What's the most frustrating part of dating for you?

[gregfloripa]

Hey guys,

 

I'm curious what for you is the most frustrating part of dating or the part that you have the most problems with?

 

Also from a girl's perspective, what's the part that annoys you or you hate that guys do(or don't do) during dating, or at a first date, or even when they approach you?

 

For me the biggest problem in dating was always approaching a girl during the day. I would always get very nervous because I thought of a million things that could go wrong or that I would run out of things to say so I would talk myself out of it.

 

Now my biggest is long term relationships and knowing exactly what I actually want in a long term relationship and what type of girl I'd like to be with.

 

Would love to know what everyone else is dealing with and what you find difficult.

 

Thanks guys!

[Cobra_X]

I'm curious what for you is the most frustrating part of dating or the part that you have the most problems with?

 

I'm getting older. The biggest frustration I have is balancing fitness goals with women and work.

 

I think women in my age bracket face the same stress and it seems most respond by giving up and getting really fat.

[Cookiesandough]

Ughhh the part with the dating...

 

Knowing you are either going to have to break up with the person or spend the rest of your life with them. x.x

[Romantic_Antics]

Ughhh the part with the dating...

 

Dammit. You beat me to it.

 

Jokes aside, for me, it's knowing that I'm getting older now (I'm 40 - and a half) and feeling like my best years are behind me and that most available women my age are going to be even more screwed up than I am. But, here's the great part: I am an eternally hopeless romantic and feel that I have loved more deeply and more fiercely than any person possibly could. No, really, I have. I was married young and my wife died in a tragic accident. After learning to love again, I loved even more than I had before and met some amazing people along the way whom I would've never met if not for the tragedy that shook up my world for a little bit there. It's not often that you get to have a soulmate in life and STILL continue to fall in love with others afterwards.

 

I've been close to engagement a couple of times since then, but the timing was wrong so it didn't work out. With every failed relationship - because I'm terrible at them; I give the initial impression of being "too good to be true", but I'm really not, and when I screw up I tend to do so in spectacular fashion just to confirm what they suspected all along - I try to feel privileged that I had the opportunity to meet that person and fall in love with them too. Even if it was a bad relationship. In fact, especially if it was a bad relationship because those were the ones that often taught me the most about myself.

 

But there is that whole matter of time working against me, which can sometimes add some unnecessary pressure that pulls me out of the moment and gets me focused on all of the wrong things, so that's the hardest part about dating for me.

[bluefeather]

It hasn't been a really frustrating experience, but so far, skimming through a lot of similar profiles can be kind of irksome. Sometimes a lot of girls look the same and sound the same on their profile.

[Eternal Sunshine]

For me, it's meeting someone that I would even want to date. Slim pickings where I live.

[GemmaUK]

For me, since getting older, late 30s thru 40s it's the pace at which guys fly at.

 

I've dated on and off from OLD and even before a first meet some guys seem to think you're their possession - in which case I won't go as far as meeting them.

It has happened on date 1, 2, 3 though where all of a sudden, a switch flips in them and they're claiming you as theirs, over texting, talking about moving in, proclaiming love, needing to know your every move every minute of the day and giving you no space to yourself etc.

Setting healthy boundaries falls on deaf ears with these guys.

 

There's no laid back getting to know a person anymore it seems or seeing how it goes, taking things day by day.

[hercules22]

people who waste your time or flake to much

[Lorenza]

The most frustrating part is answering the same questions and having the same boring superficial conversations over and over again.

 

I hate talking about work, favorite series, plans for the weekend, where I'm from and why I moved to this country etc. Nobody seems to take the initiative and ask something more meaningful, something that will let them get to know me for real and when I do, the conversation doesn't always have the flow since they're not as engaged into asking this type of questions.

 

I'm tired of all the superficial people on OLD and there's RARELY anyone who sparks my interest. Mostly the same vapid, insubstantial men who have nothing interesting to say.

[Cookiesandough]

For me, it's meeting someone that I would even want to date. Slim pickings where I live.

 

Definitely this

[Gr8fuln2020]

Late 40s....hmmmm. Finding someone with my energy and zeal for the outdoors and fitness. I'm not a gym rat, but it is very difficult to find someone whose TRULY interested in living an active and fit lifestyle. I much prefer ladies within 5-years of my age, so asking too much???

[central]

I didn't find it difficult to meet new dating prospects, but it was very hard to find someone compatible. Where I live now, it would be near impossible if I were thrown back into the dating pool - I'd have to move to a different part of the country with different prevailing attitudes.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Late 40s....hmmmm. Finding someone with my energy and zeal for the outdoors and fitness. I'm not a gym rat, but it is very difficult to find someone whose TRULY interested in living an active and fit lifestyle. I much prefer ladies within 5-years of my age, so asking too much???

 

Allow me to be more honest...the most frustrating thing is really getting up and doing the whole dog and pony show again and again. It get's tiresome and my attitude probably reflects that at times.

[act00]

Men my age are not necessarily ready to settle down. They're newly divorced or still in a place where this is just not an option...maybe it never will be.

 

Too much facial hair.

