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Online dating opening message


max3732

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With online dating I've got about a 5% response rate with about 25% of messages not even read. Most of my messages are just ignored.

 

After looking at all the pictures and reading through the profile this is my basic messages:

 

"How's it going username?

 

Sounds like you're really passionate about xyz. How often do you get a chance to do xyz (or some question about it). I'm interested in x,y,z as well and can't wait to hear more about your experience with it."

 

Obviously every case it different, but in general that's what I've been doing. Is there anything obviously wrong with that or is there something major I should add?

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Seems reasonable to me. But I was not very successful at OLD. Moreover, most people . . . .it doesn't matter all that much what you say, other than something mean or insulting. If they look at your pictures & like what they see, they'll respond. If not, no matter how clever, it's a non-starter.

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drop "passionate" if that's the actual word you're using

 

try: "how's it going?" (not "how's it going coolbabe69u" if that's what you're doing)

 

then: "hey, I like (so and so activity/band/food/bar) too ... how'd you get into/find out about that?"

 

that's what I'd probably do. I estimate I have about a 30% hit rate.

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With online dating I've got about a 5% response rate with about 25% of messages not even read. Most of my messages are just ignored.

 

After looking at all the pictures and reading through the profile this is my basic messages:

 

"How's it going username?

 

Sounds like you're really passionate about xyz. How often do you get a chance to do xyz (or some question about it). I'm interested in x,y,z as well and can't wait to hear more about your experience with it."

 

Obviously every case it different, but in general that's what I've been doing. Is there anything obviously wrong with that or is there something major I should add?

 

How are you dressing?

Are you neat looking both face and dress?

Get some friends opinions or some strangers tell them your to a research project on current trends. See how other people react to the way you look and dress.

 

Once you get that narrowed down then take some professional pictures and then post them. What do you say to these people?

 

Listen OLD they can read or not read your messages if they got a lot of reading to do... Women get more messages than Men do...

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Cookiesandough
Seems reasonable to me. But I was not very successful at OLD. Moreover, most people . . . .it doesn't matter all that much what you say, other than something mean or insulting. If they look at your pictures & like what they see, they'll respond. If not, no matter how clever, it's a non-starter.

 

Totally agree.

 

Also...

 

That message, while high effort, is a little snoozy. I mean, that's the layout of most guys who message if they opt to say more than "hey. What's up"

 

It won't get anyone's attention if your pics don't

 

Maybe add a little humor/wit

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Totally agree.

 

Also...

 

That message, while high effort, is a little snoozy. I mean, that's the layout of most guys who message if they opt to say more than "hey. What's up"

 

It won't get anyone's attention if your pics don't

 

Maybe add a little humor/wit

 

You can say all of that but what works with most women is that complement, yes I know I had mention this prior. Some women like to be told they really looks so well why in the world are you on this OLD? Get them to answer you.

 

Who wants"

 

HI

Hello

Waz up

 

Etc..

I see you like me as I like you (OKC gone now)

 

"Hey Babe what's up"

"Let's get it on!"

"No time like the present right"

"Yo cutie"

"Your pretty and have a sexy smile"

"You free to chat with me baby sweetness"

"My you look so fine tonight"

"Check out my profile"

 

Some lines that can be use to get a women attention, but the compliments always get their attention.

 

"My you look simply gorgeous, why in the world are you on OKC? You could do better than here and you know it!"

 

The relies would say Thank you for your compliment I could do better and they would explain why? Some felt flattered and never got a compliment before. Hey what ever grabs their attention but if they're not turned-on to your looks they're never going to reply back to you..

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Totally agree.

 

Also...

 

That message, while high effort, is a little snoozy. I mean, that's the layout of most guys who message if they opt to say more than "hey. What's up"

 

It won't get anyone's attention if your pics don't

 

Maybe add a little humor/wit

 

Yep, this. The message reminds me of the cover letters I used to send out when I was applying for jobs. Pretty much the same business tone. Not really the greatest if you're looking for a romantic interest.

