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Trust is gone.


Addius

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I’m not sure how to share this without giving too much details. I’ve been with my bf almost 7 months, but my bf broke my trust, something happened and he said something like he didn’t know if this would work long term but this is a fun time and not a waste, like no regrets he said. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me eventually. He said oh you’re the one taking the big risk here, he doesn’t seem like he wants to invest.

 

Here’s my issues with that, this is the first time he says these things, he always came off committed and serious about this, but to know he has thoughts about how he’ll have to hurt me eventually? Why isn’t he saying WE both would feel hurt if it’s over, why just me? And saying hey it’s just a fun time? We are in our 30es, I’m not looking for just a fun time and he knew this. Is he just having commitment issues?

 

I shut off completely after, for self preservation. He said he still wants us to be together but I don’t see how we could. I love him, I thought he loved me, but how could I be with someone who knows he’ll hurt me!? I know any relationship could end and heartbreak will happen, but him saying it to my face terrified me, like he had a plan.

 

My trust in him is somewhat shattered, but I don’t know what to feel, am I being crazy for feeling like my trust in him is gone and I’ve no idea how to make myself feel closer to him again?

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I think you're right to feel guarded.

If someone said that to me, I would think they weren't very committed/invested.

He knows you'll get hurt more because he's already got one foot out the door.

 

Best to get out now if you want something serious.

I'm sorry :(

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I think you're right to feel guarded.

If someone said that to me, I would think they weren't very committed/invested.

He knows you'll get hurt more because he's already got one foot out the door.

 

Best to get out now if you want something serious.

I'm sorry :(

 

Thank you, I feel like something in me broke and the way I saw him has changed, that feeling is now gone and I can’t ever get it back.

 

It’s really a strange sucky feeling, I hate that he took that from me.

 

My heart hurts.

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Thank you, I feel like something in me broke and the way I saw him has changed, that feeling is now gone and I can’t ever get it back.

 

It’s really a strange sucky feeling, I hate that he took that from me.

 

My heart hurts.

 

Ugh, I'm sorry.

That is a horrible feeling.

He has pushed you too far away.

 

You said something happened.

Was what he said a reaction to that?

I know you don't want to go into it for privacy reasons but it might help get you more insight into your situation.

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I am very sorry for your pain. It's better you put an end to this yourself and leave with still a shred of dignity.

 

He had a change of heart along the way, you cannot reverse time. If a man says he'll end up hurting you please beleive him and leave.

 

I would bet he met someone else or an ex got back to him.

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I read your last thread. Please break up with this guy and block him. He drinks excessively, ghosts you, tries to make you jealous with other women in bars, ignores you and has no respect for you. This man is 32 years old and is acting like a juvenile bum.

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Ugh, I'm sorry.

That is a horrible feeling.

He has pushed you too far away.

 

You said something happened.

Was what he said a reaction to that?

I know you don't want to go into it for privacy reasons but it might help get you more insight into your situation.

 

It was mostly about him not wanting to take it to the “next level”. We were supposed to go on a trip with his family like THIS month, and he said something like he’s getting cold feet about what happens after and if it’ll become awkward, like I’d have expectations or hopes to make this even more serious after that. I told him why can’t we take it a day at a time? I’m not expecting us to like move in together after the trip.

 

I’ve never rushed him or pressured him, not once.

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I read your last thread. Please break up with this guy and block him. He drinks excessively, ghosts you, tries to make you jealous with other women in bars, ignores you and has no respect for you. This man is 32 years old and is acting like a juvenile bum.

 

My best friend told me the same thing, it’s just when I met him he was the most collected reliable put together man I’ve ever met. I’m so shocked.

 

Oh and he was like you’re going to pay me back for the hotel we stay at right? I told him I didn’t expect him to pay for everything and I never would, but that really came out so cold.

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I’m not sure how to share this without giving too much details. I’ve been with my bf almost 7 months, but my bf broke my trust, something happened and he said something like he didn’t know if this would work long term but this is a fun time and not a waste, like no regrets he said. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me eventually. He said oh you’re the one taking the big risk here, he doesn’t seem like he wants to invest.

