Bern216 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) So I will try to keep this as short as possible. First off I am 30 and she is 25. Originally we met online back in May and talked for a month. The first time we met we had sex which probably was way too fast. We only hung out the one time in that entire month. We continued to talk everything was going great and then radio silence. Unfortunately I had to find out through social media she was talking to somebody else. I decided to delete her off FB, Snapchat, etc. Come early August poof she is back. I was very cautious in bringing her back in my life a lot of people told me to not to. I like the stubborn fool that I am did. We talked for a week and then decided to have our first real date. Which was an out of town weekend trip. It was incredible and relived the chemistry I know the two of us had. We went on 4 more dates which were all very different and exciting. She even introduced me to close friends who all loved me and told her I was a keeper. We both started talking about future plans with each other everything was going perfect. Then she posted something on her SnapChat Story that bothered me. She posted something about her being Single AF or very single however you want to put it. Now this girl is very attention seeking and has a ton of guys commenting on her Snaps, Instagram, etc. It bothered me she posted this because I thought the 5 dates we had went on meant something to her. I called her when I knew she was alone to talk about it. I told her calmly that this bothered me and made me feel like all the the good times we were having meant nothing. She got very defensive and said she wasn't going to fight about it. I told her I didn't want to fight at all just to talk. I am one who believes its best to communicate something that bothers you versus bottling it in. So I decided to let it go and move on. She told me everything was okay honestly its just she is use to being alone and it was a bit overwhelming. The next day was our 6th date which was a concert that I had bought tickets for her. Her best friend was coming also I was nice enough to buy hers as well. We hadn't seen each other all week and the girl could not stay off her phone or stop talking to her best friend. Majority of time I felt like their chauffeur. She was too busy taking selfies, texting, and on Snapchat. While I was the one who paid for the tickets, drove us there, paid for gas, paid for the beer. She would throw some affection my way here and there but I could just tell she wasn't all there or really feeling it. She even started showing her best friend texts and leaning the phone away from me. It was beyond difficult to not say anything and bite my tongue. Then the whole ride home she continued to stay on her phone until she finally decided to hold my hand with 10 mins left on the drive and kissed me goodnight. I had never felt so used, disrespected in my life. I was really hurt by what she did because I really felt we were building something until that night. She texted me letting me know she got home alright and that she would text me in the morning. Come Monday morning I waited for her to text as I was still hurt from the previous night. She got upset with me because I didn't tell her good morning. I told her that you said you would text me so I didn't want to bother you when you said youd reach out. She then posted something on her Facebook page that sounded a lot like me so I commented on it. The moment I commented on it she removed it from her page. I was again hurt by this girls actions. I then told myself I was pulling back. We were also suppose to go on our 7th date either this past Wednesday or Yesterday and of course she had excuses to get out of them. She continues to text me every morning calling me love and babe. My mothers birthday was the other day and she said she wishes she could come with me and couldn't wait to meet them someday. I just don't get what this is to her. I'm beyond confused but my only course of action I feel is to pull back until I see more effort on her part because this past month has been me putting in the effort. I have done everything right by this girl and I will continue to tell myself that. Her mom even said this about me. Do not step on a Rose for a tulip as her mother knows she tends to push good things away. Well she is currently pushing a good guy away and I'm not sure how to stop it. Edited September 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 It seems to me she's not interested in settling down or getting serious, or just not with your. She seems interested in playing the field. If she was openly texting or flirting with other men, while on your date, you really don't need to even be asking any questions. She's not that into you. She likes you enough to do some fun things, and maybe it's all about a meal, a trip, a concert, some sex and affection until she's no longer wants to deal with you. Your choice is to cool it a great deal with her and spend time with her casually with no expectations and she may come and go with the wind or leave her and find someone who is ready for commitment and quality. If you enjoy her company and the perks that go with it, you'll have to take her as she is and expect very little. If this is a situation you can't deal with, it's time to cut her loose and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I never allow someone who has ghosted back into my life. They have already indicated to you that you are not what he/she is looking for and that will very unlikely change. Besides, why would anyone want to be person who was 'settled' on or left-overs. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Slowlydrifting Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Sometimes people make mistakes. It's called being human. With that.....This girl is just a jerk. Talk about being unappreciative. I'd move on. :/ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think sometimes bluntness is needed so the person wakes up and stops torturing themselves (not that it always works). She ghosted you meaning just isn't that into you to begin with, but comes back around whenever she's bored/wants ego boost/has nothing better (like some guy she liked ghosted her) etc. You did not take her back because you are "stubborn". You took her back because she's attractive to you and you are coming from a place of scarcity and low self-esteem. You think you have a chance to win her over. The truth is if you had girls on her level and better or high self-esteem (even this alone) you would have snorted at ghost girl coming back. You need to drop this girl, get off the merry-go-round, accept SHE :bunny:IS JUST :bunny:NOT :bunny:THAT:bunny: INTO :bunny:YOU and that is ok because there's a 'better' woman out there who is. Edited September 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 I appreciate the feedback. It's definitely not a self esteem issue or scarcity. She was just the first girl I've had a genuine connection with in years and that's whats blinded me. I have plenty of options. I unfortunately always go after the wrong ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) I appreciate the feedback. It's definitely not a self esteem issue or scarcity. She was just the first girl I've had a genuine connection with in years and that's whats blinded me. I have plenty of options. I unfortunately always go after the wrong ones. How is that not scarcity??? First connection you've had in years. And how is not a self-esteem issue to be a doormat to a girl who obviously just wants attention? kay, bruh.. You go after the "wrong ones" because of the self esteem issue...You like the girls who don't want you. JMO. People who value themselves highly get turned off by ill-treatment from others. At least you realize they are the wrong ones. Wishing you the best. Edited September 1, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bern216 Posted September 1, 2017 Author Share Posted September 1, 2017 I can see your point and your right I shouldn't tolerate behavior like that. I do appreciate the advice and it definitely makes sense. I need to have more self respect for myself and realize there are women who wouldn't do that to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I can see your point and your right I shouldn't tolerate behavior like that. I do appreciate the advice and it definitely makes sense. I need to have more self respect for myself and realize there are women who wouldn't do that to me. You actually used a better word. Self-respect. Esteem encompasses a lot, but for some reason you are tolerating behavior from women that you should be so above. This girl is not worth a second more of your time/thought. I hope you block her and keep ghosts out your life from now on, because from what I know, people will not burn bridges with people unless they are absolutely annoyed/creeped out by them, even if they have very little interest. You will make other connections. Hopefully you are talking to more girls as we speak and can find a quality girl you click with who doesn't play games. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I can see your point and your right I shouldn't tolerate behavior like that. I do appreciate the advice and it definitely makes sense. I need to have more self respect for myself and realize there are women who wouldn't do that to me. She should be going dutch and pay for the meals also. I will not take out a gal friend who only want to be my friend, nothing else. We became close friends. I am invited over her brother house, he thinks am seeing his sister. Nope. It's been almost a year with this one. I help her with her English and her boy friend who's seems to enjoy a relationship with no strings attached. She told me the other day she has no boy friend now. Find her interesting she's been over my house I cook and she tells me what she thinks of my food. She's cooked her and at her brother house. I don't know what her game is but she told me she had no problems with me. So you can hold on to this just don't waste your money on them. They're not you full-time girl friend they're just part-time girl who rides with you in your SUV to show off you have someone very attractive with. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 This is why you shouldn't make yourself so vulnerable around women. It's a different world man. Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 I recommend you read the book ''No more MR. Nice guy'' by Dr. Robert Glover. Also, it would be easier to read if you used paragraphs. Having a Wall of text discourages many and you will get much less responses. It sounds like you placed this girl on a pedestal and made allowances for her bad behavior because she was hot. I don't care how hot a girl is, if there is no respect, she can go in the opposite direction. Respect costs nothing....the tickets, time, and petrol you paid for did... Ive said it before, and I will say it again. Guys need to stop putting up with so much bs from girls...the scarcity mentioned earlier is not just a possible life situation, it is also a mindset. A guy could have met no girls in ages, but can still have a mindset of abundance. As far as I'm concerned, every nook and cranny is crawling with females... