I want to date this guy, but my parents are going to treat him badly.

[tabsss]

I'm a Native American girl who recently went on a date with a white guy. We both obviously like each other and we want to escalate into a serious relationship, but there's one obstacle in our way: My parents.

 

My parents are very controlling over who I date. They've said that they only want me dating other Natives and if I end up dating a non-native, they're basically going to treat him like **** and force us to break up. What's frustrating about this is that all of the other Natives that I've dated in the past (ones that my parents have set me up with) have completely disrespected me and I have yet to find a Native American guy who wants more from me than just sex and money. This white guy is honestly all I've been looking for in a boyfriend, but I don't want him to suffer at my parents hands.

 

This guy has said that he's been through this before. He dated a Mexican in high school and her parents didn't approve, but he was still able to make a relationship work before her family moved to another country and they weren't ready for long distance dating. He says that he doesn't care how my parents treat him and he's willing to go through it again if it means being with me.

 

I'm 24 years old (he's 21) and I still live with my parents. They don't want me moving out until I'm married and in their eyes, moving out on my own before I'm married is an insult to the family. I would pretty much be disowned and completely barred from the family if I were to move out right now.

 

Again, this guy is everything I want out of a romantic partner, but I don't want him to be hurt by my parents. But at the same time, I'm tired of being single and having my parents set me up with Natives who don't respect me. What should I do?

[grays]

I think you should move out. Theres a vood chance theyre bluffing and if they arent, theyre not being respectful of you.

[d0nnivain]

I think it's easier to ask forgiveness then permission.

 

I'd try talking to a tribal elder then moving out. Tell your parents you love & respect them but you need some independence & you hope they can trust that they raised you right. They may balk & not talk to you for a while. My mom didn't talk to me for a year when I moved out & defied her when I was about your age. She actually told people I was dead. Eventually she calmed down & we reconciled.

 

Anyway once on your own you can date whomever. Then you can work on repairing your relationship with your shortsighted old-fashioned parents.