New love interest got back together with ex

[CryForNoOne]

I met her in the produce section of the supermarket 4 weeks ago. Glancing at her cart, I asked her if she was vegan and she said she was trying it out after breaking up with her boyfriend. That was my queue to ask her out. We really hit it off and have been sleeping together since the first date. We've been on 5 dates. The sex has been incredible and only getting better each time. We are 100% sexually compatible. We stay up all night and are basically wrecked the next day - totally unproductive at work if we even go at all. After sex we cuddle and talk a lot. I've told her I want to know everything about her and on more than one occasion she has told me she thinks about me morning noon and night. The infatuation runs deep and is definitely mutual.

 

Everything was going great until last weekend. Suddenly she started taking hours to respond to texts. I knew something was up then out of the blue she tells me she got back together with her ex and can't see me anymore. Initially, I tried to talk her out of it, but once I calmed down, I realized I needed to let it go. Well, the next day she texts me that she misses me and can't stop thinking about me and she ends up staying over at my place again. I told her I'm not cool with being a side dish and that we are not doing this again unless she decides me or him. We both stayed distant by text this week and we were in limbo about seeing each other again.

 

She knew my band had a gig last night and yesterday morning she texts me "What time is your gig? I can't wait to see you tonight!" But I had a feeling something was still going with her ex. So I started probing and then she admitted she was choosing her ex but that she wanted to see me to tell me in person. I knew that was BS and told her so. I said you were coming for some other reason and we both know what that is. She said she didn't think it was a good idea to come anymore and we left it at that. I was 100% certain she was going to show up anyway and sure enough she did.

 

So after my gig she stayed over again and we basically had breakup sex and agreed to go NC after last night. She left at 5AM so I asked her to text me when she got home safely. I also wrote "Thanks for last night." to which she replied "NP. I really wanted to see you." Probably, not the last thing someone should write when we've agreed to go NC. So now the game of chicken begins. Who is going to crack first? I like her more and more everytime I see her so now I'm thinking last night was an awful idea. I'm 100% certain I'm all she's thinking about today. My head tells me to walk away, but my heart can't let her go. It's about once a decade I meet someone and we have mutual feelings this strong.

 

She keeps on telling me she doesn't want to see me anymore but keeps leaking signals that are completely contrary. Is she just truly confused or is this her way of testing me? She says she so scared to walk away from a sweet loving guy that she has a long history with for butterflies and infatuation with me. Do I fight to win her over? Do I wait a few months and see if they are still together? Or do I just move on?

[Erik30]

So she had sex with you after she already decided to give it another shot with her ex... I wonder how he will feel about that... I think she will be back, (probably when her ex finds out about you) but this girl doesn't sound like relationship material. She's cheating on her ex with you

[ExpatInItaly]

You're totally wasting your time with this girl.

 

She's keeping you warm until she knows for sure that her reconciliation with her ex will work out. Then she will disappear, for good.

 

She's also showing you she is not girlfriend material at all. It says a lot about her poor character that she's apparently back with the ex but still sleeping with you. Not much of a moral compass there and not much care for anyone but herself.

Edited September 15, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[CryForNoOne]

So she had sex with you after she already decided to give it another shot with her ex... I wonder how he will feel about that... I think she will be back, (probably when her ex finds out about you) but this girl doesn't sound like relationship material. She's cheating on her ex with you

He already knows about me and flipped out. I'm not so dismissive of someone and would label everything as cheating. It's not like she invited this situation. Sometimes timing in life is everything. If you're all just going to say she's not relationship material, that's not very helpful...

[coolheadal]

He already knows about me and flipped out. I'm not so dismissive of someone and would label everything as cheating. It's not like she invited this situation. Sometimes timing in life is everything. If you're all just going to say she's not relationship material, that's not very helpful...

 

You don't like to listen to others advise here so why in the world do you come here looking for answers. She's a cheater, I am sure she cheated on your butt as well. But look at the bright side you are willing to break another man's heart over your ex who doesn't have a clue what she wants. Yours or his member is in question. Who is the best one are you or is it him. She has it both way now. Sure I figure you don't give a dam right now who she's in bed with there might be 3rd guy as well. She horny woman and you horny men just don't know when to say fudge this woman you have enough of her odd behavior.

 

Listen I see your in denial and you keep banging this woman because that's all you want. She'll just keep on cheating and banging you as well. Are you fine with that buddy? If you say yes then you have answered your own question. If your unsure then you are still in denial. Bang her then as she cheats on your foolish idea that she really wants to be with you. Guess again!

[xxjustinukxx]

He already knows about me and flipped out. I'm not so dismissive of someone and would label everything as cheating. It's not like she invited this situation. Sometimes timing in life is everything. If you're all just going to say she's not relationship material, that's not very helpful...

 

It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind to continue this on/off "relationship". All she has to do is show up, and you're spending the night together.

 

If you don't want to accept what others here offer as "helpful", perhaps you shouldn't ask for advice.

 

You need to walk away and mean it, find someone who doesn't treat you like a piece of meat whenever they're feeling horny.

 

Hope that's "helpful" ?

[PegNosePete]

It's not like she invited this situation.

Of course she did. She was with you, then she got back with her ex, and then she carried on having sex with you. What do you call that, if not inviting this situation? What does she need to invite this situation, an invitation from the Queen?

 

If you're all just going to say she's not relationship material, that's not very helpful...

