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6 months in and unsure...


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:08 AM   #1
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6 months in and unsure...

Hello all,

I am in a situation. I am 6months in a relationships and there is virtually no other reason to leave it then I am may be missing a connection. On paper she is the type of woman that any man should be happy to be with. Seriously.

I constantly waiver back and forth.... life with her would be good for sure.

I am coming off a fairly intense relationship that was all wrong and I miss that intensity. I also keep thinking about life with her VS exploring options.... I like dating because I like meeting people. Itís fun and interesting.

Should I give it more time? Or is it time to break the news? Sheís an amazing woman and I donít feel good about this.

-Mike
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:15 AM   #2
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You ended a intense relationship with a woman you were in love with in February. I'm doing the math here. March, April, May, June... did you get into this relationship like the week after? It was a rebound. You were probably not even close to ready for the rship. Very sorry.

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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:44 AM   #3
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You ended a intense relationship with a woman you were in love with in February. I'm doing the math here. March, April, May, June... did you get into this relationship like the week after? It was a rebound. You were probably not even close to ready for the rship. Very sorry.
Broke up in mid February. New relationship in mid April.
You are probably right on many levels. And I wondered the same. However Iím very comfortable in this relationship, should I give it more time?.... this is what I am wondering.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:13 AM   #4
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If you are already having seconds doubts, for the sake of her feelings I would end it sooner rather than later. It would be unkind to string her along knowing that the relationship probably isn't going anywhere.

However you should think about it before you make a rash decision. Is it really a missing connection, or are you just experiencing "the grass is greener"?

Something tells me she isn't the one for you if you even have to ask, but only you can truly be the judge of your relationship.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:16 AM   #5
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If you have an itch, you better go scratch it.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:21 AM   #6
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If you are already having seconds doubts, for the sake of her feelings I would end it sooner rather than later. It would be unkind to string her along knowing that the relationship probably isn't going anywhere.

However you should think about it before you make a rash decision. Is it really a missing connection, or are you just experiencing "the grass is greener"?

Something tells me she isn't the one for you if you even have to ask, but only you can truly be the judge of your relationship.
We are compatible in so many ways otherwise I wouldnít have to think about it. She is generous, giving, kind, and seems to be totally in love with me. There isnít a bad thing I can say about her.

PR was intense and wrong and kinda sour... I donít even know if that kind of intensity is a good thing! Ugh.

If I break up with this one Iíll always wonder too! I know it.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:47 AM   #7
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We are compatible in so many ways otherwise I wouldn’t have to think about it. She is generous, giving, kind, and seems to be totally in love with me. There isn’t a bad thing I can say about her.

PR was intense and wrong and kinda sour... I don’t even know if that kind of intensity is a good thing! Ugh.

If I break up with this one I’ll always wonder too! I know it.
Would you like the person that's with you to feel the same? meaning she appreciates all of your qualities but doesn't feel any special connection toward you and is considering remaining in the relationship because you're a safe bet.

No, you don't need to feel a crazy-infatuation toward a woman to fall in love with her BUT you at least need to feel excited, attracted, curious, for love to eventually develop. I am a firm believer that if you don't feel in love by 6 months you will never be. I think it's time to let her go. If she is so amazing as you say than she needs and deserves a man that is totally crazy about her. Not a man that feels bored but don't want to let go of a safe woman.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 12:03 PM   #8
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I agree with the above post. Stop having tunnel vision and think about her and her feelings. You are being selfish, and it's not fair to her that you are not all in emotionally.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:09 PM   #9
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I agree with the above post. Stop having tunnel vision and think about her and her feelings. You are being selfish, and it's not fair to her that you are not all in emotionally.
Her feelings are at the front of my thoughts. Would it be good for her if I broke up and later regretted it and wanted her back? I donít think so.

So I have this figured out let me know what you think.... in a few weeks she will be on a trip for 14 days. I can let this play out for a bit and then see how much I miss her when sheís gone. I know Iíll miss her some, but Iíll make a decision based on how much I miss her.

Part of the problem is that I donít know my own feelings at the moment.... so I have to be sure.

Does anyone think this is a fair approach?
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:13 PM   #10
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I feel sorry for her. She thinks things are great and she is hopeful.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:14 PM   #11
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Her feelings are at the front of my thoughts. Would it be good for her if I broke up and later regretted it and wanted her back? I donít think so.

So I have this figured out let me know what you think.... in a few weeks she will be on a trip for 14 days. I can let this play out for a bit and then see how much I miss her when sheís gone. I know Iíll miss her some, but Iíll make a decision based on how much I miss her.

Part of the problem is that I donít know my own feelings at the moment.... so I have to be sure.

Does anyone think this is a fair approach?
Or the 14 day trip could be the perfect opportunity for her to have the time away from you to heal and get over the break up.....
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Old 2nd October 2017, 1:23 PM   #12
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If you have to ask yourself if you are in love or not, it's because you're not. People in love know they are, they know it to be a certainty. They don't feel ambivalent about it.

I don't think you have a good plan. I am 100% in love with my boyfriend but I am not the missing type. Putting me through that test wouldn't be representative of how I feel for him.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 4:47 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
I feel sorry for her. She thinks things are great and she is hopeful.
I know. I feel for her too. Immensely. When I think of breaking up with her I am just sad for her and I have no other feelings other then I need to be alone for awhile (no relationship)

I will also miss her companionship, and the friendship and the support.

On a personal level I would like to understand why I canít seem to fall in love with what should be the ideal person for me. My best guess is that I didnít give enough time after the last break up.

Forgive me for my ignorance in these matters. I never dated much in my life and had a 22 year marriage.... all new to me.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 5:04 PM   #14
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On a personal level I would like to understand why I canít seem to fall in love with what should be the ideal person for me. My best guess is that I didnít give enough time after the last break up.

Forgive me for my ignorance in these matters. I never dated much in my life and had a 22 year marriage.... all new to me.
There is nothing to understand. Those feelings are there or they are not. Women need time to fall in love, men fall in love much faster that's why if a man tells me he doesn't have that 'in love' feeling after 6 months I know it won't be there after 9 months or even 12.

I remember dating a man that told me after 3 months he wasn't developing feelings enough to continue. I felt so betrayed and it was only 3 months. If a man waited 6 months to tell me his feelings aren't growing I'd feel pretty mislead. You need to tell ths woman sooner than later. She will be fine, you'll be fine.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 6:00 PM   #15
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Her feelings are at the front of my thoughts. Would it be good for her if I broke up and later regretted it and wanted her back? I donít think so.

So I have this figured out let me know what you think.... in a few weeks she will be on a trip for 14 days. I can let this play out for a bit and then see how much I miss her when sheís gone. I know Iíll miss her some, but Iíll make a decision based on how much I miss her.

Part of the problem is that I donít know my own feelings at the moment.... so I have to be sure.

Does anyone think this is a fair approach?
No, it would not be good for her if you broke up with her, missed her, and then wanted her back... You don't really get to do that (or at least, it's not a healthy thing to do in a relationship).

You ended an "intense" relationship... Does "intense" = "unhealthy." Is it possible that you miss the drama? Do you understand that a good and healthy relationship doesn't = "intense" feelings, drama, and extreme highs and lows?
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