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Do you feel something all the time?


NedFlanders

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I was dating this girl for three months and everything was going good, and it was not me who was just thinking that in fact she was the first to say how good everything was and that she had finally found a great guy. Well one morning we both went to work kissed each other bye and we said we would call each other later. Well later that day I got a text from her and she said for the last two day that we were together "she did not feel anything." To me she got scared because her last two relationships the guys were physically abusive to her. Am I correct in thinking that in any relationship you are going to just have your "off" days were you are not going to feel that magic.

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Of course!

This Disney, rainbows and butterflies, birds singing 24/7, is a lie. Doesn't work that way. That "spark" only lasts for a moment.

 

But that's because the spark is supposed to turn into one of those hot and long standing fires. You know the one where you don't see the flames dancing but rather just red hot coals.. am I making sense?

 

You should get to a point with your partner where they're just as pivotal to you as breathing. Do you notice every breath you take? No.. but it's there, always making sure you're good. It should be something like that..

 

3 months though... That's still a very young relationship

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Yeah, makes perfect sense, but still does not dull the pain. I miss her so much, literally it seems I feel that hurt almost everyday.:(

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If I don't feel anything then he isn't the guy for me.

 

So, off day or not there is a feeling and a strong one about that man - even when everything may have gone tits up with that man.

 

When I have not 'felt' is when I need out. I haven't listened to that quickly enough on 3 occasions. Luckily for me it didn't take me long to get out.

 

She is being honest with you, it's not there, don't drag it out.

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3 months is a break-it or make-it moment. It's when the relationship moves from dating to being in a relationship. If you are not matched with the right person it will often die out before 3 months. This is it for her. She gave it 3 months and at the end she decides it was not 'it' for her. It's not your fault, or her fault for that matter.

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Can 'it' just die out at any time in a relationship though? Not just the early days?:(

 

Yes it can. It died out for me after 15 year marriage. I had been unhappy for years and after giving chances after chances my love for him just died.

 

It does not die all of a sudden, there are signs but the other person will often overlook the signs.

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Yes it can. It died out for me after 15 year marriage. I had been unhappy for years and after giving chances after chances my love for him just died.

 

It does not die all of a sudden, there are signs but the other person will often overlook the signs.

 

Men often don't recognize subtle "signs" which is why you see so many of us saying "it came out of the blue".

 

A woman who really cares will tell you before it's too late to fix. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen very often it seems. What's worse is when you sense something and ask if anythings wrong and they say "nothing".

 

OP - Consider yourself lucky. It happens to all guys many after YEARS and let me tell you it hurts a lot more.

 

I know it sucks, but there was likely something you did to cause it. Women don't invest 3 months if they don't like you. She liked you and then stopped liking you. Look at how you acted differently (taking her for granted, not planning enough fun, becoming needy, etc). It's possible you did nothing and she's messed up, but it's more likely you did something that turned her off.

 

The reason a lot of women say it just didn't work out is because they are not sure what you did that made her stop liking you. They react to it though by leaving as there are many other guys she can date so her fear is less than a guys would be.

 

Good riddance though, if she couldn't open up about issues you don't want her long term. Think back when your head has cleared and try and find what you did wrong and don't repeat it with the next one.

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3 months is a break-it or make-it moment. It's when the relationship moves from dating to being in a relationship. If you are not matched with the right person it will often die out before 3 months. This is it for her. She gave it 3 months and at the end she decides it was not 'it' for her. It's not your fault, or her fault for that matter.

 

i would tend to agree with this analysis

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i would tend to agree with this analysis

 

I don't know, but thanks for all the replies. Her last relationship lasted a year, and she told me each month small "bad" things would change with him. Than not sure when but he started physically abusing her, but she still stayed with him for a entire year, and thee one before that the guy she was married to for almost 10 years was a drug addict and also got to the point of abuse.

 

Now here I come, someone who was the complete opposite of anyone she has ever been with. I remember her telling me this around the two month mark, she said it felt to her that me and her had been together for years, because everything felt so natural between us.

