Hi went on a date and I'm not sure if he's interested? 😣

[Gaynor4]

We have been chatting via Facebook for a long time now and eventually decided to meet.

I met him for drinks on Saturday night, at his suggestion we extended the date and spent Sunday together too. He seemed to want me to stay longer, cooked me a meal. We seemed to really click, conversation flowed throughout and I felt comfortable with him generally. We kissed and cuddled a little and I could tell he was attracted to me.

When I left I did feel a little awkward, I thought he may have suggested meeting again but he didn't. We hugged with a brief kiss.

On the second day, he said to consider this our second date. Said he felt great hugging me.

So when I got home I texted to say I was home and thanks for the day etc.

The next morning he responded with "Glad you had a good time and got back safely. I am knackered too. You are welcome and were a good guest. Glad we met x "

I haven't responded, does it require a response?

I would love to see him again but I thought this text sounds like a brush off.

What do you think? Did I completely misread the signals?

Feel awful that maybe i spent too much time with him and he maybe decided I just want that attractive in real life.

[It's Just Me]

Don't overthink this. His response doesn't require a reply, as far as I can see. In my experience, if he was truly interested, he would have made it clear.

 

I do agree with you that a first date with someone should end after a few hours.

[Gr8fuln2020]

We have been chatting via Facebook for a long time now and eventually decided to meet.

I met him for drinks on Saturday night, at his suggestion we extended the date and spent Sunday together too. He seemed to want me to stay longer, cooked me a meal. We seemed to really click, conversation flowed throughout and I felt comfortable with him generally. We kissed and cuddled a little and I could tell he was attracted to me.

When I left I did feel a little awkward, I thought he may have suggested meeting again but he didn't. We hugged with a brief kiss.

On the second day, he said to consider this our second date. Said he felt great hugging me.

So when I got home I texted to say I was home and thanks for the day etc.

The next morning he responded with "Glad you had a good time and got back safely. I am knackered too. You are welcome and were a good guest. Glad we met x "

I haven't responded, does it require a response?

I would love to see him again but I thought this text sounds like a brush off.

What do you think? Did I completely misread the signals?

Feel awful that maybe i spent too much time with him and he maybe decided I just want that attractive in real life.

 

I've sent similar messages to indicate that I had a good time AND not exactly interested in pursuing things. I am the type that asks for another date before the end of the first I am interested, so this kind of response would lead me to believe that all didn't go as well.

 

Did he ever try to go beyond snuggling?

[It's Just Me]

i am the type that asks for another date before the end of the first i am interested

 

Bingo!

[BlueIvy]

Hmmm, So you spent the night at his house Saturday until Sunday? And snuggling already?

 

Sounds like maybe he just wanted easy sex...

 

Also, most guys usually tell you by the end of the date they wanna see you again.

[Gaynor4]

Well I could tell sometimes he did want to go beyond snuggling. But I knew I would feel worse if that happened and then get a brush off later. I prefer to know someone properly and be sure of their feelings anyway.

Do you think his text was a brush off?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Well I could tell sometimes he did want to go beyond snuggling. But I knew I would feel worse if that happened and then get a brush off later. I prefer to know someone properly and be sure of their feelings anyway.

Do you think his text was a brush off?

 

Not absolutely certain, but if he was aroused, he likely wanted to go further. When it was clear that that wouldn't happen, he was less interested. Why would any guy ask a girl to stay over and cook if not for something physical? On the first date no less.

[minou23]

If it was a brush off don't you think he would've not responded at all?? His text seemed nice to me. You can't expect him to profess his love to you after one night lol. I mean what could he have said or what would you have liked him to say and is it realistic? I don't think him not asking you out on a second date is an indication of his interest because he might just have a super busy week coming up and doesn't want to make a commitment he may not be able to keep. Just give it time and if he's interested he'll contact you again at some point today or tomorrow.

[BlueIvy]

Well I could tell sometimes he did want to go beyond snuggling. But I knew I would feel worse if that happened and then get a brush off later. I prefer to know someone properly and be sure of their feelings anyway.

Do you think his text was a brush off?

FYI: I don't think it's a good idea to go to a dude's house, maybe after several dates or so. But usually when a man invites you to his house as a "date", they expect or want sex. So, I would be weary about his intentions.

 

Nonetheless, I would wait it out for a day or two. See if he says anything else. If you don't hear from him by the end of the week, then he isn't that into you. You could ask him how his day is going and he should follow from there. If he doesn't seem interested after you initiate contact, then let him go.

