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Mixed signals. Do I come on too strong?


Cookiesandough

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Cookiesandough

Sorry. I know I said no more threads. But I am dying here. In light of a recent experience where a guy told me he will not kiss before becoming an " exclusive couple" I have begun to think I am too suggestive to guys and it turns them off. Ibwas wondering if anyone sees that here:,

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I met a from Tinder. I found him attractive and we vibed on our date.

 

After the restaurant, he asked "so, what do you want to do now?"

 

I said, " I don't know. What do you people that meet on Tinder usually do at this point?" (I was just kidding with him)

 

He said, "lol let's walk"

 

As were walking I make conversation and ask him if he drove and general direction of friend's house(he lives close by). Then he asked me if I drove and I pointed to whereabouts I live(close by).

 

I am mid conversation and he interjects, " At risk of sounding lame, how about this. I'll walk you to your car and we will continue on another date"

 

We had basically walked around the corner. But I said that's cool but I asked him why it was lame.

 

He says, "you know Tinder is usually about ' how fast can we get through all this and bang'"

 

I told him I didn't really know that. I thought it was sort of a mixed bag...

 

He said yeah, that's generally what it's about and he's "not into hook ups"

 

I get ready to hug but the guy goes in for tongue kiss. So much mix signals. He also is laughing throughout the kiss. Well, not laughing but giggling. I didn't like there some joke about the kiss I wasn't in on. (Side: Does anyone know what this is about? )

 

He kissed me so I am probabably not friendzoned. However, he cut our date short and didn't offer me back to place. Do you agree he sort of shut me down? Do you think he's just waiting for the second date to hook up? Maybe 'cuz he's at his friends house?

 

I am not saying that I would hook up with him necessarily. But is it crazy that I wanted the option to be there? I feel like if a guy is attracted to you he would not be opposed to that. I guess I am beginning to get worried I cannot get laid by the men I am attracted to as pathetic as that sounds.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Cookies! :p:lmao:

 

You ASKED him to hookup, what else do you expect now? He chickened because of performance anxiety most likely even guys are not always up for sex with a complete stranger.

 

If hookup is not what you want, don't joke about it. This one... is beyond repair imo.

 

Sorry. I know I said no more threads. But I am dying here. In light of a recent experience where a guy told me he will not kiss before becoming an " exclusive couple" I have begun to think I am too suggestive to guys and it turns them off. Ibwas wondering if anyone sees that here:,

---------------------

I met a from Tinder. I found him attractive and we vibed on our date.

 

After the restaurant, he asked "so, what do you want to do now?"

 

I said, " I don't know. What do you people that meet on Tinder usually do at this point?" (I was just kidding with him)

 

He said, "lol let's walk"

 

As were walking I make conversation and ask him if he drove and general direction of friend's house(he lives close by). Then he asked me if I drove and I pointed to whereabouts I live(close by).

 

I am mid conversation and he interjects, " At risk of sounding lame, how about this. I'll walk you to your car and we will continue on another date"

 

We had basically walked around the corner. But I said that's cool but I asked him why it was lame.

 

He says, "you know Tinder is usually about ' how fast can we get through all this and bang'"

 

I told him I didn't really know that. I thought it was sort of a mixed bag...

 

He said yeah, that's generally what it's about and he's "not into hook ups"

 

I get ready to hug but the guy goes in for tongue kiss. So much mix signals. He also is laughing throughout the kiss. Well, not laughing but giggling. I didn't like there some joke about the kiss I wasn't in on. (Side: Does anyone know what this is about? )

 

He kissed me so I am probabably not friendzoned. However, he cut our date short and didn't offer me back to place. Do you agree he sort of shut me down? Do you think he's just waiting for the second date to hook up? Maybe 'cuz he's at his friends house?

 

I am not saying that I would hook up with him necessarily. But is it crazy that I wanted the option to be there? I feel like if a guy is attracted to you he would not be opposed to that

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Cookiesandough

Omgosh, no_go!!! I did???Where did I ask him to hookup?? O.O

 

You mean "what do people from tinder usually do"? I thought it would def be taken as a joke because tinder is now not just a hookup app I thought..just wanted his mind to run w it

 

 

I agree it's beyond repair but I should know that that going into my dates ....messed up again

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Omgosh, no_go!!! I did???Where did I ask him to hookup?? O.O

 

You mean "what do people from tinder usually do"? I thought it would def be taken as a joke because tinder is now not just a hookup app I thought..just wanted his mind to run w it

 

 

I agree it's beyond repair but I should know that that going into my dates ....messed up again

 

Of course that! On first date people are uptight, I highly doubt he saw it as a joke. Don't do it on future dates - unless that's what you're looking for of course. No sex references until you want sex with them.