 

Here’s my issues with that, this is the first time he says these things, he always came off committed and serious about this, but to know he has thoughts about how he’ll have to hurt me eventually? Why isn’t he saying WE both would feel hurt if it’s over, why just me? And saying hey it’s just a fun time? We are in our 30es, I’m not looking for just a fun time and he knew this. Is he just having commitment issues?

 

I shut off completely after, for self preservation. He said he still wants us to be together but I don’t see how we could. I love him, I thought he loved me, but how could I be with someone who knows he’ll hurt me!? I know any relationship could end and heartbreak will happen, but him saying it to my face terrified me, like he had a plan.

 

My trust in him is somewhat shattered, but I don’t know what to feel, am I being crazy for feeling like my trust in him is gone and I’ve no idea how to make myself feel closer to him again?

 

This is just my opinion of what's going on. He doesn't have a plan to hurt you, he probably even likes you. But he also knows you are not the one he is going to commit to, so yeah, eventually, you will get hurt when you push for commitment.

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This is just my opinion of what's going on. He doesn't have a plan to hurt you, he probably even likes you. But he also knows you are not the one he is going to commit to, so yeah, eventually, you will get hurt when you push for commitment.

 

^ Yeah. And middle aged guys unlike younger ones are pretty dead set on their 'requirements', which seems that for one reason or another you're not meeting.

(E.g. I had an ex who was bamboozling me for 2 years(!) to let me know he expected me to meet his religious beliefs to take me seriously).

 

Let this guy be unless you're madly in love with him. Otherwise - maybe try one very honest conversation to see what bugs him... I'm nearly sure you' still need to let him go :(

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Oh girl, I'm so sorry :(

 

I know exactly how this feels

 

One day, I was cooking my ex breakfast and he randomly said, "I dont think I love you anymore." That shook me to me core. Funny side note, two days after that I realized I didnt love him anymore.. I broke up with him. Him saying that was the straw that broke the camal's back for me (he broke my trust many times before that) 2 years later, he stills texts me saying he loves me :sick:

 

You're right to be guarded. Those are significant words he spoke. He was telling you to read between the lines. You're not safe with him. He will end up hurting you

 

Sometimes guys arent good at communicating these things. They want us to end it first. They dont have the b*lls to do it themselves.

 

I strongly advice you take him at his word and put things to an end now. Like you said, how can you trust him with your heart after he said something like that? Those words had to be truthful to him in some way.

 

Again, I'm so sorry. Its better you found out now. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He showed you he's not the one for you, believe him and walk away

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Sometimes guys arent good at communicating these things. They want us to end it first. They dont have the b*lls to do it themselves.

 

Yes, this ^.

This happens because 1) these guys are cowards 2) they want to keep the door open if they feel like banging something familiar.

 

Sounds cold but that is exactly what it is. "Devastated" ex reaching out after break up who he initiated with a conversation like OP's BF means "I have noone else to f*ck, please help me "...

 

I told OP to talk to him is she's very upset just because it is hard to detach cold turkey...

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You guys are right. I know even this hurts so much now it’ll hurt more if it ended later on when I’m even more invested. When we hung up he sounded so aloof and cold and I asked him how could you sound like we had no feelings between us? And he said I just felt empty and numb and I didn’t want to cry so I shut down.

 

He’s just looking out to protect himself. He’s been texting me since but I haven’t replied. I won’t be going on this trip with them.

 

Yeah I guess whatever he was looking for, I just didn’t have, I wasn’t enough? But I tried my best. I really did.

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Yeah I guess whatever he was looking for, I just didn’t have, I wasn’t enough? But I tried my best. I really did.

 

You're not suppose to try to be 'your best' to keep a man. The fact you exist and are yourself is enough.

 

This man gives you crumbs. You deserve much more than this. If you wish to have a good man in your life you need to get rid of this one. Next time look for a local man.

