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Going to a bar alone to meet guys


girlinNYC

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To say I've been unlucky in love is an understatement, and that's fine, it is what it is. I'm still young so I have time to find 'the one' if he exists. For now given a relationship isn't clearly meant to be I may as well have some fun, it would add something exciting to an otherwise regimented routine life I lead.

I've only been approached by a handful of guys if I'm at a bar with friends as that can be quite intimidating for a man to approach - I get it

 

How is the idea of subtly having a drink at a bar alone and waiting for them to approach there? I will be safe etc.

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Cookiesandough

I think it sounds awkward, but maybe it's just out of my element. I don't really go to bars to meet guys, but if I was trying to, I'd definitely bring a friend. Not a group, just one female friend. Then I'd make eye contact, smile, flirt, open body language and all that. I mean if he sees signs you're interested he can even come up when she gets up to leave. But I wouldn't sit at a bar drinking by myself. That's not me

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I would go with you and see what you do give you some tips.. Going on your own today is kinda rough, but depends where your going.. Here we have a place called Duffy's more in/out doors type of sports bar. In your in NYC you have a lot of choices more than we do here. How are you dressed if you don't mine me asking you that question. But you got to be positive and yes like mentioned be happy. I am sure you done your homework from reading all our comments of what to do and when to do it and what to watch out for etc.. You can bring us with you on your cell and report back live here let us all help you whoever is on at the same time your at the bar.

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I think it sounds awkward, but maybe it's just out of my element. I don't really go to bars to meet guys, but if I was trying to, I'd definitely bring a friend. Not a group, just one female friend. Then I'd make eye contact, smile, flirt, open body language and all that. I mean if he sees signs you're interested he can even come up when she gets up to leave. But I wouldn't sit at a bar drinking by myself. That's not me

 

I agree with you on that it's not me either.. I can talk to anyone I feel I can talk with not all are approachable though. I try to read them first and see if they are the type to talk or seem interested. I do that at Walmart in produce department but not always. Sometimes waiting on the check out line also. Depends. Now I just go in buy what I need and leave.. If I see you can't reach something in one of the aisle I'll offer to help you reach it for you. Or I help you with shopping carts that are someone stuck together.

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Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

 

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.

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Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

 

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.

 

Clearly y'all don't spend alot of time at bars alone. Most guys who see a woman alone at a bar assume she is either waiting for her date or looking to hookup. They'll descend like flies on $h!t hoping it's the latter. It could be either. I've seen it play out many many times...

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Cookiesandough

I'm sure some people can pull it off, but I know I'd feel uncomfortable and if it's outside your comfort zone it's hard to look like you're having a good time. Plus, like smackie said, people draw conclusions about you when youre a femalle sitting at a bar alone and you might attract the wrong people. Do what feels natural. I say bring a friend but be more flirty and approachable

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Today women come up to the guy a the bar or shows that interest level. When I was looking I use to swim in the ocean here, and women would talk to me in the water. I feel you got to be open minded today. Women at the bar use to be called bar fly girls. She doesn't want to be considered that. Yes bring a friend with you, you shouldn't go alone today not safe.

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heavenonearth
Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

 

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.

 

That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?

I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?

No!

Why? Because I don't judge.

 

If someone things I am a 'working girl' or 'alcoholic' if I sit in a bar alone, then let them have it. I do not need to succumb to such primitive, backward ways of thinking. This is 2017.

A girl should be able to enjoy a drink by herself.

 

OP, what I do sometimes is sit in a bar with a book or a magazine. I have a subscription to the Atlantic, I frequently read it whilst having a gin at my favorite local bar.

 

But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...

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But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...

 

She is in New York. If I were an American woman I would not head to a bar on my own. The US is highly criminalized and it's almost wishing for trouble. The bars are full of rape drugs and whats not, she could be followed and attacked.

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Cookiesandough
That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?

I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?

No!

Why? Because I don't judge.

 

...

 

Most people do, though. Society has double standards... social mores exist...and it really does matter how the guys she is trying to attract view her. I mean I could feel super empowered walking about town in a tight minidress and latex thigh high boots, but people are gonna draw conclusions about me based on that and it's not always going to be good ones. In the US it's pretty unusual for a girl to sit at a bar drinking alone.

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RecentChange

I’ll go to a bar alone sometimes.

 

Usually its either after work (so I am in professional attire), or perhaps I am killing some time before meeting my husband or some friends.

 

I know they call my hometown “Man Jose” because there are so many young, professional, single men here….

 

But yes, they descend like flies. If I am in my work attire, usually I will get approached by a “suit” some other professional type and maybe we will chat about business (or our commute, or housing costs –working life in the Bay).