 

If your looks aren't the greatest, definitely add some humor in there. Original jokes, puns, play on names, etc.

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Cookiesandough
You can say all of that but what works with most women is that complement, yes I know I had mention this prior. Some women like to be told they really looks so well why in the world are you on this OLD? Get them to answer you.

 

Who wants"

 

HI

Hello

Waz up

 

Etc..

I see you like me as I like you (OKC gone now)

 

"Hey Babe what's up"

"Let's get it on!"

"No time like the present right"

"Yo cutie"

"Your pretty and have a sexy smile"

"You free to chat with me baby sweetness"

"My you look so fine tonight"

"Check out my profile"

 

Some lines that can be use to get a women attention, but the compliments always get their attention.

 

"My you look simply gorgeous, why in the world are you on OKC? You could do better than here and you know it!"

 

The relies would say Thank you for your compliment I could do better and they would explain why? Some felt flattered and never got a compliment before. Hey what ever grabs their attention but if they're not turned-on to your looks they're never going to reply back to you..

 

 

Haha that's true. Now that you mention it, when I open a message ( I only open less than 5%, sadly, because I'm just not on my game with it), if he compliments me I always respond saying thank you, that's so kind and compliment him back!

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With online dating I've got about a 5% response rate with about 25% of messages not even read. Most of my messages are just ignored.

 

After looking at all the pictures and reading through the profile this is my basic messages:

 

"How's it going username?

 

Sounds like you're really passionate about xyz. How often do you get a chance to do xyz (or some question about it). I'm interested in x,y,z as well and can't wait to hear more about your experience with it."

 

Obviously every case it different, but in general that's what I've been doing. Is there anything obviously wrong with that or is there something major I should add?

 

 

Yes there is something wrong.

It's just like most guys messages.

It smacks of you trying to be whatever they say they like in order to try to get them to like you.

It's slightly better than "hey what's up" but not much.

 

I actually get much better responses with a canned opening that's funny. Occasionally I'll refer to their profile if it's really cool or it relates to something ive done recently, for example: ive just visited xyz in your country and loved it (if it's not somewhere most people have been)

 

Also, just my opinion but I don't throw out compliments, especially about looks. The odd time I have it's not worked. I imagine it's something most guys do. Try not to be like most guys.

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You can say all of that but what works with most women is that complement, yes I know I had mention this prior. Some women like to be told they really looks so well why in the world are you on this OLD? Get them to answer you.

 

Who wants"

 

HI

Hello

Waz up

 

Etc..

I see you like me as I like you (OKC gone now)

 

"Hey Babe what's up"

"Let's get it on!"

"No time like the present right"

"Yo cutie"

"Your pretty and have a sexy smile"

"You free to chat with me baby sweetness"

"My you look so fine tonight"

"Check out my profile"

 

Some lines that can be use to get a women attention, but the compliments always get their attention.

 

"My you look simply gorgeous, why in the world are you on OKC? You could do better than here and you know it!"

 

The relies would say Thank you for your compliment I could do better and they would explain why? Some felt flattered and never got a compliment before. Hey what ever grabs their attention but if they're not turned-on to your looks they're never going to reply back to you..

 

I automatically block any guy who sends anything like the above examples.

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Doesn't matter. Unless your George Clooney, Matt Damon or Justin Timberlake, they usually do not respond. They seem to be online just to get attention. This is from an OKCupid study.

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normal person

Also, just my opinion but I don't throw out compliments, especially about looks. The odd time I have it's not worked. I imagine it's something most guys do. Try not to be like most guys.

 

The key to OLD is to not be like most other people. OLD is a bar where they let everyone in. There's no max capacity, no cover, they don't care how you're dressed or if you're already stumbling and smelling of booze. Then all those people think they have a chance with you if they just say "hi, what's up." The slightly more enterprising people will come up with something a little more involved, but still obviously scripted like OP's. Most people can see through that immediately. The most savvy people will realize all this and work to set themselves apart to pique someone's curiosity.