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Yeah I guess whatever he was looking for, I just didn’t have, I wasn’t enough? But I tried my best. I really did.

 

The way you write this, it sounds like you think he'd settle down with you if you had something a bit extra. But he's not looking to settle down at all. It's not about what you haven't got - it's about the two of you being on completely different planes.

 

You know how he started out all nice and sweet and then turned into a creep? It's called Bait and Switch. It's a thing. If a person pulls this stunt, you leave as soon as you see the switch.

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You guys are right. I know even this hurts so much now it’ll hurt more if it ended later on when I’m even more invested. When we hung up he sounded so aloof and cold and I asked him how could you sound like we had no feelings between us? And he said I just felt empty and numb and I didn’t want to cry so I shut down.

 

He’s just looking out to protect himself. He’s been texting me since but I haven’t replied. I won’t be going on this trip with them.

 

Yeah I guess whatever he was looking for, I just didn’t have, I wasn’t enough? But I tried my best. I really did.

 

Nah, it's not that you are 'lesser' than what he needs. Just guys (maybe women too) sometimes envision something very specific - like a 'Christian wife' that my ex was talking about, and anything outside of this box is a 'no' for commitment.

 

But 32 yo party 'boy' - i.e. raging alcoholic - I think you did good to yourself leaving him behind. HE doesn't deserve you.

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You’re right, I can’t be someone I’m not, but I tried to accept him flaws and all.

 

Should I just go no contact with him now? Would that be rude? We were ever mean to each other talking about it, but I don’t feel like he’s the one I should be going to for healing now.

 

How long does it take to get over someone? It’s been a while since my heart last broke. Any tips?

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You’re right, I can’t be someone I’m not, but I tried to accept him flaws and all.

 

Should I just go no contact with him now? Would that be rude? We were ever mean to each other talking about it, but I don’t feel like he’s the one I should be going to for healing now.

 

How long does it take to get over someone? It’s been a while since my heart last broke. Any tips?

 

Be a bigger person than him. Send him a text that you thought hard and you've made your decision to end your relationship. No hard feelings and good luck with everthing.

 

Then block and never talk to him again.

 

There is no pills for a broken hart. You tell your friends and your family they will support you. You make yourself a list why you are terminating this relationship and remind yourself often. Time will do the rest.

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You’re right, I can’t be someone I’m not, but I tried to accept him flaws and all.

 

Should I just go no contact with him now? Would that be rude? We were ever mean to each other talking about it, but I don’t feel like he’s the one I should be going to for healing now.

 

How long does it take to get over someone? It’s been a while since my heart last broke. Any tips?

 

Yes I agree he's not the one for you have to listen closely to what he told you from your post here. What saying is what he's thinking of doing. If he didn't say it you wouldn't be here right now asking. But at least he did say it, cold and heartless, you gave it your all to love someone and now he had stabbed the love out of you. How long does it take to get over someone it can take weeks, months as it depends how much you were in love with him? Deeper love takes a lot time. But you will get over it I already see it for you. Someone else will come into your life and you'll be happy again never have this happen again to you never ever! Oh yes don't waste your time with him no contact NC = NOT CONTACT.. iT'S HIS LOST YOUR GAIN! I would say one thing to him in a text, saying thank you for telling me the truth of your feeling towards me, now I can move on and stop loving you as I was. You lost a good woman today! Goodbye!

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You guys are right. I know even this hurts so much now it’ll hurt more if it ended later on when I’m even more invested. When we hung up he sounded so aloof and cold and I asked him how could you sound like we had no feelings between us? And he said I just felt empty and numb and I didn’t want to cry so I shut down.

 

He’s just looking out to protect himself. He’s been texting me since but I haven’t replied. I won’t be going on this trip with them.

 

Yeah I guess whatever he was looking for, I just didn’t have, I wasn’t enough? But I tried my best. I really did.

 

Girl, you're looking at this all wrong

 

HE wasnt what YOU were looking for. You dont need to try to fill the shoes of a woman who is truly wanted by a man. And a man who truly wants you would never feel this way about you or say the things your bf said to you.

