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Third wheel on second date.


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Old 6th October 2017, 11:33 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
If I had to entertain a guest from out of town, I would postpone the date with the guy from okcupid, if only for the comfort of the friend. It can be awkward to some to be third wheel, especially another MAN? Especially since they're going to dinner after?!?


I mean a date with a guy I just met from okcupid is not that important it can't wait a day or week
I hear what all the other ladies are saying about wanting to bring a friend to not be alone etc... I get all that. The odd part is even saying yes and bringing a guy. So I totally agree with you. But I think it would have been even worse to rescind the offer after she asked to bring her friend...
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:39 AM   #17
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I was editing my post but it didn't get saved.

For the cue part, not saying this woman didn't want to kiss you, but a ride to your car/home is just not an obvious cue.

I wanted to add that I agree that there is nothing wrong with her wanting to bring the guy to your gig so she has company / entertains her friend.
It sounds like she must be into you to do that.
I understand it's not optimal to have her bring a friend like that, but think about her position, alone at a concert and you have all of YOUR band mates there.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:46 AM   #18
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Yeah, it's just a really bad idea for a second date. I was invited to one of these on a first date and I left. You don't get to know her that way and it puts her in an awkward position. She has to bring someone then ditch them when you're done. I can see that being more reasonable later in the rship but I think this date sounds really awkward for everyone involved. Maybe it'll be cool though
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:46 AM   #19
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I know. So I made it clear that I wanted to have dinner or drinks with her after. I guess I create a slightly awkward situation and she made it even more awkward. Maybe it'll work out great...
Yeah, I agree. I strongly believe in and practice building momentum in the early stages of dating. For example, if I make out with someone on the first date, I have to do it on the second date and get further than the first time we made out. You probably are not going to get a chance to make out with her on this second meeting and she is bringing a male friend. Uncle Mike thinks you should make up for it on the third meeting. ;-)

Also, do we really need a cue to make out? I say just go for it. I have yet to have been punched in the gut or slapped for going in for the make-out. The worse I have ever gotten was 21 years ago after when Monica and I was sitting on my day bed back in college. She simply dodged my kiss and said "no." Everyone else would at least let me peck them on the lips but Monica didn't even go for the peck.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:50 AM   #20
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Agree with all of the above.

Also, I remember offering to drop a guy off at his place who lived just a few blocks from where we met up for a drink.
I thought it was the nice thing to do though I knew I never wanted to see him again.
He thought this was a good sign and went for the kiss.
OK I get that but I'm not your typical dude who thinks every twirl of the hair means f**k me. Context is very important here. We met also met up for a drink but it turned into 5 hours. So that's a huge difference from your situation. I'm the one who finally said I was fading and asked to go home. In that context, it was very clear signal to me and I went for it and was correct.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:53 AM   #21
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OK I get that but I'm not your typical dude who thinks every twirl of the hair means f**k me. Context is very important here. We met also met up for a drink but it turned into 5 hours. So that's a huge difference from your situation. I'm the one who finally said I was fading and asked to go home. In that context, it was very clear signal to me and I went for it and was correct.
I think that her spending five hours with you and seemingly enjoying her time with you was the cue, not the offer to drive
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:56 AM   #22
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I think that her spending five hours with you and seemingly enjoying her time with you was the cue, not the offer to drive
Fair enough. I was going for a kiss no matter what after 5 hours. I think my point is, if I just walked her to her car, I go for a short french kiss. She invites me in the car and I went for full make out...
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:10 PM   #23
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For some reason, people seem really interested about the detail about "being an obvious cue for a make-out session" As a guy, I say well-played. You made a move and she was interested. And if she weren't interested, OP you seem socially intelligent (going by your other threads) to read that fast and handle that smoothly too. (A girl letting you in her car is I also think a big sign that there is some attraction and trust.)

This is a tough one. It is odd that she asked if her friend could come with her to a second date, and even more so that her friend is a guy. But as the others said, I'm not sure if you asking to come watch you play for part of a second date was great either though--I mean, it's a couple hours that she is on the date "by herself" so bringing her friend seems all too natural on her side. So I don't think it's really a red flag on her part.

Changing plans does sound awkward. Go through with the evening, suss out the dynamics between her and her friend. But if there is a third date, make it one-on-one.
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:18 PM   #24
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Well a lot of guys are so frigid or passive these days, I asked because I thought he saw a cue and passed it up.
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:55 PM   #25
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What i want to know is how both OP and the first responder to OP managed to both misuse the word "cue" in different ways. Education fail.
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Old 6th October 2017, 12:58 PM   #26
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It's more a voice dictation and proofread fail. I loveshack on my phone. Don't be so pedantic.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:43 PM   #27
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What i want to know is how both OP and the first responder to OP managed to both misuse the word "cue" in different ways. Education fail.
Ya whatever dude. I have an engineering degree from a top 20 school...
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:59 PM   #28
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I know. So I made it clear that I wanted to have dinner or drinks with her after. I guess I create a slightly awkward situation and she made it even more awkward. Maybe it'll work out great...
You know a lot I see about dating here all the excuses and what they really mean but this one with the friend from out of town you know what that means. Also why did you agree with her to take him out as well? Your going to spend your money on the guy friend as well? Boy it best not be some sort of 3 some ordeal. Just don't know today. Your smart be smarted and decline that request to bring the guy friend with you. He can stay at her place, that sounds odd to say.. What could she be up to with him? Did you ask her if he was just a friend, more than friends, her playmate or fornicate buddy? I would find out before taking her out on a second date with her so called guy friend from out of town?
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Old 6th October 2017, 2:02 PM   #29
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Ya whatever dude. I have an engineering degree from a top 20 school...
Wow, really. That's impressive!! I studied mechanical engineering for a year then I was like **** this. Physics is too hard for me. xD But yeah cue, que, queue, q, does it make a difference? We got each other lol
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Old 6th October 2017, 2:03 PM   #30
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We met for drinks at 6:30 and that turned into dinner, more drinks, walking to another bar for a nightcap until 11:30....
alcohol clouds your judgement...meet for coffee instead
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