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Where do I stand?


h647

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Hi All,

 

 

 

I met a girl via internet dating around a month ago. Since then we have had 6 great dates, the final one in which she stayed over with me at my house. The problem is that I am unsure still where I stand.

 

 

She is 32, I am 31. We live around an hour apart and she travels/works away quite a lot. She does however work where I live fairly frequently. We message every day, even if it is just a couple of messages. I know she hasn't had many long term relationships as is a very independent person, loves to travel etc. We won’t see each other for at least a few weeks now because of her work schedule and I have started to think I am always the one initiating the messages. I know she is busy with work a lot and always travelling so may just well be me overthinking it.

 

 

Do people think that is the case or should I hold off from messaging her to see if she reaches out to me?

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IMO, she likes you about as seriously as 6 dates and one sleep over can get. Not much unless you blew her out of the water.

 

Hold back and see when she does text. Haven't you heard about the hard to get game or the 51% unavailable/mysterious game? Some game where you feign you're too cool and busy at just the right level to keep her intrigued?

 

If you think you're overthinking it. You are.

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She sounds largely unavailable. Not only do you have a bit of distance to where you live, but with her travels and work, she's just not available, and whether she really likes you or not, it's up to you to determine if this is the type of relationship you want. You can hold back on texting, but still text and see if she reaches out a bit more. Give her a chance to reach out first when she's thinking of you. This relationship can go two ways. It will be a bit of a slow starter, but as time goes on, you'll have more time together. Maybe she'll slow down a little or start planning some trips together when you can join. Or you're someone she enjoys having around when there's free time for her, but this relationship just isn't going to go anywhere.

 

Most men I've met who travel a lot really look at "casual" dating, as the time isn't there. I'm sure a great deal has to do with the woman wanting more than he can give, and he knows it, so he does't project that he's up for anything serious...at least at first...and of course it's nice to have someone available when he breezes into down, just available when he wants.

 

Either way, it's going to be a bit difficult for you as she's off doing her thing. Continue to date other people. See where it goes, but if this arrangement just isn't working for you, you'll just have to move on.

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She sounds largely unavailable. Not only do you have a bit of distance to where you live, but with her travels and work, she's just not available, and whether she really likes you or not, it's up to you to determine if this is the type of relationship you want. You can hold back on texting, but still text and see if she reaches out a bit more. Give her a chance to reach out first when she's thinking of you. This relationship can go two ways. It will be a bit of a slow starter, but as time goes on, you'll have more time together. Maybe she'll slow down a little or start planning some trips together when you can join. Or you're someone she enjoys having around when there's free time for her, but this relationship just isn't going to go anywhere.

 

Most men I've met who travel a lot really look at "casual" dating, as the time isn't there. I'm sure a great deal has to do with the woman wanting more than he can give, and he knows it, so he does't project that he's up for anything serious...at least at first...and of course it's nice to have someone available when he breezes into down, just available when he wants.

 

Either way, it's going to be a bit difficult for you as she's off doing her thing. Continue to date other people. See where it goes, but if this arrangement just isn't working for you, you'll just have to move on.

 

I think we get on great and have fun so will see how it plays out and try to stop overthinking it.

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I think we get on great and have fun so will see how it plays out and try to stop overthinking it.

 

I recently had similar experience (except I'm the woman in the couple and dates were 5)... he grew increasingly unavailable and now left for few weeks of travel :( See my last thread - people were all over telling me to drop him... I miss him badly, but not much I can do. Maybe he's just not in a position to commit to RL

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I recently had similar experience (except I'm the woman in the couple and dates were 5)... he grew increasingly unavailable and now left for few weeks of travel :( See my last thread - people were all over telling me to drop him... I miss him badly, but not much I can do. Maybe he's just not in a position to commit to RL

 

Thanks for reply. How did you play it? Did you ease off the contact and leave the ball in his court?

 

I think that is what I will do. Its a strange one. I saw her on fri/sat and she had brought me a small gift and stayed over. We had a great time. Since then we have messaged every day, if only a few but I now feel like I am initiating it. I think its because I think she is really cool I am just overplaying it as I know I could really like her. I will just ease off and see how it plays out.

