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Guy won't kiss until exclusive. Flag or what?


Cookiesandough

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Cookiesandough

I don't know if anyone will understand this. I've dated this guy 3 dates so far. Last night's date was at his house where he made us a meal and we played video games. We are going the gym together this week. He asked me about the app and said he wants to take his down soon 'cause he's tired of it. He said he is non-religious

 

 

He did not make a single move on me while I was in his home. Not even cuddle.

 

On our way to my car, he asked me when I said my ex was too touchy feely what I meant. I put my arm around his shoulder and rubbed and he laughed and asked when he started doing that. I told him on the first date and he said, " that is way too soon." I looked in his eyes and said "you think so? what about kissing?" We were alone and facing each other, standing close, so I thought I'd be kissed. He said, "Yeah, I don't believe in kissing until a couple is together. Like we're exclusive. Does that make sense? Tell me if I'm weird" I lied and said, "no that's not weird. It's a little old fashioned for OLD, but that's refreshing." But that seriously that is weird. We hugged and I got in my car feeling a little confused and rejected.

 

 

I'm not picking up on signs he's gay. He's told me he's found me physically attractive,but that could easily be a lie. Do you think i've been friendszoned ? Perhaps for talking about my ex so much(he asked if we're getting back together)? Has anyone encountered someone that espoused these principles or said so and what happened?

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Has anyone encountered someone with these principles and what happened?

 

Yup, you probably remember my story... 6 h at home no kissing. He friendzoned me after but i'm pretty sure he has been interested, just couldn't get over the barrier somehow..... I think same for your guy. You're now faced with a wild ride ahead....

 

Another option: he's multi-dating or suspects you are multi-dating. I can't for the world kiss a guy who I suspect is kissing others, it makes me physically sick :sick:

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I don't know if anyone will understand this. I've dated this guy 3 dates so far. Last night's date was at his house where he made us a meal and we played video games. We are going the gym together this week. He asked me about the app and said he wants to take his down soon he's tired of it. I upgraded to tinder gold(which I love)

 

 

He did not make a single move on me while I was in his home. Not even cuddle.

 

On our way to my car, he asked me when I said my ex was too touchy feely what did I mean. I put my arm around his shoulder and rubbed and he laughed and asked when he started doing that. I told him on the first date and he said, " that is way too soon." I looked in his eyes and said "you think so? what about kissing?" We were alone and facing each other, standing close, so I thought I'd be kissed. He said, "Yeah, I don't believe in kissing until a couple is together. Like we're exclusive. Does that make sense? Tell me if I'm weird" I lied and said, "no that's not weird. It's a little old fashioned for OLD, but that's refreshing." But that seriously that is weird. We hugged and I got in my car feeling a little confused and rejected.

 

 

I'm not picking up on signs he's gay. He's told me he's found me physically attractive,but that could easily be a lie. Do you think i've been friendszoned ? Perhaps for talking about my ex so much(he asked if we're getting back together)? Has anyone encountered someone with these principles or said so and what happened?

 

Anything is possible. Even a guy who claims to be against kissing an attractive woman on the first date or until exclusive. Never heard of a thing unless there was something off about the guy (not always a bad thing. he could be gay). My immediate response is that he really doesn't believe that. If he is really attracted to you, he wants to kiss and uh hum other things to you. He's probably playing a little game he thinks is cute and chivalrous.

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"Yeah, I don't believe in kissing until a couple is together. Like we're exclusive. Does that make sense? Tell me if I'm weird[/b]" I lied and said, "no that's not weird. It's a little old fashioned for OLD, but that's refreshing." But that seriously that is weird.

Really? I find it pretty gross that someone would kiss me, and then the next day she would be out kissing someone else, and then next weekend she'd be kissing me again. In fact if she kissed someone else I wouldn't want to see her again.

 

Exclusivity before kissing makes perfect sense to me.

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Maybe he was trying to mirror you. You said you didn't even like a touch on the shoulder, so he might assume a kiss would be the last thing you would want at this stage.

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Cookiesandough
Has anyone encountered someone with these principles and what happened?

