7675 Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 My gf was just out with her friends. Around half 12 (midnight) she messages me saying she doesn't want to be at the club they're at. She seemed like she was having a mini panic attack, so obviously i was concerned. Almost offered to come pick her up. Anyway, we carried on speaking for an hour and then she suddenly went silent on me. I've been up for another hour or so worrying about her, and sending her messages with no response. Eventually i called and one of her friends answered and said she was alright. Now, even though I'm relieved, I can't help but feel annoyed and angered that she kept me up only to stop updating me on how she was doing as the night progressed. A simple "things are all good now" text would've been more than enough. I don't know whether my anger is warranted or whether I'm just being extra about it. Maybe if i sleep on it I'll calm down Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I'd be mad, too, honestly. Mainly because I know with 100% certainty that I'd have been in an absolute panic! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 7675 Posted October 14, 2017 Author Share Posted October 14, 2017 I'd be mad, too, honestly. Mainly because I know with 100% certainty that I'd have been in an absolute panic! That's what I'm saying you know. Plus she was in a dodge partof town. But at the same time, I don't want to raise a fuss over nothing. Honestly just not sure how to deal. On the one side I'm pissed. On the other side i can understand how it might've been a mistake 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Try this "I'm glad to know that you can come to me when you need help. But I would appreciate if you can let me know when you're OK because I spent half the night worried about you". Your frustration is completely understandable. So talk about it in a non accusing way. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 That's what I'm saying you know. Plus she was in a dodge partof town. But at the same time, I don't want to raise a fuss over nothing. Honestly just not sure how to deal. On the one side I'm pissed. On the other side i can understand how it might've been a mistake 1. Never let your GF go clubbing without you. It's a freaking meat market. 2. Maybe her phone died. 3. Maybe she met a hot guy and they are doing the nasty in his car. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Anger is a bridge too far but you do get to be irked / annoyed. It's early a.m. now; return the favor. . .wake her butt up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I would probably guilt trip her. I'd tell her I had a horrific night imaginning the worse and I came very close to calling her parents and the police. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 That's what I'm saying you know. Plus she was in a dodge partof town. But at the same time, I don't want to raise a fuss over nothing. Honestly just not sure how to deal. On the one side I'm pissed. On the other side i can understand how it might've been a mistake Well then, this is small stuff so don't sweat it. If it happens again with her or becomes a habit then tell her you can't be her saviour on a night out. She is a grown woman so should know her own limits and should be able to rely upon friends if things are this bad when she goes out with them. If she can't cope with these nights out she shouldn't go out on them but that's up to her to decide, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 (edited) I understand your irritation. You were worried about her. That is very inconsiderate. Hopefully its not a pattern Edited October 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
CoolJoe Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Try this "I'm glad to know that you can come to me when you need help. But I would appreciate if you can let me know when you're OK because I spent half the night worried about you". Your frustration is completely understandable. So talk about it in a non accusing way. OP, please do this. I can't believe other posters suggested giving her a taste of her medicine (early AM now wake her butt up)... unless that's a joke that is a terrible idea. Couples who retaliate end up miserable and breaking up/cheating. Don't do that. Or guilt tripping her. Just communicate openly with her and basil highlighted the best response possible. It's non accusatory but also puts your feelings/needs out there and that's how healthy relationships are maintained. BTW OP I would feel miffed as well if I were you. You have every right to be. However, your response should be measured and loving. Basil's reply is perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 It depends. If this was the one and only time she has done this, then a not so aggressive way of letting her know what she did was disrespectful is the way to go. BUT if this has happened before, she needs to be told to grow the f up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 7675 Posted October 14, 2017 Author Share Posted October 14, 2017 Her friend had her phone. Needed it to get their ride. We spoke and she apologized in the morning. Water under the bridge 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Her friend had her phone. Needed it to get their ride. We spoke and she apologized in the morning. Water under the bridge Pretty cheap excuse. I am glad that's a good enough for you, it wouldn't be for me. If I were to let a friend use my phone I'd message my boyfriend FIRST before handing it to her. Also, didn't that friend see your calls come in for 1 hour?? Meh....really really poor excuse. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 7675 Posted October 15, 2017 Author Share Posted October 15, 2017 Pretty cheap excuse. I am glad that's a good enough for you, it wouldn't be for me. If I were to let a friend use my phone I'd message my boyfriend FIRST before handing it to her. Also, didn't that friend see your calls come in for 1 hour?? Meh....really really poor excuse. I only called once, and when i did, she answered. Obviously was still unhappy about it, which is why she apologized, but i can understand. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 People need to understand that having a conversation via text is no different than having a conversation over the phone. For me, disappearing and not answering a text after we've been going back and forth is basically the same as being hung up on or a line going dead. It is frustrating and worrisome. There's no reason why someone can't send a text saying "My phone is going to die soon so I should probably let you go." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I find your anger and fear completely justified. The only thing to do now is tell her that you were worried, and in the future, she can't just leave you hanging like that after distress calls/texts. She needs to let you know everything is okay. This seems like it would be common sense, but clearly it is not, and it needs to be pointed out. So she gave her friend her phone - lame excuse for not writing back, either your GF or the friend with the phone. I find it hard to believe the friend didn't see "multiple messages." She could have handed the phone back over. She could have written that everything is okay and she'll get the phone back to GF shortly...where was this friend that your GF wasn't right there? The whole situation is a little weird, but I'm glad everything is okay. Just communicate to her that what she did was irresponsible, and you don't do that to people. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I only called once, and when i did, she answered. Obviously was still unhappy about it, which is why she apologized, but i can understand. Your original story: I've been up for another hour or so worrying about her, and sending her messages with no response If I have someone else's phone I know when texts are coming in. It dings! so for 1 hour you send several texts and this friend using her phone didn't care to tell your GF Hey! you're boyfriend is trying to reach you! If it becomes a pattern I hope you'll address it directly. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I think it's totally understandable for you to be concerned, and you should tell her that you think she should have let you know she was OK (in a nice way). If she doesn't appreciate that, might be a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 7675 Posted October 15, 2017 Author Share Posted October 15, 2017 Your original story: I've been up for another hour or so worrying about her, and sending her messages with no response If I have someone else's phone I know when texts are coming in. It dings! so for 1 hour you send several texts and this friend using her phone didn't care to tell your GF Hey! you're boyfriend is trying to reach you! If it becomes a pattern I hope you'll address it directly. Called once, but messaged a few times. Look I'm not saying I just let it go, but given the circumstances, I wasn't going to start a fight over it. They're in a club, it's loud, they have other friends there, they're trying to leave... I can understand why some phone messages weren't a top priority. It annoyed me, she shouldn't have done it. But we spoke, and it's all good Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 OR, so she would have you believe. To me. this doesn't pass the sniff test. Link to post Share on other sites
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