ever want that again, but when I think about my future, I honestly see myself alone and happy... but I want more for myself. How am I supposed to find someone? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 First things first, she may have cheated but you are the person who took her back and stayed in a relationship that you knew was unhealthy for FIVE years... you really need to own that and understand why YOU made the decision to stay with this woman. And then, you should really seek some professional counseling. If you hope to have a healthy long term relationship in the future, it is probably the best thing that you can do for yourself... Good luck. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 What am I to do? I'm completely over her, but what she did to me still haunts me. She cheated, lied, threw temper tantrums like a kid... She was awful and I don't ever want that again, but when I think about my future, I honestly see myself alone and happy... but I want more for myself. How am I supposed to find someone? You will not feel better untill you realize that YOU were responsible for allowing this in your life. Once you take responsability for it you will be able to forgive yourself and move on. Now what you do is put 100% the blame on her and as long as you do that it will eat you inside. If you had not gone back to her after that first year you wouldn't feel a wreck like you're feeling right now. At least own your part. You're suppose to grow from this before you find someone. Women don't want to date men that still feel hurt and resentful toward their past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I am equally baffled that you stayed so long for FIVE years, knowing it was not a good relationship. I can understand falling back once after the cheating because we're all stupid sometimes, and people make mistakes, but that betrayal broke you/your relationship, and in addition to that, you KNEW it was not a healthy relationship. I agree, what you need is some counseling. You also need to work very hard at not expecting all women to behave the same and not being suspicious that a woman's every act or word is an illicit act that your girlfriend exhibited. It's okay to be wary, observant, but not okay to plop your baggage on another woman's lap, as if she is the one that did these things to you. There's nothing wrong with staying single, but if your goal is to have a wife and family, you need to work on yourself, and you could probably use some professional guidance in this journey. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Well you know now the type not to get involved with again right? You have to kick a lot of tires to find the right one....hell if everyone got it on the first try there wouldn't be dating sites and relationship forums. You are just frustrated......relax and take it in stride. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 You are not ready to date again, plain & simple. Stop forcing the issue. Live your life. Do stuff that you enjoy. When your head gets clear again then you will be ready but you aren't now & that is OK. Your EX was a bad person. Not everyone is like her. When you are ready to date again do not punish the new girl for your EX's sins. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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