Jump to content

The guy who holds you at arms length


amkxoxo

Recommended Posts

So I am really frustrated with this guy. We met, well sort of met a year ago. He messaged me on social media because we had a ton of mutual friends from college. He and I found out we were in the same college program but had never officially met. At first, we chatted constantly. Texting all day and night, everyday. He was nice and it was great. He was here visiting his family. He went to school 4 hours away, and then spent the summers playing Minor Soccer on a professional team. I thought that was awesome, but was unsure of what his lifestyle meant for us continuing to talk. So he tells me he is in town visiting his family, for only for a few weeks. One week they went away on vacation. Another week I went away on vacation. Then he had family stuff going on.

 

Time got away from us. Well him. As much as he seemed to like me, I think he knew he was in no place to have a girlfriend, so he didn't really prioritize meeting me. I figured he would stop talking to me when he left, but he didn't. But sometimes the conversation would get suggestive. I would tell him I didn't like it, but he thought it was a hilarious joke. So I went along with it, never saying anything suggestive or leading myself.

 

We talked for months. But then his soccer schedule picked up and conversations turned into snapchats. It was fine. We weren't dating. He comes home again for one weekend. He calls me ahead to make dinner plans. I was so excited. He bails on plans because his car broke down and he couldn't pick me up. I called him out saying how he didn't seem to want to meet me etc...

 

He goes away again. He recently just came back again unexpectedly, and he has been sending me lots of messages. He sent me one the other day asking if I was free. I said I was working. He asked until what time. I told him. He said Oh, and that he was going to be in my area. But he never made a plan with me. This annoyed me, because he couldn't stick around and take me out after my shift. Clearly I am not a priority still.

 

I grew angry, because I have been dating other guys, and now I am almost mad at him, because he's not trying and they are. But I really almost need and want to see what will happen between us. I called him out again and told him that I don't appreciate my time wasted and I don't think he has any intention of ever meeting me. He claimed that it isn't true and how his schedule at home is so tight and he is just trying to fit everything in before he leaves again very soon. I just told him to have a good trip home and ignored him. He said I looked pretty today in my snapchat I sent out to everyone.

 

I know his lifestyle is hard. And I almost appreciate that he isn't trying to date me and put me through him being gone, but at the same time, I feel trapped. Because if he comes home for good, which he could be next year, I might be seeing someone else, but I need to see if he and I could be something. I feel like he is holding me at arms length, which isn't fair. But I am letting him. He literally told me he hopes that I am still available when he comes home for good.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No one is holding you at arms length but you.

 

All you need to do is block him and move on with life. If he wants to see what's up next year, he'll figure out a way to do that. As it stands right now, everything in his life is ahead of you on his priority list.

 

Stop reading him for filth and just leave him alone.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Neither one is making the other a priority. It's a game of chicken at this time, each waiting for the other to show real interest. You could continue this game for a long time. He may come home next year, or he may not. You may be with another guy, or you may not.

 

It's perfectly fair, you both get what you are willing to risk or give up.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why do you NEED to see if you and him can be something? Why not just keep dating the other guys who show interest in you? This guy is lukewarm about you at best.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

He is keeping you at arm lenght because it's where he wants you. You are not important to him. He likes you there in the background just to chit chat once in a while when he's bored.

 

When you told him to cut it out with the suggestive talk he laughed it off. He has no respect for you, he could not care less about doing the right thing with you. He does not care if he offends you and loses you. You are no one to him.

 

Again, you put your hopes in an unavailable man. Why you still talk to him after all this running around he's put you through is hard to understand. This guy is a joke and nothing will come out of this. Block and delete.

 

Give your attention to men who actually WANT to date you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
So I am really frustrated with this guy. We met, well sort of met a year ago. He messaged me on social media because we had a ton of mutual friends from college. He and I found out we were in the same college program but had never officially met. At first, we chatted constantly. Texting all day and night, everyday. He was nice and it was great. He was here visiting his family. He went to school 4 hours away, and then spent the summers playing Minor Soccer on a professional team. I thought that was awesome, but was unsure of what his lifestyle meant for us continuing to talk. So he tells me he is in town visiting his family, for only for a few weeks. One week they went away on vacation. Another week I went away on vacation. Then he had family stuff going on.

