No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 So after some hesitation, over two years after my last first date, I posted up my profile (I wanted to update my last thread but it is closed: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/628713-old-warm-up-before-meeting). Basically 1 picture and 2-3 sentences because I got caught up with stuff and never actually finished it. Today, a bit over a week later, I opened the profile and it is flooded with messages and likes. Some messages are very thoughtful considering the near non-existent content of the profile. Now... It turned me off. So basically they have no idea how I look, what I'm up to, what I'm trying to do. WTH even attempt messaging a shell of an unfinished profile?? Anyway, I'm finishing it today and plan to warm up by responding a couple of these initial messages... I've never been so meh when attempting OLD but we'll see... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Don't worry about what men want and why they message an empty profile. Concentrate on what YOU want. Make yourself a mental list of the qualities you'd like to find in a partner and don't waste any energy being frustrated or upset at the 10s and 10s of unsuited prospects that will message you. I was in the habit of deleting my profile after 2-3 weeks to take a 2-3 weeks break. Each time I came back I got the same messages from the same men. Some of them just message any new profile no matter what that profile is about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 A friend of mine made a dummy account on Match couple of years ago just to browse the profiles. She didn't have any pictures and simply cut and pasted a sample paragraph suggested by the dating site. She actually got a message from an older doctor (~50; my friend was 30 then), who asked her something about that paragraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 Good advice - I noticed there is always a surge when you put the profile on. I messaged back 3 guys. I'm curious what will happen next, I feel like I'm so far just testing the waters and the idea of a date, sadly, scares me... Don't worry about what men want and why they message an empty profile. Concentrate on what YOU want. Make yourself a mental list of the qualities you'd like to find in a partner and don't waste any energy being frustrated or upset at the 10s and 10s of unsuited prospects that will message you. I was in the habit of deleting my profile after 2-3 weeks to take a 2-3 weeks break. Each time I came back I got the same messages from the same men. Some of them just message any new profile no matter what that profile is about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 With even one picture, if it's not obscuring your face, guys can tell if there's some initial attraction and usually that's enough for a thirsty guy. I wrote in another thread that it takes zero effort to message a woman on a dating app vs real life that would take some real courage and sweaty palms to go up to a woman for no reason and try to make conversation without sounding like you have an agenda. That's why your inbox is flooded. Hopefully a diamond is in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 There is a surge when you open a profile but it dies down. It's kind of offputting that 95% of the messages are generic hey wassup... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 The best advice I can give you is: don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Many guys are just looking for NSA sex, and they will carpet bomb. They send a million messages, to every female profile they can find, in the hope of getting a response. They don't even read the profiles. That's why you're getting messages even with an almost-empty profile. It's generally best to ignore these messages, assuming you're not also looking for NSA sex that is, since these guys are not looking for "proper" dates / relationship. Now a lot of women will craft their profile in order to try to put off the NSA crowd. They will write all sorts of "don't message me if...." junk. What they forget is that this lot don't even read the profiles, so it's not possible to put them off, no matter what you write! The only way to deal with them is to delete/ignore. And by including a lot of negative, "don't message me" stuff, they end up with a negative, up-herself sounding profile, which will put off the genuine guys. So not only do they NOT get rid of the NSA crowd, they actually put off the good guys. The best strategy is to craft your profile to attract the exact guy you are looking for, and completely ignore the rest. Oh and don't be afraid to search / message guys you like. You might find all your time is taken up reading / ignoring messages from unsuitables, so don't be afraid to delete them ALL, and find a good match yourself. Many women swear by this method. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 The majority of male users don't go any further after seeing a picture they like and find themselves attracted to. I used to have an elaborate text with so many things that could have been used as excellent conversation starters, but 90% of guys wouldn't even bother reading. Most messages were in the lines of "Hi, beauty! I like your pics". But some did take time to read and those were the ones I answered to. Just put up a good introduction and wait for those who'll bother to read it or select some users yourself and start a conversation by your own initiative 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 Yeah. I'm not responding to these even if the guy looks like Mr Universe. There is a surge when you open a profile but it dies down. It's kind of offputting that 95% of the messages are generic hey wassup... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 isn't that how OLD works? That all new accounts get pushed to the front of the suggestion "someone you might like" line? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 I never put 'don't message me if...' in my profile but from the content and picture selection is more than clear that I'm not looking for NSA arrangements. I am actually surprised that anyone will get confused considering that even now that I added more pictures there is not even a single one with skin showing and I selected 'LTR only' option... I have to give a try messaging sending first messages... I just never done it and it feels so strange... The best strategy is to craft your profile to attract the exact guy you are looking for, and completely ignore the rest. Oh and don't be afraid to search / message guys you like. You might find all your time is taken up reading / ignoring messages from unsuitables, so don't be afraid to delete them ALL, and find a good match yourself. Many women swear by this method. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I never put 'don't message me if...' in my profile but from the content and picture selection is more than clear that I'm not looking for NSA arrangements. I am actually surprised that anyone will get confused considering that even now that I added more pictures there is not even a single one with skin showing and I selected 'LTR only' option... My profile was bullet proof against NSA and they still messaged me. A few times I asked why they messaged me when my profile was clearly mentioning looking for a long term relationship and all of them answered: Maybe the women will say yes for some fun on the side while looking for Mr. Right. *roll eyes*. Just ignore them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) But really , does any of it even matter , most people just come offa old burned out and no where.. l went into my old one from few yrs ago , the other night. tbh , l nearly threw up and left 5mins later. lsn't it weird how in this day and age people seem to think no date site no love life. must do must do. But what's changed out there , apart from computers now. Surely people still have the same life we would've 2o yrs ago. Unless people just don't have lives these days but hang around the house on computers instead. Actually , might open a thread on that very question and see if we can figure it out. Edited July 18, 2017 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 I personally need OLD because otherwise I'd be stuck dating people at work and I don't even want to try that (bad former experience). It is easy if you're young and in school, but I'm 32, work long hours, have ton of house work, and just don't have the energy to go out at night... Also, I think the people at OLD are exctly the same as the ones that you meet outside of OLD (nearly every person that I know has / had OLD profile) But really , does any of it even matter , most people just come offa old burned out and no where.. l went into my old one from few yrs ago , the other night. tbh , l nearly threw up and left 5mins later. lsn't it weird how in this day and age people seem to think no date site no love life. must do must do. But what's changed out there , apart from computers now. Surely people still have the same life we would've 2o yrs ago. Unless people just don't have lives these days but hang around the house on computers instead. Actually , might open a thread on that very question and see if we can figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
tetrahedral Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 So after some hesitation, over two years after my last first date, I posted up my profile (I wanted to update my last thread but it is closed: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/628713-old-warm-up-before-meeting). Basically 1 picture and 2-3 sentences because I got caught up with stuff and never actually finished it. Today, a bit over a week later, I opened the profile and it is flooded with messages and likes. Some messages are very thoughtful considering the near non-existent content of the profile. Now... It turned me off. So basically they have no idea how I look, what I'm up to, what I'm trying to do. WTH even attempt messaging a shell of an unfinished profile?? Anyway, I'm finishing it today and plan to warm up by responding a couple of these initial messages... I've never been so meh when attempting OLD but we'll see... This is the flip side of all the posts on here where a guy says "I write 5 messages a day and no one responds!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) Yeah right. The way you explain that makes perfect sense. Similar sitch myself in a way. Not getting out very much, middle of winter anyway so the nights are def stay home stuff. Wk ends are pretty crap too. if it is a nice day out l've been hanging round outside working on the house and been pleasantly surprised at whos walked past. l do love renovating the place but it doesn't do much for your love life doing that on wkends so at least that's something. Since l'm single again and just moved to a new town have been seeing a few around just lately which is encouraging.in just every day life. Must admit though pickings are very slim. We've got some mountains 30mins away too ; l only just took my daughter to for the first time a few wks back and my God, they were everywhere up there so l'll sure be going for some hikes up there alone in the future too. But yeah , l hear ya. Edited July 18, 2017 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 There is a