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It's over. I'm taking a break from Dating indefinitely... well til I figure some stuff out

 

 

Isn't that what you said about 5 threads ago though :laugh:

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Cookiesandough
Of course that! On first date people are uptight, I highly doubt he saw it as a joke. Don't do it on future dates - unless that's what you're looking for of course. No sex references until you want sex with them.

 

I can't stop the sex jokes lol. It's just the thing about me. Lol. But I did avoid talking about my ex. Anyway he asked me when I am free this week when I got home. How should I end it with him? Particularly since I tongue kissed him?

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I think this man has a micro-d%ck. He's on tinder and he's afraid to be used as a hook-up? Well dear, get off of Tinder and use a more appropriate dating sites. It's like a man that doesn't drink trying to find a woman that doesn't drink in a bar. Makes no sense.

 

I think your ego is bruised he rejected your advances. I don't think he's worth having a bruised ego. I think he has issues with sexuality and he rejects all advances from any woman.

 

I think you are a young woman with a lot of sex appeal that has no problem being openly flirty and sexual and you should not waste your time with this man. Get yourself back online, find yourself a hottie and have wild-monkey-sex!

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LOL well there is some improvement since you stopped with ex references.

 

I'd say go if you want to sleep with him. Barrier is too low for anything else now. I bet money that's what he expects now.

 

I can't stop the sex jokes lol. It's just the thing about me. Lol. But I did avoid talking about my ex. Anyway he asked me when I am free this week when I got home. How should I end it with him? Particularly since I tongue kissed him?
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I'd say go if you want to sleep with him. Barrier is too low for anything else now. I bet money that's what he expects now.

 

I am ready to bet he's bad at sex!!

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Cookiesandough

lol Gaeta.

 

I do not think I wanna hookup. I need a break. I suppose I need to act with more propriety on dates, but I also don't want to be friends zoned. How do I handle this guy though? His last text was: Me too. I want to see you again. You're... Intriguing. Hard to gauge. Fun. Let me know when you're free.

 

?? "Sorry. We aren't a match"??

 

(Also why was he laughing during our kiss. Has anyone had this occur? )

Edited by Cookiesandough
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lol Gaeta.

 

I do not think I wanna hookup. I need a break. I suppose I need to act with more propriety on dates, but I also don't want to be friends zoned. How do I handle this guy though? His last text was: Me too. I see you again. You're... Intriguing. Hard to gauge. Fun. Let me know when you're free.

 

?? "Sorry. We aren't a match"??

 

(Also why was he laughing during our kiss. Has anyone had this occur? )

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I just can't ... He rejected direct advances for sex and gave you some kisses instead - I'm sure he was nervous as hell and therefore laughing.

 

Reminds me my infamous summer crush that got distant after 6 h long at home date with no intimacy ... This screams sexual performance issues and guys are very aware of it.

 

Therefore the nervous laughter weirdness etc. now he'd be determined to show you he can be a 'man'.

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(Also why was he laughing during our kiss. Has anyone had this occur? )

 

Not in that sense. I had a horny laugh during a kiss, followed by a rather forthcoming move on her side. But I'm not sure what your situation was about. Maybe he was nervous and confused. I know that I'd be confused if you were IRL as you are here in LS.

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Cookie - you're over thinking it. Even on Tinder dates, I don't hook up on a first date. I might fool around a lot but I don't even bring condoms just to make sure I don't accidentally fall into bed with a woman.

 

But I will say this...the majority of dates, something like 4 out of 5, the woman is clearly ready to have sex at the end of the date. I am a very confident man while on dates but when it gets to that point and she clearly wants to proceed and I don't, I get a wee bit nervous because I don't know how she is going to take it...will she think I'm not attracted, that I can't perform, that I'm afraid?

 

None of those are true but I bet I still come across as nervous at that point. But it doesn't mean that I don't want to see her again.

 

So stop overthinking and just be OK with the possibility that he wants to see you and form a relationship, that he wants to see you and just wants a hook up, or that he doesn't want to see you. PLEASE try to stop worrying about what he is thinking and feeling and concentrate on what you are are thinking and feeling. It will make things go much more smoothly for you.

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I don't think it's completely insane that he might've liked you, is looking for a relationship, and just didn't want to hook-up on your first date. I think it's kind insulting to men to suggest that all of them are only after sex and must be crazy, have a microdick, bad at sex, etc. to turn it down on a first date.

