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Ghosted


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So after 8 or so really good dates (including day trips and spending the night together etc) spread out over 6-8 weeks it appears I have been ghosted. We saw each other last week and had a good date but since then have only exchanged one message. I text her twice since and she has ignored. I have accepted the fact that she is no longer interested and has ghosted me.

 

Just wanted to gage opinion on how best to react to this.

 

We aren’t young, I’m 30+ and she is 32+. She was super keen at the start so am surprised she has done it this way rather than say. If she just said, I would have been completely fine with her.

 

My question is:

 

A- Should I remove her from social media etc?

B- Should I send a message saying it was nice getting to know you etc but I get the feeling you don’t want to move forward anymore. That’s cool but I would have preferred if you were just up front about it.

 

I know it probably seems petty but I really do feel like I want to send a message to that effect. I don’t expect a response but after the time we spent together etc I feel it is justified.

 

Any thoughts?

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Sorry this happened to you. It takes about 10-12 dates to form a bond that makes it difficult for this to happen. It seems to be the magic number where the risk of ghosting or things ending abruptly without much explanation dramatically drops. It's almost like the thought that something must be done for 20 consecutive days for it to become a habit. The number is not exact every time but give or take a date and it really has merit.

 

Don't say anything. Making someone feel awkward will not draw their sympathy or compassion. If anything, they will feel more uncomfortable confronting you and speaking to you. So whatever feeling she had that caused her to ghost you you will likely add to it with your guilt-tripping message.

 

I advise you to just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and just move on. She knows what she is doing and how it might affect you. Gather what dignity you have here and just march on without letting her see you sweat. I know it sucks

but these things just happens in dating. You have the memories.

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I experienced very similar recently. She came on very strong, too strong in hindsight. Then mixed signals, called her out on it, and she was hot/cold for few days. Then a day before agreeing a date, blocked me.

 

I battled thoughts of whether I would entertain her again if she contacted me, I got a message to her to the affect of I recognise my parts but blocking is really poor behaviour. She unblocked a week on and we agreed to go slow. She didn't really seem to have addressed her behaviour and I regret how patient and compromising I was.

 

You can send a message to that affect. But really you know she's blocked you, so it's not a 'feeling' you have. It's immature behaviour to be like that and not sure where you're at, but I didn't even get much apology - even with an apology that kind've handling has to be a red flag to you. Sorry you experienced this, take pride in how you handle things better than that.

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Just let it go. Take the high road - its peaceful, the air is clear up there and you can look down on other people if you want :laugh:

 

The moment you start texting people what they should've or shouldn't have done, it starts to come across as entitled and achieves nothing. They will be simply glad they were not upfront with you and it reaffirms that they were right to try and slip away.

 

I have never ghosted anyone, but after a short period of dating (say less than a couple of months), I have let communications drop off, then sent a brief text explaining it wasn't working for me. I have had arsey replies that told me I was cold and I should have met them in person or called them to discuss it and all the other ways they thought I should have handled it, that would have been better for them. And what I thought was: phew, lucky escape.

 

You might think they owe you something, but they actually they do not.

Is it polite and honest? No.

Do you want to be with a polite and honest person? If that is a yes, then this worked out well for you. So block, delete, onwards and upwards :cool:

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Thanks for the reply and nice to have a female view on it.

It's just that she was so keen and we did have a good time together. I guess after spending the night together I think a message of some description to let the person know would be better. That is how I would always play it.

 

I won't message her again and willl just move on. For the best.

 

Just let it go. Take the high road - its peaceful, the air is clear up there and you can look down on other people if you want :laugh:

 

The moment you start texting people what they should've or shouldn't have done, it starts to come across as entitled and achieves nothing. They will be simply glad they were not upfront with you and it reaffirms that they were right to try and slip away.

 

I have never ghosted anyone, but after a short period of dating (say less than a couple of months), I have let communications drop off, then sent a brief text explaining it wasn't working for me. I have had arsey replies that told me I was cold and I should have met them in person or called them to discuss it and all the other ways they thought I should have handled it, that would have been better for them. And what I thought was: phew, lucky escape.

 

You might think they owe you something, but they actually they do not.

Is it polite and honest? No.

Do you want to be with a polite and honest person? If that is a yes, then this worked out well for you. So block, delete, onwards and upwards :cool:

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I get that, and it is so much better to let people know what is going on. If you really want to, the only text I would send her at this stage is "hey you ok? havent heard from you in a while and just checking all is well?" If she has had a health or family crisis (a possibility) and is laying low that might prompt a response. If she doesn't reply, she really is not worth anymore of your time or effort and you have behaved impeccably.

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Cookiesandough

My question is:

 

A- Should I remove her from social media etc?

B- Should I send a message saying it was nice getting to know you etc but I get the feeling you don’t want to move forward anymore. That’s cool but I would have preferred if you were just up front about it.