 

Time got away from us. Well him. As much as he seemed to like me, I think he knew he was in no place to have a girlfriend, so he didn't really prioritize meeting me. I figured he would stop talking to me when he left, but he didn't. But sometimes the conversation would get suggestive. I would tell him I didn't like it, but he thought it was a hilarious joke. So I went along with it, never saying anything suggestive or leading myself.

 

We talked for months. But then his soccer schedule picked up and conversations turned into snapchats. It was fine. We weren't dating. He comes home again for one weekend. He calls me ahead to make dinner plans. I was so excited. He bails on plans because his car broke down and he couldn't pick me up. I called him out saying how he didn't seem to want to meet me etc...

 

He goes away again. He recently just came back again unexpectedly, and he has been sending me lots of messages. He sent me one the other day asking if I was free. I said I was working. He asked until what time. I told him. He said Oh, and that he was going to be in my area. But he never made a plan with me. This annoyed me, because he couldn't stick around and take me out after my shift. Clearly I am not a priority still.

 

I grew angry, because I have been dating other guys, and now I am almost mad at him, because he's not trying and they are. But I really almost need and want to see what will happen between us. I called him out again and told him that I don't appreciate my time wasted and I don't think he has any intention of ever meeting me. He claimed that it isn't true and how his schedule at home is so tight and he is just trying to fit everything in before he leaves again very soon. I just told him to have a good trip home and ignored him. He said I looked pretty today in my snapchat I sent out to everyone.

 

I know his lifestyle is hard. And I almost appreciate that he isn't trying to date me and put me through him being gone, but at the same time, I feel trapped. Because if he comes home for good, which he could be next year, I might be seeing someone else, but I need to see if he and I could be something. I feel like he is holding me at arms length, which isn't fair. But I am letting him. He literally told me he hopes that I am still available when he comes home for good.

 

I didn't see a question there, but I assume it's "what can I do?"

 

The answer, unfortunately, is always "nothing."

 

You cannot change other people. All you can do is either accept them and have them in your life, or not accept them and not have them in your life.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You chase and pin hopes on unavailable men. This is your pattern.

 

Even when "unavailability" is slapping you in the face, you hang on for dear life hoping something is going to change. There is this dire desperation in you to make something work even when you know it can't -- yes, you know. You chose to ignore because your desire to be validated by these men is strong.

 

This guy does not owe you anything. Once, twice and you should have just moved on from him and given his contact zero significance. You should have moved on with your life. Instead you've placed so much expectations on this guy and the potential you've created in your head.

 

You really need to stop dating and work on your self-esteem. There's something about you that keeps attracting these men.

Edited by Zahara
  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Set your standards straight.....the guy doesn't go out of his way to meet you, take him off your list immediately. You gain more than you lose by doing this....it's called self worth/respect. The responsibility is yours to cut them off. Accept the fact that not every guy you desire or contacts you is going to make you a priority. Just move on.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you even care though your dating other guys anyway and their trying as you put it.

Does he know that.

You'd be on the shelf for me for sure seeing other guys l'd be outa there most would, maybe him too.

Edited by Chilli
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm curious as to what it is about this particular guy that makes you want to make him a priority over other guys who are actually available?

 

Why not just drop this guy and concentrate on the ones who are there for you?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/608245-we-ve-been-talking-almost-three-weeks-updated-how-keeep-texting-flowing

 

Pretty sure OP is talking about this guy AGAIN.

 

OP, go back and read all those responses. They are still applicable. Why do you keep wasting your time on men who are not that interested in you?

Edited by hippychick3
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
So I am really frustrated with this guy. We met, well sort of met a year ago. He messaged me on social media because we had a ton of mutual friends from college. He and I found out we were in the same college program but had never officially met. At first, we chatted constantly. Texting all day and night, everyday. He was nice and it was great. He was here visiting his family. He went to school 4 hours away, and then spent the summers playing Minor Soccer on a professional team. I thought that was awesome, but was unsure of what his lifestyle meant for us continuing to talk. So he tells me he is in town visiting his family, for only for a few weeks. One week they went away on vacation. Another week I went away on vacation. Then he had family stuff going on.

 

Time got away from us. Well him. As much as he seemed to like me, I think he knew he was in no place to have a girlfriend, so he didn't really prioritize meeting me. I figured he would stop talking to me when he left, but he didn't. But sometimes the conversation would get suggestive. I would tell him I didn't like it, but he thought it was a hilarious joke. So I went along with it, never saying anything suggestive or leading myself.

