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My gut says run, based only on the totality of circumstances


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:39 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Schedule your next date & offer to go pick her up. In 2 months I can't believe you never picked her up & thus never learned about where she lives.

Has she met your friends? Do you ever do group stuff with them like get together in a bar to watch Sunday football or something? Invite her to something like that in a public place & invite her to bring along her sister & some friends. I would think her GFs would be anxious to meet her new, older, mysterious man. They have to be as curious about you as you are to them.

Don't get hung up about the texts. Not everybody is glued to their phone.

If you want her to call you more, tell her that. She might think you are supposed to lead because you are older & wiser. She may be holding back trying to appear more sophisticated, that she's not some kid chasing you.

You'll have to trust me when I say that picking her up makes no sense based on the geographic locations of our office and homes.

I am not really hung up on any one of those things I am being tarred/feathered for as suspected, it is easy to attack and dismiss them one at a time. My concern is when I sit down and put them all together.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:42 AM   #17
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If there is one thing I feel strongly about when it comes to dating it is the fact that if women are really feeling you, they want to introduce you to their friends and family rather quick. I have found this to be a very strong feature of dating women. Within two months, they want you going to weddings, holiday family dinners, etc., in my experience.

I am not saying that she is up to no good but she is an exception to how things usually go down when dating a woman for 2 months. She may simply be hiding something that she is ashamed of...This is what happened in my last relationship. A lot of similar signs that you described above occurred and she was hoding something she was ashamed of...


You got a 23 year old hot woman who is 10 years younger than you. I really would just enjoy this for what it is and not expect marriage or anything. Just see where it goes.

100% agree. And I'm starting to think that I do realize all of this, and I am trying to look for the ejection seat prior to investing any more time/energy/etc and possibly getting hurt. I have pulled that move previously, and later learned it was the absolute right decision, as hard as it was at first.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:51 AM   #18
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Is she getting money or gifts out of you? Not to sound accusing, just merely curious.

It does sound like she could be hiding something...what that is, it's hard to say.

But like above posters have said, are you expecting a serious relationship with someone who is 23 when you are 33? Coming from someone who is 23, yes I do tend to date older guys but I wouldn't seriously see myself dating someone 30 or older. Sure that may be a generalization...but maybe that helps you gain some perspective.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 11:01 AM   #19
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Is she getting money or gifts out of you? Not to sound accusing, just merely curious.

It does sound like she could be hiding something...what that is, it's hard to say.

But like above posters have said, are you expecting a serious relationship with someone who is 23 when you are 33? Coming from someone who is 23, yes I do tend to date older guys but I wouldn't seriously see myself dating someone 30 or older. Sure that may be a generalization...but maybe that helps you gain some perspective.
I am fairly successful, and anyone who is with me generally has a good time without having to worry about chipping in. I rarely out-right buy gifts, as that seems strange to me, but I do like to travel, eat well, etc with my girlfriend. I'm probably spending far too much on activities, the amount would probably not go over well here.

I don't think the age thing is even a thing for her or us, but it could be. At this point I'll listen to any any all hypothesis, since I can't put my finger on it.

Last edited by Thatoneguy55; 3rd October 2017 at 11:04 AM..
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Old 3rd October 2017, 11:17 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Mike B. View Post
If there is one thing I feel strongly about when it comes to dating it is the fact that if women are really feeling you, they want to introduce you to their friends and family rather quick. I have found this to be a very strong feature of dating women. Within two months, they want you going to weddings, holiday family dinners, etc., in my experience.

I am not saying that she is up to no good but she is an exception to how things usually go down when dating a woman for 2 months. She may simply be hiding something that she is ashamed of...This is what happened in my last relationship. A lot of similar signs that you described above occurred and she was hoding something she was ashamed of...


