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Going to a bar alone to meet guys


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Old 6th October 2017, 6:36 PM   #16
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Idk. I have seen women alone at bars a lot. I myself do the same when Iím travelling. I donít think itís weird or taboo. Sure maybe a bit risky, but as long as you do your research and stay in a safe part of town, arrange your rides ahead of time, etc. I donít think thereís anything wrong with it.

I find that I am approached much more when I am by myself or just with one another friend as opposed to when I go out in a group. I suppose itís easier for guys to approach you that way.

I say go for it. As long as youíre safe thereís nothing wrong with being an independent lady and enjoying a drink on your own!
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:40 PM   #17
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Go with a friend and buy someone a drink if you think they're cute.

I mean if men can do it why can't we?

But I don't think going to a bar alone is a good idea. For either gender. It just sounds like a bad time to me to be sitting there all alone when everyone around you is in a group.

Although sometimes you can be in a crowded place and still feel lonely even if you're with people you know. Maybe the trick is to send the free drink to THAT person.

Good luck!
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:44 PM   #18
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It's NYC. A woman alone at a bar is not an unusual sight. Depending on the bar & how much you have had to drink, it's not even unsafe

Scout out a good place. Become somewhat of a regular. Limit yourself two 2 drinks & you should be just fine

Also think about how you act & your overall body language when out with your friends in a group. If you are clustered together, nobody can penetrate the circle. However if you show up together, have 1 drink then disperse through the venue but checking back periodically smiling & being open to talk to people you may improve your odds.
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:49 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
She is in New York. If I were an American woman I would not head to a bar on my own. The US is highly criminalized and it's almost wishing for trouble. The bars are full of rape drugs and whats not, she could be followed and attacked.
I used to go to bars by myself in NY all the time with my laptop when I was writing my book a few years back. I admit there are a lot of shady people who could make a move on ya, but it's not difficult to be sensible and careful and at the same time still enjoy yourself being a woman in NYC.

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Most people do, though. Society has double standards... social mores exist...and it really does matter how the guys she is trying to attract view her. I mean I could feel super empowered walking about town in a tight minidress and latex thigh high boots, but people are gonna draw conclusions about me based on that and it's not always going to be good ones. In the US it's pretty unusual for a girl to sit at a bar drinking alone.
If a guy views me in a negative way bc I am sitting in a bar alone, he's not worth my time anyway. The guy I am trying to attract would not make such judgements about me.

Why succumb to social standards when you can dance out of line and swim against the tide? Nothing wrong with that
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:07 PM   #20
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After office hours sure, it's mostly happy hours. Would you go out on your own in a bar at 10pm?

I don't know about the US but where I live people starts going out to bars at 22h30 and 23h. The bars close at 4 am. To go in a bar at prime time a woman would have to go at 23h. It's just not a good idea to be out on our own at that time where people drink and use drugs.
Yes I do go out at 10 pm, and on more than a few occasions stay out till closing time - 2 am.

I don't know, from the time I was very young my father taught me to be independent, confident, and able to handle myself.

I used to walk across San Francisco in the wee hours of the morning (3 am) as a 19 year old to get to work. I go on road trips by myself, all sorts of things.

I don't allow my gender to limit me - I couldn't imagine living a life where I always needed a chaperone because I was scared that I couldn't handle myself.

Maybe its the way I carry myself. Maybe its my don't even think of F'ing with me attitude. Maybe its because I grew up in a urban center full of homeless and mentally ill and learned how to handle myself. But I am 100% comfortable alone. I don't need other females, and a man with me to navigate the world.

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Old 6th October 2017, 7:15 PM   #21
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I used to go to bars by myself in NY all the time with my laptop when I was writing my book a few years back. I admit there are a lot of shady people who could make a move on ya, but it's not difficult to be sensible and careful and at the same time still enjoy yourself being a woman in NYC.



If a guy views me in a negative way bc I am sitting in a bar alone, he's not worth my time anyway. The guy I am trying to attract would not make such judgements about me.

Why succumb to social standards when you can dance out of line and swim against the tide? Nothing wrong with that
OP is not doing it on principle or because she enjoys it though, she is doing it because she thinks it will be easier to attract guys. I think the type of attention and from who is what will be in question here. It's awkward where I'm at but yes you will get attention because you're advertising for it. Not all attn is good attn though. I think she will have better luck bringing a friend or two and being more open and having fun. Maybe even approaching men herself which is going outside social norm but less so than sitting alone drinking waiting for guys to approach Jmo

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 6th October 2017 at 7:19 PM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:23 PM   #22
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OP is not doing it on principle or because she enjoys it though, she is doing it because she thinks it will be easier to attract guys. I think the type of attention and from who is what will be in question here. It's awkward where I'm at but yes you will get attention because you're advertising for it. Not all attn is good attn though. I think she will have better luck bringing a friend or two and being more open and having fun. Maybe even approaching men herself which is going outside social norm but less so than sitting alone drinking waiting for guys to approach Jmo
I am sorry but I cannot agree with you. I find it terribly painful to read how women just let themselves be objectified or judged by men around them.
I am not saying she should go to the bar in her sexiest outfit and pout her lips whilst looking around. I say, go to the bar, wear something comfortable, bring a book, and do you. Just be yourself. Don't look for attention.
That's when someone non-judgmental and genuine may show up and start a conversation. Who knows.