 

If I am dressed to “go out” – I am usually killing some time before meeting people. I’ll often do what I call “solo bar hop” grab a single cocktail before on to the next spot – and then I am more likely to get blatantly hit on – even though I don’t really sit and drink lingering for long at one place.

 

If I am waiting to order, someone may ask to buy my drink, or start up some sort of conversation. They will want to know where I am going next etc. I have been slipped business cards as a way for them to give me their number etc.

 

Keep in mind, I am married and not looking. But enjoy talking to strangers (and well, for guys, it seems like you talk to them, they are pretty sure they have a chance! Ring or not), and I am far from awkward when out by myself.

 

 

(and I am in a city of a million in the US. I am street smart and have absolutely no issue going out alone - I don't need a chaperone, but its very important not to drink too much and keep your wits about you)

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(and I am in a city of a million in the US. I am street smart and have absolutely no issue going out alone - I don't need a chaperone, but its very important not to drink too much and keep your wits about you)

 

After office hours sure, it's mostly happy hours. Would you go out on your own in a bar at 10pm?

 

I don't know about the US but where I live people starts going out to bars at 22h30 and 23h. The bars close at 4 am. To go in a bar at prime time a woman would have to go at 23h. It's just not a good idea to be out on our own at that time where people drink and use drugs.

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I usually go out alone to bars where there is good music to enjoy and I enjoy myself regardless of who I meet or don't. When there is nothing to do but drink or watch sports, I tend to get bored or self-conscious.

 

Sometimes there is unwelcome attention but most of the time I enjoy meeting new people, mostly men. They enjoy the energy I bring when I am having fun. There is a lot to filter through but high quality people are there. I have found friends, quality dates, and sex with much younger men that way.

 

There is no reason a woman should not go out on her own if she chooses the venue well and exercises common sense.

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MajesticUnicorn

Idk. I have seen women alone at bars a lot. I myself do the same when I’m travelling. I don’t think it’s weird or taboo. Sure maybe a bit risky, but as long as you do your research and stay in a safe part of town, arrange your rides ahead of time, etc. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

 

I find that I am approached much more when I am by myself or just with one another friend as opposed to when I go out in a group. I suppose it’s easier for guys to approach you that way.

 

I say go for it. As long as you’re safe there’s nothing wrong with being an independent lady and enjoying a drink on your own!

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Go with a friend and buy someone a drink if you think they're cute.

 

I mean if men can do it why can't we?

 

But I don't think going to a bar alone is a good idea. For either gender. It just sounds like a bad time to me to be sitting there all alone when everyone around you is in a group.

 

Although sometimes you can be in a crowded place and still feel lonely even if you're with people you know. Maybe the trick is to send the free drink to THAT person.

 

Good luck!

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It's NYC. A woman alone at a bar is not an unusual sight. Depending on the bar & how much you have had to drink, it's not even unsafe

 

Scout out a good place. Become somewhat of a regular. Limit yourself two 2 drinks & you should be just fine

 

Also think about how you act & your overall body language when out with your friends in a group. If you are clustered together, nobody can penetrate the circle. However if you show up together, have 1 drink then disperse through the venue but checking back periodically smiling & being open to talk to people you may improve your odds.

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heavenonearth
She is in New York. If I were an American woman I would not head to a bar on my own. The US is highly criminalized and it's almost wishing for trouble. The bars are full of rape drugs and whats not, she could be followed and attacked.

 

I used to go to bars by myself in NY all the time with my laptop when I was writing my book a few years back. I admit there are a lot of shady people who could make a move on ya, but it's not difficult to be sensible and careful and at the same time still enjoy yourself being a woman in NYC.

 

Most people do, though. Society has double standards... social mores exist...and it really does matter how the guys she is trying to attract view her. I mean I could feel super empowered walking about town in a tight minidress and latex thigh high boots, but people are gonna draw conclusions about me based on that and it's not always going to be good ones. In the US it's pretty unusual for a girl to sit at a bar drinking alone.

 

If a guy views me in a negative way bc I am sitting in a bar alone, he's not worth my time anyway. The guy I am trying to attract would not make such judgements about me. :laugh::bunny:

 

Why succumb to social standards when you can dance out of line and swim against the tide? Nothing wrong with that :)

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RecentChange
After office hours sure, it's mostly happy hours. Would you go out on your own in a bar at 10pm?

 

I don't know about the US but where I live people starts going out to bars at 22h30 and 23h. The bars close at 4 am. To go in a bar at prime time a woman would have to go at 23h. It's just not a good idea to be out on our own at that time where people drink and use drugs.

 

Yes I do go out at 10 pm, and on more than a few occasions stay out till closing time - 2 am.

 

I don't know, from the time I was very young my father taught me to be independent, confident, and able to handle myself.

