Dating ideas for oldtimers?

[nospam99]

Male, 63, divorced in March, and as near as I can tell very physically healthy and active for my age. My relationship with my ex was complicated enough that at first I really didn't have much interest or give much thought to what's next. But had an epiphany about a month ago and decided I don't want to totally write off the chance of a loving relationship forever ('forever' being a whole lot closer now than is was the last time I was single).

 

I'm not and never was a bar/drinking/party person and wouldn't feel comfortable doing that to try to meet an SO. Also strongly prefer to avoid OLD. I wouldn't feel compatible 'robbing the cradle' or being a sugar daddy so I'd prefer to meet someone in 50's to early 60's (Christie Brinkley would work but I'm pretty sure she's out of my league )

 

So what I've got going so far is meetup.com and speed dating. However in my age range those options, like most others, seem to be sparser than for younger people. I prefer physical activities like hiking and bike rides to more sedentary stuff like concerts, lectures, and dinners. My question is whether there are other activities that I haven't thought of that provide opportunities to meet people (women in my case) to develop friendships with romantic potential.

Edited September 8, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[d0nnivain]

There is an OLD cite just for people over 50 -- OurTime. I know nothing about it other than it's owned by Match.com Stay off match; it's all 20 somethings.

 

Do you have any hobbies? Find a singles group that does something related to what you like. When I was single I went to a leashes & lovers event because I could bring my dog. I had signed up to play in a golf thing -- they put together a 4some & you played with potential people. There are ones for all sorts of interests.

 

Are you civic minded? Volunteer somewhere doing things you care about -- rescuing animals; getting political; fighting disease; supporting the arts. Consider joining groups like the Elks, the Moose, the American Legion (if you are eligible). They tend to have a lot of women whose husbands have passed They are no longer only old men's drinking clubs; they do a lot of work with veterans, the disabled & kids.

 

Also check out alumni associations.

 

Get involved with the seniors in town. Many run fun bus trips & other activities.

[Gaeta]

One of the best way is to tell everyone around that you are looking. People love playing match makers.

 

You should not write off OLD, there are people of all ages on there, up to in their 90s.

 

I have to warn you that women don't like these 'friendships with romantic potential'. Women want relationships and a guy seeking a friendship comes across as someone only looking for a friend with benefits. If you don't want to commit, which is normal you've just divorced in March, just say you want casual-dating.

[nospam99]

I have to warn you that women don't like these 'friendships with romantic potential'. Women want relationships and a guy seeking a friendship comes across as someone only looking for a friend with benefits. If you don't want to commit, which is normal you've just divorced in March, just say you want casual-dating.

 

I say friendships with romantic potential because I want to get to know someone before I commit. I believe that will take time. To me friends with benefits means just for sex and that's not my goal. I do want to commit but not on a first date One hypothetical, friendly, and probably fun way to grow a relationship would be serious ballroom dancing. I've found that I don't do well on the dance floor with a partner who I haven't practiced with enough to be able to throw cool-looking variations with: linked turns, dips, etc.

[d0nnivain]

The fact that you like dancing will have women lined up at your door. This interest is another reason to check out the civic groups I mentioned. The good chapters usually have dancing for all ages every Friday or Saturday or at least once per month.

 

I agree with Geata that you don't want to say "friends first." Saying that shows you misunderstand dating.

 

What you are actually describing is "going slow". The dates are the events where you meet & take your time to get to know someone. You don't have to commit to anything more than the designated length of the date.

[smackie9]

There are paid events services that set up things for singles in your age group like dance lessons, cooking classes, wine tasting, river rafting, and yes hiking, even cruises/trips. Some memberships are pricey but from what a few people have told me it's worth it.

[nospam99]

The fact that you like dancing will have women lined up at your door.

 

Too many of the women in that line back-lead ( )

[Gaeta]

I say friendships with romantic potential because I want to get to know someone before I commit. I believe that will take time. To me friends with benefits means just for sex and that's not my goal. I do want to commit but not on a first date One hypothetical, friendly, and probably fun way to grow a relationship would be serious ballroom dancing. I've found that I don't do well on the dance floor with a partner who I haven't practiced with enough to be able to throw cool-looking variations with: linked turns, dips, etc.