I still (pray) that she just did not know how to react to someone like me because I would do the small things.....take the trash out, cook for her, go shopping for her, etc. She said she had never in her life had a man do any of those things for her. Damn!!! I am sorry to all that has replied, because it just hurts so much to the point I would almost rather be alone the rest of my life than feel this way.

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Yeah, makes perfect sense, but still does not dull the pain. I miss her so much, literally it seems I feel that hurt almost everyday.:(

 

Then get angry. She's the one at fault here. She's the psycho one here. You don't kiss someone in the morning and then, for no particular reason, just "don't feel it" by the afternoon.

 

If you have issues -- and I'm talking to her -- then you're supposed to work on your issues instead of sharing your misery with the world.

 

And by the way, I would never, ever get involved with a woman who had previously put up with abuse in a relationship. Unless you're a therapist, life's too short to deal with broken people.

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mortensorchid

I'm sorry. This has happened to me more that once. That 3 month marker is when it's a certain plateau to move forward from the dating stage to relationship stage. And she dropped you because she felt it wasn't right or because the newness of the situation wore off for her. Without knowing anything other than what you said about the last two relationships being abusive ones for her ... It just ain't gonna happen here.

 

So move on. You'll be okay.

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she just did not know how to react to someone like me because I would do the small things.....take the trash out, cook for her, go shopping for her, etc. She said she had never in her life had a man do any of those things for her.

 

Now you'd think women like that would be absolutely thrilled to find a man that treated them well and didn't hit them. But no. See, the thing is, they put up with the abuse only partly out of fear. A big part of it is that they think this is how things are supposed to be.

 

In their minds, a real man stomps into the trailer, drags the woman by the hair to the mattress on the floor, enjoys himself, and then smacks her on the face because dinner isn't ready. When men don't treat them that way, it may seem good at first, but inevitably the doubts start creeping in. Maybe he's so nice because he's, uh... you know, a sissy. Not manly. Weak.

 

This is the stuff that buys therapists BMWs. Civilians best duck and cover.

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I don't know, but thanks for all the replies. Her last relationship lasted a year, and she told me each month small "bad" things would change with him. Than not sure when but he started physically abusing her, but she still stayed with him for a entire year, and thee one before that the guy she was married to for almost 10 years was a drug addict and also got to the point of abuse.

 

Now here I come, someone who was the complete opposite of anyone she has ever been with. I remember her telling me this around the two month mark, she said it felt to her that me and her had been together for years, because everything felt so natural between us.

I still (pray) that she just did not know how to react to someone like me because I would do the small things.....take the trash out, cook for her, go shopping for her, etc. She said she had never in her life had a man do any of those things for her. Damn!!! I am sorry to all that has replied, because it just hurts so much to the point I would almost rather be alone the rest of my life than feel this way.

 

It's great that you treated her right and she seemed to appreciate it. I usually take big declarations early on with a grain of salt. 'I am falling in love with you, we fit so well together, I'm glad I met you'. I think to myself 'that is sweet, but time will tell.' It can all change suddenly at any moment I'm afraid. I don't think it is anything to do with her past boyfriends, or anything you have done. She just wasn't feeling it. So she said 'in the last 2 days' which I find a bit odd. Maybe she initially had convinced herself she was feeling something, but once the excitement of a new relationship wore off, the deeper feelings weren't there.

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I was dating this girl for three months and everything was going good, and it was not me who was just thinking that in fact she was the first to say how good everything was and that she had finally found a great guy. Well one morning we both went to work kissed each other bye and we said we would call each other later. Well later that day I got a text from her and she said for the last two day that we were together "she did not feel anything." To me she got scared because her last two relationships the guys were physically abusive to her. Am I correct in thinking that in any relationship you are going to just have your "off" days were you are not going to feel that magic.

 

Late to this thread. I've been meaning to respond before.

 

I think Robratory got this the closest. I may get heat for saying this, but she didn't wind up in *two* abusive relationships due only to "bad luck" OP. I mean c'mon, our gender isn't all knuckleheads, not even close. It's instead just how her picker works.

 

But in general, yes, people in new relationships can fake being far more smitten/invested than they really are. It may be that they are trying to convince THEMSELVES that this new relationship is the one they should be in.

