Eternal Sunshine Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 One of the things that is really hard about OLD is that I am not extroverted and I don't enjoy small talk. If I meet up with someone that and know within first 2 minutes that I am not into him, I find myself still on the date 2+ hours later. It never seems like a good time to end it and I don't like disappointing people. Whenever I have tried an excuse like "I am tired it's a work day", guys tend to look hurt. How to get out of there in under an hour? 30 minutes would be ideal but that may be too rude. I figure, if I am not interested, it's a waste of everyone's time. I have another "first meet" tonight.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Have a coffee date, and specify you only have 30 mins. A lot of people do this rather than spending weeks chatting on line. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Do what an OLD did to me about a month ago. Tell him that you got a text from work and need to reply but actually request an Uber. Then when it arrives, while continuously looking down at the floor, say "Sorry I gotta go", and run out the door faster than I can say betelgeuse, betelgeuse, betelgeuse. That was the most entertaining exit I've seen... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 One of the things that is really hard about OLD is that I am not extroverted and I don't enjoy small talk. If I meet up with someone that and know within first 2 minutes that I am not into him, I find myself still on the date 2+ hours later. It never seems like a good time to end it and I don't like disappointing people. Whenever I have tried an excuse like "I am tired it's a work day", guys tend to look hurt. How to get out of there in under an hour? 30 minutes would be ideal but that may be too rude. I figure, if I am not interested, it's a waste of everyone's time. I have another "first meet" tonight.... Tell them going in that you only have 30 minutes. If things go well, tell them you've got to make a phone call to postpone what you were going to go do because you're really enjoying their company. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 I got out of this in 1 hour and 40 minutes (which is good for me). I told him that I have a work meeting early tomorrow and have to prepare for it. I didn't really like him at all. He was tall, polished and physically attractive but had a bit of feminine "gay" vibe in his mannerisms. He told me that he works in IT before we met and I was really hoping for an IT nerd. This guy is one of those business-middle-management arrogant types that I don't like. I could tell that he is used to having sex on the first "meet". Even though we just met for coffee after work, he kept trying to touch me. Like "your top looks so soft" then touched it. After coffee he insisted on taking a walk. He kept touching me while he talked :/ Then I kept saying that I have to go and live close by so will walk home. He insisted on walking me home. I kept saying "it's OK, I will be fine". He was like "I insist". Then at my apartment building he actually said "Can I kiss you goodnight?" I said. "Haha I have to go". Then he said "Kiss you on the cheek?" I was like "No.". Then he said "A hug goodnight?" I gave him one armed hug and bolted for the door. Ugh I was supposed to meet another guy tomorrow but I just cancelled it. I need a break 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 I got out of this in 1 hour and 40 minutes (which is good for me). I told him that I have a work meeting early tomorrow and have to prepare for it. I didn't really like him at all. He was tall, polished and physically attractive but had a bit of feminine "gay" vibe in his mannerisms. He told me that he works in IT before we met and I was really hoping for an IT nerd. This guy is one of those business-middle-management arrogant types that I don't like. I could tell that he is used to having sex on the first "meet". Even though we just met for coffee after work, he kept trying to touch me. Like "your top looks so soft" then touched it. After coffee he insisted on taking a walk. He kept touching me while he talked :/ Then I kept saying that I have to go and live close by so will walk home. He insisted on walking me home. I kept saying "it's OK, I will be fine". He was like "I insist". Then at my apartment building he actually said "Can I kiss you goodnight?" I said. "Haha I have to go". Then he said "Kiss you on the cheek?" I was like "No.". Then he said "A hug goodnight?" I gave him one armed hug and bolted for the door. Ugh I was supposed to meet another guy tomorrow but I just cancelled it. I need a break You mean metrosexual. And ya I'm not a big fan either. I guess everyone reacts differently in these situations....I'm kinda blunt, I would have said, don't touch me, / I've had enough lol. ew just ew. Guy is an idiot. Tip: be firm, and if that doesn't work, make a scene. