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Why is it that I only want people that are unattainable?


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Old 6th October 2017, 8:11 PM   #1
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Why is it that I only want people that are unattainable?

OLD...lots of msg from people I don't want.

but the few I do want apparently are either not msg me first or not responsive.

curious case of only me or human nature?

torture...
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:15 PM   #2
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A lot of it is human nature, but it's made worse by the online dating being like a catalog you order people from. I mean, who isn't going to zero in on the best looking ones. It might be better if you just met people in person instead of online.

I was like this a lot when young and would get focused on the really hot guys, but I found once I got involved with my right niche, then I had so much more in common with the guys I met and found more different types attractive because I thought they were cool.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:38 PM   #3
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Those who are unattainable: what do they have in common?
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:40 PM   #4
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You may as well ask what the meaning of life is, because I don't know that either. It's what it is.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:45 PM   #5
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Whatever you say in your profile will attract them (can be anyone) But the law of attraction is what governs us by nature.
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Old 6th October 2017, 9:10 PM   #6
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There are all kinds of frogs out there. Everyone gets approached by people they have no interest in, and with online dating, it's safer than face-to-face. Look at how ugly people can be in their comments online, and it's rare you see the same vitriol in normal interactions. It's just life. It's easier to avoid online too. Harder when creepy guy at work won't leave you alone. Life is life.

Are you writing these men instead of hoping they write you? All you can do is extend yourself and hope something sticks or just wait for someone to come along that you are genuinely interested in knowing. Revamp your profile and pictures if you think it would help.

If you can't capture the people you want, can you explore the reasons why and make changes to attract such individuals?

You just have to pick through the weeds. It's not an easy process.
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Old 6th October 2017, 9:32 PM   #7
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It's human nature and the fact that many other people probably want these people as well, thus making them harder to attain
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Old 6th October 2017, 10:20 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Springsummer View Post
OLD...lots of msg from people I don't want.

but the few I do want apparently are either not msg me first or not responsive.

curious case of only me or human nature?

torture...
Supply and demand. The most physically attractive people are receiving tons of messages and can be very picky about whom the reply to.

A bit deeper, it could be something about your profile. For example, even if you are a ripped model looking guy, if you dress like a tool in your profile pick it can cause women to think..."Next!"

As a guy, if I see a woman that is very attractive, but is doing duck face, I tend to lose interest. Cringy. All that to say, normally, it's a matter of supply and demand, but presentation of yourself in your profile matters a lot too.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:17 PM   #9
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Our brains are programmed to believe things that come easy are not worth much value.

This is why if you tried to sell a diamond for $100 no one would believe its a real diamond. Likewise, you would doubt the quality of the food at any restaurant that sells cheap food. Even if the quality is the same as some over-priced fine dining place. Clothes too. Name brands sell for more even if the quality is worse.

We are all kind of stupid like that.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:21 PM   #10
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If the food tastes good I love that it's cheap!!!!. OP is attracted to haughty 9.9s which I think is her problem. I'm eternally grateful I can't stand guys like that. They're the male equivelent of female duck face to me.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:41 PM   #11
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If the food tastes good I love that it's cheap!!!!. OP is attracted to haughty 9.9s which I think is her problem. I'm eternally grateful I can't stand guys like that. They're the male equivelent of female duck face to me.
You can't stand very attractive men?
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:43 PM   #12
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Nah, just arrogant men
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Old 7th October 2017, 12:43 AM   #13
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If the food tastes good I love that it's cheap!!!!. OP is attracted to haughty 9.9s which I think is her problem. I'm eternally grateful I can't stand guys like that. They're the male equivelent of female duck face to me.
Yeah, IMHO when it comes to online, usually, one has to stick to their league. I hate using that lingo, but online is so superficial I think one has to be realistic about their options. Face to face, chemistry or personality can kick in, and mismatches in physical attraction may not matter as much.
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Old 7th October 2017, 1:10 AM   #14
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Also, people are always looking to "trade up". You will receive a lot of messages from people that you are better looking than they are....
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Old 7th October 2017, 1:24 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by The Urbanyst View Post
Our brains are programmed to believe things that come easy are not worth much value.

This is why if you tried to sell a diamond for $100 no one would believe its a real diamond. Likewise, you would doubt the quality of the food at any restaurant that sells cheap food. Even if the quality is the same as some over-priced fine dining place. Clothes too. Name brands sell for more even if the quality is worse.

We are all kind of stupid like that.
No, we're not all stupid like that.

If someone offered me a diamond, no matter what's it's monetary cost, I'd ask for a valuation. In writing. From someone who's got a reputation to keep. And if I got the valuation, I'd probably risk $100. I'd sooner risk $100 than $10,000

I don't doubt the quality of food at a cheaper restaurant - rather, I tend to doubt the quality of food at an empty restaurant. I've had terrific food at cheap restaurants and big disappointments in expensive ones.

I see where you're going comparing clothing value, but here in Australia, name brand clothing very much tends to be better quality. I can often get years out of a name brand, but cheap clothing will only last me a season. Disappointed (but not surprised) that this year's Target sweaters have only lasted one winter. Kmart is lucky to make a season. Chinese no-name brands from no-name stores are not worth $1 because the fabric will fail and the fit will be poor. That said, more expensive clothing may have better fabric and cut...but that doesn't mean it's manufactured ethically.

Last edited by basil67; 7th October 2017 at 1:27 AM..
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