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with Simplenfit. That's not how interested guys act. Guys usually engage... especiallly if you reach out to them. They want to keep some momentum going even in the rare event they can't make plans. Interested people act interested. Guys are the most excited about you at the beginning and he doesn't seem so excited.. You may hear from again, but wouldn't hold breath and definitely do not reach out again, imo. If he's interested he'll plan a date *in a reasonable timeframe*

 

 

I can say personally that not every guy who invites you over will try for sex, but of those that do, if they are interested in dating, or even desperate to get in your pants , they will put in more effort in than a lukewarm acknowledgment of your text the next day. Wouldn't waste a second more of thought on him.

Edited October 9, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[smackie9]

This doesn't sit well with me......My gut says he was hoping for sex and only sex. It feels like he didn't get what he wanted, he's moved on already.

[Gaynor4]

He made dinner etc long after the part where he tried it on a bit.

Seemed understanding of my reluctance to go along with anything sexual. I ended up texting " me too, hope you got some rest,I will

have to reciprocate sometime. X"

No reply as yet though

[BaileyB]

I would have politely responded as you did.. "Thanks. I had a great time." And waited to see his response.

 

BTW, that wasn't a first date... that was a commitment. You just met the guy and he cooked you dinner, your "date" turned into a day and a half, with kissing and cuddling. Too much too soon in my humble opinion... Unless, you are expecting a one night stand.

[Dis]

I dont think its a good idea to go over a guy's house for a first date..not at all

 

It sets a bad tone, seems forced and its awkward.. plus its not entirely safe

 

If a guy is interested in you, he'll take you out in public like a gentleman and set up another date promptly after the first

 

I agree with smackie, this doesnt sound right

 

Most likely, he wanted sex, you didnt put out... now he's moving on

 

Next time, make sure the guy takes you out on a proper first date and dont pretend its the 3rd date by going over to the guy's house for "dinner"

[Gaynor4]

He honestly didn't seem like he was after sex. I didn't get that vibe at all through his messages beforehand and also meeting him personally.

I just feel like now our messages have gone from long online conversations about really interesting subjects, to some sparse polite texts.

And I can't think of anything really that was wrong when we spent time together.

[BlueIvy]

He honestly didn't seem like he was after sex. I didn't get that vibe at all through his messages beforehand and also meeting him personally.

I just feel like now our messages have gone from long online conversations about really interesting subjects, to some sparse polite texts.

And I can't think of anything really that was wrong when we spent time together.

 

He’s clearly not interested either way. I don’t know if you don’t wanna see the truth but he clearly wanted sex. He invited to his house and you didn’t put out, so now he’s fading out on you.

 

Time to delete/block his number. And again, don’t go to a man’s house unless you have known him awhile.

[Cookiesandough]

Yes, something went wrong....didn't have sex. It's really sad that people read texting as a quality way of getting to know/ communicate with someone now. Creates a feeling of intimacy with possibly next to 0 effort from the other party

[Gaynor4]

You know, I think you are right. I've tried to think about this without rose tinted glasses.

I suppose basically I travelled 50 miles to see him, booked a room which I didn't use, and really wasn't taken out on much of a date at all. I didn't mind just hanging with him, I don't really like formal stuff. But it seems he put in zero effort really. And if he hadn't been after sex, he wouldn't have tried it at all. I am glad I didn't go there, though I was tempted. Guess I would have felt worse.

He did text me back to say meeting again sounds good, stated he was busy the next two weekends but we can sort the detail later. I suggested an event near where I live as a possibility and he hasn't replied.

I'm obviously going to leave it now. I just tend to forget that some people do not think the same way as me. Oh well.

[coolheadal]

FYI: I don't think it's a good idea to go to a dude's house, maybe after several dates or so. But usually when a man invites you to his house as a "date", they expect or want sex. So, I would be weary about his intentions.

 

Nonetheless, I would wait it out for a day or two. See if he says anything else. If you don't hear from him by the end of the week, then he isn't that into you. You could ask him how his day is going and he should follow from there. If he doesn't seem interested after you initiate contact, then let him go.

 

Why do women think just because I am man and I invite you over to my house you all think it's about wanting sex. How about just getting to know you watch a movie and play some card or domino games. Heck I might want to make you a dinner and show you a great time.

[coolheadal]

He honestly didn't seem like he was after sex. I didn't get that vibe at all through his messages beforehand and also meeting him personally.

I just feel like now our messages have gone from long online conversations about really interesting subjects, to some sparse polite texts.

And I can't think of anything really that was wrong when we spent time together.

