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When is it healthy to proclaim a 'relationship'?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 3rd October 2017, 5:14 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
Mh true, but as I said, I am happy with the way things are. I have told him I have patience, I want him to work through whatever it is he needs to work through, but that I also won't wait forever. I said that about a month ago.
And as I said, if by December he won't say "You are my girlfriend" to my face, I will definitely put my foot down.

He really wants me to meet his friends this week. I am nervous about that right now...


Hi Heaven,

I'm glad your vacation went great.

So you are happy with the way things are and say you're patient. So do you honestly feel that giving him two more months is fair to both of you? This guy was in a 15 yr relationship and have met you just about 4 months after that. I don't know I just don't understand the need to rush the label if he is doing everything right and making you happy. But to each is own I guess right?

I am an official gf yet I have the other thing I'm waiting on. My bf hasn't said the big ILY yet. We had few discussions about it. I didn't exactly ask him if he is ready or when will he say it. But I was sharing to him that I haven't felt this strongly about someone in a really long time. I've only felt this feeling once after my divorce and unfortunately that guy had swore that he will never love me. So i told my bf that's my fear at the moment, that he may never fall in love with me. All he did was laugh and told me I'm crazy for thinking that.

He said that he is exactly where he wants to be. Having a wonderful woman in his life that he loves spending time with. I cut him off before he could get going because I didn't want to hear the possibility of him saying that he is not there yet with the ILY. So i just told him yeah it's ok you don't need to continue. Because in my head I know he will tell me he really really likes me etc.

I told myself that I'll see where we are after a year of being together. No I didn't give myself any deadline, I just told myself to enjoy what we have and keep evaluating our relationship after a certain point. I'm not rushing and I'm a strong woman so whatever happens and wherever this takes us, I am ready. It's not always easy but I am focused on how happy we are together. After all, it's not about the destination, but the journey.

When you meet his friends just be yourself and have fun.

Good luck to us
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Old 4th October 2017, 1:27 PM   #47
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Hi Heaven,

I'm glad your vacation went great.

So you are happy with the way things are and say you're patient. So do you honestly feel that giving him two more months is fair to both of you? This guy was in a 15 yr relationship and have met you just about 4 months after that. I don't know I just don't understand the need to rush the label if he is doing everything right and making you happy. But to each is own I guess right?

I am an official gf yet I have the other thing I'm waiting on. My bf hasn't said the big ILY yet. We had few discussions about it. I didn't exactly ask him if he is ready or when will he say it. But I was sharing to him that I haven't felt this strongly about someone in a really long time. I've only felt this feeling once after my divorce and unfortunately that guy had swore that he will never love me. So i told my bf that's my fear at the moment, that he may never fall in love with me. All he did was laugh and told me I'm crazy for thinking that.

He said that he is exactly where he wants to be. Having a wonderful woman in his life that he loves spending time with. I cut him off before he could get going because I didn't want to hear the possibility of him saying that he is not there yet with the ILY. So i just told him yeah it's ok you don't need to continue. Because in my head I know he will tell me he really really likes me etc.

I told myself that I'll see where we are after a year of being together. No I didn't give myself any deadline, I just told myself to enjoy what we have and keep evaluating our relationship after a certain point. I'm not rushing and I'm a strong woman so whatever happens and wherever this takes us, I am ready. It's not always easy but I am focused on how happy we are together. After all, it's not about the destination, but the journey.

When you meet his friends just be yourself and have fun.

Good luck to us
Yes, I definitely won't give him/us up if by December he still won't say I am his girlfriend. But I will certainly bring up the topic and have a sensible conversation about it, ask him about his fears, what has changed, if we are moving forward, etc. I have not talked to him for two days now, he's texted and we played our usual scrabble game on our phone, but I haven't initiated any texts and haven't called him. I am having a busy work week and I don't want to pester him about meeting me this week (since we have the date planned for Sunday). WE are usually in contact EVERY DAY, but I feel perhaps, even though it feels great for BOTH of us, it is best if we don't talk every day. I want to give him enough space to be who he needs to be. SO far I don't find it too hard, although I am starting to miss him quite somewhat... I suspect he will call tonight.
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Old 4th October 2017, 2:25 PM   #48
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You are really into this guy! I read everything you said so far. Why is he seeing a therapist? Why are you rushing him let what you both have grow into something else. That's what I doing with the current women I met through my job. We are just like you two, she calls me everyday, she doesn't like too talk on the phone too long. I can get her to talk about current events. But in all she makes the effort. This is my first encounter like this I usually don't wait rush to the chance I say. But now playing it cool and slow. You wait and see but like you said you will never give up on him or you both the same with us. Holiday's are coming what a wonderful time for you and him and us too.. Take care my dear.. Enjoy the life you have with him.. I am doing the same over her with us!
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Old 4th October 2017, 7:42 PM   #49
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You are really into this guy! I read everything you said so far. Why is he seeing a therapist? Why are you rushing him let what you both have grow into something else. That's what I doing with the current women I met through my job. We are just like you two, she calls me everyday, she doesn't like too talk on the phone too long. I can get her to talk about current events. But in all she makes the effort. This is my first encounter like this I usually don't wait rush to the chance I say. But now playing it cool and slow. You wait and see but like you said you will never give up on him or you both the same with us. Holiday's are coming what a wonderful time for you and him and us too.. Take care my dear.. Enjoy the life you have with him.. I am doing the same over her with us!
Of course I am really into him, I am madly in love.
He is seeing a therapist to deal with his feelings of guilt of leaving his ex, but also to learn how to be good to himself and to communicate his feelings better.
Amongst other things, I suppose, but this is what he told me.

