Met her on a "escort" site. Is she for real?

[shy_actor]

For a variety of reasons, which would make for an interesting thread in itself, but I'd rather not get into, I recently signed up for a site called seekingarrangement.com. It's basically a sugar daddy site that ranges from "dating" with "arrangements" to straight up prostitution. I don't think I was seriously considering it but I was curious and met up for coffee with a few women. Most of them want between $2-5/K per month in the form of gifts to be your "girlfriend". Anyway, the most unexpected thing happened with the women I met Thursday afternoon. She was new to the site, just as I was, and claimed to be just "kicking the tires" as well. We hit it off in the most amazing way, and it wasn't long before our lunch interview began feeling like a date. We took a walk together, then stopped for a drink (switching up from ice tea at lunch to alcohol). While at the bar, she excused herself to go to the ladies room, which considering the events that followed, was also to "gather" herself. When she came back, the first words out of her mouth were "Can I kiss you?" I immediately obliged and we made out for a while. She proceeded to tell me she really liked me, all the other guys she met were creeps, and never thought she would meet someone like me on SA. I made plans with her for a real date this coming Thursday. We held hands leaving the bar and walking back to her car. We made out at the intersection, elevator, and in front of her car. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I texted her making sure she got home OK which she replied "I just got home. I can't wait to see you next week!"

 

The next morning I texted her "I hope you're having a wonderful day at work. I must say I was totally blindsided by yesterday. I really like you in a way I was just not expecting and can't wait to see you again." To which she replied "You're so sweet! I feel the same way. I really didn't think I'd meet someone like you, but I'm really glad I did. I'm really excited to see you again :)"

 

Now me being my paranoid self, I have this creeping suspicion that she is scamming me and going for the long play. But so far, everything about her story adds up. She told me her real name (which I think is a rarity on that site) and that she's in accounting. She also said she's embarrassed to admit that she moved back home at age 29 because she wants to finish school so she took a demotion at work to open up her schedule. The other big blow was that she just broke up with her BF of 8 years and could no longer afford their apartment they shared. I looked her up on Facebook and everything checks out - age, her place of employment, schooling, pics with her ex-BF...

 

We continued to exchange texts on Friday and Saturday, though it usually takes her a while to reply. She texted me photos of a cool bar she went to Friday night, followed by "I wish you were here (xoxo emoji)" Nothing but enthusiasm and playful flirting between texts but about an hour between replies. So here I am Sunday morning, wondering what to do. Maybe nothing until our date on Thursday. But between having a crush on her and my skepticism regarding how we met, I can't stop thinking about her and feeling compelled to check my phone every 15 minutes for a text. Is she for real? Perhaps only time will tell... I don't normally text much between dates when we've just met, but these circumstances are totally bizarre for me...

[Reddice]

Well, you're dealing what a real person with real feelings, so anything can happen really. No way to know if what she feels is real or not, but I would be just as skeptic as you if it happened to me. I tink the only way to find out if she's for real if she picks up the check once in a while. If this is 50/50, then I would say go for it. If you are paying 100% of the time, then maybe you should reconsider.

 

At what stage are you going to ask if she's sleeping with anyone else btw? The idea that she could be having paid dates with other men could get in the way of any love that's blossoming.

[elaine567]

She sounds real if she checks out, but that doesn't mean she is not an "escort" or she doesn't need a "sugar daddy" to pay for her expenses.

 

I looked it up it is definitely a sugar daddy/baby site, no confusion there.

 

So whilst her approach may be somewhat unconventional she may still want you to be her sugar daddy and is laying on the full "gf experience", or she would like to date you, yet continue in her quest to find a sugar daddy to pay for her expenses.

Could you handle that?

 

Either way it sounds "interesting"...

Do not be too naive.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right to proceed with a healthy dose of skepticism, OP.

 

She could be laying it on thick in an attempt to "secure" you as her sugar daddy. As another poster pointed out, her details and personal info lining up does not mean she isn't looking for someone to fund her. It just means she's honest about who she really is. And it also could mean she knows exactly what to say and do to get what she wants.

 

Only time will tell if her intentions go further than a financial arrangement with you. It's not impossible that she has a true attraction to you and that something more could come of this. But it's too soon to know that. Until then, do protect your heart. Let her show you her true intentions with you.

[shy_actor]

Well, you're dealing what a real person with real feelings, so anything can happen really. No way to know if what she feels is real or not, but I would be just as skeptic as you if it happened to me. I tink the only way to find out if she's for real if she picks up the check once in a while. If this is 50/50, then I would say go for it. If you are paying 100% of the time, then maybe you should reconsider.

 

At what stage are you going to ask if she's sleeping with anyone else btw? The idea that she could be having paid dates with other men could get in the way of any love that's blossoming.