You got a 23 year old hot woman who is 10 years younger than you. I really would just enjoy this for what it is and not expect marriage or anything. Just see where it goes.
I can vouch for that. I will dump a girl if she hasnt introduced me or invited me anywhere within 3 months. My ex is a great example of this. Well said mate!
How would OP feel if he knew she had invited previous guys she had dated home after a few weeks etc? How would he feel if the next guy she dates after him shes inviting to weddings and dinners etc?? Who will be the laughing stock? Who will be humiliated and disrespected? You!!! It happened to me. Ul be a loser. U must dump her man before she screws u over

Last edited by fred123; 3rd October 2017 at 11:23 AM..
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Old 3rd October 2017, 11:32 AM   #21
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I don't really know what to think. I'm a firm believer in relationships being the merging of two peoples lives. Not just chopping off a chunk of free time for the two people to separate from their regular lives, and spend time together. However you have only been together 2 months, so it isn't really concerning that you aren't at that point yet.

I think it's a good sign that she's announced your relationship on social media, but why does she have 5000 followers? I mean if it's for a specific purpose then that is fine, but maybe the reason she doesn't spend time thinking about you during the week is that her social media is her second life.

The other concerning thing is the inconsistency in her timeline, now some people are just bad at that sort of thing, but if you think she is deliberately misleading you about her past relationships then I would try to find out what she is hiding. (her social media history may give you some clues)

All in all I see why you are confused, it doesn't scream to me that she is cheating on you, but it does seem weird.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 11:44 AM   #22
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Hmm this is a really hard one, I would ask if you are asking questions about her friends and what she gets up to during the week? she may feel you do not care?

Also is there not much contact during the week? if you did not reach out would she contact you? worth a try.

Thing is I found your gut is usually right, I dated a man who always placed his phone face down...he never opened himself up to me emotionally and yes it did not end well!

I wonder if there is an ex lurking around, that is usually the case if someone holding back emotionally. I would try and talk to her, get her to open up.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:11 PM   #23
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At two months in, I'm not seeing any red flags... they could be though depending on whether or not there is any progress in the months that follow.
She just sounds a bit guarded/slow to let her walls come down.
I'd also like to know if you are asking her questions about her friends/family.
Sometimes people assume you don't care to know if you don't ask.

Also, how about just expressing interest in seeing her place and seeing what she says?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:20 PM   #24
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Why are people on this thread and others always suportive of the girl? Like maybe she has her guard up lets give her a chance etc.
Did anyone not read or learn from my situation?!my girl said her guard was up thats why she was acting how she was. 6 months in her guard was still up. I was patient.
Next thing she meets a guy and within a month invites him to a wedding and out all over facebook and introduces him to everyone she knows.
I questioned her and said i thought your guard was up. She said yh it still is. I then said then how could u invite him to a wedding and put it all over facebook if your guard is still up.

She didnt have an answer for that.
Point is most of the time 95 percent actually they will screw us over. Stop.making excuses for people!
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:33 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
Why are people on this thread and others always suportive of the girl? Like maybe she has her guard up lets give her a chance etc.
Did anyone not read or learn from my situation?!my girl said her guard was up thats why she was acting how she was. 6 months in her guard was still up. I was patient.
Next thing she meets a guy and within a month invites him to a wedding and out all over facebook and introduces him to everyone she knows.
I questioned her and said i thought your guard was up. She said yh it still is. I then said then how could u invite him to a wedding and put it all over facebook if your guard is still up.

She didnt have an answer for that.
Point is most of the time 95 percent actually they will screw us over. Stop.making excuses for people!
Just because you had a ****ty experience doesn't mean that all women are the same.
People can only respond according to the details provided, and this varies from post to post.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:38 PM   #26
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I am fairly successful, and anyone who is with me generally has a good time without having to worry about chipping in. I rarely out-right buy gifts, as that seems strange to me, but I do like to travel, eat well, etc with my girlfriend. I'm probably spending far too much on activities, the amount would probably not go over well here.