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Thanks for reply. How did you play it? Did you ease off the contact and leave the ball in his court?

 

I think that is what I will do. Its a strange one. I saw her on fri/sat and she had brought me a small gift and stayed over. We had a great time. Since then we have messaged every day, if only a few but I now feel like I am initiating it. I think its because I think she is really cool I am just overplaying it as I know I could really like her. I will just ease off and see how it plays out.

 

Yes, left the ball in his court. In my case it was almost natural, because I left for vacation.

 

It was exactly the same in my case. He was over for dinner, stayed very late. Then I was the one initiating. He was responsive but I could sense the cool down. Cancelled the last date before our respective travels, offered rescheduling but it was bad timing for me. I didn't message since and he didn't as well... I wonder if this will pick up again once back in town....

 

I'd be curious to hear how your story develops!

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Yes, left the ball in his court. In my case it was almost natural, because I left for vacation.

 

It was exactly the same in my case. He was over for dinner, stayed very late. Then I was the one initiating. He was responsive but I could sense the cool down. Cancelled the last date before our respective travels, offered rescheduling but it was bad timing for me. I didn't message since and he didn't as well... I wonder if this will pick up again once back in town....

 

I'd be curious to hear how your story develops!

 

I will keep you posted. She has openly said she is independant etc so I will just get on with things and see how it plays out. Will stop over bloody thinking it, ha.

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Thanks for reply. How did you play it? Did you ease off the contact and leave the ball in his court?

 

I think that is what I will do. Its a strange one. I saw her on fri/sat and she had brought me a small gift and stayed over. We had a great time. Since then we have messaged every day, if only a few but I now feel like I am initiating it. I think its because I think she is really cool I am just overplaying it as I know I could really like her. I will just ease off and see how it plays out.

There will be nothing strange about it if you communicate things to her. Have a very frank open honest conversation about what you both expect out of this arrangement, and express your expectations of moving things forward. You will save yourself a tremendous amount of time if you just get straight with her.

 

Easing off is just playing games, and will only confuse things. Man up and talk to her.

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There will be nothing strange about it if you communicate things to her. Have a very frank open honest conversation about what you both expect out of this arrangement, and express your expectations of moving things forward. You will save yourself a tremendous amount of time if you just get straight with her.

 

Easing off is just playing games, and will only confuse things. Man up and talk to her.

 

She is the one easing off. I've got a hunch that is what she's doing. Doesn't make sense to ask her now. If she reaches out and we meet again than I will. If she doesn't than the hunch was right.

 

Seems so strange to me. We got on great.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Quick update. We haven't seen each other again but she still messages. Her sister is currently over from abroad. I have stopped over analysing it and accepted that what will be will be. I am not going to chase her and know that if she wants to see me again she will says so.

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She is the one easing off.

Yes, and you're easing off too, in order get her to stop easing off. That doesn't make much sense to me. As smackie suggested having a conversation is always better idea than playing these games.

 

But since this was 2 weeks ago and you did play the easing off game, and it seems to have not worked, I would say this isn't going anywhere. Might as well cut your losses and move on.

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Yes, and you're easing off too, in order get her to stop easing off. That doesn't make much sense to me. As smackie suggested having a conversation is always better idea than playing these games.

 

But since this was 2 weeks ago and you did play the easing off game, and it seems to have not worked, I would say this isn't going anywhere. Might as well cut your losses and move on.

 

I haven't eased off. I have still messaged her and tried to call her last night but as her sister is down for a few days from overseas's she was unavaliable to chat.

 

She still messages me also which tells me there is some hint of interest. She is 32/33 so too old for games I believe. We have had 6 dates in total and spent the nigth together on the last date.

 

I will try and have a call with her this week once her sister has gone home to see if I can get a gage for what she is feeling. I will make it clear i like her and want to see her again.

 

I will perhaps say, if you're not interested its fine, but I'd prefer you to just let me know.

 

Do people think this would be a good move?

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She still messages me also which tells me there is some hint of interest.