 

I know a lot of people who met their boyfriends/girlfriends on Tinder and use Tinder just like Match or any of the other dating sites. Maybe it's dependent on where you are somewhat, but I don't think of Tinder as being just a hook-up site anymore, although it started out that way.

 

He obviously wants to see you again. If you like him, go for it. My guess is he was laughing due to being nervous and that he likes you.

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1) No, not all men will accept sex on a first date. A lot of good men explicitly won't because they don't want to set the tone of the relationship as primary sex-focused. I agree the assumption that he's obviously bad at sex or not physically equipped is just sexist.

 

2) You are not this dumb. You are smart enough to know that when a guy goes out of his way to see you and make dates with you, he is interested in you. You obviously get something out of it when you post like this but I don't know what.

 

3) Stop dating. People are not hobbies for passing the time or curiosities who exist to teach you more about yourself. They deserve empathy and respect just like you do. Seriously, if you drank the way you dated, you would have end stage liver disease.

Edited by lana-banana
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Cookiesandough

I understand some people want to call it sexist but you have to admit the overwhelming majority of men are the sexual aggressors when they are sexually attracted to a woman. Not only cross culturally but in species similar to ours as well. Usually they pace with the woman or the woman has to put the breaks on. It's rarely the other way around unless the guy is super shy or not that interested. I spent three dates with a guy recently and he didn't touch me while I was at his house. He cooked me food and we played video games. He asked to see me again but it's not what I'm looking for. I feel like that is a friendly zone the situation, he is lukewarm, or something fishy is going on here(maybe what Gaeta said. No diss or anything) Even lurker 74 says he fools around

Does anyone have a clue what to say to this guy now to say goodbye? If I can't think of something to say that sounds rational, I'll have to 'ghost'. But it's not really 'ghosting' at this stage, to my understanding.

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Does anyone have a clue what to say to this guy now to say goodbye? If I can't think of something to say that sounds rational, I'll have to 'ghost'. But it's not really 'ghosting' at this stage, to my understanding.

 

We have a saying in my native language that means don't trip over the carpet flowers.

 

keep it simple.

 

Hey Joe! it was fun meeting you but for personal reasons I'm gonna move on from here, no hard feelings and wish you the very best.

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It seems to me that you got dating all mixed up, Cookies. You want to feel desired by every guy you go on dates with, perhaps because of low self-esteem , but at the same time it's rejection that makes you really intrigued and perplexed. You want to chase that guy as if a hard won interest will mean more. But it doesn't mean more than a real, natural interest from the very beginning.

 

Really, what does this bring into your life? I think I'd feel all empty inside and get depressed if I dated the same way you do... Just scratching the surface and not making a meaningful connection with any of these guys. I have recently dated one guy with whom there was no depth and it had left me feeling somewhat hollow.

 

Why not just staying on your own for a while until you're ready to truly connect to someone?

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I don't think it's completely insane that he might've liked you, is looking for a relationship, and just didn't want to hook-up on your first date. I think it's kind insulting to men to suggest that all of them are only after sex and must be crazy, have a microdick, bad at sex, etc. to turn it down on a first date.

 

I know a lot of people who met their boyfriends/girlfriends on Tinder and use Tinder just like Match or any of the other dating sites. Maybe it's dependent on where you are somewhat, but I don't think of Tinder as being just a hook-up site anymore, although it started out that way.

 

He obviously wants to see you again. If you like him, go for it. My guess is he was laughing due to being nervous and that he likes you.

 

I was beginning to feel like I was on another planet till I read this post.

 

I don't see anything bad about this guy or your date.

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Cookiesandough
If you have this many questions about him, then he's a wright off.

 

I have questions about everyone I date. People are so weird and confusing. Not really in a bad way.

 

Lorenza, I think you are right. I don't exactly chase. The only guy I've ever chased was my ex(still am kinda) But I think I might be going on dates a little validation and to distract fro my ex

 

Before I went to this date, I had the thought occur to me that I would block him immediately after. That I should just go on first dates with guys, block, and never see them again. Then I wondered how awkward I could be (how much of my 'real self' I could show) and still get a another date(I've never not got another date with a guy if I didn't block before, granted I haven't been on many dates if you count my whole life)

 

This is unhealthy and immoral. It has to stop. I had a date planned with 1 more guy but I canceled and deactivated/deleted my accounts.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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It's over. I'm taking a break from Dating indefinitely... well til I figure some stuff out

 

What happens to you on these dates would drive me crazy. Tinder app is just as you see it this guy just looking out for his needs. Can't really get a good man for you with charisma out tinder. Why not try a different approach to dating..

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