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Ewww sounds awful. My tips are: 1) Schedule your first meets in the morning before some other appointment (e.g. coffee Saturday morning before you go to the gym) so you have upper time limit 2) No first dates that are too involved - even drinks is too much because it suggests staying there at least until the other person finishes his drink(s). Coffe or walk are good because they can be short. 3) Prescreen! Without checking the guy's background, Facebook, LinkedIn - no date! You can gauge personality type based on history. 4) Trust your gut... If it doesn't feel right before the date, chances are it will be as expected or worse on the date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cp30 Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Ewww sounds awful. My tips are: 1) Schedule your first meets in the morning before some other appointment (e.g. coffee Saturday morning before you go to the gym) so you have upper time limit This is what I do. I have a pretty active social life, so I fit in Happy Hours before my engagements so I only have an hour max to spend on a first meet. And the drinks are cheap! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Oh sh@t , think l left the stove on . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 I'd go with saying in advance that there is a time limit because you need to do X afterwards. It has to be plausible but leave some room for extending the date a bit if you really like the guy and not so obvious that it would be insulting. "I need to wash my hair" is probably not good ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 One of the things that is really hard about OLD is that I am not extroverted and I don't enjoy small talk. If I meet up with someone that and know within first 2 minutes that I am not into him, I find myself still on the date 2+ hours later. It never seems like a good time to end it and I don't like disappointing people. Whenever I have tried an excuse like "I am tired it's a work day", guys tend to look hurt. How to get out of there in under an hour? 30 minutes would be ideal but that may be too rude. I figure, if I am not interested, it's a waste of everyone's time. I have another "first meet" tonight.... The first time you meet a match from OLD, it's not a date. It's quick meet up to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their pictures. It's a couple of drinks, maybe hors 'doeurves and see if there is enough mutual interest/attraction to arrange a real date. So, when you arrange the meet up, you tell them that's your OLD meet up parameter. If you hate them that much, you simply tell them that you don't think it's a good match and you excuse yourself. Choose a place that's close to both of you so that you aren't wasting a lot of time traveling, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) I got out of this in 1 hour and 40 minutes (which is good for me). I told him that I have a work meeting early tomorrow and have to prepare for it. I didn't really like him at all. He was tall, polished and physically attractive but had a bit of feminine "gay" vibe in his mannerisms. He told me that he works in IT before we met and I was really hoping for an IT nerd. This guy is one of those business-middle-management arrogant types that I don't like. I could tell that he is used to having sex on the first "meet". Even though we just met for coffee after work, he kept trying to touch me. Like "your top looks so soft" then touched it. After coffee he insisted on taking a walk. He kept touching me while he talked :/ Then I kept saying that I have to go and live close by so will walk home. He insisted on walking me home. I kept saying "it's OK, I will be fine". He was like "I insist". Then at my apartment building he actually said "Can I kiss you goodnight?" I said. "Haha I have to go". Then he said "Kiss you on the cheek?" I was like "No.". Then he said "A hug goodnight?" I gave him one armed hug and bolted for the door. Ugh I was supposed to meet another guy tomorrow but I just cancelled it. I need a break You lost me here (bolded), and the rest that follows is anywhere from eweee to concern. You let him know where you live and you just met him??? I'm wondering what it would look like to you to have just said 'no thanks' about the walk (and earlier to tell him that you're uncomfortable with him touching you). Why did you go on the walk and not leave on your own? It seems like you were giving him mixed signals and actually were interested. Edited August 30, 2017 by SunnyWeather 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 The first time you meet a match from OLD, it's not a date. It's quick meet up to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their pictures. It's a couple of drinks, maybe hors 'doeurves and see if there is enough mutual interest/attraction to arrange a real date. So, when you arrange the meet up, you tell them that's your OLD meet up parameter. If you hate them that much, you simply tell them that you don't think it's a good match and you excuse yourself. Choose a place that's close to both of you so that