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Ever feel a relationship drifting?


Redguitar35

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I met this girl when I was not really looking for a relationship. I was online mostly just looking for hookups because after so many tries and one and done dates I felt like no one was ever going to want a relationship with me and that I should just settle for one night stands. My expectations of people had fallen so low that I really didnt seek out or expect anything more than sex because I just decided I probably wasn't meant for a relationship.

 

I've been seeing this girl for a month who said she did want a relationship and not playing games. I'd say most of that time period has been great. We agreed to delete or dating profiles and she stays over at my house frequently including the night before last.

 

 

But the past couple of days I've felt like she's drifting away. She's not as responsive and active when it comes to texting whereas in the beginning we were texting all the time. Maybe she just had a bad day yesterday, but it took her almost 7 hours to reply to a text, and when she did she reply she didn't really respond to every topic I brought up. I don't think the volume of my texts has changed any, she's just gotten really slow to reply. I feel like she's fading. I imagine her just not knowing how to break up with me or not having the guts or the words to.

 

 

I just feel kinda numb about it I guess, and I'm thinking about just getting it over with and restarting my dating profile and trying to move on. Has anybody had any experience with a relationship just kinda withering quietly like this?

Edited by Redguitar35
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This is my experience with my recent breakup although what he wpuld do is disappear for 4-5 days then reappear like nothinh happened. He would no-show for plans saying he "fell asleep, say he would call at a certain time then never call, ect. When I asked him what was going on he said he was "gunshy" and scared of the relationship becoming more serious, hence why he withdrawals. He said that did care about me and wanted to be with me but was scared of his own thoughts. I told him he needed to figure things out if there was a chance of us being together.

 

My advice is to have a talk with her. See where she is. She may want to break up, she may be scared, but either way you'll know what is going on.

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I don't know, I'd hate to sabotage the relationship by confronting her if it turns out I've been jumping to conclusions, but something just doesn't feel right to me.

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7 hours for a text is fairly normal for adults IMO. Texting "all the time" is really not sustainable for the long term, especially when you have to work and carry out other responsibilities.

 

How is she like when you two are actually together?

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7 hours for a text is fairly normal for adults IMO. Texting "all the time" is really not sustainable for the long term, especially when you have to work and carry out other responsibilities.

 

How is she like when you two are actually together?

 

I'm pretty used to getting texts from her like 3 or 4 hours apart, which is my idea of "texting all the time". Maybe one in the morning and one or two in the evening is more normal for her. 7 hours strikes me as a departure.

 

 

When we're together, everything seems fine. Usually it's after a long day at work, and we're both too tired to go out so we just eat dinner together, hang out on the couch then go to bed. We've never fought about anything, and she's never complained about anything we do.

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I don't know, I'd hate to sabotage the relationship by confronting her if it turns out I've been jumping to conclusions, but something just doesn't feel right to me.

 

I didnt say confront, just said talk. Communication is important. Just ask her if evrrything is okay and see if she will open up. No accusations. If it doesnt feel right, its usually not. My instinct is that you are afraid of finding out what you already know (as was I)...that she isnt into you or scared to move forward.

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I didnt say confront, just said talk. Communication is important. Just ask her if evrrything is okay and see if she will open up. No accusations. If it doesnt feel right, its usually not. My instinct is that you are afraid of finding out what you already know (as was I)...that she isnt into you or scared to move forward.

 

How do I say that?

 

 

"Listen, I feel things are drifting between us. Are you wanting to break up?"

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How do I say that?

 

 

"Listen, I feel things are drifting between us. Are you wanting to break up?"

 

Not exactly...just change the phrasing a little.

 

You could try "I have felt like there has been a change in our relationship and I wanted to talk to you and see if everything is okay."

 

Leave it open ended and vague at first, and if she says "yes everything is fine" then site more specific examples but make sure you use feelings instead of accusations. Also I would advise against asking if she wants to breakup because that sounds like you are jumping to conclusions. Try to get to the root of the problem first by trying to understand.

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Things have been going relatively well for 1 month and she uses 2 days or so for herself or self-reflection and you are becoming a bit worried. I agree with your reluctance to confront her on this because often this can obscure things further.

 

My advice is to relax. Back off a bit and don't force her to make quick decisions. It sounds like things are moving pretty quick with her staying nights over your house a lot in only a month but, hey, I am not against going with the flow of things. She may need to reflect on this or it could be a crash and burn. Just go with the flow now and give her the room she is trying to take.

Edited by Mike B.
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Things have been going relatively well for 1 month and she uses 2 days or so for herself or self-reflection and you are becoming a bit worried. I agree with your reluctance to confront her on this because often this can obscure things further.

