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Online dating becoming obsolete?


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Old 6th October 2017, 1:15 AM   #1
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Online dating becoming obsolete?

Just wondering what other peoples take is on OLD...

So I've been doing the whole OLD thing since I was a freshman in college (10 years ago)...during its infancy it was so easy to get dates, people seemed genuinely interested in getting so know each other, easy to get dates, but it seems like in the last 2-3 years I've had practically zero luck. My pictures are all up to date, and I get a TON of matches and also messages from women (they usually initiate), but after sending a message back to them I never hear back from them, and if actually do hit it off with them over these OLD sites there are always a million excuses why they can't get together for a date (work, too tired, going out of town, you name it)..I feel like people are almost collecting matches just to make themselves feel better. 9/10 times they even give me their phone numbers but even then, they never actually want to meet up which is mind boggling especially after talking for weeks-it's like they just want a texting buddy. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to for 3-4 weeks that keep making excuses, and again I must stress they are the ones they keep messaging me. Oh and I get a billion selfies from people that seem to have no intention of meeting. It's annoying.

My question is, has anyone else noticed this happening over time? What's the deal? OLD is becoming so lame in my eyes..ever since Tinder and Bumble became big it just seems like no one takes it serious and is a huge waste of time.

This is by no means a vent post, this is a legit question I have..it's like night and day compared to the past. Lol
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:21 AM   #2
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I saw a news report a few weeks back saying that meeting people in real life has now become the most popular way to find a date and has overtaken OLD.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:34 AM   #3
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First of all, 10 years ago was not the infancy of OLD. Way back in the mid 90's anybody who was on AIM, ICG, etc... knows what "ASL" means...

Anyway, I think OLD has simply gotten more competitive as it has become more mainstream. It is by no means obsolete. I only get messaged by women I'd never go out with and I almost never reply. So I'm wondering how you get messaged by all these women you want to go out with. And how are you unable to close??? I think you're first mistake is chatting 3-4 weeks. I would never ever chat more than a few days. I usually ask them out same day. It's a quick and effective way to weed out all the cat fishers, time wasters, and pen pals. I've personally gotten numbers and selfies from several women who then instantly vaporize. It's not mind boggling to me. It means they were interested but then something better (i.e. dude they were more interested in) came along. Get a thicker skin. I just got a date on Thursday, one on Sunday, two on Tuesday, and another tonight - all from about 2 hours of messaging about a week ago.

Another thing you need to realize is that college years are the peak years for hookups and meeting members of the opposite sex. It'll never be as good as it was then (unless you were the unfortunate virgin til 25). So part of what you are experiencing is just the gradually increasing difficulty of meeting single attractive people who are interested in dating...
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:40 AM   #4
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ive got dates with 4 hot guys lined up from OLD and that's just from being on for like a half hour yesterday so I don't know what you're saying. I like OLD. Laziest way to date ever.
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:41 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by CryForNoOne View Post
First of all, 10 years ago was not the infancy of OLD. Way back in the mid 90's anybody who was on AIM, ICG, etc... knows what "ASL" means...

Anyway, I think OLD has simply gotten more competitive as it has become more mainstream. It is by no means obsolete. I only get messaged by women I'd never go out with and I almost never reply. So I'm wondering how you get messaged by all these women you want to go out with. And how are you unable to close??? I think you're first mistake is chatting 3-4 weeks. I would never ever chat more than a few days. I usually ask them out same day. It's a quick and effective way to weed out all the cat fishers, time wasters, and pen pals. I've personally gotten numbers and selfies from several women who then instantly vaporize. It's not mind boggling to me. It means they were interested but then something better (i.e. dude they were more interested in) came along. Get a thicker skin. I just got a date on Thursday, one on Sunday, two on Tuesday, and another tonight - all from about 2 hours of messaging about a week ago.

Another thing you need to realize is that college years are the peak years for hookups and meeting members of the opposite sex. It'll never be as good as it was then (unless you were the unfortunate virgin til 25). So part of what you are experiencing is just the gradually increasing difficulty of meeting single attractive people who are interested in dating...

I completely agree with what you're saying in regards to dating becoming much more difficult as you get older...that's definitely true. I feel like I do generally try to weed the people out that aren't serious though. I usually ask them out the same day we start chatting and they say "can't but here's my number, I'm def free next week" then chat more and the excuses keep coming.. they keep messaging me yet they never want to hang out! It's really strange. Maybe I'm just on some horrible bad streak that will pass over time...it's so frustrating getting bombarded with calls/texts from people not interested in actually getting together. Anyways thanks for your prospective. Maybe I need to up my game or something lol?
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:46 AM   #6
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some people are just on these dating apps for attention alot leave the instagram in hopes randoms follow them then there people who have zero intention of meeting anyone they will just chat back and forth like a text buddy or something aint nobody got time for that .

if they dodge trying to meet in person i would just write them off already have enough friends lol
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:49 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Mjm1014 View Post
I completely agree with what you're saying in regards to dating becoming much more difficult as you get older...that's definitely true. I feel like I do generally try to weed the people out that aren't serious though. I usually ask them out the same day we start chatting and they say "can't but here's my number, I'm def free next week" then chat more and the excuses keep coming.. they keep messaging me yet they never want to hang out! It's really strange. Maybe I'm just on some horrible bad streak that will pass over time...it's so frustrating getting bombarded with calls/texts from people not interested in actually getting together. Anyways thanks for your prospective. Maybe I need to up my game or something lol?