I don't think the age thing is even a thing for her or us, but it could be. At this point I'll listen to any any all hypothesis, since I can't put my finger on it.
This could be a big draw for her. She likely couldn't afford to eat out at nice places, travel and do expensive activities with guys closer to her age. You don't have to outright give her gifts/money. Lifestyle boost is very attractive to young girls. Most of my friends (when I was that age) dated successful, older guys for this reason.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:56 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
Why are people on this thread and others always suportive of the girl? Like maybe she has her guard up lets give her a chance etc.
Did anyone not read or learn from my situation?!my girl said her guard was up thats why she was acting how she was. 6 months in her guard was still up. I was patient.
Next thing she meets a guy and within a month invites him to a wedding and out all over facebook and introduces him to everyone she knows.
I questioned her and said i thought your guard was up. She said yh it still is. I then said then how could u invite him to a wedding and put it all over facebook if your guard is still up.

She didnt have an answer for that.
Point is most of the time 95 percent actually they will screw us over. Stop.making excuses for people!
Lol I think you project like mad, Fred, but I agree with you here. The reason why people have a bias about this is because men are seen as more likely to be shady because motive. Women are better at hiding it and men are less perceptive about it/give more benefit of doubt.

I think this lady is quite shady �� It could be something meaningless or it could be something big. But I find it hard to believe after two months a 23 y o who really liked a guy would not to be integrating him in to have her social life, showing him her place Etc. Also, she has various inconsistencies in her l story which lead one to believe she is telling lies. Phone face down is also not a good sign. But it's a habit I picked up from seeing a lot of guys /multidating

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 3rd October 2017 at 1:13 PM..
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:34 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
This could be a big draw for her. She likely couldn't afford to eat out at nice places, travel and do expensive activities with guys closer to her age. You don't have to outright give her gifts/money. Lifestyle boost is very attractive to young girls. Most of my friends (when I was that age) dated successful, older guys for this reason.

Same. This was me 10 years ago lol. Bragging rights. I wouldn't introduce the guys to my friends either bc it seemed a little embarrassing to bring someone so much older to hang out with us. Plus I still had massive crushes on other guys my age but they didn't know how to "wine and dine". I used the fact that an older established guy was in to me to look more appealing to guys my age. Not saying this is her thought process but it is a definite possibility. Good Luck. Keep us updated
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:58 PM   #29
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Same. This was me 10 years ago lol. Bragging rights. I wouldn't introduce the guys to my friends either bc it seemed a little embarrassing to bring someone so much older to hang out with us. Plus I still had massive crushes on other guys my age but they didn't know how to "wine and dine". I used the fact that an older established guy was in to me to look more appealing to guys my age. Not saying this is her thought process but it is a definite possibility. Good Luck. Keep us updated
This definitely seems like it might be legit in this situation. Most older men/younger women relationships I have been involved in and seen friends involved in did seem to be somewhat of a fling for stability and going to fun events that people her age couldn't afford to do kinds of things.


I've known quite a few older guys with younger women and it always seemed evident that the girl was with the guy and having fun, but at any moment she would be out of there without regret. One of my exes was 10 years younger and in the end it was all the stability and discretionary income she didn't have, she was drawn to me because I had it.


It's still only 2 months, I would expect maybe that is her situation but I wouldn't worry about it until I wanted to actually get serious months down the road.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:15 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Thatoneguy55 View Post
You'll have to trust me when I say that picking her up makes no sense based on the geographic locations of our office and homes.

I am not really hung up on any one of those things I am being tarred/feathered for as suspected, it is easy to attack and dismiss them one at a time. My concern is when I sit down and put them all together.

I get it. It's not one thing -- it's the totality but to fix it you have to address each one.


I also understand geography. It's easier for her to come to you if she's staying. But since you are the one who is curious about her living situation & your failure to see it you may need to be inconvenienced. plan a work night date in her neighborhood; go pick her up, do whatever, then drop her home. Yes, I am aware that this might cut out "dessert" but t least you will have your curiosity satisfied. Pun intended.
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