you aren't wasting a lot of time traveling, etc. Isn't it too rude to say this directly (the bolded)? I mean if he's abusive or scares you in some way, sure, but in any other case - it is a bit over the top for someone that has made the time and effort to see you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Isn't it too rude to say this directly (the bolded)? I mean if he's abusive or scares you in some way, sure, but in any other case - it is a bit over the top for someone that has made the time and effort to see you... No, it's not rude, unless a stream of expletives follow If it's clear from the git go, why waste each other's time? Actually, that's the polite thing to do because that way no one is being led on. I went over 30 first-meet ups from online dating. Most of the time I gave it at least one drink to figure things out. But, with one guy I knew from the first instant that it was a 'no' and let him know and politely excused myself. Not rude. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) In addition to my previous post, I'll add that the reason I had to only do this 1x out of many 1st meet ups was because I had a really good vetting process that included at least one quick phone call. That alone eliminated many whom I otherwise would have found to be a waste of time. Edited August 30, 2017 by SunnyWeather Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 ..and I don't enjoy small talk..... keep in mind that the idea behind "small talk" is to find possible things in common between you two. finding something in common makes talking to strangers much more palatible 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Eh I don't know... I feel like it is just a courtesy that they made time for you to give them the chance to have a relatively pleasant meeting. I'm not saying to lead anyone on, but heck an hour of coffee is palatable with 99.99% of the people. However - after reading this 'I went over 30 first-meet ups from online dating' - i see where you're coming from. We just have very different strategies. In my 5 years of dating history I have had... maybe 12 first dates (10 online and 2 offline)? That's why for me enduring a first date is always palatable - they happen few and far in between! No, it's not rude, unless a stream of expletives follow If it's clear from the git go, why waste each other's time? Actually, that's the polite thing to do because that way no one is being led on. I went over 30 first-meet ups from online dating. Most of the time I gave it at least one drink to figure things out. But, with one guy I knew from the first instant that it was a 'no' and let him know and politely excused myself. Not rude. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 I only meet a guy from a dating site if he really catches my interest and I get a pretty strong feeling that I could enjoy his company for at least an hour or two, even if the attraction isn't there and it's just good conversation. I do this via plenty of messaging and at least one good phone conversation. If you're reasonably selective and still finding you're meeting men you don't click with at all, I'd plan meets with stop times built in. You could meet for a quick lunch with the excuse you have to get back to the office for a meeting, or one drink after work before you go to another event at X time. I only plan to do things that I would enjoy, anyway, so even if there's no spark, we can still have a nice time doing something fun. Personally, I'm only going to bother getting dolled up and in that kinda fun, flirty mood for someone who seems to have promise. I'd rather go on fewer meets/dates of quality than a bunch of mediocre ones. I'm sure I'd find the latter quite tiring. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) I got out of this in 1 hour and 40 minutes (which is good for me). I told him that I have a work meeting early tomorrow and have to prepare for it. I didn't really like him at all. He was tall, polished and physically attractive but had a bit of feminine "gay" vibe in his mannerisms. He told me that he works in IT before we met and I was really hoping for an IT nerd. This guy is one of those business-middle-management arrogant types that I don't like. I could tell that he is used to having sex on the first "meet". Even though we just met for coffee after work, he kept trying to touch me. Like "your top looks so soft" then touched it. After coffee he insisted on taking a walk. He kept touching me while he talked :/ Then I kept saying that I have to go and live close by so will walk home. He insisted on walking me home. I kept saying "it's OK, I will be fine". He was like "I insist". Then at my apartment building he actually said "Can I kiss you goodnight?" I said. "Haha I have to go". Then he said "Kiss you on the cheek?" I was like "No." I know the feminine vibe you're talking about. It's a big turn off for me, I don't know why. It's a shame because sometimes they are charming otherwise. Not this guy,though. I also think guys like that are a little