LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Going to a bar alone to meet guys


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree85Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 6th October 2017, 3:30 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 222
Going to a bar alone to meet guys

To say I've been unlucky in love is an understatement, and that's fine, it is what it is. I'm still young so I have time to find 'the one' if he exists. For now given a relationship isn't clearly meant to be I may as well have some fun, it would add something exciting to an otherwise regimented routine life I lead.
I've only been approached by a handful of guys if I'm at a bar with friends as that can be quite intimidating for a man to approach - I get it

How is the idea of subtly having a drink at a bar alone and waiting for them to approach there? I will be safe etc.
girlinNYC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:03 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 267
Go for it and have fun!
I'm sure many guys will approach you when you're alone and look happy and approachable 😊
soyou is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:18 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 3,525
I think it sounds awkward, but maybe it's just out of my element. I don't really go to bars to meet guys, but if I was trying to, I'd definitely bring a friend. Not a group, just one female friend. Then I'd make eye contact, smile, flirt, open body language and all that. I mean if he sees signs you're interested he can even come up when she gets up to leave. But I wouldn't sit at a bar drinking by myself. That's not me
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:19 PM   #4
Established Member
 
coolheadal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,853
I would go with you and see what you do give you some tips.. Going on your own today is kinda rough, but depends where your going.. Here we have a place called Duffy's more in/out doors type of sports bar. In your in NYC you have a lot of choices more than we do here. How are you dressed if you don't mine me asking you that question. But you got to be positive and yes like mentioned be happy. I am sure you done your homework from reading all our comments of what to do and when to do it and what to watch out for etc.. You can bring us with you on your cell and report back live here let us all help you whoever is on at the same time your at the bar.
__________________
Age doesn't matter, but Love does matter! Which love it's the magical one "I love you" also I am in love with you" More powerful than anyone age! If you really love that person you are so interested in you would move heavens and mountains to reach them!'
coolheadal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:22 PM   #5
Established Member
 
coolheadal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,853
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I think it sounds awkward, but maybe it's just out of my element. I don't really go to bars to meet guys, but if I was trying to, I'd definitely bring a friend. Not a group, just one female friend. Then I'd make eye contact, smile, flirt, open body language and all that. I mean if he sees signs you're interested he can even come up when she gets up to leave. But I wouldn't sit at a bar drinking by myself. That's not me
I agree with you on that it's not me either.. I can talk to anyone I feel I can talk with not all are approachable though. I try to read them first and see if they are the type to talk or seem interested. I do that at Walmart in produce department but not always. Sometimes waiting on the check out line also. Depends. Now I just go in buy what I need and leave.. If I see you can't reach something in one of the aisle I'll offer to help you reach it for you. Or I help you with shopping carts that are someone stuck together.
coolheadal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:24 PM   #6
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 11,586
Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:28 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,055
Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.
Clearly y'all don't spend alot of time at bars alone. Most guys who see a woman alone at a bar assume she is either waiting for her date or looking to hookup. They'll descend like flies on $h!t hoping it's the latter. It could be either. I've seen it play out many many times...
__________________
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
CryForNoOne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:30 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 3,525
I'm sure some people can pull it off, but I know I'd feel uncomfortable and if it's outside your comfort zone it's hard to look like you're having a good time. Plus, like smackie said, people draw conclusions about you when youre a femalle sitting at a bar alone and you might attract the wrong people. Do what feels natural. I say bring a friend but be more flirty and approachable
smackie9 likes this.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 6th October 2017 at 4:35 PM..
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:35 PM   #9
Established Member
 
coolheadal's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,853
Today women come up to the guy a the bar or shows that interest level. When I was looking I use to swim in the ocean here, and women would talk to me in the water. I feel you got to be open minded today. Women at the bar use to be called bar fly girls. She doesn't want to be considered that. Yes bring a friend with you, you shouldn't go alone today not safe.
smackie9 likes this.
coolheadal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 4:55 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 405
Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
Totally awkward. A woman.....sitting alone.....a guy is going to wonder if you are a workin gal, an alcoholic, desperate for someone, attention........

You are more approachable if you are with one, not a group. Find a wing man and have fun.
That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?
I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?
No!
Why? Because I don't judge.