 

Doesn't matter. Unless your George Clooney, Matt Damon or Justin Timberlake, they usually do not respond. They seem to be online just to get attention. This is from an OKCupid study.

 

Untrue. Link?

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CautiouslyOptimistic
You can say all of that but what works with most women is that complement, yes I know I had mention this prior. Some women like to be told they really looks so well why in the world are you on this OLD? Get them to answer you.

 

Who wants"

 

HI

Hello

Waz up

 

Etc..

I see you like me as I like you (OKC gone now)

 

"Hey Babe what's up"

"Let's get it on!"

"No time like the present right"

"Yo cutie"

"Your pretty and have a sexy smile"

"You free to chat with me baby sweetness"

"My you look so fine tonight"

"Check out my profile"

 

Some lines that can be use to get a women attention, but the compliments always get their attention.

 

"My you look simply gorgeous, why in the world are you on OKC? You could do better than here and you know it!"

 

The relies would say Thank you for your compliment I could do better and they would explain why? Some felt flattered and never got a compliment before. Hey what ever grabs their attention but if they're not turned-on to your looks they're never going to reply back to you..

 

Um, no. Compliments are ok, but all of those are cheesy. And a compliment alone is not enough to get a response.

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The key to OLD is to not be like most other people. OLD is a bar where they let everyone in. There's no max capacity, no cover, they don't care how you're dressed or if you're already stumbling and smelling of booze. Then all those people think they have a chance with you if they just say "hi, what's up." The slightly more enterprising people will come up with something a little more involved, but still obviously scripted like OP's. Most people can see through that immediately. The most savvy people will realize all this and work to set themselves apart to pique someone's curiosity.

 

 

 

Untrue. Link?

 

What would you suggest? I go through a lot of profiles and started out writing a great deal, but realized shorter was probably better.

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Cookiesandough
Um, no. Compliments are ok, but all of those are cheesy. And a compliment alone is not enough to get a response.

 

Haha I think Al was saying all those examples were what you should NOT do, but say, "why in the world are you on okc... you are absolutely beautiful..you could do better" yes it's not the best, I don't think I'd date anyone who said it but I'm sure a lot of ladies would and kind of nice :p I admit I just like it because it gives me a chance to say corny things back to the guy like, "no YOU are the beautiful one. What are you doing on here? You look like a god among mortals"

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I had the most success when my opening message was something funny and completely irrelevant. Remember, these women are inundated with dozens and dozens of messages so you want to stand out as much as you can. The majority of the messages that these women get are "Hey, how are you?" or "I see you're into ____ so am I!"

 

"First date: we're going Bigfoot hunting. I know the dude is out there because he owes me money. ;)"

 

"I am going to need an accomplice this weekend as my neighbor has a dozen lawn gnomes that need to be liberated. Are you down? ;)"

 

I have fired off many of these kinds of messages and my response rate was much higher. Many women complimented me on my sense of humor and also saw that I'm pretty laid back. And, if I didn't get a response it didn't much matter to me. It meant that they don't share my sense of humor which is a deal breaker for me.

 

And, always have a second message lined up for those women that you're really interested in but didn't respond.

 

"If I sent you a second message, you'd view me as pleasantly persistent, right?"

 

To be honest, I got more responses from this second message than the first.

 

Welcome to OLD..

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normal person
What would you suggest? I go through a lot of profiles and started out writing a great deal, but realized shorter was probably better.

 

Normally I've never been one to initiate first contact on OLD. But recently I saw someone who I couldn't resist that hadn't even looked at my profile so I messaged her something appropriate, funny, personal, and concise. One sentence, perfect economy of words, engaged her emotionally.

 

"Your profile makes it seem like you're X, but I know you're (something funny related to living in NYC), aren't you?"

 

Worked like a charm. She checked out my profile, complimented me on how funny it was, messaged another 2 times or so, we went out and had a blast.

 

Shorter, funnier, more emotionally engaging, more playful, would probably be better in my opinion. Granted, this has been my only experiences actually sending messages blind so maybe this is just an anomaly.

