She says I'm too dumb for her and seeks breakup

[JohnGoober]

I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a breakup. She gets angry over the smallest things.. for instance, I fell asleep in the evening and didn't answer her calls or messages for 4 hours and she ignored me for 3 days. She called me a liar for suddenly ignoring her and I got frustrated and told her she can contact my roommate and I did something stupid.. I showed her my google map activities to show her I never left the house and stayed in my room, I guess this was a really cringe move from my side and I behaved in a similar way before. She gets mad if I don't fill her water when we eat in restaurants and starts ignoring me for 2-3 days. Due to this behaviour, she calls me dumb f**k, stupid and she feels pathetic she has a dumb idiotic boyfriend even though I'm doing master's degree with scholarship.

 

She blames me for causing all the drama but I feel like I'm just struggling to show I care. She told me not to talk to her again. What should I do? I have told her if her life is better without me, I would not bother her. I still love her but I can't be myself around her even because I feel she is very judgemental. I haven't had much experience with relationships so I've started to feel I'm dumb.

[basil67]

She sounds horrible. Grant her wishes and leave her behind.

[JS84]

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that??? Consider yourself Neo from the Matrix because you just dodged a ****load of bullets.

[Steve51]

And you are still with her why? I hope you are not still with her because she is giving you sex. I have seen this before. The guy has no confidence that he can get another girlfriend so he puts up with abuse. Don't be one of those guys.

[JohnGoober]

And you are still with her why? I hope you are not still with her because she is giving you sex. I have seen this before. The guy has no confidence that he can get another girlfriend so he puts up with abuse. Don't be one of those guys.

 

No, I'm not with her for the sex.. In fact, she is the one who initiates sex. I can be myself around my friends but lately, I cannot be myself with her. She was very caring and done extremely sweet things and we have lot of things in common but after I moved her, she is like a different person.

[coolheadal]

I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a breakup. She gets angry over the smallest things.. for instance, I fell asleep in the evening and didn't answer her calls or messages for 4 hours and she ignored me for 3 days. She called me a liar for suddenly ignoring her and I got frustrated and told her she can contact my roommate and I did something stupid.. I showed her my google map activities to show her I never left the house and stayed in my room, I guess this was a really cringe move from my side and I behaved in a similar way before. She gets mad if I don't fill her water when we eat in restaurants and starts ignoring me for 2-3 days. Due to this behaviour, she calls me dumb f**k, stupid and she feels pathetic she has a dumb idiotic boyfriend even though I'm doing master's degree with scholarship.

 

She blames me for causing all the drama but I feel like I'm just struggling to show I care. She told me not to talk to her again. What should I do? I have told her if her life is better without me, I would not bother her. I still love her but I can't be myself around her even because I feel she is very judgemental. I haven't had much experience with relationships so I've started to feel I'm dumb.

 

Wow you too.. We need to tell these women, see yourself out, and wait a minute oh one more thing never contact me ever again! You have crazy woman on your hands. When she calls you names that's called verbal abuse. It's means she's abusive with words with you. The rest of what you describe is more like a doormat. Think of this your filling up her water your doing things to please her only. What the heck do you get out of this nothing! Don't think just because your getting your Masters means your better than the rest of the guys out there. You have fallen victim to passive-aggressive woman.

Way to many mood swings with this women you need to take get away with border-line BPD woman you got there.

[JohnGoober]

Wow you too.. We need to tell these women, see yourself out, and wait a minute oh one more thing never contact me ever again! You have crazy woman on your hands. When she calls you names that's called verbal abuse. It's means she's abusive with words with you. The rest of what you describe is more like a doormat. Think of this your filling up her water your doing things to please her only. What the heck do you get out of this nothing! Don't think just because your getting your Masters means your better than the rest of the guys out there. You have fallen victim to passive-aggressive woman.

Way to many mood swings with this women you need to take get away with border-line BPD woman you got there.

 

 

 

That is true indeed, I never expected this behaviour from her. I already stopped talking to her and she contacted me asking me to meet her tomorrow and get back to being normal again. I told her to spend time and think whether she wants me in her life or not, she told me if I don't meet her tomorrow, we are done.. I guess she knows my weakness that I would be afraid of breakup and always show up. I won't do it this time. And I am not saying I'm special for doing master's, I just want to feel normal.

[elaine567]

Well is it obvious she did not want you to move to her country.

I guess she now feels smothered and annoyed and is taking it all out on you..

 

People fall out of love, they start acting badly as they want the other to go, but are too chicken usually to just say so. It happens.

YOU are not dumb, and she is not crazy, she just doesn't want you around any more.

She has asked you not to talk to her again and you need to take her advice.

It is over.

[JohnGoober]

Well is it obvious she did not want you to move to her country.

I guess she now feels smothered and annoyed and is taking it all out on you..

 

People fall out of love, they start acting badly as they want the other to go, but are too chicken usually to just say so. It happens.

YOU are not dumb, and she is not crazy, she just doesn't want you around any more.