 

YOU are perfect for the right man. This guy just isnt it.

 

My ex used to shut down like this too. One day I was joking around and said, "If we ever break up I get the TV! :laugh:" He responded seriously, in a somber manner and said, "You can have it, I'm glad you're thinking of things like that." I couldnt believe how cold he had become. I felt like I didnt matter to him. Like a switched flipped inside of him and I couldnt switch it back on.

 

I felt that way until I realized HE wasnt what I wanted, and that I was done with him and his dishonesty, his manipulation, his deception. And guess what? When I broke up with him, that switch inside him flipped right back on. He held his head in his hands and sobbed like a baby. And me? I didnt feel anything. I turned off.

 

My point in telling you this is because deep down, you know you deserve better. But you're so hurt right now, you're not listening to your higher self. And that's ok, just know, this is for the best and some day, you'll see that.

 

Like No_Go suggested, you could have another talk with him and think of that talk as more for closure than anything else. He's made up his mind. Theres no coming back from that... especially not 7 months in.

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You’re right, I can’t be someone I’m not, but I tried to accept him flaws and all.

 

Should I just go no contact with him now? Would that be rude? We were ever mean to each other talking about it, but I don’t feel like he’s the one I should be going to for healing now.

 

How long does it take to get over someone? It’s been a while since my heart last broke. Any tips?

 

Be a bigger person than him. Send him a text that you thought hard and you've made your decision to end your relationship. No hard feelings and good luck with everthing.

 

Then block and never talk to him again.

 

There is no pills for a broken hart. You tell your friends and your family they will support you. You make yourself a list why you are terminating this relationship and remind yourself often. Time will do the rest.

 

I agree with G

 

Send a text, a well thought out text and simple/short text to say goodbye. Remember, he has turned off so any begging or emotional reponses wont do any good. Just say goodbye. Then block him everywhere.

 

You're thinking with your head Addius. I like it. True closure and healing comes from within ourselves (as cheesey as that sounds). Never turn to a person who broke your heart for comfort. He's not capable of answering your questions or softening the blow. With time, you will heal on your own.

 

Making a list is a great idea. I did this with a few ex's and by the time I was done, the list was so long, I couldnt believe I stayed with them for as long as I did. There were so many legit, unmanufactured reasons why I was better off without them. Start writing your own list and refer back to it, add on to it whenever you need to

 

Going NC is the best thing to do here. People on LS dont say that for no reason. You'll heal faster that way. But the problem is, many people cant stay NC and thats where the trouble starts. Pls do stay strong... start and keep up NC. You wont regret that later

 

(((hugs)))

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So got another text from him saying how he misspoke and didn’t mean things like that and that was just stupid of him and I’m OVERTHINKING things and that he DOES want to take that risk.

 

I swear this will keep going on and on and on until one of us dies. I’m not replying.

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So got another text from him saying how he misspoke and didn’t mean things like that and that was just stupid of him and I’m OVERTHINKING things and that he DOES want to take that risk.

 

I swear this will keep going on and on and on until one of us dies. I’m not replying.

 

Good girl, now you see the light! Do not reply back! He's now has excuses because he's worried now, because he thought he could get away with his true feelings and you would except it. But what he said is just cold and careless. You can do better them him and you can.

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So got another text from him saying how he misspoke and didn’t mean things like that and that was just stupid of him and I’m OVERTHINKING things and that he DOES want to take that risk.

 

I swear this will keep going on and on and on until one of us dies. I’m not replying.

 

I'm glad you're not replying. But if something puts you in the position of finding yourself having to reply, simply tell him that you don't want a BF who says things he doesn't mean.

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So now he’s saying oh this is about the money isn’t it? You acting tho way cause I asked you to pay your share right?

 

How dare him!? I would have paid every last penny, I’m not waiting on him to treat me! Does he think because he’s a man that money would be the only issue here, like I can’t pay for my own self?

 

I feel like I’m nothing now that he’s said that. To think I’d use him.

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