Dating guys who have a time limit

[amkxoxo]

So I have recently been on the online dating circuit and its been a very interesting experience. I have had bad past experiences with men and I have been trying to avoid that at all costs. This week alone I went on three dates with three different men. I am attempting to not keep all my eggs in one basket.

 

On Sunday I met up with this man. We had been chatting for a while, and I finally suggested we meet. When I walk up to him, first impression, I'm not impressed. But after talking for a bit, he is not what I thought at all. He was nice, funny, talented, and respectful. A real gentlemen towards me. Wouldn't let me pay for a thing. We talked for hours and hours. Had a great time. He wasn't my ideal guy, but his personality really stuck with me as someone I liked. He isn't originally from the area, but tells me how he hopes to settle here for a few years and then see where it goes. He says how if he met a girl then that would change things for him. His job is a primary outside job, so now being summer is ideal. I asked him what he did in the winter time. He said he has the option to stay and do indoor desk work, or the company will relocate him for a few months so he can do outside work. He said he was unsure of what he was going to do yet.

 

Now this notion of him potentially leaving is my worst fear. I have been through that time and time again and its not fun, nor stable for me. I am also currently talking to other guys who are staying around this area for sure, so its hard for me to compare. But I liked this guys personality. We really hit it off. He then slightly tells me how his last two years of college he lived with a girlfriend, but he almost alluded to the fact that they broke up upon graduation, because he was going to be traveling for work. He's now lived in multiple cities, but claims he hopes to stay here for many years to have some stability.

 

We kept talking afterwards through text message and we quickly planned another date for Wednesday, which was yesterday. We met up for dinner at this really nice restaurant. We ordered drinks. We talked and talked. We laughed, had a great time. He opened up to me about his messed up family. Again, great date, really hit it off. He insisted on paying for everything, even though I offered, he wasn't having it. He even took me out for ice cream, after the date, and we spent a lot of time together talking. He kept trying to touch me. It was so cute. He would graze my hand, shoulder, leg, with his hand. I would tap my foot against his "by accident" and little things like that. We seemed to have that chemistry going throughout the night.

 

Towards the end of the night he brings up his lifestyle again to me. Claiming that in the coming months he is going to be much busier and nights like this one won't be as common. He says how he normally has Mondays off, but that might even go away for a while, if its busy. He says how lots of people in his field, meet a girl before there career takes off, and they make it work, and usually end up married, or they have to wait until their 30s because then their career starts to slow down, for them to be able to date. He then tells me how he most likely will leave for the winter because he can't stand it here with not being outside. He said he could be gone many months or just one or two. He said he needs someone who is okay with that and can handle it.

 

I was speechless. This was my fear again. I didn't know what to say. I know I can do distance. I did it in the past. It was only the guy I was with who couldn't do it so we failed. But I keep asking myself, do I want to do it? Do I want to be that girl waiting around? Do I want to have to go to christmas parties and new years events, and my birthday alone, even thought I have someone who is somewhere else? I truly don't know. I was so bummed that this had to end our great date. My mother told me that I should keep seeing him and see what happens, because we aren't serious and he could change his mind. I agree with her. She also said she thinks its strange he is bringing this up on a second date as its a lot to ask of someone so soon. I also agree with that.

 

I'm unsure of what to think or do really. I don't want to be in the situation, like I was with an ex, where I was almost trying to win him over so he would stay. Its not a game to be won, its a relationship between two people. I also don't want t be in that situation of counting down the days until he leaves, feeling rushed and pressured.

 

I don't know what to do. I would like to keep dating him, but I am unsure if that's going to be okay.

[Art_Critic]

I don't know what to do. I would like to keep dating him, but I am unsure if that's going to be okay.

 

Don't date him anymore, besides the fact he put so many limits on himself for you he will never be invested any further than it takes to get his noodle wet...

Not a quality guy....

[CloudyHead]

You have had TWO dates with this guy! You said you aren't putting all your eggs in one basket but you are doing just that.

[Redhead14]

Basically, this guy is telling you that he would be a part-time partner who goes off and does whatever the heck he wants for a few months.