 

When it comes to OLD, when men state they "want serious" but they don't, or men don't say what city they actually live in. I want to date local. Time and time again, I find that they don't live here. I wouldn't have bothered responding if I knew they lived 1-2 hours away.

 

I don't have a checklist. I don't have a type. I won't pursue someone who expects a super fit or active person, or they travel every weekend, or camping/fishing/hunting, sports and spending money on all the games in the area, glued to sports on TV, are main goals. It's not my thing. It's fine if you like to do it, and by all means, have fun, but if you're gone all the time pursuing these hobbies and lifestyles, obviously it's not a match.

 

Going through all the superficial, get to know you stuff can be tiresome, but they don't know you and you don't know them...for them it's a first...for you it's a first. There is some excitement in all of this, and a nice evening with a little bit of smooching works well for me.

 

Some men seem to have a defined checklist of expectations, and that's totally fine, though a bit unrealistic. I don't want to be with someone so rigid they can't accept my flaws. Some things are deal breakers. Some things are petty.

 

As a dating issue, I'm female. I don't have a lot of qualms, so I'm probably not the best to listen to as far as do's and don'ts. I am an affectionate person, so affection in the form of touching, goes a long way. This is a slippery slope because a lot of women find this too forward. I'm talking about a touch on the shoulder, hand, knee while talking, touching the back while maneuvering through a crowd or doorway, etc. Holding hands, always good. I am happy with a hug hello and a hug goodbye, with a kiss if things went well, and if I don't get a kiss, I question his interest (and understand this is not a litmus test). I had one guy fully plant a kiss on the lips upon first meet (different culture). It took me off guard, but it wasn't unwelcome.

 

I don't do well with practical jokes and certain types of humor...this would be a conflict of personality...probably not a match.

 

Don't talk about exes and trash talk the exes, or go into details about past relationships. Don't ask or prod about mine. The past is the past. It's normal to cover basics, put out the feelers on potential crazy-making, but I don't want to dissect old relationships on a first date. Each date progresses deeper on important issues...these issues will be covered in time. We can't expect to cover a lifetime on a first date and be an old, married couple. The only thing we need to know is we're really into each other.

 

What has fully turned me off is the continued discussion about the ex, and worse, trash-talking the ex. If you're still that bitter, you're not ready, but if she occupies your life to such a degree that she is the hot topic, you're not ready. Widowers exist in a fairy tale ideal, and I won't go there anymore. Highly judgmental men turn me off really fast. Lying about where you live turns me off. If you're logged in, you can update your location.

 

I'm not sure what your issue is about daytime. Is it different at night? Easier? If you have absolutely nothing to talk about, or you find yourself carrying the conversation because she doesn't participate actively in the conversation, then it's not a match. This is why meeting for drinks, coffee, ice cream, short and sweet, are good starters, so you're not stuck trying to make conversation over a meal or 2-3 hours. You can thank them for a nice evening and duck out after 30-60 minutes if it's awkward and not going well.

[todreaminblue]

being disrespected.....groping that sort of thing......deb

[kendahke]

Someone who let the conversation drop 6 months ago texting out of the blue.

 

Mind you, this man is in his 60's--old enough to have better home training.

[itsanything]

the frustrating part is I am Chinese in a town of primarily caucasians. Tried online dating and have 10+ women say they don't like asian guys. pretty much gave up on dating where I am.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The most frustrating part is answering the same questions and having the same boring superficial conversations over and over again.

 

I hate talking about work, favorite series, plans for the weekend, where I'm from and why I moved to this country etc. Nobody seems to take the initiative and ask something more meaningful, something that will let them get to know me for real and when I do, the conversation doesn't always have the flow since they're not as engaged into asking this type of questions.

 

I'm tired of all the superficial people on OLD and there's RARELY anyone who sparks my interest. Mostly the same vapid, insubstantial men who have nothing interesting to say.

 

So much of this. I hate small talk under the best of times. But in OLD it's excruciating. I often stop responding even before I meet someone when they start asking those questions. I am just too tired of even typing it out.

 

In person it's even worse. When they start like that and it feels like a job interview. I almost prefer when they don't ask me anything but talk about themselves and I interject every now and then when I have something to add.

 

Also where I currently live, it seems like every guy I meet is either heavily into alcohol/drugs, is mentally ill or has a close family member that has been in rehab for some kind of addiction.

 

I previously lived in another city for 10 years. I did a lot of OLD on and off there but I haven't met a single person that is an addict/mentally ill.

 

I am going to need to move if I have any hope in hell of meeting someone datable.

[CptInsano]

With me it's what I would consider the "peeling of the onion". You meet somebody, you find them attractive, have a good time, all is going well, and then little by little the skeletons fall out of the closet. At first you consider them a quirk, but deep down you know that it is more, and of course it is.

 

Then you are there, remembering the good time and having feelings for that person, but knowing that you are just not compatible. I really dislike reaching that point.

[Cobra_X]

the frustrating part is I am Chinese in a town of primarily caucasians. Tried online dating and have 10+ women say they don't like asian guys. pretty much gave up on dating where I am.

 

Don't give up. Yeah, most girls are racist against Chinese guys... I kind of blame hollywood. But here is the thing... you only need 1. Find that 1 girl and rock her world!

 

Also, maybe try Latinas or Black women?