surge when you open a profile but it dies down. It's kind of offputting that 95% of the messages are generic hey wassup... Simple 'hey wassup' works for some women. ESPECIALLY if you are attractive or if they are desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Can anyone explain how to do online dating? How to select who to go out with? It's just a bunch of pics . I am having no luck and I hate it very much Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Can anyone explain how to do online dating? How to select who to go out with? It's just a bunch of pics . I am having no luck and I hate it very much You're a beautiful girl, you just need to sit there and wait for the messages to pore in. In each dating website there is an engin search. Put in the age range, smokers or not, kids or not, even height and body shape, anything you wish. You'll get results, read the profiles and send messages. Don't use an app on our phone. Get on your pc, it's much easier to find all the search options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Thank you so much! I will try the search feature out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Can anyone explain how to do online dating? How to select who to go out with? It's just a bunch of pics . I am having no luck and I hate it very much I like it if there is text in the profile. If there is nothing there... no picture can spike my interest. I also tend to put only very conservative pictures on my profile so guys that are looking for hookups will run away Sometimes they don't but it sort of works for most. As much as I hate the process... I managed to find 4 guys willing to go through my e-mail / long exchange test. I'll meet them if they don't get bored by Sunday:D I hope to get a frontrunner so I don't need to meet all... I really really really hate multidating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I like it if there is text in the profile. If there is nothing there... no picture can spike my interest. I also tend to put only very conservative pictures on my profile so guys that are looking for hookups will run away Sometimes they don't but it sort of works for most. As much as I hate the process... I managed to find 4 guys willing to go through my e-mail / long exchange test. I'll meet them if they don't get bored by Sunday:D I hope to get a frontrunner so I don't need to meet all... I really really really hate multidating. ?thank you. I have nothing written in my profile yet which isn't good. I'm not much of a writer and I find summarizing myself incredibly hard. What made you choose the four guys instead of all the others on there? Just their responses? Were they your "type"? How long did it take you to narrow it down to these 4 Did they mail you or did you seek them out with the search gaeta talked about? I'm making it a goal to message at least 5 a day starting...tomorrow Sorry for all the questions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) Wait for them to pour in , front runners, even body types,some even mention eye colour . my God no wonder the women on them are such dreamers it's mind boggling . Back to reality , just expect burn out in a yr, 2, 5, it's not a supermarket the way people make it out and very rarely leads to anything other than lots of pointless dates, and a few dead end relationships that shouldn't of even been started in the first place in the natural world. There's women all over LS been on them for years, some even asking to stick them with a fork.. Every women l met and they were the pick of the crop had been on them 3yrs, 5yrs, 7yrs, and most are still on there and that was 3yrs ago, l took a look the other night. Just sayin , don't take that crap too seriously there's only like 1 in 10,000 ever find anything real or marriage . Edited July 20, 2017 by Chilli 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 I never put 'don't message me if...' in my profile but from the content and picture selection is more than clear that I'm not looking for NSA arrangements. I am actually surprised that anyone will get confused considering that even now that I added more pictures there is not even a single one with skin showing and I selected 'LTR only' option... Nobody who reads it would get confused. Your mistake is that you still believe those looking for NSA actually read the profiles and look at the pics. Nothing you say or do can put these guys off because they don't read, they just mass-mail every female. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted July 20, 2017 Author Share Posted July 20, 2017 Last time on OLD I met my BF within 7 days. It didn't turn out great in the end, but still it was near 2 years serious relationship with marriage intent. OLD works just fine, don't get discouraged. Wait for them to pour in , front runners, even body types,some even mention eye colour . my God no wonder the women on them are such dreamers it's mind boggling . Back to reality , just expect burn out in a yr, 2, 5, it's not a supermarket the way people make it out and very rarely leads to anything other than lots of pointless dates, and a few dead end relationships that shouldn't of even been started in the first place in the natural world. There's women all over LS been on them for years, some even asking to stick them with a fork.. Every women l met and they were the pick of the crop had been on them 3yrs, 5yrs, 7yrs, and most are still on there and that was 3yrs ago, l took a look the other night. Just sayin , don't take that crap too seriously there's only like 1 in 10,000 ever find anything real or marriage . Link to post Share on other sites
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