She has asked you not to talk to her again and you need to take her advice.

It is over.

 

I am respecting her request and giving her space yet she is asking me to meet her again and that she misses seeing me. I already told her we need time apart and have clearly told her i would be get out of her life If she doesn't want me. When she asks me not to talk to her, I never call her or talk again.. usually she starts the conversation.

[coolheadal]

That is true indeed, I never expected this behaviour from her. I already stopped talking to her and she contacted me asking me to meet her tomorrow and get back to being normal again. I told her to spend time and think whether she wants me in her life or not, she told me if I don't meet her tomorrow, we are done.. I guess she knows my weakness that I would be afraid of breakup and always show up. I won't do it this time. And I am not saying I'm special for doing master's, I just want to feel normal.

 

Yes she know how to pull the strings and buttons in your head and body. How you ever got to this point is beyond me. I am also to blame for my actions. When she said if you don't show-up we're done. Your come back would be "frankly it's your loss if I don't show up then" Oh yes one more thing I have to say goodbye!

[Cookiesandough]

Shes abusive and controlling. She wants someone she can boss around. Belittling you is part of that. When you weren't at her beck and call she she thought it was intentional and punished you. Get out. It is not likely to get better.

[coolheadal]

I am respecting her request and giving her space yet she is asking me to meet her again and that she misses seeing me. I already told her we need time apart and have clearly told her i would be get out of her life If she doesn't want me. When she asks me not to talk to her, I never call her or talk again.. usually she starts the conversation.

 

Yes my Ex Cuban gf does that a lot, but I block her for good it's her lost not mine. I said goodbye forever do not ever contact me again.. So far so good. I can get on with my life and I met someone else from work. The Cuban and the rest were met on OLD those women tend to lie more. Cuban lied about her age, drinking AA for 33 years and still drinking, smoker (pot, cocaine and crap pipe) she did that excuse for sex too depression. She was never like that in 2016, in 2017 she was the worst I've seen she gone out with a doper before calling me back. I will never go back to her. She's on med now lost her DL still driving if they catch her she would go to jail. She's been in jail also. Ouch. OLD bring out the worst liars in women. She see a therapist for her mental condition (she has it all too much to list her LOL) That's in the past I've moved on.. I hope she does too..

[girlinNYC]

She sounds horrible, insecure and possessive. She is seeing you as her puppet and not as her equal, toxic for any relationship.

Don't fall for her games, she will only reel you back in and keep doing the same. You owe it to yourself to set yourself free and give yourself the opportunity to find someone else who is actually suitable for you.

[coolheadal]

Shes abusive and controlling. She wants someone she can boss around. Belittling you is part of that. When you weren't at her beck and call she she thought it was intentional and punished you. Get out. It is not likely to get better.

 

I agree with you on this as well.. I would like to add your right on the dime with your statement above. Women like her will never change and will want thing her-way or no way!

[coolheadal]

She sounds horrible, insecure and possessive. She is seeing you as her puppet and not as her equal, toxic for any relationship.

Don't fall for her games, she will only reel you back in and keep doing the same. You owe it to yourself to set yourself free and give yourself the opportunity to find someone else who is actually suitable for you.

 

I agree with you on your statement above as well! I would like to add this too, they really live up to what you also said as well. But we men tend to over look these things. We really need to listen, learn and get a grasp on what they're really doing and saying to us. It's not love it's torment, it's so call nick pitting, nagging, put downs an etc.. Need to let go of her to the point you can be smart but not that smart with these sort of women. Yes they love to control and mange the man they're with. Honey can you get that for me please. If you do I would make your world a lot better if you do. If you don't you got hell to pay for!

[1966Seahorse]

Hi JohnGoober,

 

You say:-

 

"lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a break up ..."

 

"She gets angry over the smallest things ..."

 

"... and she ignored me for 3 days ..."

 

" ... She called me a liar for suddenly ignoring her ..."

 

" ... She gets mad if I don't fill her water when we eat in restaurants and starts ignoring me for 2-3 days ... "

 

" ... Due to this behaviour, she calls me dumb f**k, stupid and she feels pathetic she has a dumb idiotic boyfriend ..."

 

" ... She blames me for causing all the drama ..."

 

" ... She told me not to talk to her again ... "

 

" ... I can't be myself around her ..."

 

" ... I feel she is very judgemental ..."

 

" ... lately, I cannot be myself with her ..."

 

" ... but after I moved her, she is like a different person ..."

 

"I never expected this behaviour from her ... "

 

And apart from everything else you have written .... why do you want to be with someone like this? You can do soooooooo much better. She sounds poison. Find someone else that can give you the unconditional love that you deserve.

 

Move on and .... good luck!

 

xx

[smackie9]

Say nothing, just block and delete, she has BPD. Run Forest Run!

[JohnGoober]

Hi JohnGoober,

 

You say:-

 

"lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a break up ..."

 

"She gets angry over the smallest things ..."