 

You need to use today's vocabulary.

 

In today's dating world looking for a friend first is badly perceived by women. If you say casual-dating she will understand you want to get to know her while dating her, it also indicate no-commitment. A woman will feel more respected with the words casual-dating. It means you'll date, you'll go out, have fun activities together and all. Today friends first = sex.

[nospam99]

You need to use today's vocabulary.

 

In today's dating world looking for a friend first is badly perceived by women. If you say casual-dating she will understand you want to get to know her while dating her, it also indicate no-commitment. A woman will feel more respected with the words casual-dating. It means you'll date, you'll go out, have fun activities together and all. Today friends first = sex.

 

Well THAT is certainly helpful to know. Wow. I am almost ROTFLMAO. To paraphrase (and not trying to be offensive) 'Today, you are assumed want to f--k your friends.' Thanks and thanks to the rest of you for remarks and suggestions.

[olivetree]

You need to use today's vocabulary.

 

In today's dating world looking for a friend first is badly perceived by women. If you say casual-dating she will understand you want to get to know her while dating her, it also indicate no-commitment. A woman will feel more respected with the words casual-dating. It means you'll date, you'll go out, have fun activities together and all. Today friends first = sex.

 

Interesting.

I am young-ish and I would think the opposite reading those words on a man's profile.

 

Casual dating to me sounds like FWB.

Friends first sounds like he wants to get to know me first and doesn't expect sex!

[Gaeta]

Interesting.

I am young-ish and I would think the opposite reading those words on a man's profile.

 

Casual dating to me sounds like FWB.

Friends first sounds like he wants to get to know me first and doesn't expect sex!

 

I am 50 and I'd be interested to hear what other posters my age think of friends first. I was online 3,5 year and I have always turned down a man looking for a friend first.

[Gaeta]

Interesting.

I am young-ish and I would think the opposite reading those words on a man's profile.

 

Casual dating to me sounds like FWB.

Friends first sounds like he wants to get to know me first and doesn't expect sex!

 

I know the younger generation uses words like chilling and being friends. To us older daters that's not dating. Chilling is not a date to us, hanging with someone is not a date and making friends is not dating.

[BluEyeL]

It's not only 20s on match , I met my husband there and I'm 45. I know others in their 40s and 50s who met on match, I don't know people in their 60s in general.

 

However if you want to meet in real life only, events like the ones suggested are a good idea. I only want to add that you should be patient and not expect instant results from any method. And also expect not so good experiences. Hope you don't have them but they are common when dating. Keep realistic expectations.

Edited September 8, 2017 by BluEyeL

[kazen]

I see a lot of old people walking along beaches or piers or parks. I suggest you go out there and walk with them and strike up a conversation.

[nospam99]

'k So I'm not supposed to say 'friends first' or 'casual dating'. This is starting to sound like ... RULES. How about 'spend time together doing some fun things to have a chance to get to know each other better'? Or does 'get to know each other' also translate to 'wanna f--k?' to some women? It sounds too much to me like the pickup line 'from my day' ya young whippersnappers that went 'I'd like to get to know you better' (heard said in bars by guys).

Edited September 8, 2017 by nospam99

[alphamale]

Male, 63,

a single man your age should have tons of age-appropriate women running after him.

[Gaeta]

'k So I'm not supposed to say 'friends first' or 'casual dating'. This is starting to sound like ... RULES. How about 'spend time together doing some fun things to have a chance to get to know each other better'? Or does 'get to know each other' also translate to 'wanna f--k?' to some women? It sounds too much to me like the pickup line 'from my day' ya young whippersnappers that went 'I'd like to get to know you better' (heard said in bars by guys).

 

haha..that sounds great

[d0nnivain]

'k So I'm not supposed to say 'friends first' or 'casual dating'. This is starting to sound like ... RULES. How about 'spend time together doing some fun things to have a chance to get to know each other better'? Or does 'get to know each other' also translate to 'wanna f--k?' to some women? It sounds too much to me like the pickup line 'from my day' ya young whippersnappers that went 'I'd like to get to know you better' (heard said in bars by guys).

