Seriousperson Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 I have been going w/my bf a couple months. When dating he pretty much did all the initiating except for me contacting him 1st on the dating site. This relationship has been going very good and he is the 1st normal type relationship since the guy I 1st fell in love w/. Anyways the texting seems to be getting a bit less, we still see each other quite a bit. I don't need texting 24/7, had a guy like that and that drove me up the wall and eventually I left him. In my experience when the good morning texts kinda waver, that is a sign of trouble (been there w/a few guys). Opinions? He acts the same in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Do you send him good morning text messages or just wait for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 No, I don't think so. Texting reduces in every normal relationship, sooner or later. I'd suggest that you two make an arrangement where you call each other once a day and stop focusing on texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 (edited) seems pretty natural for texting to decline throughout a rship. You can't expect someone to keep up the "good morning/night, beautiful" game for the whole rship. i mean its nice when it happens, but you shouldnt expect it Edited August 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Do you send him good morning text messages or just wait for him? I initiated it for a little while, then stopped to see what he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 (edited) I initiated it for a little while, then stopped to see what he does. So a "good morning" text is more your thing than it is his -- it may not be important to him. And as others mentioned, at some point the daily texting intensity dies but one "good morning" text a day isn't really very hard to do, if it's his cup of tea. It helps if you guys communicate on the phone? How is communication otherwise? Edited August 18, 2017 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Stop being so lazy. Why should he do all the work? Start texting him too and planning dates and activities to do together. Offer some VALUE. I would drop a woman who never initiates anything pretty fast. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 You said you see each other quite a bit so you don't need texting especially not in the morning when everyone is busy rushing out the door. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 I have never thought you could tell much by the pace of texting. I think he's just growing more comfortable. Since you see each other a lot, evaluate your relationship based on that quality of those in-person encounters, not anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 I have been going w/my bf a couple months. When dating he pretty much did all the initiating except for me contacting him 1st on the dating site. This relationship has been going very good and he is the 1st normal type relationship since the guy I 1st fell in love w/. Anyways the texting seems to be getting a bit less, we still see each other quite a bit. I don't need texting 24/7, had a guy like that and that drove me up the wall and eventually I left him. In my experience when the good morning texts kinda waver, that is a sign of trouble (been there w/a few guys). Opinions? He acts the same in person. My dear your setting a double standard for yourself, first you want the text and then you don't have to have it. He might not be into so much text or greeting text. I like to say the good morning and good nights but I find that women don't like or they just forget to say those greetings. Listen if you can get him to call you or say in person a lot better than the impersonal text message. Example Text Kiss would you prefer that to a real kiss on your lips. Forget about all this text, you see him regularly just be content with that part! Text isn't so important you know that. Just got so caught-up into it that's your problem. Just waiting for him to text. Call him up instead. Might be a good time for you two to move things to the next level of living together. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 (edited) OP, it may be your experience that when a guy stops or slows the ol' "Good morning XXOO" texts that he starting to head for the door, but I can assure you that this is not always the case. Don't let it become a self fulfilling prophesy by getting all insecure about it, followed by him just texting you because he doesn't want to make you upset. He'll grow to resent those texts. I sugesst a bit of a Zen approach...just accept what he has to offer you of his own accord. You will know it is from his heart then. You don't want him to do anything for you he doesn't really want to do, right? Edited August 19, 2017 by bachdude Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 I have never thought you could tell much by the pace of texting. I think he's just growing more comfortable. Since you see each other a lot, evaluate your relationship based on that quality of those in-person encounters, not anything else. I used to think that, but after experience I have become wary once texting habits change. W/out fail a couple guys I dated stopped texting me as much as they did in the beginning and later I found out they didn't want a relationship anymore. I don't have that dreaded gut feeling w/him though, so I guess it is fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted August 26, 2017 Author Share Posted August 26, 2017 I know these are my own issues and damage caused by dating really crappy dudes. W/my new bf, I never trust he will follow through. Like recently he is leaving for a couple weeks on vacation, he wants to see me before he leaves, but he got off late and plans to see me later at night. I haven't heard from him for hours and its already past the general time he said we might meet. I'm keeping myself under wraps, just texted if we were still on for tonight, but internally my stomach is doing back flips. Am I picking up on something that is off or have I built a ton of walls? btw he has always done what he says he will do and is really reliable. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2017 Share Posted August 26, 2017 Well, it's normal that you were wondering where he went if the general meeting time had passed and you'd heard nothing. Did you end up meeting him? If he's always been reliable, then I think you're letting your past disappointments colour your perception of this isolated episode. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted August 26, 2017 Share Posted August 26, 2017 Take a deep breath OP. Did he contact you? I wouldn't jump to conclusions after one incident. Instead watch for patterns of behaviour. Listen to words of explanation. In the meantime, catch insecure thought patterns that race through your mind and process and analyze them. Don't automatically look for the other shoe to drop and let past relationships sabotage this current one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted August 26, 2017 Share Posted August 26, 2017 His personal history is that he always follows through, so try not to let your past relationships cloud your perception of his behavior. This could be a one-off, as his own schedule created problems for him that are seemingly out of his control. I agree, you need to watch for a pattern. Life throws us curveballs once in awhile, and as long as this type of thing is rare, just roll with it. You could express (later, not now) that he could at least let you know what's going on rather than keep you wondering, as this is a behavior that can be modified...simply letting you know...and don't guilt-trip him or hold it over his head, this one-time-thing, but say, "In the future, just let me know." Beyond that, unless this is a behavior that happens more and more often, just do your best to not let your past baggage interfere. He seems like a good guy and you have no reason to believe he has shady or ulterior motives right now. It's going to be even harder for you in his absence with vacation, and communication could drop a little, but hang onto how reliable his behavior has been...not the crappy treatment from past men. It's normal to be aware and even fearful, because obviously we learn from our experiences, but he has done nothing so far to suggest he's not following through or blowing you off, and that is what you have to remember. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted August 26, 2017 Author Share Posted August 26, 2017 Well, it's normal that you were wondering where he went if the general meeting time had passed and you'd heard nothing. Did you end up meeting him? If he's always been reliable, then I think you're letting your past disappointments colour your perception of this isolated episode. He did, we ended up seeing each other. I'm scared of destroying the relationship due to my insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted September 5, 2017 Author Share Posted September 5, 2017 So today my bf came home from vaca pretty early in the morning. I had work, so he said he hoped he was done by the time I was done. Come the end of my shift, I only hear from him 2 hours later w/no anything about getting together. Several hours later, same messaging, but no mention of getting together. I have been w/so many disinterested guys that I'm really disappointed, even my mom thinks its strange, not that he may have things to do, but the fact he hasn't updated me on when he will be free. Thoughts? Am I being overly emotional? I really missed and according to him he missed me as well, though his actions show that he didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 It would have certainly been better if he made an effort but don't panic just yet. Assume he's tired from traveling. See how tomorrow goes. If he's not enthusiastic about getting together then it will be time to wonder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted September 5, 2017 Author Share Posted September 5, 2017 It would have certainly been better if he made an effort but don't panic just yet. Assume he's tired from traveling. See how tomorrow goes. If he's not enthusiastic about getting together then it will be time to wonder. Thing is due to our schedules (idk if he has tomorrow off), the next day I would see him would be the weekend and after almost 2 weeks, that is a pretty long time. I guess I'm also really unsure because he hasn't mentioned it and the day is coming to a close. W/other guys I pushed them to do things, they ended up doing things for me (texting more; stuff like that) only because I asked, they weren't actually super interested. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Again, he may very well be asleep. Since we don't know, I'm suggesting you give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes, it's unfortunate that you may have to wait longer to see him because you were looking forward to it, but try to have a little faith. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Is it possible to contact him and say "Hey, it's going to be a while before we can see each other again... I'm really interested to hear about your trip. Do you have some time to get together tonight?" Just wondering why you have to wait around for him to ask you to get together. Maybe he's thinking - "Well, I just got home from my trip and she doesn't even want to see me..." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 I am from the opinion to contact him yourself. Was he driving long hours? Was he flying and dealing with time change? He may just be exhausted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seriousperson Posted September 5, 2017 Author Share Posted September 5, 2017 I am from the opinion to contact him yourself. Was he driving long hours? Was he flying and dealing with time change? He may just be exhausted. I did contact him myself, he wants to see me. Idk if there was time change, but he didn't fly or drive. Link to post Share on other sites
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Traveling is exhausting, and then dealing with unpacking or getting things back in sync with your work or your week is stressful. Don't fret yet, it's only been one day. Knowing men, I bet he's seriously been asleep most of the time. How long have you been together? Link to post Share on other sites
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