 

I know it probably seems petty but I really do feel like I want to send a message to that effect. I don’t expect a response but after the time we spent together etc I feel it is justified.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Maybe she wasn't feeling the sexual compatibility or more likely you were never really #1 in her eyes and just a side distraction. People can act VERY keen when they are really not. In fact, it's easier to act keen when you aren't feeling the person as much because people tend to walk on eggshells around people they like. xD lol. Sadly, very keen can be a red flag.

 

A: Yes, remove from FB. Block/delete

 

B: Don't say anything. For some people, it's cathartic to give the person some of their mind, but you have to remember the price for this is your pride. This person cares so little to ignore you that what you say will not matter, so delete and start not caring either.

 

I'm very sorry this happened!

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I have never ghosted on anyone in my life and I'm very angry every time I hear that somebody has to go through it.

 

When I'm not interested in anyone, I will just tell the person "It's not a match and I'm sorry". Sometimes the person couldnt take it well but at least I'm always honest.

 

Coming back to your case, sometimes in life you have to accept that there is a beginning but there is NO closure (the closure that things are really ended).

 

Accept it and move on. And yes, delete and remove her everywhere. No point in keeping a ghost inside your house. QUite scary!! Hhahaha

 

P/S: I'm a woman!

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Thanks for the responses everyone. Number has been deleted and I won’t contact her again.

Fact that she can do that after a fair few dates etc shows she probably isn’t worth knowing anyway.

I will dust myself down in time and try dating again.

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I ghosted a woman once. It was after one date and the date went well but then I met someone else that took my attention away (very early on in a dating cycle). After a couple of days, the idea of reaching out became harder until finally I just couldn't do it.

 

Three months later I apologized to her by text because I felt like an ahole (I was).

 

Like others said, delete her and move on. After 8 dates, anyone willing to ghost you is not worth your time.

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Thanks for the replies. Will sit on it for a few days before deciding. Should I remove from social media or not?

 

No point to remove her. She most likely will circle back around. Then you can decide if you still want her or not. I'm a firm believer break ups and dating break ups are never for forever, they always come back around if there was a connection ;)

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I'd just drop it. The need to "confront" the ghoster is a fairly popular fad, but back in the olden days we just let it go because they weren't worth a moral lesson.

 

If you send anything at all, I'd just say: It was nice spending some time with you, but I don't think we're a match. Good luck" This closes things up without sounding like you are whining that she didn't contact you.

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happens a lot. You're better off without her. people who ghost are not very mature or respectful if they are unable to communicate.

 

They are with people they are into!

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I ghosted a woman once. It was after one date and the date went well but then I met someone else that took my attention away (very early on in a dating cycle). After a couple of days, the idea of reaching out became harder until finally I just couldn't do it.

 

Three months later I apologized to her by text because I felt like an ahole (I was).

 

Like others said, delete her and move on. After 8 dates, anyone willing to ghost you is not worth your time.

 

I've ghosted (and been ghosted) many times. It's not as bad as people make it out to be, it's not easy to say no and that you're no longer interested.

 

Unless you're bg/gf then you don't owe the other person anything. They could have the best date of their life, you can still ghost them the moment you get back home.

 

Don't contact this girl, whats the point? Are you hoping that she'll somehow change her mind?

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I ghosted a woman once. It was after one date and the date went well but then I met someone else that took my attention away (very early on in a dating cycle). After a couple of days, the idea of reaching out became harder until finally I just couldn't do it.

 

Three months later I apologized to her by text because I felt like an ahole (I was).

 

Like others said, delete her and move on. After 8 dates, anyone willing to ghost you is not worth your time.

 

You actually didn't ghost her. You just weren't interested. It was only one date. There was nothing to apologize for.

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I've ghosted (and been ghosted) many times. It's not as bad as people make it out to be, it's not easy to say no and that you're no longer interested.

 

Unless you're bg/gf then you don't owe the other person anything. They could have the best date of their life, you can still ghost them the moment you get back home.

 

Don't contact this girl, whats the point? Are you hoping that she'll somehow change her mind?

 

I wont message her again and have deleted her number. Just thought after the amount of time that an explantion would be given but obviously not.

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No point to remove her. She most likely will circle back around. Then you can decide if you still want her or not. I'm a firm believer break ups and dating break ups are never for forever, they always come back around if there was a connection ;)

 

I know but don't want to see her posts etc as will be harder to move on.

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I know but don't want to see her posts etc as will be harder to move on.

 

Depends on your personality. For me it makes it easier to move on because someone posting incessantly is a turn off big time.

 

Give it 2 weeks.

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Dont have 8+ dates and sleep with someone you are not into.

 

Exactly. Something made her chicken out, she'll be back sooner than later but maybe you'd be over her then.

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Dont have 8+ dates and sleep with someone you are not into.

 

Unfortunately these things happen. I was in a similar situation, I dated a guy for almost 6 months and one day he ghosted on me. It can happen after the second date or after the 20th date. People are unpredictable.

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