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She is perfect, but I don't feel anything? Thoughts?


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Old 11th October 2017, 5:04 AM   #1
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She is perfect, but I don't feel anything? Thoughts?

Hi everyone.

Ive been seeing this girl for some time now, and she is amazing.
She is kind, caring, she is there for me whenever I need it. She is positive, she has a great sense of humour, she makes me laugh, she is warm, she has a heart of gold, extremely attractive and beautiful (people always tell me I'm "punching above my weight") we have similar interests, similar goals in life, religious values, moral values. We get along so well, she supports me through everything. I have an anxiety disorder, and she has patiently every single time supported me through all my worries.

She is the only person in this world I can talk to about ANYTHING. It gets tough sometimes being able to talk about things when you are a man, theres a certain expectation of how you should be...but with her, Im not embarrassed to tell her anything. She treats me amazingly, she loves me..and she has genuinely been there for me through my darkest time. She's been there when I was ill, poor, depressed...and much more. I cannot fault her. My family and friends love her and she treats them very well. She's got her life together.

However, the problem is, I don't feel that euphoric "butterflies in the stomach, amazing spark" kind of feeling. I do feel that occasionally, sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes. I really do not understand why! The only thing that "puts me off" is that she is petite (5'2 and I am 6'0). It sometimes makes me feel like others think we look strange together (typical thoughts due to my anxiety). Other than that, there is nothing I can fault.

I don't want to lose her, but at the same time I don't want to keep her around to be selfish. I don't know if my thoughts are valid or not...I want the feelings to get stronger. I know I'm never going to find someone like her. She is genuinely my best friend. I feel SAFE with her, and its such a huge thing for me. I just don't understand why I don't feel MORE. I feel like if I leave her, I'm going to make the biggest mistake Ive ever made..I just don't know!

Before her, I was with a woman who I felt SO STRONGLY for. I was head over heels, I always felt the spark, butterflies, fireworks! However, it turned out to be the most damaging relationship ever. It actually made me ill. She was abusive, manipulative, she lied in every sentence, cheated on me with 10 others, had multiple relationships at once, she made me BEG for the truth, she tortured me, I would be on the floor crying (I barely ever cry) and she would laugh in my face and call me a psychopath.
It horrifies me that I felt so strongly for my ex, who was evil...but I can't for someone who has the most beautiful heart in the world and could hurt a soul.

What do I do...Please advice, Please help.. I think about this all the time and it gets to me so much..
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Old 11th October 2017, 5:06 AM   #2
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How long have you been out of your relationship? Do you still have feelings for the last woman?
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Old 11th October 2017, 5:16 AM   #3
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Me and the evil broke up 2+ years ago now. No feelings. Just regrets of why I wasted my time on someone like her.
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Old 11th October 2017, 5:19 AM   #4
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I just wanted to chime in here really quick, but I have NEVER heard a guy complain about a woman being petite. I am 5'3 and my boyfriend is 6'1. We fit great together and I get to wear high heels, which I could never do with my shorter ex. You can easily lift her and carry her anywhere - that's cute. She fits easily next to you when you two cuddle. She can get on her tippy toes to kiss you - that's also cute. My boyfriend loves to pick me up and toss me around like a bag of potatoes - it is so fun.


Anyway, my second point is, if you honestly don't feel any attraction or chemistry with her, then you are essentially wasting her time. Don't you think she deserves someone who WOULD feel those fireworks for her? Wouldn't you feel like you were settling if you stayed with her?
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Old 11th October 2017, 5:45 AM   #5
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You are not attracted to her full stop.
You realise she is great and ticks most of your boxes but there is something missing.
Unfortunately once a person tangles with the dark side which your ex sounds like she was, it can be difficult to appreciate honest to goodness "normal" people.
The addiction to drama and chaos and pain and fireworks is difficult to let go of.
Yes, you got free and yes, you are over her, but now you are with Lack-lustre Louise and she does nothing for you.
Too small, too nice, too good, and dare I say it, too boring...
She cannot follow that act, so let her go.
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Old 11th October 2017, 5:54 AM   #6
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Actually she isnít boring at all.
Sheís got a big bubbly personality, is adventurous and definately has a very naughty side.