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With online dating I've got about a 5% response rate with about 25% of messages not even read. Most of my messages are just ignored.

this is case in point why OLD is a waste of time for most people

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Seems reasonable to me. But I was not very successful at OLD. Moreover, most people . . . .it doesn't matter all that much what you say, other than something mean or insulting. If they look at your pictures & like what they see, they'll respond. If not, no matter how clever, it's a non-starter.

in addition, all the profiles read pretty much the same, the only differentiating factor are the pics

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this is case in point why OLD is a waste of time for most people

 

It's extremely discouraging. I thought I'd at least go on a lot of 1st dates since I've seen a lot of people on the site that live close to me. Are women getting so many messages that they don't even click on them? I've seen a lot ones where I message them and it hasn't been read in 2 weeks, but they've been online within 24 hours.

 

If I thought there was any chance with someone I'd at least meet her once, but apparently with women, even where my description almost matches what they're looking for perfectly and we have a lot in common they just don't respond.

 

I think my profile and pictures are pretty good. My main picture was taken in good lighting with a high end camera and you can see me clearly in all pictures.

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OLD is incredibly disheartening, especially for men. That is why you have to see it as only 1 tool in the arsenal of things you are doing to meet people.

 

When I was single, I made a point to go out at least 1x per week to an event specifically designed to meet people (not just hanging out in a bar). Go to local singles events. Attend Meet Up groups. As friends & family to introduce you to people. Volunteer somewhere you are doing something you are passionate about to meet like minded people.

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Doesn't matter. Unless your George Clooney, Matt Damon or Justin Timberlake, they usually do not respond. They seem to be online just to get attention. This is from an OKCupid study.

 

Or you're not their cup of tea and they swipe left.

 

Everyone is entitled to their preferences.

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Cookiesandough
this is case in point why OLD is a waste of time for most people

 

One guy's experience with a 1/2 butted copypasta message?

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With online dating I've got about a 5% response rate with about 25% of messages not even read. Most of my messages are just ignored.

 

This is my experience, too, and I'm a woman.

 

What I do get when I get messages--98% of them are scammers using stolen pictures. They're so obvious and don't try to hide the face that they're scammers.

 

You can't be who you're not; and a engineer with a master's degree doesn't talk like he's fresh off the boat from a foreign country.

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Women in OLD get dozens or hundreds of messages. Even if you're a good candidate for them, there's a good chance you won't get a response due to timing (i.e. they happen to be chatting with someone and there's only so much bandwidth).

 

If it's someone I don't care too much about if they respond, I usually say something like,

 

"Hey, I'm sure you get a ton of messages so I'm not going to waste your time. Your profile intrigued me and it looks like we might hit it off. Take a look at my profile and if you agree, message me and we can start talking. If not, good luck out there!"

 

Now, if it's someone I really want a return message from, I try harder. This was roughly my last message of that type:

 

"Good evening, ____. I see that you get a lot of attention from guys you're not interested in, which I am sure can be frustrating (side note, every profile I've ever read has a part about no hook ups or no douchey gym pics...trust me, they'll have some signal about it). So here's a little bit about me...I like red wine over beer and beer over white wine. I also like bourbon over scotch. I like beef medium rare and my chicken fully cooked. I fully believe that women can do anything as well as a man with the possible exception of peeing while standing up but I still like to open doors and walk on the outside of the sidewalk. I tend to like alternative rock the most but catch me at the right time and you may find me listening to hip hop, pop, and even a wee bit of country. I think that bacon makes food taste better but that blue cheese causes your face to fall off. I like kissing for days and lazy Sundays. The only good thing about winter is sharing a blanket and a fireplace. And I think that we should be boating right now (side note, the boating part was specific to her profile). If that sounds intriguing, let me know."

 

Now, those type of messages still only get a 50% response rate but that's a lot higher than more generic ones. I imagine that if a woman gets a long message, it tends to be more rambling so I try to say a lot about what I like and then close with something I like about her.

 

Hope that helps.

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