 

We talked for months. But then his soccer schedule picked up and conversations turned into snapchats. It was fine. We weren't dating. He comes home again for one weekend. He calls me ahead to make dinner plans. I was so excited. He bails on plans because his car broke down and he couldn't pick me up. I called him out saying how he didn't seem to want to meet me etc...

 

He goes away again. He recently just came back again unexpectedly, and he has been sending me lots of messages. He sent me one the other day asking if I was free. I said I was working. He asked until what time. I told him. He said Oh, and that he was going to be in my area. But he never made a plan with me. This annoyed me, because he couldn't stick around and take me out after my shift. Clearly I am not a priority still.

 

I grew angry, because I have been dating other guys, and now I am almost mad at him, because he's not trying and they are. But I really almost need and want to see what will happen between us. I called him out again and told him that I don't appreciate my time wasted and I don't think he has any intention of ever meeting me. He claimed that it isn't true and how his schedule at home is so tight and he is just trying to fit everything in before he leaves again very soon. I just told him to have a good trip home and ignored him. He said I looked pretty today in my snapchat I sent out to everyone.

 

I know his lifestyle is hard. And I almost appreciate that he isn't trying to date me and put me through him being gone, but at the same time, I feel trapped. Because if he comes home for good, which he could be next year, I might be seeing someone else, but I need to see if he and I could be something. I feel like he is holding me at arms length, which isn't fair. But I am letting him. He literally told me he hopes that I am still available when he comes home for good.

 

What I can't figure out here, why in the world are you putting up with his nonsense behavior. Your a smart woman then act like it and stop with waiting on this guy. You can't see what's he's doing right? There you go wasting you time and life thinking that the dream of fame and glory will happen to you with him. He's got other women when he comes into town to be with Your just a girl or group-pee he talks to as a fan. He'll never be available for you and he will never have the time for you. All your doing is playing into this arms and not getting else in return. What a waste of time!

 

Forget about him you have other men you are seeing just be happen for that. This guy is clearly out of your league. Not texting and calling him. Stop making yourself look always available for his needs as your doing. You are only someone who is always there for him and when your needs are needed he's doesn't make the effort because he's never free to do so for you.

 

You can smell another woman involved, could be more than one he's famous soccer ball player who has you has is pen-pal. There is another word but I can't say it. Do yourself a favor get out of this mess with him.. Get on with your life and forget him! He's not worth the time, space and effort you have put into this just too see how it would be with him well you already seen how it isn't with him. Hint, hint duh!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
For clarification, is this the guy from your previous thread?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631862-i-m-not-sure-what-happening-guy

 

Its not this guy. I haven't spoken to this guy. He's too busy and I can't keep putting myself out there to try. I am bummed he sort of disappeared, because I thought we had a really good thing going, but I can't make someone talk to me, see me, or make time for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/608245-we-ve-been-talking-almost-three-weeks-updated-how-keeep-texting-flowing

 

Pretty sure OP is talking about this guy AGAIN.

 

OP, go back and read all those responses. They are still applicable. Why do you keep wasting your time on men who are not that interested in you?

 

Its this guy.

 

I know this sounds crazy and I've told this story before. But a year ago I saw a psychic. I have seen her before. Almost everything she has said has come true. She told my mother that a woman named "Mona" was going to be coming to her office. Recently my mothers boss is declining in health and it has been revealed that this stranger Mona is probably going to replace her.

 

She told me that a co-worker I have, who is like a father figure to me is going to be leaving and when he does, it will be in two weeks. I do have a father figure co worker. I say he reminds me of my father all the time. Recently his wife was diagnosed with a really bad type of cancer, and is going for treatments. This is all unexpected. He is too young, but he announced the other day he is going to retire and he shocked us all. He said he wants to spend as much time with her as possible. Like I said this was a shock. And then he tells us in two weeks he will be done working here. We have huge projects at work and such that he is leaving open ended. Two weeks is so quick.

 

This woman has told me many things and they have come true. She has told my friends things that will come true. She told one of my girl friends that she will meet a guy who is perfect for her, but she will be hung up on someone else. And how she will eventually see that this guy is perfect and be with him. My girl friend was with this guy who wouldn't commit for the longest time. She was very hung up on him. Then she met Rob who treated her so nice. But she was hung up on Mr. No Commitment and kept going after him, that she put Rob on the back burner. She finally opened her eyes and saw how great Rob was and now they are together.