 

Go with you gut, unless he was brawny man or the type that wanted sex right when you walked in his door. There isn't anything wrong going to a guy's house. I have a few women come here like that. No I didn't go after them for sex. I have to get to know you a lot better fore that happens.

 

On the second date have you told us everything? Did he get a phone call while he was on the date or text?

[Gaynor4]

Well the second date was really only a continuation of the first to be honest. I stayed over at his, and in the morning he asked if I was free to spend some more time with him. Nothing sexual happened when I stayed but he did try and he mentioned something about it being ok on the first date...i stopped things there though.

So I spent the day with him, he didn't suggest going out anywhere though so we just hung out at his place. We were both tired so I was happy to have a lazy day. Watched tv on the couch, cuddled a bit and had a meal.

When I left, I went to walk away as I'm a bit awkward didn't know what to do...he said" don't just leave " and gave me a hug and a brief kiss. I don't date much so I'm a bit inexperienced.

That's kind of why I texted later as to make sure he knew I liked him, though in the time we did spend together I think I made it more obvious. I'm pretty sure he does know.

Oh Well, I guess I have left the ball in his court now anyway. I'd feel silly if I reached out again.

[Cookiesandough]

That honestly sounds more like a Netflix and chill than a date. Nothing wrong with home dates, per se, but just watching movies, hanging around, groping is flat out lazy 0 effort. Plenty of that boring yet comfy stuff later on a the relationship. . But he's supposed to be bringing his A game right now to woo you!! He can't even be bothered to take you out(unless he offered and you refused) for a second date and then tries to get sexy with you? It sounds like he was just trying to get in and when he realized that you aren't easy he got salty and didn't want to put more effort in.

 

F boys, not even once.

Edited October 15, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[smackie9]

Get your priorities straight: Don't drive 50 miles and book a room to go on a first date or any date for that matter. For the first few dates, he should make an effort to take you out. I'm not talking anything expensive or fancy, but some place for drinks or a slice of pizza...something where he would be dressing somewhat nice, showing up all scrubbed/smelling good, new hair cut and new shoes.....something to show he wants to make a good impression. About communication/texting...you don't settle for anything less that constancy. Consistent texting, or even an increase. If it dramatically decreases, dump the chump. Also measure interest by depth of conversation. If he isn't pullin his weigh in conversations to get to know you, or share some intellect, that's a red flag.

 

I've been on the boards for years, and I just can't understand why women put up with lukewarm interest, or lack of effort from lazy daters that feel they will get sex after sharing a box of KD, and letting her watch a movie sitting on his couch. Just blows my mind....

 

I say if you want to be treated right, you better damn well expect it.

Edited October 15, 2017 by smackie9

[Gaynor4]

Yes, I think you're both right .

I'm an easy going kind of person, but when I think about it he put zero effort in from start to finish. Our online messages beforehand were long and in depth conversation, if a little sporadic on his part. Although once he did reply it was an essay. When I met him, the conversation was great I thought...he is a very intelligent person and shared a lot of his views which I am interested in, and he did ask me what mine were too. We have a lot of similar interests so talking seemed easy enough. I was a little nervous still at some points as it was totally out of my comfort zone, but I think I handled it without having too many awkward moments.

Since we met though he hasn't bothered to ask how my week is going or anything, like you say, communication should normally increase after meeting.

I'd hate to think he just didn't like me...but with hindsight I realise I should have expected more effort on his part. I really did do all the work.

[LoverOfDance]

OP:

 

I've spoken to men online who wrote me long in depth messages yet at the end of the day, it seemed that their main priority was sex. Maybe they may have wanted a relationship with me afterwards (MAYBE) but they prioritized sex. One of the guys I spoke to wanted to meet for the first time at his place. He wanted me to spend the weekend. When a man asks me to spend a weekend with him, I have almost no doubt in my mind that he wants sex.

 

I spoke to another guy as well who sent me cute messages prior to our meeting. We only had two dates. For both dates, he took me to a lake. It was nice but the second time he kept attempting to have sex. Put his hands down my pants several times even though I asked him not to. After the date, I still tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because aside from that incident, he was very "nice and sweet". He never messaged me after the second date. I messaged him twice and both times, he asked me to come to his place even though I suggested we go out.

 

Sorry to say but some men are honestly pigs. They will pretend to be nice just to get into your pants. A LOT of men prioritize sex before anything else. They might actually even date you after but sex comes first. So if you reject their sexual advances, they will lose interest.

 

I honestly wouldn't worry about this man. Don't waste another thought on him. If he comes back, good. If he doesn't, no worries. He is not worth your energy.