bit gay at least. They're attracted to women enough to be friends and sleep with them without throwing up. I feel you on the needing an out. OLDates can be so awkward. You never know who you're going to find behind the door. I do a coffee date and try to make an exit gracefully, but it's impossible sometimes. You're like "WELL it was nice meeting you. I should probably go --" "Go get another latte? Me too. That one was delicious. I'm so glad we met too." fml Edited August 30, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 I also think guys like that are a little bit gay at least. They attracted to women enough to be friends and sleep with them without throwing up. fml :lmao: Cookies you kill me! One of my guy friends is like this. He wears sometimes mascara , sometimes pantyhose, call himself a 'pretty boy' and up to date - says he's straight. He has a hot ex wife, nice current wife and few cool gfs in between. And a 'close male friend' that sticked around... I sometimes wonder ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Man dating for women sounds stressful as hell I just explain to people that I've got to run, that it was nice meeting them and walk away. That's it. You don't need their permission to end the date. You're never going to see them again. Practice setting boundaries and remain firm to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 If I meet up with someone that and know within first 2 minutes that I am not into him, I find myself still on the date 2+ hours later. You should never make a date out of meeting someone from OLD. The first meeting should be at a coffee shop, and it's purpose should be precisely to find out within two minutes if you're into each other. You can always extend the coffee meeting if there's mutual interest, but if not, you slurp your coffee down, and you're back in the parking lot within fifteen minutes. I figure, if I am not interested, it's a waste of everyone's time. Sure. That applies to him too, of course. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Then I kept saying that I have to go and live close by so will walk home. He insisted on walking me home. I kept saying "it's OK, I will be fine". He was like "I insist". Then at my apartment building he actually said "Can I kiss you goodnight?" I said. "Haha I have to go". Then he said "Kiss you on the cheek?" I was like "No.". Then he said "A hug goodnight?" I gave him one armed hug and bolted for the door. Ugh The second time he insisted on walking you home, why didn't you put on a confused face and say something like, "I'm confused. I said no. Did you not hear me? Do you not know what the word means? Or what is the problem?" Every time women react that way, they send the message that "no" doesn't really mean "no" when women say it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted August 31, 2017 Author Share Posted August 31, 2017 You lost me here (bolded), and the rest that follows is anywhere from eweee to concern. You let him know where you live and you just met him??? I'm wondering what it would look like to you to have just said 'no thanks' about the walk (and earlier to tell him that you're uncomfortable with him touching you). Why did you go on the walk and not leave on your own? It seems like you were giving him mixed signals and actually were interested. I can assure you I wasn't interested. I have trouble being assertive, I am somewhat shy and really pushy guys tend to overpower me. I wasn't able to get out of it without turning it into a rude argument. I can argue that it's more dangerous pissing off a pushy stranger who is much taller and stronger than you than endure 15 minutes of walking and end it on a more positive note. As for where I live, I am in a secure apartment building with double security doors and a doorman. It's also a large building and he has no clue what floor, let alone apartment I live in. If I lived in a house or a unit, I would be way more careful. This way, I am not worried. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 (edited) he insisted on taking a walk He insisted? Goodness, sounds like you need to learn how to just say "no" and not let people "insist". The more they ignore your wishes and feelings, the redder the flags should be getting, and the LESS likely you should be to capitulate. He insisted on walking me home. I kept saying "it's OK, I will be fine". He was like "I insist". Wow, again with the insisting. I would have said, "I am not comfortable letting someone I just met off the internet know my home address. Goodbye." Now he knows where you live. I wasn't able to get out of it without turning it into a rude argument. Sure you were. It takes 2 to argue. It only takes 1 to walk away. If he acts aggressively then carry on walking away. You were in a public place right? If he gets aggressive and won't let you walk away then RUN. If that doesn't work then shout for help. Edited August 31, 2017 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
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