 

She told me I am going to meet someone " in a place where people meet"

 

This guy and I met on a facebook page which specifically says **** College Alumni Page "the place where people meet"

 

Then she tells me how this guy is going to go away for a while. He left last year when we sort of met. She tells me he will come back around in the summer. Brian, that's his name, was not supposed to come back this summer at all. He was playing soccer. So I didn't give it a second thought. But all of the sudden he's home. He got injured on the field and had to come home unexpectedly. She tells me he will be intimidated of me and might stay away from me. He still doesn't want to meet me, and he keeps his distance.

 

She tells me the person is a Sagittarius, which this guy is. She tells me that he will leave again, but come back in two years, which would be next year, when he will be graduating college and playing his last summer of soccer and most likely then coming home to be with his family here, because he really won't have any place to go. She tells me that when he comes back in two years will finally be the right time for us, and we will be in the same place, and ready to be together, and he will be the person I will marry.

 

I know it sounds crazy. I know, but I think its him. It has to be. He fits into that scenario perfectly.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes it's crazy.

 

I went to see a fortune teller about 5 years ago. She told me a bunch of things that has happened but she also told me my father would die within the next 6 months and it's been 5 years and my dad is still very much alive and kicking! You take some and you leave some!! Chasing this guy down and wasting the best years of your life waiting after something a fortune teller told you is a waste of your life.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

She said you will meet a guy "in a place where people meet"? No way. Will he propose to you in a way that people propose?

 

Seriously though, if this guy is the right guy for you he will ask you out. Not play text-tag when he's bored.

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Just because this guy fits into a pre-ordained scenario for you doesn't mean you have to put the brakes on everything else and just wait for him. If it's "meant to be" it will happen regardless of whether you see other people in the meantime.

 

It can't hurt for you to go out with other guys. As it is, this guy is paying minimal attention to you. What could be wrong with seeing other people in the meantime? Best case scenario, you make him realize what he's missing and he starts paying attention to you and you live happily ever after. Worst case scenario you go out on some dates with some nice guys.

 

Where the problem here? If he's your guy, he'll be there at some point. If he isn't he won't. But don't sacrifice everything else for the sake of someone who wouldn't do the same for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Its this guy.

 

I know this sounds crazy and I've told this story before. But a year ago I saw a psychic. I have seen her before. Almost everything she has said has come true. She told my mother that a woman named "Mona" was going to be coming to her office. Recently my mothers boss is declining in health and it has been revealed that this stranger Mona is probably going to replace her.

 

She told me that a co-worker I have, who is like a father figure to me is going to be leaving and when he does, it will be in two weeks. I do have a father figure co worker. I say he reminds me of my father all the time. Recently his wife was diagnosed with a really bad type of cancer, and is going for treatments. This is all unexpected. He is too young, but he announced the other day he is going to retire and he shocked us all. He said he wants to spend as much time with her as possible. Like I said this was a shock. And then he tells us in two weeks he will be done working here. We have huge projects at work and such that he is leaving open ended. Two weeks is so quick.

 

This woman has told me many things and they have come true. She has told my friends things that will come true. She told one of my girl friends that she will meet a guy who is perfect for her, but she will be hung up on someone else. And how she will eventually see that this guy is perfect and be with him. My girl friend was with this guy who wouldn't commit for the longest time. She was very hung up on him. Then she met Rob who treated her so nice. But she was hung up on Mr. No Commitment and kept going after him, that she put Rob on the back burner. She finally opened her eyes and saw how great Rob was and now they are together.

 

She told me I am going to meet someone " in a place where people meet"

 

This guy and I met on a facebook page which specifically says **** College Alumni Page "the place where people meet"

 

Then she tells me how this guy is going to go away for a while. He left last year when we sort of met. She tells me he will come back around in the summer. Brian, that's his name, was not supposed to come back this summer at all. He was playing soccer. So I didn't give it a second thought. But all of the sudden he's home. He got injured on the field and had to come home unexpectedly. She tells me he will be intimidated of me and might stay away from me. He still doesn't want to meet me, and he keeps his distance.

