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Enough is enough


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 6th October 2017, 6:13 PM   #1
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Enough is enough

It'd been 1 year since me and this guy met. I feel like I can't even call him my ex. For months, all we were doing was texting.

He was not letting me know more about him. Everything time when I was trying to ask him some specific things like his family he would try to change the topic. He told me that he didn't have a good childhood and this is all I know about him. In the beginning, I thought it was too early to ask him personal questions but after 6 months, 10 months, I know it wasn't about the past anymore. It was that he was not serious.

He was luring me and I was allowing him. He loved to text me and always replied to my messages very quickly even when he was at work. And that had made me think that he liked me. However, he never tried to meet me in person. And through the whole year, we literally had been talking about the same thing over and over again.

His another thick was trying to make me think we had a future. Almost after the first time we met, he had been telling me how much he wanted to marry me and start a family with me. I had no idea where he got this idea and had asked him why. His answer was always "because I know you are the right person." But what was ironically was, we only had met in person for 3 times. And always wounded up sleeping together. He didn't make plans to meet me; whenever I tried to meet him, he had excuses.

He didn't care even if I made the effort to meet him. I had told him so many times that we had to meet in person and he always agreed. But, he didn't even like to talk on phone. I can't remember how many times when I was on my way to his home, he would cancel the meeting. Either because of his friends needed his help or he got called in. I had gone to his home, I doubt he had another long term girlfriend or whatsoever. He just liked to fall on me for anything he liked.

The last time when I was trying to meet him. He did the same thing. And on my way back home. All a sudden, I finally realized how much I was giving in and I finally heard that voice in my head "enough is enough". I realized that I will never be able to make him love me. Even though he said he loved me.

And for so many months, all the miles that I had driven, all the messages that I had sent, all the nights that I had spent hoping that he would want to see me. I had wasted all my time and energy.

I feel very sad now. I have blocked him. I don't want to hear from him with the exact same text messages anymore. I got really tired of those words. Marriage, kids, family. I think the time for us to commit to each other has gone. 1 year is long enough. We weren't even friends.

Now that I don't hear from him anymore. I want to tell myself something: I still appreciate myself for all the energy and time that I had devoted to this relationship with him. I was giving everything to it. Maybe it was stupid, however, it was real me. It was a process. And now I'm processing my sorrow, and I trust time and space would make me stronger.

You cannot make someone love you no matter how well you treat them.

October 06, 2017
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:25 PM   #2
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Sorry this happened. Don't put up with crap from guys in the future. They will keep doing it. The first time he acted up his azz shoulda been grass. Stay NC and good luck

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 6th October 2017 at 6:29 PM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:36 PM   #3
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Text only you were just pen-pals

Did you ever meet in person though. i was trying see if you did. Sounds like you never made it or he didn't want to show-up He could have been married already. 1 year wasted on what? What did you get from it nothing, just false hope. Some women are like this also just want to text. But it's not real if you just text only..You did the right thing, you ended it and block and now you can spend the time to find the right guy who wants to see you and be with you and not text 100% have no real-time contact with you.
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:49 PM   #4
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But what was ironically was, we only had met in person for 3 times. And always wounded up sleeping together.
This sentence kind of blows a hole in all the stuff you're saying about never seeing him.
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:04 PM   #5
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You're quite correct - treating someone well does not make them love you.

I'm glad that you're out of this situation now. I guess now is the time for introspection. Primarily: why did you waste so much time on him.... and why did you not see all those red flags?

Learn from this so that you don't make the same mistake in the future.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:13 PM   #6
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I had one of these. I didn't sleep with mine, though. I had pretty much given up at some point around six months, but then he wanted to meet (2nd time), and I thought okay, why not? And it was 10 minutes in the parking lot, didn't even go in for a drink. I was truly done at this point and figured he was too. Later that evening he sent me this heartfelt music video about love and future, and I took this as a sign he really wanted to go somewhere with this now...and we know where this is going, right? It went nowhere, and we live 10 minutes apart for goodness sakes! Our hours are pretty much the same! What's the deal? Anyway, I figured I'd see if it would play out a full year the same way, and that's what happened. I started becoming disappointed when he texted me instead of happy since I knew it was going to be more nothing. After a full year passed, I ended it.

