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When is it healthy to proclaim a 'relationship'?


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Old 29th September 2017, 9:39 AM   #31
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He will pick me up for our planned vacation in a few hours. Who knows what will happen this weekend. Perhaps he will ask me to be his girlfriend.
If not, well, then I will wait another two months max. I told myself I will give it 6 months total for him to make it official with the title.

And by the way, he has told all his friends about me already, even his parents. His friends keep calling me his girlfriend... he's literally the only one who has not used the word all the way.
There were a few times where he called himself my boyfriend, but only in fleeting moments. For example, once he was messing up times regarding meeting up, and he said "urgh, sorry babe, idiot boyfriend you have!".

And yes, we have talked about what we want from a relationship and what the responsibilities are, but not in detail. I think he is planning to talk more about this on our trip this weekend. So I'll wait for what he is willing to share.
What he kept saying a few weeks back was "I think we are on our way there" (to being in an official relationship).
Also, last night on the phone, he said that he talked to his therapist about it and she said that it was kinda cruel that he would not use the label yet, and he agreed. Then he apologized for it, said he loved me, you know the deal. SO yeah, I think something may come up this weekend but i dont think he wanted to talk about it on the phone.
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Old 29th September 2017, 9:43 AM   #32
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You have a great time girl !! Enjoy yourself and don't let our serie-B psychology ruin your weekend
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Old 2nd October 2017, 11:06 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
He will pick me up for our planned vacation in a few hours. Who knows what will happen this weekend. Perhaps he will ask me to be his girlfriend.
If not, well, then I will wait another two months max. I told myself I will give it 6 months total for him to make it official with the title.

And by the way, he has told all his friends about me already, even his parents. His friends keep calling me his girlfriend... he's literally the only one who has not used the word all the way.
There were a few times where he called himself my boyfriend, but only in fleeting moments. For example, once he was messing up times regarding meeting up, and he said "urgh, sorry babe, idiot boyfriend you have!".

And yes, we have talked about what we want from a relationship and what the responsibilities are, but not in detail. I think he is planning to talk more about this on our trip this weekend. So I'll wait for what he is willing to share.
What he kept saying a few weeks back was "I think we are on our way there" (to being in an official relationship).
Also, last night on the phone, he said that he talked to his therapist about it and she said that it was kinda cruel that he would not use the label yet, and he agreed. Then he apologized for it, said he loved me, you know the deal. SO yeah, I think something may come up this weekend but i dont think he wanted to talk about it on the phone.

How was your mini vacay, Heaven? Any update with him?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:54 AM   #34
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I did stick around a man that was afraid of a title and 1 year later he was still afraid to call me his gf. That's when I terminated it.

My current bf called me his gf after 6-8 weeks dating. It still took months for me to introduce him to family and friends. Him calling me his gf is only about identifying me as the woman he has a romantic relationship with. Nothing else.
It took u months to introduce him?! Why you hid him? You told me if after 3 months she dont wanna meet your friends and vice versa it isnt good.
Also you said earlier on in the thread or another thread that after one month a girl can come over and watch a film with her date with his family and just introduce him as a lady he is seeing. So why didnt u do that?

Just want to know when to notice red flags and how you are different to my ex gf who hid me for 6 months? How did your current bf know you were into him and not playing him for a bit of fun?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 4:15 AM   #35
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In some ways, the guys stance makes no sense.
If you are in an exclusive sexual relationship with a woman, then the term "girlfriend" is what you use to describe her. That's it. That's the label.
There is no need for any formal coronation ceremony.
The exclusivity bit should be the important bit.

I agree with some others. I think this guy is struggling with conflicting feelings, after being in a really ltr. He doesn't really want to be "trapped" in another one.
He likes op, and is happy seeing her, but in his heart he probably wants/needs some time to be free and sow his will oats.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 5:49 AM   #36
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It took u months to introduce him?! Why you hid him? You told me if after 3 months she dont wanna meet your friends and vice versa it isnt good.
Also you said earlier on in the thread or another thread that after one month a girl can come over and watch a film with her date with his family and just introduce him as a lady he is seeing. So why didnt u do that?

Just want to know when to notice red flags and how you are different to my ex gf who hid me for 6 months? How did your current bf know you were into him and not playing him for a bit of fun?
I did not hid my boyfriend. Everyone in my family knew I was dating a man named X.

When I was out with my bf and we came across a sibling or my daughter I did not avoid them. My bf actually met my dauthger after 6 weeks dating. We were heading somewhere when she called for help, her car had broken down. Bf and I headed over there together and he met her. That's a no big deal meeting. It's not the same as bringing my bf over to my parents as they live 12 hours away and it means spending the weekend there.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:09 AM   #37
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In some ways, the guys stance makes no sense.
If you are in an exclusive sexual relationship with a woman, then the term "girlfriend" is what you use to describe her. That's it. That's the label.
There is no need for any formal coronation ceremony.
The exclusivity bit should be the important bit.