I wouldnít want any girl to follow my exís act. She made me unwell and put me in depression. I wouldnít wish my worst enemy the pain I felt when I was with her...
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:00 AM   #7
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I agree with Elaine. You aren't attracted to her. Attraction is a tricky thing. It's biological,chemical,social... You can see someone recognize someone as good looking, but still not be attracted to them. She may be what you think you should want in looks/personality but not what you want. When you find what you really want you'll feel teh sparks
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:05 AM   #8
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Well my biggest problem is that I only seem to be attracted to women who end up being extremely awful to me..
Iím afraid that if I let this one go, I will regret this.
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:07 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soconfused89 View Post
Well my biggest problem is that I only seem to be attracted to women who end up being extremely awful to me..
Iím afraid that if I let this one go, I will regret this.
was your evil ex abusive from the start and did you feel butterflies from the start?

There are people like this too. They are attracted to drama and women who aren't as sweet/interested in them
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:09 AM   #10
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If you're only attracted to women who are extremely awful to you, that means your future children will have an extremely awful mother. That's really not cool.


Yes, you may regret this. You may also leave her for a really mean woman you run into in a year. So you're not really doing her any favors by sticking around if you don't love her.


Just keep this in mind - when you're old, you're going to want a sweet woman by your side, not a mean one.
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:12 AM   #11
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When l was single l met some beautiful women, as in the person they were and all the other ways. l'd curse myself at what could've been if only but--- nothing , nada .
lt's most likely just not there for you l'm afraid.
Unfortunately you might meet the best mix in the world but it doesn't mean we fall in love.

The only other thing it could be is evil effd with your mind and heart so much your still subconsciously not letting yourself feel now.

Last edited by Chilli; 11th October 2017 at 6:20 AM..
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:21 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soconfused89 View Post
Actually she isnít boring at all.
Sheís got a big bubbly personality, is adventurous and definately has a very naughty side.

I wouldnít want any girl to follow my exís act. She made me unwell and put me in depression. I wouldnít wish my worst enemy the pain I felt when I was with her...
One part of you sees that it is unhealthy to be in a toxic relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by soconfused89 View Post
Well my biggest problem is that I only seem to be attracted to women who end up being extremely awful to me..
Iím afraid that if I let this one go, I will regret this.
The other part of you NEEDS a woman who treats you bad.

I guess there is something in your FOO that makes you see such women as attractive.
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:24 AM   #13
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To be frank, Iím still traumatised by my ex. She lives in the same very small town. I donít have feelings for her. I just honestly hate her. She did the most horrible things to me and just moved on to someone else who she seems so happy with now.. and I canít even seem to Love the amazing woman I am with. My ex made me unwell. I had to seek help. And what still bothers me is that I never got my revenge. I am not saying I would harm her, itís just a feeling of injustice. Someone came in to my life and watched me fall apart, I nearly lost my job... yet she had no remorse. Iím left broken. I still have occasional nightmares about her, flashbacks and when I see her I feel sick..
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:26 AM   #14
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Itís not that I actively seek women who are horrible to me. The ones I end up all those fireworks and butterflies for just end up being horrible later on. In the beginning they are intriguing and catch my attention but when I really get to know them.. awful.
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Old 11th October 2017, 6:31 AM   #15
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Cookiesanddough:
She wasnít evil from the start.
She was mysterious, intriguing..sexual.

Her true personality appeared towards the end of our relationship, thatís when I found out about all her lies and games. I never used to tell her about my personal stuff in life, never about anything deep. She never knew about my anxiety.. which is a big part of my life.
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