I don't know what they're thinking. Yours seemed to have a lot to hide, where mine seemed a bit more open about life, so I didn't really have any mistrust that he secretly had a wife and kids or girlfriend (which is entirely possible), but yours seems far more shady.

Sorry about this. Lesson learned. No meet, no text. Next you have to decide your comfort zone and boundaries, as life can be busy, and when you first meet someone, there could be pre-established plans, but if there's no progression through text or a phone call until you can finally meet, it's definitely a warning sign. We still have to be careful about sharing too much personal information, but there should be some substance.

I was recently texting a bit with a guy who claims to be lonely and wants a wife and all that, but he doesn't have a lot to say and can't really answer direct and normal questions like you describe, so I suspect he's a scammer. He also hem-hawed on meeting despite supposedly living probably 20 minutes away, and we can certainly meet somewhere in the middle.

Don't allow yourself to get invested when it's text only...or I should say TOO invested, because of course you're going to be excited and everything, but if he's local and there's no meeting, forget it. Long-distance is going to be harder to maneuver.

Take comfort in knowing you're not the only one.

ETA: I continued to date others during this year, though nothing stuck, and I didn't devote my whole world to him, which I would recommend. Don't sit home on the weekends when you have other opportunities, whether a potential boyfriend or just hanging with friends.

Last edited by act00; 6th October 2017 at 8:39 PM.. Reason: Just another point, that I dated others during my perpetual texter relationship
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Old 18th October 2017, 6:12 PM   #7
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He contacted me again

First, I want to thank everyone who encouraged me.

But he's back. I blocked him, but he found me on Messenger. His first message said that he had known that I blocked him and he had understood, but he wanted to check on me. I'm going to be honest, although I didn't think of going back to contact him, (because during NC, I was being myself as who I was, valuing myself as I was supposed to be valued, instead of clingy to him, that feeling had been really the best thing ever since I met him.) however, I couldn't help crying when I saw his message.

I talked to him for about one hour on Messenger. I want to stress that I know there are tips about how to get your ex back. But for me, when I have given up, it would be different in my heart even if we got back together again. For me, I lost my trust and respect for him. It is very harsh to say. And I told him so. He begged me to give him one more chance. He said he would change the way he treated me. He said he would be more open as of I deserved it. He said he would want to spend time with me in person. He said he just wanted to have me in his life. He said he was sorry that he hadn't made a better man for me. He said that he wanted to have a family with me. He said I was the only person he wanted. He also planned a date this time.

His words were so touching and sounded sincere. To the point where I was going to give him my heart again. But I don't trust him anymore. I still love him. I want to see him. But thing is different now. I used to love him so much that I wouldn't care about his lies, excuses, and deceits. Deep inside, I feel like just blocking him from any way he could reach me. But I haven't been able to make that decision yet. I loved him with all my heart, my heart always had this very soft part for him.

What shall I do? I miss him, love him, but I don't want to give another chance for him to hurt me, because I don't think he will really change. He might be sweet now, but after couple months, I cannot convince myself to trust. And I don't want to spend another year just to find out. Has anybody really changed in your life?

Last edited by almondwang; 18th October 2017 at 6:14 PM..
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Old 18th October 2017, 6:16 PM   #8
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You need to block him on messenger and stay NC. If he finds another way to message, you block him there too. I know it hurts now, but moving on is the way to get past this.
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Last edited by Cookiesandough; 18th October 2017 at 6:18 PM..
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Old 18th October 2017, 6:43 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
The first time he acted up his azz shoulda been grass.
Oh come on. Just say his ass shoulda been grass, otherwise it doesn't rhyme.
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Old 18th October 2017, 7:38 PM   #10
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What shall I do?
Block him again on messenger and quit giving him an audience.

You yourself said he's not going to change and you don't want to waste a year finding out what you already know today.
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