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Guys need to stop putting up with so much bs from girls...the scarcity mentioned earlier is not just a possible life situation, it is also a mindset. A guy could have met no girls in ages, but can still have a mindset of abundance. Exactly. It's all mindset. To quote the great philosopher Gucci Mane "on to the next one - more fish in the sea. Girls are like buses: miss one next 15 one comin'" Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Exactly. It's all mindset. To quote the great philosopher Gucci Mane "on to the next one - more fish in the sea. Girls are like buses: miss one next 15 one comin'" My dear, you just don't know what I man has to deal with today. I can understand where the OP is at n his head. I find a lot of these women can mislead you also. I am not a push over, I stand-up and be confident put someone in their place. That's why you shouldn't treated these sort of woman as you would your full-time girl friend. These women want fun at your expense. That's why I treat mine as buddy not as anything else. If the OP not getting the attention he wants from these sort of woman just don't have any more contact with her. You make it sound like we are weak at these sort of women I am not. She can cook, come over clean up the kitchen an etc. Play domino's like any friend would. She drives own own car, can bring over wine and shoot the breeze. Doesn't have to sexual at all.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 People who value themselves highly get turned off by ill-treatment from others. Yes they freaking do. Thanks Cookies. I needed to hear that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 How is that not scarcity??? First connection you've had in years. And how is not a self-esteem issue to be a doormat to a girl who obviously just wants attention? kay, bruh.. You go after the "wrong ones" because of the self esteem issue...You like the girls who don't want you. JMO. People who value themselves highly get turned off by ill-treatment from others. At least you realize they are the wrong ones. Wishing you the best. It kinda is a self respect issue. She is treating you badly. So why hang in there? In other words she made the first cut so to say but doesn't make the second. If you keep gathering info about who you are spending time with you still get info that helps you sees if it's a good investment. She doesn't sound like a good investment for you. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Only invest in those who treat you the way you want to be treated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 She honestly just sounds like the typical, self absorbed, wishy washy 25 year old to me (admittedly I was the same way at this age a few years ago lol) Is every 25 year old like this? No. However, a good clue is if they put their whole lives on social media. Those girls usually thrive on drama and post things for attention-meaning they don't typically make great dating partners. Since you say you have options, I would look for someone with a maturity level more compatible with yours. Good luck to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 You need to end it, YOU, not her. You seem like a great guy who is loving and responsible and she sounds like a child who is a spoiled brat. You are committed and serious about taking it to the next level. I'm pretty sure she's involved with other guys, I'm sorry, I know you know it too though, she sounds like she thrives on attention and you giving her that attention plus showering her with money and free rides for her and for her friend and she's like well why not? He did it willingly. What's so special about her that you can't get over her yet? Surely there are much better girls out there for you! She doesn't sound like any 25 I know, more like 15 years old. At 25 I had a 2 year old child and overseas alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 You are taking her much too seriously Stop doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 The only thing this girl is good for is sex. If you make any future dates make them at your place. If she balks, tell her you're too tired to go out. This is not the type of girl you want long term. She is a selfish user and you are letting it happen. If you can get some free sex, great. Otherwise don't spend one more dime or minute of your time on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 The only thing this girl is good for is sex. If you make any future dates make them at your place. If she balks, tell her you're too tired to go out. This is not the type of girl you want long term. She is a selfish user and you are letting it happen. If you can get some free sex, great. Otherwise don't spend one more dime or minute of your time on her. She's good for a laugh, might be great fun, good for practicing your game, etc etc etc I would warn against turning resentful or spiteful on people. The truth is that his ego is hurt. He wants to lock her down, and is trying to do nice guy stuff (buying her and her friend tickets to places for example) in order to try and make it happen. Let her come and go. See some other girls too. Be less uptight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 She's good for a laugh, might be great fun, good for practicing your game, etc etc etc I would warn against turning resentful or spiteful on people. The truth is that his ego is hurt. He wants to lock her down, and is trying to do nice guy stuff (buying her and her friend tickets to places for example) in order to try and make it happen. Let her come and go. See some other girls too. Be less uptight. Fair point. But from what he described she doesn't sound like much fun at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Slowlydrifting Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Fair point. But from what he described she doesn't sound like much fun at all. I second that. Next. Link to post Share on other sites
Seriousperson Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Let her go, she is game playing me. My rule in dating is you screw w/me once, its done, no going back, just leave me alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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