 

I don't mind treating all the time. My acting career is blowing up so right now I'm probably making 10x what she does. That aside, I believe a man should treat in the early dating stages.

 

That's the rub. Because of how we met, I immediately want to ask her if she's sleeping with anyone else. She probably is. But so far she hasn't mentioned money or made anything feel the slightest bit transactional. The other women I met were all the same. "This is how much want babe..." "If we hit it off, would you be comfortable staying over and giving a gift tonight?" If her feelings for me are real, I think mentioning any of that would really cheapen it...

[ExpatInItaly]

Keep in mind that she is virtually a stranger. You are in awe right now but you're basing that on very little true interaction with her. Even if you hadn't met off a sugar baby/daddy website, I would advise you not to get ahead of yourself yet. What lights up quickly often also burns out quickly, regardless of how two people meet.

 

Just keep your feet planted firmly on the ground and see what happens.

[shy_actor]

Perhaps I'm just looking a gift horse in the mouth. This is beyond my wildest expectations for that site, and now I feel like I may be sabotaging something real by overthinking it. I'm very career focused right now, don't want to date in my industry, and I said I didn't want to get involved with someone. My travel schedule for filming alone makes it impractical to date. Tons of dudes in the industry use it to guarantee they have a hot date at all times which is how I know about it and drifted on there.

 

I mean worst case, she is really good at faking the GF experience, so much so that I wouldn't be able to tell the diff. I have more money than time at the moment which is why I was curious. While she was breaking down how she ended up on SA, I was thinking to myself that we were birds of a feather. She said she ALWAYS gets over-invested in a relationship. And she naively thought she could be someone's baby for some sugar but could keep them at arms length. Then within days of signing up, she meets me and feels like she's falling right back into her same pattern. I was thinking the same exact thing. My biggest fear, is how to do this without become too emotionally invested. I really suck at that.

 

FWIW I think she must feel something real for me. I remember when we were making out in front of her car, she got goose bumps. I commented on it and she said she was cold. It was 75 degrees...

[Popsicle]

Maybe she really likes you and will give you a freebie. That would be good for you.

 

But she still needs her bills paid and will get that by any means necessary.

 

The women on the escort sites better be astronomically more good looking than on regular dating sites.

[Reddice]

I don't mind treating all the time. My acting career is blowing up so right now I'm probably making 10x what she does. That aside, I believe a man should treat in the early dating stages.

 

It's great that your career is moving in the right direction, good for you. However, I assume you are looking for someone that likes you for who you are and not for what you earn. If you don't care about that factor, then why ask for advice? Just pay whatever she asks for and get on with it. Should your career ever go sour, bear in mind that she might not be there for you though. Just saying...

[Robratory]

FWIW I think she must feel something real for me. I remember when we were making out in front of her car, she got goose bumps. I commented on it and she said she was cold. It was 75 degrees...

 

Eh... the body is not necessarily a reliable mind narrator. This is you overthinking things.

 

I don't think she's setting you up to be her sugar daddy. I don't that's why she's being so effusive. Unfortunately, I think she's just lonely and on the rebound from her eight-year relationship. Adding to that, maybe the guys she's heard from at that site have creeped her out. If women report hearing from lots of jerks on places like POF, now imagine a site dedicated specifically to the exchange of sex for money.

 

So, not because she's a seasoned man-eater, which she clearly isn't, but because she may be on the rebound, I'd proceed very cautiously. Go, have fun, but try to get to know her more before you let go of all restraints.

[Popsicle]

Read some stories/books from former high-end call girls. Many a men fall in love with the girl and hope to convert her. It's part of the game.

 

Anyone remember Robert who used to post here and his Sugarbabe?

[shy_actor]

Maybe she really likes you and will give you a freebie. That would be good for you.

 

But she still needs her bills paid and will get that by any means necessary.

 

The women on the escort sites better be astronomically more good looking than on regular dating sites.

 

Yes and no. There are plenty of women on there I think "Are you kidding me? You should be paying me..." but a healthy percentage are stunningly beautiful. What creeped me out is that the most common age seems to be about 20.

 

The biggest difference is that the guys are getting showered by attention by all the pretty girls instead of the other way around. Now I know what it feels like to be a girl on POF. After a while you don't even bother responding to texts because you are drowning in them...

[Popsicle]

What creeped me out is that the most common age seems to be about 20.

 

 

I know, that is sad.

[elaine567]

The biggest difference is that the guys are getting showered by attention by all the pretty girls instead of the other way around. Now I know what it feels like to be a girl on POF. After a while you don't even bother responding to texts because you are drowning in them...

 

Well do you blame them?

They are broke and/or need the money, often for college.

Getting a sugar baby deal off a guy that will pay them decent money every month and spending money too is the jackpot, it is why they are on the site in the first place.

Of course they are going to be texting every guy who is offering money, wouldn't you in their position? Their whole life or future career may depend on it?