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Old 4th October 2017, 8:06 PM   #50
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On a different note: we just talked on the phone and he asked me to meet his parents and brother on the weekend. I am surprised. I did NOT expect this to happen so quickly.
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:17 PM   #51
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On a different note: we just talked on the phone and he asked me to meet his parents and brother on the weekend. I am surprised. I did NOT expect this to happen so quickly.
That's good news right? How do you feel about it?
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:21 PM   #52
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That's good news right? How do you feel about it?
Well I was obviously very surprised and he noticed by my lack of response, and he immediately followed with "well, think about it, and let me know."
I think it's good news though, yes. Perhaps a step into the 'GF/BF' direction. (They do know of my existence, he told his mother about me very early on, I think a month into us dating). I mean, what is he gonna do, introduce me as "the girl i am seeing" ? Certainly not just as 'a friend', duh! So, yeah, I wonder...
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:28 PM   #53
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Maybe he's going to introduce you as GF to make things simple. But honestly, doesn't matter. It is a great step towards building your connection.

Quote:
Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
Well I was obviously very surprised and he noticed by my lack of response, and he immediately followed with "well, think about it, and let me know."
I think it's good news though, yes. Perhaps a step into the 'GF/BF' direction. (They do know of my existence, he told his mother about me very early on, I think a month into us dating). I mean, what is he gonna do, introduce me as "the girl i am seeing" ? Certainly not just as 'a friend', duh! So, yeah, I wonder...
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:29 PM   #54
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Well I was obviously very surprised and he noticed by my lack of response, and he immediately followed with "well, think about it, and let me know."
I think it's good news though, yes. Perhaps a step into the 'GF/BF' direction. (They do know of my existence, he told his mother about me very early on, I think a month into us dating). I mean, what is he gonna do, introduce me as "the girl i am seeing" ? Certainly not just as 'a friend', duh! So, yeah, I wonder...
He will introduce you by name.

He's not gonna say Mom please meet my gf, I doubt. He'll say Mom please meet heavenonearth.

If I meet people and they don't know who my bf is I will introduce my boyfriend with : Meet my bf Peter.

When I brought my bf to meet my family they already knew I had a boyfriend named Peter so I did not need to introduce him as my boyfriend, I just said Mom meet Peter.
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:42 PM   #55
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He will introduce you by name.

He's not gonna say Mom please meet my gf, I doubt. He'll say Mom please meet heavenonearth.

If I meet people and they don't know who my bf is I will introduce my boyfriend with : Meet my bf Peter.

When I brought my bf to meet my family they already knew I had a boyfriend named Peter so I did not need to introduce him as my boyfriend, I just said Mom meet Peter.
Lol, makes sense. Silly me.
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:40 PM   #56
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I have rules about this (as any can attest who have read my posts past). I do not refer to the person in question as my boyfriend or introduce him to friends/acquaintance/family unless we have been together for 3 months. I will not make it public a.k.a. update my relationship status on Facebook until 6 months. You're officially in a long term relationship at 9 months.

Why? Past experiences have said to me that if you do this too quickly then something not good happens. The person in question does not like the friends/family or vice versa, and then before you know it, it's over with. Listen to biofeedback, it's science.
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Old 4th October 2017, 11:55 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
Well I was obviously very surprised and he noticed by my lack of response, and he immediately followed with "well, think about it, and let me know."
I think it's good news though, yes. Perhaps a step into the 'GF/BF' direction. (They do know of my existence, he told his mother about me very early on, I think a month into us dating). I mean, what is he gonna do, introduce me as "the girl i am seeing" ? Certainly not just as 'a friend', duh! So, yeah, I wonder...

It's obvious you're not just a platonic friend. He can just simply introduce you as, " Mom and dad this is Heaven."

Don't focus on that girl. Just enjoy the moment that you two are making more and more progress each day.
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Old 4th October 2017, 11:58 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by mortensorchid View Post
I have rules about this (as any can attest who have read my posts past). I do not refer to the person in question as my boyfriend or introduce him to friends/acquaintance/family unless we have been together for 3 months. I will not make it public a.k.a. update my relationship status on Facebook until 6 months. You're officially in a long term relationship at 9 months.

Why? Past experiences have said to me that if you do this too quickly then something not good happens. The person in question does not like the friends/family or vice versa, and then before you know it, it's over with. Listen to biofeedback, it's science.


Hmmm so 2 more months for me for our 9th month. Still no ILY, bleh!
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Old 5th October 2017, 6:00 AM   #59
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Hmmm so 2 more months for me for our 9th month. Still no ILY, bleh!
One of my good friends has been with her boyfriend for 8 months in August. I think we were hanging out one night and I asked her, "So, has he told you yet that he loves you?" and she shrugged her shoulders and said "Nah. But I am not really hung up on it, you know. When it happens it happens."
Man, I wish I could be this cool.

Two days later she texted me and said "Last night in my parents' pool he told me for the first time that he loves me!"

I really think some men just take time. Just like do some women - she didn't tell him in those 8 months, either.
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Old 5th October 2017, 7:25 AM   #60
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I think the problem here is not that he is not actively saying "You are my gf", sometimes that is just assumed after dating for a while, but the problem here is the fact he has made an issue of it and he is actively saying that he will NOT put that label on it.

No-one really thinks that the bf/gf label is a big deal, only those with "issues" do.

If he is going to counselling over the "guilt" he feels over his last relationship, he is obviously not nearly over it.
The "pull" of long term relationships, even bad ones, can be intense for a very long time. Old habits die hard and a shared history bonds people together, and that bond can be difficult to break, even if it makes complete sense to split up.

He still, I guess, sees his ex as his real "gf", and he would be somehow "betraying" his last relationship of 15 years, if he suddenly started calling the OP "his gf".
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