Is there a reason why you'd ask them out the same day you start chatting? Even if you're just looking for a hook up, I can't imagine anyone going for that unless they were thirsty...literally or figuratively. They probably have plans they don't want to switch up for a stranger they just met online.

If they give you their number and say next week. You arrange a date next week and if they flake you next them, period. It's not frustrating at all if you block/delete them and move on from people who just want to waste your time. They will string you along as long as possible for attention and something to pass time.
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:56 AM   #8
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ive got dates with 4 hot guys lined up from OLD and that's just from being on for like a half hour yesterday so I don't know what you're saying. I like OLD. Laziest way to date ever.
That's the problem with OLD. You've set up 4 dates with pictures of people who may or may not be like that in real life. You've already started creating a persona of that person in your head that could be completely wrong. Now the person needs to live up to that image you've created when you do meet. OLD may be easier but meeting them in real life right from the start is the best way to go imo.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:01 AM   #9
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The dynamic of OLD has changed over the last twenty years which is making it frustrating at times but I wouldn't say that it's obsolete. I met my first serious girlfriend when I was a sophomore in high school and it was over AOL. It was simpler back then; meet someone in a chat room, hit them up privately, set up a date and you were good to go.

But, the OLD process has changed significantly as technology has evolved. Now, women have to fumble through dozens upon dozens of messages to meet someone and guys have to send out those dozens upon dozens of messages. And, the convenience of OLD allows really puts an element of competition in the mix which has it's upsides and it's downsides.

Here's the bottom line with OLD; folks need a thick skin if they're going to use it. I got bored recently and reopened my POF account. I fired off a few messages, got a few responses and met one woman who wanted to talked about meeting up for a date within the first few days and even wanted to add me on Facebook. But, her texts have become fewer and further between, she's on the app all the time, and she hasn't confirmed the date we talked about for this weekend. The few texts I do get from her are flirty in nature so either a) she's busy or b)she's met someone else via the app but is keeping me hanging on with a text here and there as a back-up. I'm not upset about any of this as it's the nature of OLD. If I don't hear back from her about the date today, then I'll just make other plans for tomorrow.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:07 AM   #10
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It takes a lot of excitement out of dating and makes people not have to try so hard because if plan A doesn't work there is plan B C D E F G and H

And that's just for this weekend
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:12 AM   #11
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Quote:
So I've been doing the whole OLD thing since I was a freshman in college (10 years ago)...during its infancy it was so easy to get dates, people seemed genuinely interested in getting so know each other, easy to get dates, but it seems like in the last 2-3 years I've had practically zero luck. My pictures are all up to date, and I get a TON of matches and also messages from women (they usually initiate), but after sending a message back to them I never hear back from them, and if actually do hit it off with them over these OLD sites there are always a million excuses why they can't get together for a date (work, too tired, going out of town, you name it)..I feel like people are almost collecting matches just to make themselves feel better. 9/10 times they even give me their phone numbers but even then, they never actually want to meet up which is mind boggling especially after talking for weeks-it's like they just want a texting buddy. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to for 3-4 weeks that keep making excuses, and again I must stress they are the ones they keep messaging me. Oh and I get a billion selfies from people that seem to have no intention of meeting. It's annoying.
The bolded above is your problem. You're spending way too much time texting/messaging. By the end of the first week of talking to them, you should have had a first meeting. Letting this go on 3-4 weeks is investing in an artificial construct.

If they don't want to meet, then you cut them off, block them and move on; but you don't invest that kind of time an anyone unless you just want a pen pal.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:20 AM   #12
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OP, as a guy you can't expect quality women to message you unless youre exceptionally attractive. You need to do the chasing online.

As an older guy, I find OLD a bit depressing. Compared to the type of women I can meet and date in real life, it's a very poor substitute.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:29 AM   #13
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I think OLD is horrid.

The types of women I see on there are NOT the same types of women you see out, socializing.

Women with horrible pictures taken in their bedrooms. Fuzzy, blurry pictures. Weird 'about me' sections with things like "NO DRAMA!! IF YOUR CRAZY KEEP AWAY!" or "ask me xxxxxxx" - It is infuriating.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:45 AM   #14
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OLDing is too easy to become obsolete. Years ago I struggled but nowadays I'm shocked at how easy getting a date is. Of course there are plenty who are just after seeing how many matches they can get, and lets face it when that cute girl of guy matches you its always an ego boost.

So I've learned that you ask out right away after say 6-12 messages. I'd say for 80% of women its a breath of fresh are to get asked out and not just continue messaging. I want to actually meet so I make that clear. Then pick a time and place and there you have it.

And I don't think it gets harder when you get older. I'm in my mid 40's and have 4 different dates this week, all of which are post first date. So no OLD is not obsolete.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:46 AM   #15
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I hate OLD, I never got lucky with it until 4 months ago. I met my current BF on Tinder. I will forever be thankful to Tinder, even though I completely hate the concept of it. !!!!!!
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