 

My advice is to relax. Back off a bit and don't force her to make quick decisions. It sounds like things are moving pretty quick with her staying nights over your house a lot in only a month but, hey, I am not against going with the flow of things. She may need to reflect on this or it could be a crash and burn. Just go with the flow now and give her the room she is trying to take.

 

I've never had much success with the go with the flow approach, whether it's work or relationships. I feel like it just allows things to fester.

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I've never had much success with the go with the flow approach, whether it's work or relationships. I feel like it just allows things to fester.

 

It sounds like to me you had already been doing it right up until she became less engaged. My recommendation is to try it in this situation as well. If nothing really went wrong, there is no wound to fester.

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It sounds like to me you had already been doing it right up until she became less engaged. My recommendation is to try it in this situation as well. If nothing really went wrong, there is no wound to fester.

 

 

 

Sigh....like I said I'm just no good at relationships. I wish they weren't so difficult :(

 

One night stands are much easier so maybe I will stick to those from now on

Edited by Redguitar35
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Sigh....like I said I'm just no good at relationships. I wish they weren't so difficult :(

 

One night stands are much easier so maybe I will stick to those from now on

 

That is cool. These sort of situations teaches us to become better at them. One night stands don't teach us much outside of sex.

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Feel like I'm going through the same. Usually responsive, but noticed a decline last couple of weeks mostly due to her new job. However last night and today have been odd as she seemed shorter with me over text than usual. I did jump to asking when she's free to get together and she said "I'm free Friday?" so the following morning at 6:30am I said the time and place and it took her until 8pm later on to reply. Okay, she had work.. but her friend also shared something on her Facebook during the day which she "liked".

 

However, I did go quiet on her last weekend and she asked what was up and asked if she made me mad or upset so she wouldn't do it again in the future. Of course I was tired and told her that.

 

Any chance you might have made her feel like she's done something?

 

She could also be TESTING you, for your confidence, to see if you get needy, emotional, etc. She'll want to see if you're not putting on an act.

 

Just copy her actions and act distant if she is. Chasing her will just push her away whereas getting on with your own life will create intrigue and mystery for her which, if she's still interested, will make her check up on you.

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She could also be TESTING you, for your confidence, to see if you get needy, emotional, etc. She'll want to see if you're not putting on an act.

 

 

This does happen quite often. If you fail this test, it is difficult to recover from. This is why I always find it best to provide room when someone is backing off a bit.

 

I very recently had to do this and the woman just started contacting me again last night after 4 days of silence. Today we started planning to go on another date. There is no guarantee we will go into a long term relationship but it is moving along.

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This does happen quite often. If you fail this test, it is difficult to recover from. This is why I always find it best to provide room when someone is backing off a bit.

 

I very recently had to do this and the woman just started contacting me again last night after 4 days of silence. Today we started planning to go on another date. There is no guarantee we will go into a long term relationship but it is moving along.

 

Yeah, my GF was fine in person, you wouldn't question her "lack of interest" yet texting has been off. I just got busy with what I was doing and expected the worst and she eventually got back in contact.

 

Women will test regularly for your strength, to see if you're worthy of her in the long run. If she distances herself, so do you. You need to show her that it's not going to affect you if she did leave you, to show you're strong. It's attractive to her because if you don't fear losing her, she'll not want to go anywhere (if she's interested).

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Women will test regularly for your strength, to see if you're worthy of her in the long run. If she distances herself, so do you. You need to show her that it's not going to affect you if she did leave you, to show you're strong. It's attractive to her because if you don't fear losing her, she'll not want to go anywhere (if she's interested).

 

One of my recent ex girlfriend has a young child. Our first 2 dates were great. I was impressed by her maturity, elegance and successful career yet For our 3rd date she cancelled on me one hour before the date by sending a text saying her child suddenly became ill, blah, blah, blah... I immediately recognized it as my first test from her and didn't respond. She sent a follow up text asking if I had received the cancellation. I simply replied "yes." She immediately began to scramble to set up another date with me which we did.

 

Fast forward eight months year later - we are sitting down at a restaurant having dinner and talking about dating and children and date cancellations. I told her if someone cancels on me, I don't offer another date. The person who cancels has to offer the makeup date. She replied by saying "don't you know women with children test men by cancelling dates early in the relationship to see if the man will be able to handle the woman having children?" I told her I was well aware of this test and that is why when she cancelled our 3rd date, I didn't offer another one. She said she would never offer a man another date who she cancelled on and he didn't offer another date. She even denied she was testing me. I told her to look at her text messages from our exchange after that cancellation to see who actually offered the makeup date. It was her of course. You should have seen the look of surprise on her face. It was priceless.

 

No one is above giving the test. I have found the best course of action is to lay back and chill and take your test like a champ.

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