Lattes4Days Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I bought my boyfriend a gift for a work celebration that he's being praised for, its like a landmark in his career. I already bought the gift yesterday. I asked him what his size was for future reference just in case I needed to ever know if he was a medium or a large for a gift and he said "I cant tell you, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to receive gifts." WHAT? I already bought it what do I do now? I cant return it because its shipping in the mail. He doesn't know I already bought it, now if I give it to him, he's going to think I didn't listen to him. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I bought my boyfriend a gift for a work celebration that he's being praised for, its like a landmark in his career. I already bought the gift yesterday. I asked him what his size was for future reference just in case I needed to ever know if he was a medium or a large for a gift and he said "I cant tell you, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to receive gifts." WHAT? I already bought it what do I do now? I cant return it because its shipping in the mail. He doesn't know I already bought it, now if I give it to him, he's going to think I didn't listen to him. You still give it to him, make sure you wrap it up.. He's getting a gift from his gf.. If they gave him award at work or even a gift he would accept it. Why wouldn't he take a gift from his own gf? Something is not right here. That's odd. Well you told him you already got the gift already enjoy it! It meant a lot for you to give him something. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lattes4Days Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'm wondering if this is some kind of rejection. We've only been together for 2 months but everything has been going well. I don't know why he would refuse a gift from me. This is gonna suck during the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 2 months is key here. I would bet that an expectation is being set and he is still feeling his way. easy on the gifts 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Adding to what Stagger said, he may also be not a gift type of person. He may worry that he'll have to be all thoughtful and come up with random gifts for you too. Interesting to see your comment about holidays. If an exchange of gifts is important to you, this is something you will want to discuss. It's OK to talk about what is important to you. If the two of you can't find compromise and you'll be miserable, it's better to find out now before you spend too much time with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Some people are uncomfortable receiving gifts, yea. especially if it's pretty grand one Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'm wondering if this is some kind of rejection. We've only been together for 2 months but everything has been going well. I don't know why he would refuse a gift from me. This is gonna suck during the holidays. Something wrong here then with him? Could be another reason or he's lying to you about something you don't know about him really. You only know him 2 months. Did you have him check out so you know he's not married or anything. Yes it would suck around the holidays that means you won't get anything from him since he doesn't do gifts. I am sure he does do gifts but not going to happen with you. I hope for your sake he's not married or seeing someone else. How did you meet this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Something wrong here then with him? Could be another reason or he's lying to you about something you don't know about him really. You only know him 2 months. Did you have him check out so you know he's not married or anything. Yes it would suck around the holidays that means you won't get anything from him since he doesn't do gifts. I am sure he does do gifts but not going to happen with you. I hope for your sake he's not married or seeing someone else. How did you meet this guy? Find out if he received gifts from his previous ex in the first two months. Bet he did. He just not into u Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Give him the gift. Explain that you had already ordered it when he said he was uncomfortable but that you enjoy giving gifts & that you are proud of him. Then leave it alone. You can still get him a holiday gift just tone it down. The first set of holidays should be low key on the gifts anyway. Save the overboard for several years in. He may also be uncomfortable because he is not good at giving gifts & now he's afraid he'll have to reciprocate. He may simply not like being the center of attention so don't make a big fuss. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I have been in your shoes and here is what I would do if I were you. My ex-boyfriend of 6 months told me around xmas he hates gifts, he doesn't give them and doesn't like to receive them. I STILL bought him a gift for Xmas. A HUGE mistake. I was certain he'd still take it because after all it was me his gf. Well no, he got mad at me and said: what did I tell you?? He then put the $100 polo shirt on the coffee table and ignored it. The following day he got to my home with a gift bag. He said I got you a little something. I thought wow, we're working through this! well no. He had gotten me a $9.99 bottle of wine, you know the worse? I don't drink alcohol because I have severe reaction to it and he perfectly knew it. He had not gone out to get me something, no. He had taken a bottle of wine in his own cupboard. When this gift is delivered to you, return it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 He had taken a bottle of wine in his own cupboard. :lmao: Your case illustrates something though. He didn't want to give/receive gifts because he didn't want to be thoughtful because he didn't care too much? Am I right? How long did the RL last? I have been in your shoes and here is what I would do if I were you. My ex-boyfriend of 6 months told me around xmas he hates gifts, he doesn't give them and doesn't like to receive them. I STILL bought him a gift for Xmas. A HUGE mistake. I was certain he'd still take it because after all it was me his gf. Well no, he got mad at me and said: what did I tell you?? He then put the $100 polo shirt on the coffee table and ignored it. The following day he got to my home with a gift bag. He said I got you a little something. I thought wow, we're working through this! well no. He had gotten me a $9.99 bottle of wine, you know the worse? I don't drink alcohol because I have severe reaction to it and he perfectly knew it. He had not gone out to get me something, no. He had taken a bottle of wine in his own cupboard. When this gift is delivered to you, return it. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I bought my boyfriend a gift for a work celebration that he's being praised for, its like a landmark in his career. I already bought the gift yesterday. I asked him what his size was for future reference just in case I needed to ever know if he was a medium or a large for a gift and he said "I cant tell you, it makes me extremely uncomfortable to receive gifts." WHAT? I already bought it what do I do now? I cant return it because its shipping in the mail. He doesn't know I already bought it, now if I give it to him, he's going to think I didn't listen to him. I cant return it because its shipping in the mail. -- Yes, you can. You pack it up and ship it back and request a refund or you save it for someone else in the future. You have a heads up as to his wishes/likes and dislikes, don't dismiss them. Then, at some point, you have a casual conversation regarding holidays and birthdays, etc. Lot's of people are uncomfortable with receiving gifts. So, it's sometimes are area of compatibility to be explored. If you like receiving gifts and he not into giving on top of receiving, you may find yourself disappointed often. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'm not a gift person myself. Gifts exchanges make me VERY uncomfortable. BUT if someone gives me something I'd never get mad, quite the opposite, especially if it is someone I care for and they have put time and effort in the selection. Why don't you communicate with him that you bought it in advance? He'll understand. If not - you have a bigger issue... (I suspect it could be that he's not accepting gifts because he is not sure he want to invest in the relationship.... guys sometimes are strange like that). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I wouldn't give it to him, but if it is something he could use in the future, I'd just keep it at your house and when the moment presents itself when he's there and needs one, you can hand it to him and tell him you bought it as a gift, but once he told you he didn't like gifts, you respected his position and put it away--til now since it seems he needed it. You're not out of money, he's not getting a gift or made to feel he has to reciprocate, if that's his true problem. Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'm not a big gift person. In fact, gifts from an SO could (if I let it) be a bit of a trigger, because my ex thought gifts were a good substitute for intimacy or any kind of real attention. However, since I am cognizant of other people, if I get a gift, I am appreciative and see it for what it is - a gesture of kindness. I would just explain it to him. If he gets mad because you got him a gift to celebrate his success BEFORE you knew he wasn't a gift person....well, honestly, that says something about HIM. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 He had taken a bottle of wine in his own cupboard. :lmao: Your case illustrates something though. He didn't want to give/receive gifts because he didn't want to be thoughtful because he didn't care too much? Am I right? How long did the RL last? We dated 6 months up to xmas. It had been a good relationship till a few days before the holidays. Then this happened, then 4 days after xmas he left the country forever. He had never told me he was moving abroad. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Unless the gift was personalize with his name on it, it can be returned. You may be out the shipping costs. That said, even if the recipient is uncomfortable receiving gifts, basic good manners dictates that the person say thank you & move on. Those two little words are not that tough. people in love or even like (@ 2 months in) need to learn to be gracious to each other. If somebody dumps you because you bought them a present they are pretty sad souls indeed. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 We dated 6 months up to xmas. It had been a good relationship till a few days before the holidays. Then this happened, then 4 days after xmas he left the country forever. He had never told me he was moving abroad. That's awful. I think I remember reading the story. In the context of gift giving and receiving: he knew he's out, so felt guilty to accept (or even give) one. So gift exchange was indeed a tell tale sign... Side note. Sometimes I wish we all get in tune with our intuition instead of buying into 'modern' rational dating advice. Intuition tells us waaaaaay more than anything else, but we as people decided not to trust this sense for whatever reason, leading of course to so many troubles and disappointments... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 Unless the gift was personalize with his name on it, it can be returned. You may be out the shipping costs. That said, even if the recipient is uncomfortable receiving gifts, basic good manners dictates that the person say thank you & move on. Those two little words are not that tough. people in love or even like (@ 2 months in) need to learn to be gracious to each other. . But at the same time by wanting to offer courtesy and accepting a gift you don't want, you are sending the message gifts will be ok from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 But at the same time by wanting to offer courtesy and accepting a gift you don't want, you are sending the message gifts will be ok from now on. You can be polite & still make your wishes known: Thank you for the gift. I appreciate the effort you made but I was serious about not liking gifts. Please respect my wishes in the future. But to say "Gee you awful person. You got me a present. I'm dumping you" or words / actions to that effect is pretty ridiculous indeed. The second time, OK, fine. At that point, the gift giver is not respecting the recipient. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 We've only been together for 2 months This could be a huge reason why he said what he said. It might be too soon to be giving gifts. He may not be seeing long term with you and that's why he doesn't want you giving him gifts. I'd ask him about this if for no other reason than to get clear on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 This happened to me. There's a post about it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/521115-boyfriend-freaked-out-about-birthday-surprise I don't want to scare you but we actually broke up over it. Granted, the relationship was pretty new. I don't know how long you guys have been together. I'd say return it if he says he doesn't want it. We thing we're doing something thoughtful and sweet but the reality is that they end up feeling smothered and I guess it freaks them out. Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Is the gift something you could sell on Kijiji or somewhere? Or maybe it would work for another person in the future? Can you give it to someone else? I am curious what the gift is. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 I guess I am a horrible person for seeing nothing wrong with giving and receiving gifts from someone I don't see long-term with. I give them to people I barely know. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 You sound like a sweet gal and if he actually gets mad at you for thinking of him and giving him a gift...well...he's not worth your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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