She's not relationship material and if you're looking for a relationship you need to look elsewhere. It might not be what you WANT to hear, but it's what you NEED to hear. It is the most helpful thing anyone can tell you.

[smackie9]

Rebound! BOING!!!!!

 

When you hear, broke up with my BF that is your cue to walk away.

[olivetree]

Glancing at her cart, I asked her if she was vegan and she said she was trying it out after breaking up with her boyfriend. That was my queue to ask her out.

 

Noooooooooooooo.

 

When you hear, broke up with my BF that is your cue to walk away.

 

Yessssssssssssssss.

[CryForNoOne]

Rebound! BOING!!!!!

 

When you hear, broke up with my BF that is your cue to walk away.

 

As opposed to finding someone who has been on 300 OLDs and is perpetually single because they next a guy for the slightest reason? Sorry, I don't get the extreme aversion to the rebound. I'm well aware that people have a tendency of clinging to the first person they are interested in after a bad breakup, but that goes with the territory. I'd rather be with that person than someone who has been single for years and years. How is that relationship material???

 

I've been in 3, 5, and 12 year relationships which constitute the vast majority of my adult life. This is the first time since I was 22 I've been single more than a year. By LS definitions, when I've been single I've always been on the rebound. Two of the three women I dated left a LTR to be with me. Also rebound? That means they "cheated" too but never cheated while in our relationship - though one did leave the relationship by "cheating" on me. She's been with him 17 years now and they are married with kids. But once a cheater always a cheater so she must be cheating on him... My mom left a doctor she was dating for my dad and they've been together 51 years. If my mom or any of us followed the advice here on LS, none of those relationships would have ever happened. Everyone would be single and miserable and wondering why...

 

Sorry I just don't get the extreme hang ups here. The women I date and I seem to have a different attitude about sex than what is prevalent here. I can't fathom the concept of entering a relationship with someone unless I know we're sexually compatible. That's like 50% of a relationship. I don't ghost after sleeping with women but I have no interest in pursuing any woman who guards it like a sacred temple. The guys who go for those women wind up in miserable sexless marriages that are all too common.

[cope ascetic]

I am not a hopeless romantic, but i'm not jaded either.

I too have a history of lengthy relationships.

Personally, I have never wanted to marry or have children.

 

It seems like you two connected on a deeper level than what she has with her ex, but she has a whole relationship there to sort through.

 

I actually think you have the upper hand in this situation, you just have to have a little patience to wait and see what happens.

 

If you truly care about her, this will be a labor of love.

 

She gets a lot of bonus points for being up front with you about everything.

 

Good Luck.

[olivetree]

As opposed to finding someone who has been on 300 OLDs and is perpetually single because they next a guy for the slightest reason? Sorry, I don't get the extreme aversion to the rebound. I'm well aware that people have a tendency of clinging to the first person they are interested in after a bad breakup, but that goes with the territory. I'd rather be with that person than someone who has been single for years and years. How is that relationship material???

 

I've been in 3, 5, and 12 year relationships which constitute the vast majority of my adult life. This is the first time since I was 22 I've been single more than a year. By LS definitions, when I've been single I've always been on the rebound. Two of the three women I dated left a LTR to be with me. Also rebound? That means they "cheated" too but never cheated while in our relationship - though one did leave the relationship by "cheating" on me. She's been with him 17 years now and they are married with kids. But once a cheater always a cheater so she must be cheating on him... My mom left a doctor she was dating for my dad and they've been together 51 years. If my mom or any of us followed the advice here on LS, none of those relationships would have ever happened. Everyone would be single and miserable and wondering why...

 

Sorry I just don't get the extreme hang ups here. The women I date and I seem to have a different attitude about sex than what is prevalent here. I can't fathom the concept of entering a relationship with someone unless I know we're sexually compatible. That's like 50% of a relationship. I don't ghost after sleeping with women but I have no interest in pursuing any woman who guards it like a sacred temple. The guys who go for those women wind up in miserable sexless marriages that are all too common.

 

Relationships just have a much higher chance of working out if both heart's are "free".

Plus it feels better and there is less drama.

No one said you need to hold out for ladies with cobwebs in their panties.

 

Anyway, in your current situation, I am going to overlook the fact that she doesn't seem to have a lot of integrity and focus on what you want: to be with her.

You keep saying it's the last time but then do the opposite and sleep with her.

She knows she totally has you... both of you.

Not much incentive for her to really make a decision and stick to it, is it?

 

You need to stay firm and not let her back in unless she really wants to make a go of it with you for real.

Let her give her old relationship one last go.

She obviously needs to see that one through to know.

Just don't be her safety net.

 

She might realize he's not what she wants (doesn't sound like it).

But you need to let her go to find that out.

I think that's your only chance here.

 

If she comes back and you're still interested, let her work for it a little.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She's a game player. If that's what you're into, my advice would be to wait a couple months and see if her relationship with her boyfriend works out or doesn't.

[smackie9]

Don't get testy with me because you are overly emotionally invested.

You came here for outside opinions no? There is nothing you can do at this point but wait and see, if you are willing to. As they say, if you care about someone let them go, if they come back it was meant to be.

 

The thing is, you must have a clearer head when she does. If she isn't back 100%, you need to cut her off for your own sake and not be led by your weakness for her. All she is going to do is yo yo between you two.....having her cake and eat it to.