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Great 1 yr relationship...BUT


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Old 6th October 2017, 6:45 PM   #31
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Does she have children?
Sounds like she is treating you like a child.
She maybe sees herself as the adult correcting you as the child when you got it wrong. She lost respect for you as a man when you had no change and messed up the etickets too, she resorted to being the parent.

She doesn't actually trust you to get it right, so needs to check up on you all the time.
I guess she dismisses the music, album art and your monster paintings as childish pursuits and so she is unenthusiastic and critical.
I guess she feels more intelligent and more "grown up" and superior to you, so she has naturally slipped into the parent role.

I guess she is either a manipulator who is out to get as much out of you as she can, or she doesn't actually trust in your ability to look after her interests so feels the need to take charge.
After being screwed over by the ex, she will not want to get into a position where she is vulnerable to the whims of a man again either...

Cross cultural relationships can be hard, because it is the nuances and differences in communication and cultural norms that can be so easily misinterpreted.
You may speak the same language but how you view the world and how she views the world may be poles apart.

(BTW I read your last thread under yxalitis, is this woman J or G or some other woman all together?)
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Old 6th October 2017, 6:50 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post

Cross cultural relationships can be hard, because it is the nuances and differences in communication and cultural norms that can be so easily misinterpreted.
You may speak the same language but how you view the world and how she views the world may be poles apart.

(BTW I read your last thread under yxalitis, is this woman J or G or some other woman all together?)
True, axperson who speaks your language has a grievance are able to say it a softer way, or teasing, but people who don't speak the language can sometimes seem really harsh or blunt without intending to
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:03 PM   #33
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True, axperson who speaks your language has a grievance are able to say it a softer way, or teasing, but people who don't speak the language can sometimes seem really harsh or blunt without intending to
Yeah, that's why I don't think this is abuse.
For me, abuse requires the intention to hurt someone else.

I know of Asian woman who are just super blunt/critical but they don't mean to hurt anyone.
Takes someone from the same culture or with thick skin and a sense of humour to handle it.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:16 PM   #34
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Yeah, that's why I don't think this is abuse.
For me, abuse requires the intention to hurt someone else.

I know of Asian woman who are just super blunt/critical but they don't mean to hurt anyone.
Takes someone from the same culture or with thick skin and a sense of humour to handle it.
Ive dated a lot of Asian women, including a couple of Chinese. Not one of them has spoken to me like this. I think this goes way beyond being blunt or critical or cultural differences.

I'd love to hear the husbands story.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:27 PM   #35
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Yeah, that's why I don't think this is abuse.
For me, abuse requires the intention to hurt someone else.

I know of Asian woman who are just super blunt/critical but they don't mean to hurt anyone.
Takes someone from the same culture or with thick skin and a sense of humour to handle it.
Lol. One of my older distant Asian relatives when I was visiting told me when I was *23 "You are old now! You marry age. Why you so old no marry?"


I was shocked like "girl whaaaat"

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 6th October 2017 at 8:29 PM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:57 PM   #36
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Strangely enough, the thing that struck a chord with me (you might say literally) is the fact that music means nothing to her. Music matters a great deal to me and I find it difficult to feel a real connection with anyone who does not relate to music in a meaningful way. I can't imagine being with someone who does not have that wavelength. It would feel like a massive hole in the relationship somehow. I tend to see non-musical people as being rather alien. I cannot imagine marrying one. The capacity to appreciate music is more than just enjoying sounds; it is a whole area of artistic sensitivity that extends beyond music. I feel it is connected with empathy too. Does she have real empathy? Her words would suggest not.
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Old 7th October 2017, 4:10 AM   #37
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SM ,just wondering , does she ever heave any praise on you and compliments, admiration , tell you things you do and things about you, things she loves about you?
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Old 7th October 2017, 4:42 AM   #38
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In other ways how does she treat you in general is she good to you, does she like spoiling you and looking after you and stuff.
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Old 7th October 2017, 11:23 AM   #39
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Met this girl just over a year ago, and after dating many girls I finally found "the one" We are living together, renting and saving for a house.

I basically feel unappreciated, I have done so much to help her, and yet I still feel judged by her whenever anything I organise anything.

