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Deactivating Dating Profile/Still Online


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  • 3 Post By Mike B.
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:49 PM   #1
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Deactivating Dating Profile/Still Online

Hi all,

I've been dating this great guy for a little over a month now we usually see each other a couple times a week, I've met his family and one of his best friends. We've also talked about travel together next year and have made sure our long term plans are aligned. Things have been going pretty well, but we both have some trust issues. About three weeks ago, I decided to hide my match.com profile and let him know. At the time, he told me that he really liked where things are going but wants to take things slow as we've both been burned in the past. We left it at that, but I did notice he hid his profile a few days later, and it was never brought up again.

Last night, he randomly told me "btw I cancelled the whole match thing today. It took me a while to do it, but I finally figured it out. It's not deleted deleted until november but I put it to cancel". I told him it meant something to me that he did that. He fell asleep and then this morning sent me a screenshot of the cancellation verification. So I logged in to make sure mine was off autopsy and set to deactivate after my subscription expired and I noticed that he was visible and online. It basically sent me into a panic, and I thanksef him for doing it but said "I just logged in to mine to make sure that it's set up to cancel as well and it flagged you as active and online :/ I don't know if it unhides your profile when you deactivate. I know match is kinda shady like that" and he told me "It did. Thatís why it says you are active until nov. I was trying to cancel without charging me nov ". And I told him "Yeah. I think I had to go back and re hide my profile after deactivating it so that it wouldn't remain active. Sorry, I hope you don't think I'm being stupid about this. I just had an ex that I met online and we agreed to delete our profiles and be exclusive and I thought he did until he was showing me something on his phone and a message notification came though and it turned out he was talking to other women. I trust you, it's just something that I'm really sensitive about" and he told me "Nah but Iím not your ex lol I just did that without a conversation. Lol. I told you I had been wanting to figure out how to delete it for a while". I felt I needed to explain myself so I told him "Yeah I know you aren't. And I really appreciate you doing it I guess it just caught me off guard and brought up some previous issues when I logged in and saw that you were still active and online. I really do see a future for us, and hope (and think) you do as well, it just made me nervous. I don't know, I guess it would just put some of my issues to rest if you hid your profile again until it deactivates in November." and he changed the subject. I checked after and his profile is still visible.


Do you guys think I am overreacting? I really like him but am also terrified of getting played. He's earned my trust until this point, but I've just had bad experiences in the past that are making me worry a lot.

Sorry this is so long and thanks for the help in advance!
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:58 PM   #2
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It doesn't take an OLD account for you to get played.

Relationships often take leaps of faith and you have to take a leap of faith and trust him. If you can't trust him, you will torture your mind like you are now. If you can't trust someone, you should never agree to be in a relationship with that person.

These OLD sites often misuse people's profiles and make it seem active even when they are not. Dating sites do this to keep customers happy but then the customers wonder why people never respond back. A lot are old, inactive accounts.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:05 PM   #3
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IMO if he really want to keep his options open he would have a different profile you didn't know about. He's well aware you are checking up on him so it would be hard to pull the wool over your eyes....he's no dummy. I don't think he is too concerned about it.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:10 PM   #4
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Once you two where going together he should have removed or disabled his account. You have see him out for who he is. Still wants to take things slow so he can still check out the action without you know it. He can block or hide you. You'll never know what he's up too online. Trust has to be earned! You should be worried not to get played. If he didn't want to take things slow you wouldn't be here. If I was you put your profile back up and start looking too. He clearly still active on that OLD you should be too. Until you two are exclusive and living together I wouldn't pull down any profile as yet. Again you don't know what's he's up too 24/7 if you don't live with him yet in the same house. Men Players like to play with other females or even females play other men. Don't be his woman on the side so he can date/fornicate with other women while you wait for him to come over and date you. My dear you need to be smart and watchful of him and his sneaky ways online. Not a good sign for long-term relationship is it.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:11 PM   #5
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IMO if he really want to keep his options open he would have a different profile you didn't know about. He's well aware you are checking up on him so it would be hard to pull the wool over your eyes....he's no dummy. I don't think he is too concerned about it.
I agree with this!
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:18 PM   #6
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You're over reacting.

Also just delete your darn profile. So what you paid till November, just delete it permanently!! I am sure he's worth losing a couple of dollars.!

People are in relationships but leave their profile up because they paid for 2-3 months and don't want to lose money. I don't get that! Show a real investment and delete it.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:39 PM   #7
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Thanks for the input guys. He's very honest and blunt, so I don't think he would lie. And he also told me last weekend that he's starting to fall for me "like in the L word" he said which scares him a little.

I don't know if you know about match specifically, but basically when you deactivate it you still have to pay for the original length of time you specified when you bought it. I did the same thing to my profile, I just hid it so I wouldn't be visible and people couldn't contact me.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:49 PM   #8
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Thanks for the input guys. He's very honest and blunt, so I don't think he would lie. And he also told me last weekend that he's starting to fall for me "like in the L word" he said which scares him a little.

I don't know if you know about match specifically, but basically when you deactivate it you still have to pay for the original length of time you specified when you bought it. I did the same thing to my profile, I just hid it so I wouldn't be visible and people couldn't contact me.
I don't pay for OLD, I use to pay for a matchmaker when I wasn't too sure when I was younger. I did get back my $300 invested when I had learned that all the women matches were faked!

So he said the "L" or just sounded like he was going to burp it out of his mouth? My dear you need to wake-up from this dream and see him for who he is really. I am sure you can have your cake (him) and still be active on match try out new pies (men) and see what he does also. Because don't be the one on the fence while he's on the other side of the fence have some extra fun without you. Trust is hard to earn today my dear.. Just keep looking and see what he does next or just forget and push away from him. It's hard to do and easy for us to say that to you. In the end it's your move to make!
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:58 PM   #9
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Thanks for the input guys. He's very honest and blunt, so I don't think he would lie. And he also told me last weekend that he's starting to fall for me "like in the L word" he said which scares him a little.
CLASSIC. Not saying any of this is BS, just saying that players also say the same things or come across as such.

How did you determine that he was very honest and blunt in such a short time that he would be incapable of lying? If something is amiss, then likely it is. Don't place so much trust in someone you just met. Be cautious, but don't allow words overshadow your rational side.
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Old 6th October 2017, 2:36 PM   #10
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Thanks for the input guys. He's very honest and blunt, so I don't think he would lie. And he also told me last weekend that he's starting to fall for me "like in the L word" he said which scares him a little.
Let me guess, he's recently out of a relationship?
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Old 6th October 2017, 2:43 PM   #11
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He's told me things before that I didn't necessarily want to hear. He's always been up front with me. And we had both been drinking a bit before he said that he was falling for me...I don't know that he would've come out and said it if he was completely sober.

His last relationship ended about 6 months ago (it was 3.5 years long) and I know he has had a series of long term relationships. I don't really think that he's a player
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Old 6th October 2017, 2:47 PM   #12
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His last relationship ended about 6 months ago (it was 3.5 years long) and I know he has had a series of long term relationships. I don't really think that he's a player
You need to keep your feet on the ground with this one. A man getting carried away with his feelings is typical of a man on the rebound. Six months out of a 3,5 year relationship isn't much. When I was dating I made a point of not getting involved with men at least single for a full year to 2 years.
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Old 6th October 2017, 7:45 PM   #13
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I say to quit living in the future with him and put on some emotional brakes. You're already getting "ex-triggered" and you've barely known this guy a month.
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