 

Yup, you probably remember my story... 6 h at home no kissing. He friendzoned me after but i'm pretty sure he has been interested, just couldn't get over the barrier somehow..... I think same for your guy. You're now faced with a wild ride ahead....

:

 

Your story is the first that popped into my head. I don't know if I should proceed because of this. Thank you all so much. Maybe he is a germaphobe. He did finish my slice of cake, but that's different

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Perhaps for talking about my ex so much

 

This is probably playing into what he said. He doesn't know you well enough to know if you're truly over and done with your ex or if you're saying this stuff as a way to manipulate him into getting into a relationship with you. To be safe, he's making sure that he's not being friendzoned before he's had a chance to see if anything is really there to motivate a relationship developing.

 

Talk about the ex's should probably not be had other than to say "it's over and I'm done and moving on". The details can wait until you and the new guy know each other far better... if at all.

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Cookiesandough

Oh. I don't know if this is pertinent. It probably is but I asked him a while back if he wanted to hook up (months ago) . He agreed... but then I chickened out and told him I can't do hookups ...it's too awkward and I'm afraid of catching some thing . I told him I just asked him that to get over my ex and that's not me. He was understanding. He said he didn't really do them either. He said last night he was glad we didn't do it. I said, "gee, thanks." He said no it's not that and complimented me and said it just wouldn't have been right.

 

He asked me if I'm getting back with my ex and I told him no way, it's not happening. I showed him pics of my ex last night. I told him my ex never made me feel he actually liked me and from date 1 he was touching all over me. But this was date 3. A kiss was in order

 

I'm just thinking over the date and cringing because there's no way he's interested in me romantically anymore...but talking about my ex on dates is almost an impulse now that gets harder to suppress as dates go on.

 

I think he has an inkling im dating others too. He's probably totally grossed out

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He asked me if I'm getting back with my ex and I told him no way, it's not happening. I showed him pics of my ex last night. I told him my ex never made me feel he actually liked me and from date 1 he was touching all over me. But this was date 3. A kiss was in order

 

 

Cookie, you are not ready to date. I remember a man showing me a picture of his ex on our 2nd or 3rd date and it killed it for me. You are using these fake-dates as therapy. You need to get your act together before you go back on the dating market. You are wasting these men's time. You don't need to be in a romantic relationship for now! There are other things in life than having a boyfriend. You really really need to get your act together before dating.

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Your story is the first that popped into my head. I don't know if I should proceed because of this. Thank you all so much. Maybe he is a germaphobe. He did finish my slice of cake, but that's different

 

Nah I don't think it's the same case as in my story. My guy has disclosed issues with dating (haven't had a gf from many years, being most comfortable being single, needs to get a massage before date because of being too stressed etc).

 

In your case I think it is his fear you're multi-dating.

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Cookiesandough

Heh some guy did that to me recently(showed pix of ex) . I think he asked after I showed mine. Im just looking at all the mistakes in this case I made but I made it clear to the guy it was completely over with my ex.. which is true.. he'd die a gruesome death before he'd take me back...

 

I guess I have to cancel with this guy which probably won't be hard since I'm kind of friend zoned now anyway. We wouldn't have worked out because I don't wanna rship with him. I was just curious why he didn't kiss and if he actually had that belief.

 

 

Thanks, guys.

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I wouldn't be exclusive with anyone until we have kissed a few times....they have to be a good kisser, and match my passion.

 

You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....right? This guy might have a good reason, but it's not for you.

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He asked me if I'm getting back with my ex and I told him no way, it's not happening. I showed him pics of my ex last night

 

This is playing into what's fallen out in experience at your feet. I dare say that if you didn't have your ex's pictures at the ready, it would be one thing; but you did, which can indicate to some people that you're not over them because you still have their pictures handy.

 

It would certainly tell me that if I was dating a guy and he was always going on and on about his ex and whipping out her pictures that he's not emotionally done with her and I wouldn't invest any of my feelings or emotions in him because, to me, it looks like he's not ready, despite what he's telling himself and me. It's actions, not words I'm looking out for.

 

but talking about my ex on dates is almost an impulse now that gets harder to suppress as dates go on.