Life is not like a Sex in the City episode. But I know for sure that everytime I stopped trying to attract anyone, is when I met the most interesting and genuine people.
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:29 PM   #23
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If you are a street smart, secure, confident woman who doesn't mind doing be things on her own - then do it.

If you are insecure, naive, or terribly uncomfortable doing things on your own, it's probably not for you.

Gees, what do female business travelers do? Hide in their hotel room?

I was out of town for business for a few days recently, enjoyed dinners by myself, and yes some drinks in the evening.

Met an interesting guy, had a long discussion with him about his ailing cat and the right time and way for euthanasia - titillating discussion!!
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:30 PM   #24
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I used to go to bars alone a lot (music places) and the ones who approached me were usually guys too lame to just be social in a group and they also usually waited until the bar was about to close hoping I was that drunk. Instead of just setting yourself alone and waiting, because that doesn't return good results, go alone if you want (really doesn't matter) but be gregarious and don't be afraid to just smile or say hi on your way past someone to break the ice or say how you like the music or something. If you, say, were headed for the bar or ladies' room and just passed a guy you were attracted to and smiled real friendly and said hi and just kept going, he'd know he could just come up and talk to you later.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:25 PM   #25
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That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?
I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?
No!
Why? Because I don't judge.

If someone things I am a 'working girl' or 'alcoholic' if I sit in a bar alone, then let them have it. I do not need to succumb to such primitive, backward ways of thinking. This is 2017.
A girl should be able to enjoy a drink by herself.

OP, what I do sometimes is sit in a bar with a book or a magazine. I have a subscription to the Atlantic, I frequently read it whilst having a gin at my favorite local bar.

But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...
Working men....seriously? if it was a gay bar, then that would be a yes. Apples to oranges. It happened to me when I walked in alone in a club my husband's band was playing at. It wasn't a dive, it was a pretty nice place. They assumed I was "working" and I wasn't dressed like one that's for sure. I was pissed off, but it's a reality. It's the perspective of a lot of men, not what women see, it's what men will think.


Plus we are not talking about just having a drink, and reading your romance novel at a little table in the corner, the OP wants to meet men. That's a way different landscape all together. Nice girls don't go to bars alone and try to make eye contact with strange men.

It may be sexist but it is what it is. Just like sleeping with some random guy the first night you meet, will have most thinking you are easy. That won't change.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:30 PM   #26
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Nice girls don't go to bars alone and try to make eye contact with strange men.
.
Hahaha good thing I never lived my life worried about being a "nice girl" and you know, staying in my place like a nice girl would.

Nope, I love being a kick ass woman who can do and does as she pleases.

Command respect and you will get it.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:31 PM   #27
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Men are afraid to approach women alone at bars because if you talk to the wrong one you will be treated like the biggest creep in the world and accused of harassment.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:32 PM   #28
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I do whatever I please too....gets me into trouble a lot lol.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:35 PM   #29
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When I see a woman alone in a bar, I assume she is waiting for friends, or perhaps killing time. I think the idea that she might be a "prostitute" is somewhat ridiculous; it's mostly in the movies (and foreign countries) that prostitutes wait at the bar. I have never seen that in the US, and I doubt there are many people who have been to as many different bars as I have.

As a guy, I know (or I should!) most assumptions I make about a woman by herself at the bar are my own pitfall and hangups. For many, many years I enjoyed going to bars by myself. I would want my female friends and relatives to enjoy the same freedom; bars are NICE!!! It's ingrained in all of us to think "limited" thoughts about women doing "surprising" things, unfortunately, but we also must fight the urge to think that way.

Years ago I met a woman by herself at a bar during a happy hour in a commercial district of a massive city. I thought there might be some opportunity there but I wanted to not be "that guy" who hit on a woman who was perhaps just being garden-variety friendly. I always remember her because she seemed so polished and confident to be just starting a convo with a stranger in a bar. My takeaway from that was, a confident woman who makes small talk in a place where a lot of women might fear to go will be seen in a good light.

I saw Smackie's post above and I agree that there are lots of guys who might not be able to deal with a woman chatting them up at a bar, but then again.... wouldn't you want to date a man who had the huevos and maturity to deal with a woman who was doing nothing more elaborate than being a mature human in a public place?

Last edited by fiskadoro; 6th October 2017 at 8:39 PM.. Reason: additional thought
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:42 PM   #30
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This year I went for a green beer alone on St. Patty's day. I saddled up to the bar, ordered a drink and some food, tried to strike up some conversation with those around me, some were old fart regulars. I felt like I was an alien. People gave me a weird look and totally ignored me. I get along with everyone, but going in alone got that weird vibe from people. I bet money on it, if I was with a coworker, things would be different.


I will get some different opinions at work and see what others will say. I work with people of all ages so it will be interesting.
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