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She is perfect, but I don't feel anything? Thoughts?


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Old 25th October 2017, 11:37 AM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I've read some of your threads and it says the last girl you dated you weren't attracted to, had to explain/defend jokes to, and couldn't keep "it" up with. Is that a diff girl? I feel like people aren't being rly honest with themselves and are just trying to put a bandaid over a bullet wound after a break up by jumping into something with the next loving girl
Hi,

Yeah whilst I was attracted to her (physically), there wasn't a 'spark' (fireworks like OP says)... sometimes my banter didn't click with her... maybe that's what I blamed the lack of chemistry on.

Not wanting to hi-jack OPs thread - just relating that if it doesn't feel right... then it's not right.

Don't do what I did and like you say 'put a bandaid over a bullet hole', it won't work and gets a bandaid messy (hurt!!).

KR
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Old 26th October 2017, 6:09 PM   #47
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Maybe you don't like her as much as you think you do. If she were so perfect for you, you would have feelings for her. Makes sense right? Maybe you just like having someone there for you, you are ignoring the things about her that are not so great or perfect for you. I have been in this situation before. I clinged on to this guy because he was there for me but everyday secretly I knew I would never EVER consider a relationship with him. There were so many things about him I didnt like but I lied to myself and tried to convince myself he was perfect for me because I needed to justify why I held on to someone who wasn't my type. He wasn't bad looking, but he had a lot of behaviors I didnt like. Besides being good looking and being a constant to always talk to....in reality...there wasn't much else.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 1:41 PM   #48
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Hi guys.

Sorry for the late reply. Wanted to reply regarding how my upbringing
was. To be honest, I grew up in a household where my parents did not show eachother much love. My father would often shout/ swear at my mother. I never thought my parents loved eachother. Almost everyone around me has either unhealthy relationships or have gotten divorced. I have yet to see a great example of love.

All the women Iíve previously dated which I have genuinely thought I liked, have ended up being nasty to be (undermining, abusive, not showing much love to me) and the women I have been with who have truly loved me Iíve somehow become bored of. I know how all this sounds, but I truly do not know why I am like this. Growing up my confidence was always really low and Iíve always wanted to be liked by people. Iím so angry and frustrated that I cannot feel anything for this amazing girl who I am seeing.

Genuinely, I cannot fault her. Sheís not even Ďtoo good/ boringí. Iíve just become stuck on the fact that sheís maybe a little short. I know many disagree that itís a problem but I donít know why Iím obsessing about it. I want to love her so bad because genuinely I doubt Iíll find better. Sometimes I just feel like, she cares so much and I need that chase.. Iím not excited, Challenged. My friends think Iím not thinking in a healthy way as relationships arenít always meant to be exciting. And you cannot have the chase forever. They all really love her by the way and tell me Iím making a huge mistake of leaving. What do I do.. how do I think? I feel lonely in my thoughts and Iím just blurting out everything I feel
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Old 2nd November 2017, 2:48 PM   #49
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Break up with her. You cannot make yourself love someone. She's just not your type. Who do you want to please, yourself or your friends?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 2:58 PM   #50
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I donít want to please anyone, I want to get out of the cycle of only being attracted to people who treat me horribly.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 3:33 PM   #51
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So now you recognize what it is to be horribly treated, you avoid those people. Just date those who treat your right. There will be plenty of nice people you won't feel an attraction to and it's this girl you are seeing now. You don't date her because she treats you right, you date her because you are in a healthy relationship with someone you are crazy about. This girl isn't it. You must keep dating nice people until you find one that you are crazy about. Get it? You are not attracted to the toxicity, but just the person themselves....it just turned bad, and you didn't let go, so it becomes even worse.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 4:02 PM   #52
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So thereís no way attraction can grow for a perfectly amazingly good person? I should just get out there and keep dating?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 4:16 PM   #53
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jc man, you're just not into her.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 5:29 PM   #54
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soconfused89 View Post
So thereís no way attraction can grow for a perfectly amazingly good person? I should just get out there and keep dating?

Yes because you are leading them on. It's no different than someone getting friend zoned. The person is wonderful, but there is no attraction/chemistry.

It's only fair to be honest with yourself and to her. You are just not feeling it.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 6:03 PM   #55
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Anyone got any other advice than just Ďlet her goí.

I went through a horrible relationship of constant abuse, I was on the floor physically begging, crying while being laughed at.
Then I finally met someone who has been with me through the
worst times of my life and I know that if I leave now then I will regret.
I donít want to end up regretting this.

I want to be feeling normal, I donít want to be attracted to
horrible people. I donít want to suffer from anxiety day in and out.

There must be someone who can relate?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 6:25 PM   #56
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You obviously don't want to let her go.

You obviously want to work on your attraction patterns. Have you tried therapy? It's really the only thing if you want to explore why you get attracted and attached to the people you do.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 6:48 PM   #57
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"Iíve just become stuck on the fact that sheís maybe a little short"

Look, I started dating someone outside of my physical norm 6 months ago. Even after the first date I wasn't sure when I'd look at her physically. A little shorter and heavier than I'm use to, but....like you in the past, I wasn't treated all that great by my previous ex who more than fit my physical desires.

This is what I did. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I have flaws. That I'm probably not someone's perfect (whatever that means) physical type. I'm not cut and chiseled with perfect teeth and other features. I offer a lot in a relationship and want to be in a mutual giving and receiving one. There was enough I liked about her in the beginning to give it a shot. My friends and everyone loves her and they didn't care for my ex. The physical took a little while to get going (other than kissing) and it's not quite as passionate as it was in my last relationship. Can't have it all, but she and I get along great and have developed an intimate relationship that is going strong 6 months in.

I would not have gone past 1 month if the intimacy hadn't started to develop. I had to let myself go and just allow myself to open up and it started with me looking at myself in the mirror and also telling myself how much I really wanted to be in a relationship again.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 6:49 PM   #58
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Kamille, thanks for your response.

Yes I do want to work on who I become attracted to. I donít want to just let my girlfriend go and think Ďoh well i wasnít into ití

She means a lot to me, sheís not like any other girl Iíve met.
Sheís become the closest person to me, Iíve never been so open and honest with anyone in my life. I hate the fact that I only get a buzz out of liking people who treat me horribly.

So you think the right way to go is to see a therapist?
Have you ever experienced something like this?
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Old 2nd November 2017, 6:56 PM   #59
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I'm going through something very similar at the moment.

For myself, it's coming down to this.

Do you care for this woman? You say she's your best friend. Now, ask yourself.

Do you want to rob her of finding the kind of love she gives you?
Can you be that selfish? Can you lead this poor woman on, who loves you so well, robbing her of finding someone who'll love her back?

Tell her. Let her make the decision. Tell her what you wrote here. Tell her that you just don't feel it and that you can't love her like she loves you.

Love is selfless. Don't hurt his wonderful woman any longer.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 7:49 PM   #60
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yeah, string her along some more while you "work on your attraction patterns"... grand idea.
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