I agree with some others. I think this guy is struggling with conflicting feelings, after being in a really ltr. He doesn't really want to be "trapped" in another one.
He likes op, and is happy seeing her, but in his heart he probably wants/needs some time to be free and sow his will oats.
He does not care about sleeping around. He's had plenty of time to do that and he didn't feel the need to.
This has nothing to do with wanting to be with as many women as he can be, this is about him being afraid to repeat mistakes he made in his last relationship.

We are very happy together, I couldn't be happier. He does not just 'like' me, he does not want to be with anyone else, not his ex or any other woman for that matter. His priorities and values are in check.

Thanks for the concern though.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:14 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by LovelyRose View Post
How was your mini vacay, Heaven? Any update with him?
It was quite wonderful, he had rented a small cabin in the middle of nowhere for us, the people who owned it lived on the estate nearby, they had a dog and we played with the dog every day... goats, nature, rain, sun, walks, lots of board games, conversations, romance, we cooked wonderful meals and he thought of everything. It was just really amazing. Too bad it went by so quickly.

We did not talk about relationship status. Although he introduced me to the owners as his girlfriend and explained to them how we have a 'medium distance relationship'. To me, he continued telling me how crazy he is about me and that he is very happy with me.

We have planned to spend next weekend together celebrating 4 months anniversary of our very first date at the same place that we had our first date at.

Will update if anything more 'clear' happens... I don't know what's up, won't bring it up again, though. Ball is in his court.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:22 AM   #39
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Will update if anything more 'clear' happens... I don't know what's up, won't bring it up again, though. Ball is in his court.
No, it's not a matter of the ball is in his court. When you put a ball in someone's court they have something to lose. Your guy has nothing to lose, he's got you exactly where he wants you and you are ok with the spot you're sitting on for now.

In a couple of months when you tell him you want an official title or else, THEN the ball will be in his court to save this or not.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:25 AM   #40
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No, it's not a matter of the ball is in his court. When you put a ball in someone's court they have something to lose. Your guy has nothing to lose, he's got you exactly where he wants you and you are ok with the spot you're sitting on for now.

In a couple of months when you tell him you want an official title or else, THEN the ball will be in his court to save this or not.
Mh true, but as I said, I am happy with the way things are. I have told him I have patience, I want him to work through whatever it is he needs to work through, but that I also won't wait forever. I said that about a month ago.
And as I said, if by December he won't say "You are my girlfriend" to my face, I will definitely put my foot down.

He really wants me to meet his friends this week. I am nervous about that right now...
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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:13 AM   #41
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Sounds like a plan. Just stick to it. Hopefully he sticks to therapy in the meanwhile.

Don't be nervous about meeting his friends, it doesn't mean much. If he invites you for Christmas to spend at his Mom's, then you can be worried. But friends... even I (that never introduced anyone to my family ) have introduced guys to friends within the first month of dating.

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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
Mh true, but as I said, I am happy with the way things are. I have told him I have patience, I want him to work through whatever it is he needs to work through, but that I also won't wait forever. I said that about a month ago.
And as I said, if by December he won't say "You are my girlfriend" to my face, I will definitely put my foot down.

He really wants me to meet his friends this week. I am nervous about that right now...
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:11 PM   #42
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Sounds like a plan. Just stick to it. Hopefully he sticks to therapy in the meanwhile.

Don't be nervous about meeting his friends, it doesn't mean much. If he invites you for Christmas to spend at his Mom's, then you can be worried. But friends... even I (that never introduced anyone to my family ) have introduced guys to friends within the first month of dating.
What would make you not introduce a guy to your friends when you have done it with other guys may i ask? Just curious
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:00 PM   #43
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What would make you not introduce a guy to your friends when you have done it with other guys may i ask? Just curious
The only guy I haven't introduced to friends was much older than me and I was a little embarrassed by this. Otherwise I'd just bring the guy with me and say "this is (the guy's name)". No boyfriend proclamations, it is usually obvious we're dating anyway.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:29 PM   #44
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The only guy I haven't introduced to friends was much older than me and I was a little embarrassed by this. Otherwise I'd just bring the guy with me and say "this is (the guy's name)". No boyfriend proclamations, it is usually obvious we're dating anyway.
Why date someone ur embarrassed about? You have time to waste? Also thats rude and humiliating and disrespectful to him
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:34 PM   #45
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Why date someone ur embarrassed about? You have time to waste? Also thats rude and humiliating and disrespectful to him
I just answered a question you asked. Lots of other aspects but it's unrelated to the thread.
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