 

She tells me the person is a Sagittarius, which this guy is. She tells me that he will leave again, but come back in two years, which would be next year, when he will be graduating college and playing his last summer of soccer and most likely then coming home to be with his family here, because he really won't have any place to go. She tells me that when he comes back in two years will finally be the right time for us, and we will be in the same place, and ready to be together, and he will be the person I will marry.

 

I know it sounds crazy. I know, but I think its him. It has to be. He fits into that scenario perfectly.

 

You know I am psychic also my dear runs in my family. Just by your wording alone I can pick up what your did and said. If this happen years ago you need to drop it and move on. No one here can really help you anymore that your own self can. You can chalk this up a lesson. Never give into false promise of hope and desire of dreams to come as they may never come out as you hope!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Its this guy.

 

I know this sounds crazy and I've told this story before. But a year ago I saw a psychic. I have seen her before. Almost everything she has said has come true. She told my mother that a woman named "Mona" was going to be coming to her office. Recently my mothers boss is declining in health and it has been revealed that this stranger Mona is probably going to replace her.

 

She told me that a co-worker I have, who is like a father figure to me is going to be leaving and when he does, it will be in two weeks. I do have a father figure co worker. I say he reminds me of my father all the time. Recently his wife was diagnosed with a really bad type of cancer, and is going for treatments. This is all unexpected. He is too young, but he announced the other day he is going to retire and he shocked us all. He said he wants to spend as much time with her as possible. Like I said this was a shock. And then he tells us in two weeks he will be done working here. We have huge projects at work and such that he is leaving open ended. Two weeks is so quick.

 

This woman has told me many things and they have come true. She has told my friends things that will come true. She told one of my girl friends that she will meet a guy who is perfect for her, but she will be hung up on someone else. And how she will eventually see that this guy is perfect and be with him. My girl friend was with this guy who wouldn't commit for the longest time. She was very hung up on him. Then she met Rob who treated her so nice. But she was hung up on Mr. No Commitment and kept going after him, that she put Rob on the back burner. She finally opened her eyes and saw how great Rob was and now they are together.

 

She told me I am going to meet someone " in a place where people meet"

 

This guy and I met on a facebook page which specifically says **** College Alumni Page "the place where people meet"

 

Then she tells me how this guy is going to go away for a while. He left last year when we sort of met. She tells me he will come back around in the summer. Brian, that's his name, was not supposed to come back this summer at all. He was playing soccer. So I didn't give it a second thought. But all of the sudden he's home. He got injured on the field and had to come home unexpectedly. She tells me he will be intimidated of me and might stay away from me. He still doesn't want to meet me, and he keeps his distance.

 

She tells me the person is a Sagittarius, which this guy is. She tells me that he will leave again, but come back in two years, which would be next year, when he will be graduating college and playing his last summer of soccer and most likely then coming home to be with his family here, because he really won't have any place to go. She tells me that when he comes back in two years will finally be the right time for us, and we will be in the same place, and ready to be together, and he will be the person I will marry.

 

I know it sounds crazy. I know, but I think its him. It has to be. He fits into that scenario perfectly.

 

Ask her for next week's powerball numbers and get back to us with those.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ask her for next week's powerball numbers and get back to us with those.

 

Sorry it doesn't work like that, if it did I would be the second winner also LOL..

 

True psychic can pick-up on things and I can in person, hold your hand, look into your eyes an etc. If I love the person then it won't work. Love gains all. She just gone to a bad psychic. There is a test on youtube that a friend of mine does he's

Marco professional Magician he was testing out people who claim they are psychic. There is a youtube video where he's thinking of a number an etc. Stare from his eyes might make others feel afraid. My point is that everyone can say whatever they want but the truth comes out in the end.

 

Powerball I did try once and twice using my abilities got the ball power-ball number now if I can get the rest of them I would be smiling daisies ... LOL

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry it doesn't work like that, if it did I would be the second winner also LOL..

 

 

Here let me fix that for you:

Ask her for next week's powerball numbers and get back to us with those. (/sarcasm)

Edited by kendahke
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I know this sounds crazy and I've told this story before. But a year ago I saw a psychic. I have seen her before. Almost everything she has said has come true.

 

There's no such thing as a psychic. The sincere ones are deluded, and the rest are total frauds. That they can say things that come true proves nothing. There's a whole area within the practice of entertainment magic dedicated precisely to that.

 

Have you heard of Derren Brown? He's a magician, and he tells you frankly that it's all a trick.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...