 

"... and she ignored me for 3 days ..."

 

" ... She called me a liar for suddenly ignoring her ..."

 

" ... She gets mad if I don't fill her water when we eat in restaurants and starts ignoring me for 2-3 days ... "

 

" ... Due to this behaviour, she calls me dumb f**k, stupid and she feels pathetic she has a dumb idiotic boyfriend ..."

 

" ... She blames me for causing all the drama ..."

 

" ... She told me not to talk to her again ... "

 

" ... I can't be myself around her ..."

 

" ... I feel she is very judgemental ..."

 

" ... lately, I cannot be myself with her ..."

 

" ... but after I moved her, she is like a different person ..."

 

"I never expected this behaviour from her ... "

 

And apart from everything else you have written .... why do you want to be with someone like this? You can do soooooooo much better. She sounds poison. Find someone else that can give you the unconditional love that you deserve.

 

Move on and .... good luck!

 

xx

 

Thank you for the replies everyone. Despite this, I have tried to contact her.. through mail asking her whether she would be interested in talking and why she is ignoring me. She said I'm annoying her. I now realise its time to stop talking to her. However, I still want to let her know how much she hurt me, how much she blackmailed me by emotionally abusing me all the time.. I want to tell her this even though this might end any slight chance of being with her again. I think I'll tell her.

 

She also mentioned she doesn't know whether she loves me or not, the obvious answer is she doesn't.

[Highndry]

Thank you for the replies everyone. Despite this, I have tried to contact her.. through mail asking her whether she would be interested in talking and why she is ignoring me. She said I'm annoying her. I now realise its time to stop talking to her. However, I still want to let her know how much she hurt me, how much she blackmailed me by emotionally abusing me all the time.. I want to tell her this even though this might end any slight chance of being with her again. I think I'll tell her.

 

She also mentioned she doesn't know whether she loves me or not, the obvious answer is she doesn't.

 

I cannot emphasize enough what a mistake you are making. Stop contacting her immediately. Never initiate contact with her again. Call anyone but her. You've got to get a hold of yourself and practice self control.

[1966Seahorse]

Thank you for the replies everyone. Despite this, I have tried to contact her.. through mail asking her whether she would be interested in talking and why she is ignoring me. She said I'm annoying her. I now realise its time to stop talking to her. However, I still want to let her know how much she hurt me, how much she blackmailed me by emotionally abusing me all the time.. I want to tell her this even though this might end any slight chance of being with her again. I think I'll tell her.

 

She also mentioned she doesn't know whether she loves me or not, the obvious answer is she doesn't.

 

Seriously .... why are you still trying to contact her .... she does not care about you and does not love you .... block/delete and move on ... for your own sanity .... and don't ever look back where she is concerned.

[elaine567]

Thank you for the replies everyone. Despite this, I have tried to contact her.. through mail asking her whether she would be interested in talking and why she is ignoring me. She said I'm annoying her. I now realise its time to stop talking to her. However, I still want to let her know how much she hurt me, how much she blackmailed me by emotionally abusing me all the time.. I want to tell her this even though this might end any slight chance of being with her again. I think I'll tell her.

She also mentioned she doesn't know whether she loves me or not, the obvious answer is she doesn't.

 

This is the standard "hurt" response.

"I will let her know how badly she/he hurt me, I will make her/him sorry and he/she will then feel just as bad as me."

 

BUT that rarely happens.

When two people split, the hurt is rarely split right down the middle as the dumpee often thinks it is.

The hurt can be solely on the side of the dumpee and the dumper doesn't really care a damn, so it does't really matter how many sad, hurt, angry letters, emails or texts that are sent or how many sad, hurt, angry phone calls made, or how many sad, hurt, angry words are exchanged in real life; the dumper tends to just sail on as if nothing had happened.

THEY are done and nothing tends to change their mind.

They are not usually affected by anything received from exes as they no longer care.

That is the huge mistake that most dumpees make, they think the dumper actually cares...

 

Grieve, heal and move on.

Edited October 14, 2017 by elaine567
clarity

[heavenonearth]

I am torn over this one. To be honest, we only heard his side of the story, and what he described was vague and badly written.

 

I once dated a guy who was dumb. Really dumb.

He moved to my country to be with me. We even moved in together.

God, I wish I could go back in time and change my attitude.

But this man was impossible. He couldn’t do anything right.

He couldn’t buy the right cleaning products if I gave him a picture of the bottle to get. He always lost stuff, he almost started a fire in the house, he was constantly grumpy. And he didn’t know how to act around people.

On top of that, he had no empathy and was making me miserable with his constant moaning.

I have to admit, I only saw it coming once he was closer.

I broke up with him too late but at least I broke up with him.

 

We don’t know her side of the story here.

I agree she sounds insecure and somewhat manipulative.

But I think we need more information to really give a good assessment.

 

What’s clear, however, is that these two are not a good fit and should break up.

[BaileyB]

Her behavior toward you is abusive and unacceptable.

You need to walk away...