 

And, your mother is wrong, you don't wait for a guy hoping he will become so attached and enamored with you that he won't be able to leave. That's called STRINGING YOURSELF ALONG!

 

She also said she thinks its strange he is bringing this up on a second date -- This is the reason you should believe that he isn't going to change his mind!!!!! And, it's not strange, he's being open and honest and realistic. Get these cards on the table early.

 

he needs someone who is okay with that and can handle it. -- He's looking for a doormat . . .

 

He then tells me how he most likely will leave for the winter because he can't stand it here with not being outside.v -- perhaps this is how he preps his potential mistresses -- he has to leave for months to accommodate his marriage . . .

 

not being outside - And/or he is telling you he's an outdoorsy guy so if you're not an outdoorsy woman, you're going to have some lifestyle compatibility issues.

 

I don't want to be in the situation, -- Then don't be in this situation.

 

If you are wanting a real relationship with someone, date people who want that for themselves as well.

 

And, you are entirely too wrapped up in a guy you've only had 2 dates with . . . he probably laid all this out because he could sense that . . .

Edited July 20, 2017 by Redhead14

[Zahara]

Pursue men that are bringing the same values to the table. You don't pursue men that are telling you off the bat that they are going to be semi available to you. He's giving you red flags on a silver platter and you are sitting there bargaining.

 

And no, your mother shouldn't be telling you "to wait and see" because that only leads to you becoming more emotionally invested and possibly leading to your own downfall -- don't invest in the potential YOU believe you see in someone that you've only met twice. When people tell you and show you who they are, believe them.

 

And after two dates you're already mulling about the negatives? That's your instincts setting off alarms and trying to protect you. Listen to your gut feelings.

 

He may be a wonderful man post 2 dates -- anyone can be wonderful in the beginning. Stop placing emphasis on how great he is. They're all great when they're trying to woo you. Be smart about this. Keep moving on.

[Erik30]

I don't think he's that interested, so he's already giving you some reasons on why it wouldn't work. A guy who is into you won't try to scare you away... or he's hoping you're up for a casual fwb type of relationship.

[kendahke]

Seems you've attracted the same character that you've consistently dealt with in the past, but he's now inhabiting a different body.

 

He's here to test you if you've learned lessons from the past. If you haven't, then you will follow your mother's bad advice and find yourself alone for the holidays and your birthday again.

 

If you've learned what you needed to learn, you will decline this guy and keep dating other men until one comes along who is who you need for your man to be.

 

He's put up way too many roadblocks and to me, that smells of a wife and family who live elsewhere while he's working in your area.

[Gaeta]

amkxoxo: You are addicted to drama.

 

Here you are again picking a man that will not give you a proper relationship and you'll end up having anxiety about every little thing.

 

This is NOT a man you should date.

 

Find a simple guy, with a simply life, to offer you a simple relationship.

[Cookiesandough]

I don't think he's that interested, so he's already giving you some reasons on why it wouldn't work. A guy who is into you won't try to scare you away... or he's hoping you're up for a casual fwb type of relationship.

 

I agree with this. When men on dating sites write (or tell you on dates!!!) they are traveling/moving soon/in the area for now it's a blantant message saying "not looking for anything serious"

[lbjanieb]

Watch yourself. You have to protect yourself, especially as you already have feelings/fears and he's going to be leaving. I'd remain a bit distant if I were you. You certainly can't promise to be there upon his return, not when you basically barely know him. Um, why is he even bringing up marriage - saying that his colleagues usually end up married? Maybe it's just me and my baggage but I worry that he's trying to hook you, and it's way too soon to be committed. If he's the right guy he'll maintain his respectful behavior until he's in a position to offer you more. In the meantime you can better assess his personality/character. Don't push it. Just take it slow, okay? Don't want to see you crash and burn.

[smackie9]

Don't date him...dump the chump. He is pretty much wanting to end it but is a coward to do it...the "I'm going to be really busy excuse is a hint that he's not wanting to pursue this much further.