Cam1 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 (edited) Met a guy on tinder, haven't really been back out on the dating scene in awhile following the end of my last year long relationship (with a man who was very cold affectionately--didn't like to hold my hand, would get snappy if i looked at him too long in the car, and didn't like sex. let's not get started on this subject). Anyways, so I feel like I kind of got reprogrammed during that year, to believe that was normal. Anyways, on tinder, talked to plenty of guys, this one's really funny. We start texting, texted for a week a lot (I know, I shouldn't before the first meet up but we get on very well). During which he's told me he's looking for a relationship, not a hook up (they all say that though, right?). But he's also put his foot down on certain things--wouldn't send me a shirtless snapchat, and got firm when he thought sexting was happening (it wasn't), and wrote me, "No sexting right now. I want a relationship, and sexting right now won't build that." Yet he's also starting to make jokes like, "Why don't you date me!" And when I've called him out on it, his replies are along the lines of, "I think we have chemistry, so I'm going to be bold." We went on a date last night. It didn't feel like a first date. I was sufficiently awkward (like a first date), and he was weird, but in a good way. Very different than any other tinder meet up I've had. He held my hand while walking towards the end of the date, and we ended up making out. All and all, a 5 hour date. We could have talked longer. Today he's written me and wants to see me again, and is allegedly planning our next date. However, I also have received more flirty texts and a shirtless mirror snapchat. Should I be running from this guy? I asked him, "Who's sexting now?" His reply: "That was before. And now that we've met and I can see this going somewhere, it's different." While I don't mind the shirtless pics (I'm very attracted to him), him texting me good morning each day seems normal, I'd like to see him again, and he makes me laugh like no one has in years, I'm not sure if this is normal and i'm just use to "cold/stoic" now, or if this is a red alarm? Thoughts people? We're in our late 20s. And him holding my hand on a first date? Edited September 21, 2017 by Cam1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 It doesn't seem unusual he didn't want to sext or send shirtless pics to someone he never met. I wouldn't either. That's weird. Also, holding a hand or making out is not unusual either on a first date provided there's chemistry. All you described of his sounds normal to me so far. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Sounds like a fun flirty date. Maybe he should be running from you if you see all that stuff as negative. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pest947 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I think its normal now that you have had a date, established some chemistry and physical contact. Still keep your guard up a little bit, but it sounds like he is just enthusiastic about you now and it's not like he sent a D*ck pic. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Run - no. If you don't like his flirting style just tell him that you don't want to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I get the sense that he didnt' want to flirt to much before actually meeting, but now that you met he likes you and wants to flirt more... I don't blame him because by the sounds of it a lot of people lead each other on through online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam1 Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 I do like him! This might sound a little embarrassing though, but after spending a year with a man who seemed to constantly need to be convinced why we were together, maybe it's hard for me to believe someone could really like me after a week and a half of texting and a date. So it feels odd? Additionally, there have only been two men who have been eager to commit to me: Guy #1--Asked me to be exclusive with him after a couple weeks, 2 weeks later dropped me because there was an ex girlfriend back on the scene. Guy #2--My ex. Who I'd been friends with for years, but had really only been romantically involved with for again, a couple weeks, before he asked me to be his girlfriend. And then broke up with me because, "there might be other experiences out there." Or is knowing what you want just become more common with men as they enter their near their 30th birthday? The two fast in/fast out guys were in their mid 20: 25 and 26. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I'm not saying you should commit to this guy but there is no need to run. Go on a 2nd date. Take things slow. See what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam1 Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 I'm not saying you should commit to this guy but there is no need to run. Go on a 2nd date. Take things slow. See what happens. Right, and i'm not saying he's saying commitment yet. I was just trying to give the only two examples i have in my life of men who tried to move fast in seeming to be into me. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Who brought up shirtless pics and sexting in the first instance? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Or is knowing what you want just become more common with men as they enter their near their 30th birthday? . h*ll no!!!!! Date him for awhile...Don't jump into anything. Get to know him. Figure out what kind of guy he is. Things like disingenuity will be better revealed with time. There is no rush. If he tries to push you before youre comfortable tell him you don't want to jump into anything. You want to get to know him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam1 Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 Who brought up shirtless pics and sexting in the first instance? That's a good point... Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 That's a good point... Do you not remember? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam1 Posted September 22, 2017 Author Share Posted September 22, 2017 Do you not remember? No I do remember. It was me. But he put his foot down, and now the tables have kind of turned. he's never asked for anything risque from me though, and I applaud that His other creepy joke punchline is marriage jokes. IWe were texting and I told him I was silently sobbing from laughter about something he'd said. He replied: "Is your secret husband lying there next to you,and that's why you have to laugh silently?" I responded: "No, because he doesn't exist." His response: "He doesn't exist yet." Followed by a clarification: "I was implying it would be me. Which was a pretty creepy joke." Marriage is like a man's most pathological fear, so i don't get it? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 No I do remember. It was me. But he put his foot down, and now the tables have kind of turned. he's never asked for anything risque from me though, and I applaud that You are looking for serious dating and you ask men to send you shirtless pictures. Then you turn around and wonder if this guy is serious?? You're lucky he didn't dump you when you asked. His other creepy joke punchline is marriage jokes. IWe were texting and I told him I was silently sobbing from laughter about something he'd said. He replied: "Is your secret husband lying there next to you,and that's why you have to laugh silently?" I responded: "No, because he doesn't exist." His response: "He doesn't exist yet." Followed by a clarification: "I was implying it would be me. Which was a pretty creepy joke." Marriage is like a man's most pathological fear, so i don't get it? It's just a joke. He's nervous and his jokes aren't funny. Cut him some slack. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cam1 Posted September 24, 2017 Author Share Posted September 24, 2017 You are looking for serious dating and you ask men to send you shirtless pictures. Gaeta I hate when you give tough love and it's exactly what I needed to hear. You're right. I guess my perception was it's tinder, so, men don't care about these things? ANYWAYS, UPDATE: We went out again yesterday. He came into town to run errands, and he didn't really plan anything (this peeves me, not because I can't be spontaneous, but becuase I had things I had to do, and wanted to be able to plan accordingly, plus I feel like planning is an great litmus test of how much a man actually likes you). Anyways, we ended up grabbing dinner and coffee before his hour drive home. And then we made out. And I let him get under my shirt. It felt great at the time. But this morning I'm wondering if it was some kind of test and I failed it by letting him get there on a second date? I want to be progressive and say no, but I know men have double standards. Anyways, when he left, there was no mention of a third date. He texted me when he got home to let me know he got there, and I told him I had a great time with and hope I see him again. His response: "You will." He's been texting me good morning every day. So I guess if I get one of those today it's a good sign it's not ruined or he wasn't just trying to get laid? He's moving this week, to his next clinical rotation site (2hrs away from me), and has a giant exam, so I know he's got plenty going on, but still. Link to post Share on other sites
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