 

You need to work on some self discipline if you intend upon being successful at moving things from inquiry/involvement stage to full on "100% in it" relationship stage.

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I wouldn't be exclusive with anyone until we have kissed a few times....they have to be a good kisser, and match my passion.

 

Ok but being exclusive is not "for life", there are no initiation ceremonies to pass, no fee to pay, no certificate to sign, no contract to draw up...

If he turns out to not be a good kisser then it is easy enough to just say "Sorry, no chemistry" or "We are not compatible" and break up.

Exclusivity is just the first rung on a very long ladder...

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GunslingerRoland

I'm leaning towards it's not him it's you. In the sense that you were wishy washy with him before, now you are showing him pics of your ex and talking about how special your ex made you feel.

 

Maybe he's trying to keep you at arms length until he is sure you are actually serious about dating him this time.

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Your story is the first that popped into my head. I don't know if I should proceed because of this. Thank you all so much. Maybe he is a germaphobe. He did finish my slice of cake, but that's different

 

I am one myself but to me your nice women I don't think you were be that way. He's being way to cautions with you. Why did you talk about your ex to him. That's not good because he'll thing you still seeing him or he just not feeling it with you. Got be careful today. Did you want a kiss on the lips or side of 0 the cheek?

 

First date - a turn to the side a kiss on the cheek

Second date - a turn to the side a kiss on the cheek

Third date - a turn to the side kiss on the cheek

Forth date - a kiss on the lips (herp A is this one you know) if they don't kiss you on the lips and turn the cheek they might have something.

 

Herps A sometimes you can see the sores and sometimes you can't. I funny about this funny me I reserved. It said 99.9% have it if your active dating, but I don't kiss on the first date. I usually huge them tight and lift them up in the air I am very strong. I ask them prior if it's okay don't want them get nervous. LOL

 

If he was gay you would know it? They are not hard to tell. But I doubt you have that problem with him. But he didn't cuddle you, just play video games which game did you both play? Was it Just Dance or Army Ground Assault Game?

Edited by coolheadal
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I made it clear to the guy it was completely over with my ex.. which is true.. he'd die a gruesome death before he'd take me back...

 

Why I don't believe that for 1 minute.

 

People that are over their ex do not bring them up in conversations even less these very first conversations at beginning of dating.

 

People that are over their ex do not feel an impulsion to speak about their ex.

 

People that are over their ex don't show pictures of their ex, they don't have pictures of their ex.

 

And last, notice how you did not say YOU would not take him back ......

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Heh some guy did that to me recently(showed pix of ex) . I think he asked after I showed mine. Im just looking at all the mistakes in this case I made but I made it clear to the guy it was completely over with my ex.. which is true.. he'd die a gruesome death before he'd take me back...

 

I guess I have to cancel with this guy which probably won't be hard since I'm kind of friend zoned now anyway. We wouldn't have worked out because I don't wanna rship with him. I was just curious why he didn't kiss and if he actually had that belief.

 

 

Thanks, guys.

 

Showing a picture of your ex on the first couple dates is a huge red flag to me. Even talking about your ex more than just in passing would cause me to pause. I recently dated a girl who referred to her ex by his first name enough times that I knew she was talking about him just by first name. I was like WTF??? Surely enough, they got back together and she still wanted to keep seeing me but I bailed. The warning signs were there from day one.

 

The only time, ever, that I've shown a pic of my ex was indirectly because my date asked to see pictures of my daughter. After that date, I went through my phone and moved all pics of my daughter than had my ex in them to a separate folder...

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I think he simply doesn't trust you, possibly because of the background story with your ex. He is therefore taking his time. Call it male intuition. ;)

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Tell him that he is weird. I have two family members who dated guys who made all sorts of excuses to limit sexual intimacy. Ended up getting married since they did not believe in sex before marriage. Both of their husbands left them for men. They were gay. There are a lot of people confused about their sexuality. My wife did not come out as bi until she was 27. She had a girlfriend since 14 and both were bi, desired each other but kept it secret from one another. They went out of their way to avoid doing anything intimate like hug. So you never know.

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