 

 

Some of the phrases we are cautioning against must be avoided on an OLD profile. In person when you can have a back & forth conversation to clarify expectations a vocabulary slip / definition issue can be clarified.

 

 

All sorts of people take all sorts of phrases wrong these days. Just be sensitive to make sure your date / potential date understands what you are trying to communicate.

[central]

Casual dating usually means no commitment intended. Dating means more serious intent. Some sites have a variety of options you can pick, but whether they do or not, write in your profile that you want to date and hopefully find a committed relationship eventually. You could add that you're willing to take it slow, and not interested in ONS (one night stands).

 

 

OLD is very useful for us "seniors." There are plenty of men and women in this age group who use it, and most sites have such members - and there are a few sites dedicated to older daters.

 

 

As for dancing, you need a firm lead. Most of the women who back-lead had poor dance partners and had to lead, if they could even get them out on the dance floor. Dancing IS a very good way to attract women, if you are at an event that lets you ask them to dance (or they may ask you!).

[Steve51]

Move to where I moved to. We are the largest senior retirement community in the world with over 150,000 people and still growing. We are not an old people's home like you see in the movies. We all own our own homes and if you need it, they have beautiful assisted living condos. This place is for active adults. We have 2,000 activities with half of that amount doing something on any given day. 13 golf courses and 29 pools. Tennis, basketball, softball, rowing, archery, etc., and it is competitive and played for keeps. Some of our people have won gold in the senior olympics.

 

Now for the best part. There are 10 widows to every single guy here. The competition for guys is fierce even for us still married ones. The guys can date a different women every day and a lot of them do not want an exclusive relationship since the candy store has a lot of candy. Some do meet and get married. Dealer's choice.

[BluEyeL]

You're not supposed to say anything. If asked say just that you're looking for a relationship with the right person. I think that should be enough .

 

I think both men and women just say too much. Oh I don't sleep with men on the first date, oh I don't do x, I want y. Just go out and show with your behavior what type of person you are and if it wo Is it works if not , next.

[Popsicle]

I vote to move to a retirement community too. I am in my 40's and when I retire, I plan to do that. They have lots of activities to do too (so I've heard). I think as you get older, it gets harder and harder to find social things to do. I would also try OurTime.com dating site.

 

Btw, I would think "Friends first", coming from a man 55+, means that he wanted to get to know the women and spend time with her first, then see if there will be something more. Coming from a man younger than 55, I would be suspect of what he meant by that. A younger man would probably say "Casual dating" or "Nothing serious", which I would not like.

[spiderowl]

Walking is a good one. There are often local hiking groups or walking groups that you could join. Meetups seem to be a good potential forum for meeting people.

 

People usually say join leisure clubs and follow your interests. While I would agree that joining a club of some sort is a good idea, try to join ones that women go to. My friend goes to a 'geekmeet' which has a minority of women. It's not the best way for him to meet a girl!

 

I would think something like a dining or wine-tasting club would give you more chance of finding women attending. Other things might be self-development events, if that's something you would enjoy. Women also tend to be into reading, writing and poetry, as well as arts and crafts. Music is another thing that both sexes enjoy.

 

I would not recommend the cinema these day. The screens are huge and so close they are overwhelming. The volume of sounds is too much. I felt battered after going to see a film recently! I'm sure they weren't as loud and imposing when I was younger.

[Popsicle]

 

People usually say join leisure clubs and follow your interests. While I would agree that joining a club of some sort is a good idea, try to join ones that women go to. My friend goes to a 'geekmeet' which has a minority of women. It's not the best way for him to meet a girl!

 

I agree. I see so many men with hobbies listed that are only things males do and they expect to meet a woman who is into that stuff. I also see women doing the same thing. No one is ever going to meet each other if they only do same-sex hobbies.

[Popsicle]

And for the record, women love Paint Nite. lol

 

Some senior singles group should arrange some of those.

 

What about church? Isn't church a great place for oldtimer's to meet?