If someone things I am a 'working girl' or 'alcoholic' if I sit in a bar alone, then let them have it. I do not need to succumb to such primitive, backward ways of thinking. This is 2017.
A girl should be able to enjoy a drink by herself.

OP, what I do sometimes is sit in a bar with a book or a magazine. I have a subscription to the Atlantic, I frequently read it whilst having a gin at my favorite local bar.

But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 5:06 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,371
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post

But here in Western Europe, a woman sitting alone in a bar enjoying her solitude, is not an uncommon thing...
She is in New York. If I were an American woman I would not head to a bar on my own. The US is highly criminalized and it's almost wishing for trouble. The bars are full of rape drugs and whats not, she could be followed and attacked.
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 5:17 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 3,525
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
That's cliche sexist way of thinking, no?
I always see men sitting alone in bars, do I assume they are 'working men'?
No!
Why? Because I don't judge.

...
Most people do, though. Society has double standards... social mores exist...and it really does matter how the guys she is trying to attract view her. I mean I could feel super empowered walking about town in a tight minidress and latex thigh high boots, but people are gonna draw conclusions about me based on that and it's not always going to be good ones. In the US it's pretty unusual for a girl to sit at a bar drinking alone.
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 5:18 PM   #13
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,716
I’ll go to a bar alone sometimes.

Usually its either after work (so I am in professional attire), or perhaps I am killing some time before meeting my husband or some friends.

I know they call my hometown “Man Jose” because there are so many young, professional, single men here….

But yes, they descend like flies. If I am in my work attire, usually I will get approached by a “suit” some other professional type and maybe we will chat about business (or our commute, or housing costs –working life in the Bay).

If I am dressed to “go out” – I am usually killing some time before meeting people. I’ll often do what I call “solo bar hop” grab a single cocktail before on to the next spot – and then I am more likely to get blatantly hit on – even though I don’t really sit and drink lingering for long at one place.

If I am waiting to order, someone may ask to buy my drink, or start up some sort of conversation. They will want to know where I am going next etc. I have been slipped business cards as a way for them to give me their number etc.

Keep in mind, I am married and not looking. But enjoy talking to strangers (and well, for guys, it seems like you talk to them, they are pretty sure they have a chance! Ring or not), and I am far from awkward when out by myself.


(and I am in a city of a million in the US. I am street smart and have absolutely no issue going out alone - I don't need a chaperone, but its very important not to drink too much and keep your wits about you)
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 5:23 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 14,371
Quote:
Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
(and I am in a city of a million in the US. I am street smart and have absolutely no issue going out alone - I don't need a chaperone, but its very important not to drink too much and keep your wits about you)
After office hours sure, it's mostly happy hours. Would you go out on your own in a bar at 10pm?

I don't know about the US but where I live people starts going out to bars at 22h30 and 23h. The bars close at 4 am. To go in a bar at prime time a woman would have to go at 23h. It's just not a good idea to be out on our own at that time where people drink and use drugs.
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 5:36 PM   #15
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1
I usually go out alone to bars where there is good music to enjoy and I enjoy myself regardless of who I meet or don't. When there is nothing to do but drink or watch sports, I tend to get bored or self-conscious.

Sometimes there is unwelcome attention but most of the time I enjoy meeting new people, mostly men. They enjoy the energy I bring when I am having fun. There is a lot to filter through but high quality people are there. I have found friends, quality dates, and sex with much younger men that way.

There is no reason a woman should not go out on her own if she chooses the venue well and exercises common sense.
HawkRider is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is it wrong of my parents to not allow me to meet up with guys that I meet online? makeuploverxo Dating 6 25th September 2016 8:54 PM
Where does one meet guys? coffeeloverx Dating 1 29th June 2012 1:09 AM
Where to meet guys? Sugarkane Dating 1 29th October 2011 5:39 AM
Ex wants to meet up, think I'm going to go for it... I need you guys Rose T Second Chances 28 6th March 2011 1:16 PM
How do I meet guys in their mid 20s? KittenMoon In Search Of... 59 5th April 2006 10:58 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:37 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.