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Late to this thread. I've been meaning to respond before.

 

I think Robratory got this the closest. I may get heat for saying this, but she didn't wind up in *two* abusive relationships due only to "bad luck" OP. I mean c'mon, our gender isn't all knuckleheads, not even close. It's instead just how her picker works.

 

But in general, yes, people in new relationships can fake being far more smitten/invested than they really are. It may be that they are trying to convince THEMSELVES that this new relationship is the one they should be in.

 

Sorry too keep at this post, and just "move on", but I was looking at other sites and one was how to tell if your relationship is getting serious is if you know your other partners plans for the week was one example, and two freaking days before she decides to end it, we sat in bed and she made a calender for me and wrote down all the days I had to work, because I have a crazy work schedule. We even did the exchange house keys hahaha.

One other example was "You tell each other absolutely everything", and we both well at least I did tell everything that is what hurts the most I think.

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I don't know, but thanks for all the replies. Her last relationship lasted a year, and she told me each month small "bad" things would change with him. Than not sure when but he started physically abusing her, but she still stayed with him for a entire year, and thee one before that the guy she was married to for almost 10 years was a drug addict and also got to the point of abuse.

 

Now here I come, someone who was the complete opposite of anyone she has ever been with. I remember her telling me this around the two month mark, she said it felt to her that me and her had been together for years, because everything felt so natural between us.

I still (pray) that she just did not know how to react to someone like me because I would do the small things.....take the trash out, cook for her, go shopping for her, etc. She said she had never in her life had a man do any of those things for her. Damn!!! I am sorry to all that has replied, because it just hurts so much to the point I would almost rather be alone the rest of my life than feel this way.

 

 

I doubt you did anything wrong. It seems she just has a preference for a certain type (jerks/bad boys/dominant personalities), but this girl probably got tired of getting hurt all the time so she tried a nice guy. (you) I guess after three months she realized something was missing for her. It wouldn't surprise me if she starts seeing one of her exes again, or someone like them.

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A woman who really cares will tell you before it's too late to fix.

 

What a load of crap. MANY of us talked and cried and begged and outlined and wrote letters for YEARS. He just flat didn't care.

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Caramelpopcorn

It could be just an off day, or she's made up her mind that she's just not into you. You'll have to wait and see, but back off, give her space and let her clear her head, sometimes emotions just get way too loud and we feel overwhelmed and need some SAFE space to breathe.

 

Tell her you understand, you'll be there when she's ready to resume things but don't contact her until she does. She needs to know if she'll miss you or not.

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Well, no one brought it up but you know most often when someone is making a complete turn for no apparent reason it's because they met someone else.

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Well, no one brought it up but you know most often when someone is making a complete turn for no apparent reason it's because they met someone else.

 

I'm sure this happens but is that frequent? I mean I can't believe she dated him for 3 months and kept wandering eyes on other dudes....

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I'm sure this happens but is that frequent? I mean I can't believe she dated him for 3 months and kept wandering eyes on other dudes....

 

I would not be surprised that in a couple of weeks he hears she is dating someone.

 

Not a wondering eye but someone that was already in the picture when she met him or an ex she was still pining over.

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I would not be surprised that in a couple of weeks he hears she is dating someone.

 

Not a wondering eye but someone that was already in the picture when she met him or an ex she was still pining over.

 

Oh good point, an ex back in the picture is something very likely...

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Oh good point, an ex back in the picture is something very likely...

 

Oh, and ex is back or never left the picture. This ex took his truck rammed it into her new car she just bought and completely crushed the rear end in. Also, he threatened to break in and rape her 15 yo daughter, and shoot her once she comes out of her house. She dated this guy for 1 year, and I think that is what is getting me. It makes me feel worthless if she would put up with someone like this for a year; he only started doing this when they broke up, but she dated this guy for an entire year, and hear I am the 'perfect' guy and get kicked to the curb.

BTW, no she has never called the cops on this a@@ hole and this is the second car he has done this of hers.

 

My problem is simple I am a sensitive guy and I honestly believe women do not respect sensitive guys. Maybe I should become an abuser they seem to have no problems getting a woman.

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