So, what do guys think?
Sounds like a normal Asian woman to me. Her job is the raise the kids and oversee the house. That includes berating you into making more money so she can have a better life.

You need to take the Red Pill.

A real man wouldn't put up with all that BS. You shouldn't continually do sht for an unappreciative woman. You should treat her well because she earns it and deserves it, not because you're trying to win her appreciation. She's a nagging PITA woman. You should dump her tomorrow. You haven't done this because you have not yet realized your potential as a real man. You don't believe in yourself, nor your ability to find a much better woman. Otherwise, you'd be chasing someone else already.
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Old 7th October 2017, 11:32 AM   #40
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No I am not gonna give up and just dump her, we are in love, and planning a future together...sorry I didn't make that clearer.

I was asking for advice on how to approach these few concerns I had about her behaviour.

Thanks
The consensus is this is the wrong choice, but if you're unwavering here then:

Put your foot down. Tell her clearly how you expect to be treated and that you won't tolerate her negative behavior. Explain that if it continues then it will be time to end the relationship.

For example, the album art...you should have told her you like it and that you spent much time and effort in making it work. The art will be staying on and you don't want to hear her mention it negatively ever again.
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Old 8th October 2017, 2:54 AM   #41
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What's a PITA women ?
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Old 8th October 2017, 3:13 AM   #42
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What's a PITA women ?
Pain in the A$$.
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Old 8th October 2017, 8:49 AM   #43
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For example, the album art...you should have told her you like it and that you spent much time and effort in making it work. The art will be staying on and you don't want to hear her mention it negatively ever again.
OK but where does freedom of speech come in here?
Is she not allowed to speak her mind and be honest?
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Old 8th October 2017, 6:56 PM   #44
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OK, thanks for all the feedback.

Yes I agree when I reread my OP that I was overly negative...

That time at the zoo, for example, it was literally the opening 30 minutes, the rest of the day was fine, BECAUSE I put my foot down and said : "Will you STOP complaining?"

She does support me, tells me I'm an awesome bf, tells me when I am a great support to her.

To counter some specific comments.
No she did not manipulate her ex to get a ticket to Australia, full stop, didn't happen that way...OK, he cheated on her multiple times, she is quiet and he thought he could have the obedient wife at home and still play around. She left a professional career, and came over and was basically stranded in an outer suburb, with no friends or family.

She is saving for the deposit for OUR house...I will not put it in her name, (not that this matters in law anyway...habitation is what is important)

We don't share music appreciation, but we do share so many other things...

Her dislike for the album art (After talking more about it) was that some of the albums have images that are bad luck in Chinese culture, same with all the monsters...she asked me to paint "nice things; instead...
Superstitious nonsense to me, but having dated a fair few Chinese woman, quite common amongst them.

She is not any of J or G, or K (or F)

She is super careful about anything, sometimes that can be annoying, particularity when I "know" I am right, but guess what, once or twice I WAS wrong...so she acts as a check for me.

Just yesterday this happened: I have run flat tyres on my car, and the warning light went off.
I explained that it was safe to drive to our destination, we didn't need to worry about damaging the wheel, that I'd just top up the tyre for now, and get it replaced on Monday.
She was about to start doubting me, and I stopped her:
"Look, can you sometimes please just TRUST ME when I tell you things?
Every time you doubt me...just TRUST ME, I know about this OK?!"

Yes, my "ascertain myself" ability was badly damaged by a horrible 20 year marriage, I do need to stand up for myself more, this forum post help me put things in perspective, and I have (and will continue) to draw the line more firmly.

Thanks guys and gals!
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Last edited by Smoothman; 8th October 2017 at 7:08 PM..
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Old 9th October 2017, 2:44 AM   #45
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Ahh , sounds fine to me man.
Never had a gf yet that won't stick her 2 cents worth in .
Thought exactly the same about the artwork too,they're a very superstitious culture, l figured as much.
l'm an ex artist , ex wife use to hate some of my stuff and l hate some of my daughters stuff, but it is very damn good though non the less haha.
Try putting your foot down more if you love her , any relationships a work in progress.
If it starts driving you crazy rethink time l guess, good luck.

Last edited by Chilli; 9th October 2017 at 2:46 AM..
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