 

I used to walk across San Francisco in the wee hours of the morning (3 am) as a 19 year old to get to work. I go on road trips by myself, all sorts of things.

 

I don't allow my gender to limit me - I couldn't imagine living a life where I always needed a chaperone because I was scared that I couldn't handle myself.

 

Maybe its the way I carry myself. Maybe its my don't even think of F'ing with me attitude. Maybe its because I grew up in a urban center full of homeless and mentally ill and learned how to handle myself. But I am 100% comfortable alone. I don't need other females, and a man with me to navigate the world.

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Cookiesandough
I used to go to bars by myself in NY all the time with my laptop when I was writing my book a few years back. I admit there are a lot of shady people who could make a move on ya, but it's not difficult to be sensible and careful and at the same time still enjoy yourself being a woman in NYC.

 

 

 

If a guy views me in a negative way bc I am sitting in a bar alone, he's not worth my time anyway. The guy I am trying to attract would not make such judgements about me. :laugh::bunny:

 

Why succumb to social standards when you can dance out of line and swim against the tide? Nothing wrong with that :)

OP is not doing it on principle or because she enjoys it though, she is doing it because she thinks it will be easier to attract guys. I think the type of attention and from who is what will be in question here. It's awkward where I'm at but yes you will get attention because you're advertising for it. Not all attn is good attn though. I think she will have better luck bringing a friend or two and being more open and having fun. Maybe even approaching men herself which is going outside social norm but less so than sitting alone drinking waiting for guys to approach Jmo

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heavenonearth
OP is not doing it on principle or because she enjoys it though, she is doing it because she thinks it will be easier to attract guys. I think the type of attention and from who is what will be in question here. It's awkward where I'm at but yes you will get attention because you're advertising for it. Not all attn is good attn though. I think she will have better luck bringing a friend or two and being more open and having fun. Maybe even approaching men herself which is going outside social norm but less so than sitting alone drinking waiting for guys to approach Jmo

 

I am sorry but I cannot agree with you. I find it terribly painful to read how women just let themselves be objectified or judged by men around them.

I am not saying she should go to the bar in her sexiest outfit and pout her lips whilst looking around. I say, go to the bar, wear something comfortable, bring a book, and do you. Just be yourself. Don't look for attention.

That's when someone non-judgmental and genuine may show up and start a conversation. Who knows.

 

Life is not like a Sex in the City episode. But I know for sure that everytime I stopped trying to attract anyone, is when I met the most interesting and genuine people.

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RecentChange

If you are a street smart, secure, confident woman who doesn't mind doing be things on her own - then do it.

 

If you are insecure, naive, or terribly uncomfortable doing things on your own, it's probably not for you.

 

Gees, what do female business travelers do? Hide in their hotel room?

 

I was out of town for business for a few days recently, enjoyed dinners by myself, and yes some drinks in the evening.

 

Met an interesting guy, had a long discussion with him about his ailing cat and the right time and way for euthanasia - titillating discussion!! :laugh:

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I used to go to bars alone a lot (music places) and the ones who approached me were usually guys too lame to just be social in a group and they also usually waited until the bar was about to close hoping I was that drunk. Instead of just setting yourself alone and waiting, because that doesn't return good results, go alone if you want (really doesn't matter) but be gregarious and don't be afraid to just smile or say hi on your way past someone to break the ice or say how you like the music or something. If you, say, were headed for the bar or ladies' room and just passed a guy you were attracted to and smiled real friendly and said hi and just kept going, he'd know he could just come up and talk to you later.

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That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?

I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?

No!

Why? Because I don't judge.

 

If someone things I am a 'working girl' or 'alcoholic' if I sit in a bar alone, then let them have it. I do not need to succumb to such primitive, backward ways of thinking. This is 2017.

A girl should be able to enjoy a drink by herself.

 

OP, what I do sometimes is sit in a bar with a book or a magazine. I have a subscription to the Atlantic, I frequently read it whilst having a gin at my favorite local bar.

 

But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...

Working men....seriously? if it was a gay bar, then that would be a yes. Apples to oranges. It happened to me when I walked in alone in a club my husband's band was playing at. It wasn't a dive, it was a pretty nice place. They assumed I was "working" and I wasn't dressed like one that's for sure. I was pissed off, but it's a reality. It's the perspective of a lot of men, not what women see, it's what men will think.

 

 

Plus we are not talking about just having a drink, and reading your romance novel at a little table in the corner, the OP wants to meet men. That's a way different landscape all together. Nice girls don't go to bars alone and try to make eye contact with strange men.

 

It may be sexist but it is what it is. Just like sleeping with some random guy the first night you meet, will have most thinking you are easy. That won't change.

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