She messages you but hasn't had time for a date in over 2 weeks? Yeah I think there is some hint of interest to keep you around as a backup plan.

 

She is 32/33 so too old for games

Haha! You're joking, right?!?!

 

I will perhaps say, if you're not interested its fine, but I'd prefer you to just let me know.

So what if she says she is interested, but keeps on playing aloof? I would listen to her actions, not her words. And her actions are speaking volumes.

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She messages you but hasn't had time for a date in over 2 weeks? Yeah I think there is some hint of interest to keep you around as a backup plan.

 

 

Haha! You're joking, right?!?!

 

 

So what if she says she is interested, but keeps on playing aloof? I would listen to her actions, not her words. And her actions are speaking volumes.

 

So what would you do in my position?

 

I like her and would rather know one way or the other for sure. My plan was to give it a few days until her Sister has gone and then call her.

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So what would you do in my position?

I would move on.

 

I like her and would rather know one way or the other for sure. My plan was to give it a few days until her Sister has gone and then call her.

Sure, give that a try. But don't just take her words for an answer. She has to back them up with action.

 

But I think she'll just spin you along with more words, which is why if it were me, I'd cut my losses and move on now.

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Any other views on this situation?

 

We got on great and I think her age means she is less likely to be play games. If she wasn't interested surely she would just say??

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Any other views on this situation?

 

We got on great and I think her age means she is less likely to be play games. If she wasn't interested surely she would just say??

 

Did you ask her out? Maybe for time after her sister is gone?

 

She has low interest, but it could be for reasons unrelated to you ... or she could just be pulling the slow fade. In my case the guy that slow faded me was older (36) so age is no guarantee.

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People will always play games, what do you think politics is, if not one big game?

 

I think some women want men to initiate and will think if a man eases off he is not interested.

Why are you waiting around for the sister to leave?

YOU had sex with the women, why are you pussy footing around her now?

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I don't think I am. I said I would give her a call yesterday and she said sorry but she wanted to enjoy her last few days with her sister before she went home.

 

She messaged me after to say have a great night etc.

 

That's why I think I am a little confused. We had six great dates, had sex etc. Were holding hands etc and speaking about trips.

 

I know she is always busy with work etc and that doesn't bother me. I just don't like not knowing if I am wasting my time. I will call her in a few days and go from there.

 

I don't want to put her under any pressure or anything and would be fine if she wasn't interested, would just prefer to know.

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I said I would give her a call yesterday and she said sorry but she wanted to enjoy her last few days with her sister before she went home.

 

 

Ok so she has no time to talk to you on the phone for 5-10 minutes...

I don't really think she is interested.

Even if she is, you are low priority to her and that tends not to end well.

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When you word it like that I know it probably doesn't look good for me.

 

I would still perhaps prefer to know one way or the other. Is there a way of doing this without coming on desperate?

 

I think after six dates she should at least say out of courtesey, she is an intellegient girl that's why part of me does still think if there was no interest there would be no contact at all.

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When you word it like that I know it probably doesn't look good for me.

 

I would still perhaps prefer to know one way or the other. Is there a way of doing this without coming on desperate?

 

I think after six dates she should at least say out of courtesey, she is an intellegient girl that's why part of me does still think if there was no interest there would be no contact at all.

 

Any suggestions?

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Quick Update.

 

We met last night for Dinner.

Like all of our other dates it went really well and we had a great time. She has been super busy with work and that is her lifestyle at the moment.

 

Figure I have been overthinking it all and will just enjoy it for what it is.

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Another quick update.

 

Since the last date, the contact has been pretty minimal again with her not reaching out to me or anything. When the date eneded and we kissed we knew it would be a few weeks before we saw each other again.

 

I sent her a message a few days ago and had no response although it didn't necessarily warrant one. Was just a quick note about something we discussed on the date.

 

Should I wait to see if she contacts me now? If she doesn't I guess I know I have been ghosted. I just don't want to bombard her with messages etc as don't think that is the way to go.

 

I also don't want to say something like if you're not interested I would prefer if you just say as that will probably come across a little weird. That is what I would actually like to do so I could just move on if I knew.

 

Any thoughts/input?

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