My fear for you that is in light of the severe competition from other potential sugar babes, she no doubt faces, this girl may be just trying a different approach.

 

YOU say you get emotionally invested very quickly and by what you write about this girl, I definitely believe you, so by getting involved in such a site are you not setting yourself up to get very hurt?

These girls just want money for college or for future plans or to pay off debt etc., and at the end of the contract they will say adiós amigo to you and go off and live their own lives without you in it.

That is fine for guys who do not get emotionally invested, they move on to the next sugar babe, but that doesn't sound like you.

[shy_actor]

Ugh. Now I feel like she's laying it on thick. She just texted me "Morning handsome. I really miss you." This is going to be an interesting week and first date to say the least...

[lovephule]

Hi OP, just wondering what scamming you would look like in this context.

[shy_actor]

Hi OP, just wondering what scamming you would look like in this context.

Huh? I don't understand the question...

[lovephule]

You slipped in and posted before I did. Was referring to the initial post in this thread.

Now me being my paranoid self, I have this creeping suspicion that she is scamming me and going for the long play.

 

I don't understand what a scam would look like in this context and wanted to hear more of your perspective.

[BaileyB]

Yes, my first thought was that she is "real" good at what she does...

 

If it looks too good to be true, it usually is...

[Erik30]

Isn't just the fact that she's on this particular dating site already a red flag? (If you're looking for something real) I doubt she would be fine with you not spending any money on her in the long run, or she might continue "dating" other guys besides you while you're with her. She wants a sugar daddy after all...

[shy_actor]

You slipped in and posted before I did. Was referring to the initial post in this thread.

 

 

I don't understand what a scam would look like in this context and wanted to hear more of your perspective.

I guess my biggest fear is that she is a master manipulator. She doesn't seem like the type and honestly I used to model so its not like she's out of my league if we were to actually date. I just don't want to invest real emotions if she is faking it. I'd rather just pay cash, even though I think I've decided against that also. I would rather meet someone with whom there is mutual physical attraction, but no mind games. My buddy who turned me onto the site is already giving me $h!t. He said "I went on a prostitution site to get laid but instead got myself a GF...:laugh:"

[BaileyB]

Isn't just the fact that she's on this particular dating site already a red flag? (If you're looking for something real) I doubt she would be fine with you not spending any money on her in the long run, or she might continue "dating" other guys besides you while you're with her. She wants a sugar daddy after all...

 

It should be a HUGE red flag! After all, the purpose of the meeting was to find someone to "spoil" her with money, in exchange for sex.

 

And, how do you know what type she is... you have met this woman "ONCE!" At this point, the only thing you know is that she is the "type" of woman to want to take a man's money in exchange for sex. That should be enough of a warning for you about what "type" of woman she really is...

Edited August 27, 2017 by BaileyB

[Reddice]

I guess my biggest fear is that she is a master manipulator. She doesn't seem like the type and honestly I used to model so its not like she's out of my league if we were to actually date. I just don't want to invest real emotions if she is faking it. I'd rather just pay cash, even though I think I've decided against that also. I would rather meet someone with whom there is mutual physical attraction, but no mind games. My buddy who turned me onto the site is already giving me $h!t. He said "I went on a prostitution site to get laid but instead got myself a GF...:laugh:"

 

Personally, I don't think it's wrong to spend money on a prostitute/escort/whatever, as long as that's what you're looking for. However, once emotions come into play, then it's a whole different ball game. Feelings deserve to be protected at all cost. This girl can be either a master manipulator or she can have genuine feelings for you. Only way to know for sure is to take the financial stimulus out of the equation.

 

 

Would be interesting to hear/read how the next date goes.

[ExpatInItaly]

I guess my biggest fear is that she is a master manipulator. She doesn't seem like the type and honestly I used to model so its not like she's out of my league if we were to actually date. I just don't want to invest real emotions if she is faking it. I'd rather just pay cash, even though I think I've decided against that also. I would rather meet someone with whom there is mutual physical attraction, but no mind games. My buddy who turned me onto the site is already giving me $h!t. He said "I went on a prostitution site to get laid but instead got myself a GF...:laugh:"

 

You don't know her well enough to what type of woman she is, OP.

 

You met what, a few days ago? You two are still strangers at this point.

 

Sugar baby or not, her telling you she "really misses" you is a bit much. I don't mean any offense to you, to be clear. But what exactly can she really miss when she has interacted with you for a couple of days?

 

Be cautious, there are red flags flying everywhere here.

[elaine567]

I guess my biggest fear is that she is a master manipulator. She doesn't seem like the type

 

Exactly what "type" are master manipulators, what do they look like?

 

I would guess the women from the site who are asking up front for money may be more trustworthy and real, than some woman from the same sugar baby site, lest we forget, who is setting up a "date" with a potential client.