How I broke up with her, makes me feel guilty.

[Supernova007]

So, my job requires a lot of travel. And there is this girl, I used to date online. I knew her back in the childhood times. She is somehow a relative to me. We used to text back and forth, and I had been a lot of times in her city for work, but I never made plans. So one day I thought maybe I should set a date with her. And the exact same weak I had a job in her city. So I told her 3 days prior, and we spend a whole day together before I left the city. One whole day literally. From 07:00 Am to 11:30 pm. I had no car in her city, so I took her in front of her home, and we went with a bus. She is used to taking the bus. And once we were in the bus she said, ohh, I'm not used to public transportation, trying to make me feel small. I ignored it. And she somehow tried to fix it by pretending that she loved the bus. And we had a bad date in the beginning, and slowly I tried to open her up. And we had an amazing date after that. We went from the park to walk, then we went to a fancy restaurant.

My plans, was to leave the city at 07:00 pm max, and she begged me to stay longer. And I stayed till maybe around 12:00 am. She was super touchy and smiling and immediately after our date ended posted a pictures of the two of us on her facebook, and says something a long the lines of she is starting a new life, and says she will challenge the world and lots of other stuff. But me on the other hand deep down was not happy with her.

 

Her story is that she has daddy issues, her father left her mother 10 years ago. After he found another woman, and she told me that she wishes her mother is dead. She hates her brother. and hates her family.

Deep down I told myself this is not a girl I would date. She had a lot of male friends, and says that guys are better than girls in friendship and etc... And girls are drama.

All the signs of a damaged girl.

 

So, I decided to end things there, and I made an evil plan.

I turned to a beta male, I called her too much, became clingy, and started to talk to her on the phone dancing around stupid subjects. I tried every trick to turn her off.

Then boom, she said something very disrespectful to me, and I told her on the phone it's over. And decided to go NC.

 

3 days latter, she called me and was super angry at me, and said where have you been, I have been texting and calling you, and I told her to calm down.

Then I decided to end things, so I texted her that I want to make a skype date with her the next day and she agreed.

 

Before the date she said she can't make that date because she is having something to do, so I told her, then we will talk on the phone, and once you are home call me.

I kept calling her every 10 minutes until she arrived home, and told her that we must be apart because you disrespected me. And I'm going to block you on all social media, and you can't yell at me on the phone like yesterday. And become angry like this with me. No girl has ever done or said something like that to me. she almost cried. And things did end.

 

She is trying to get back to me and I unblocked her and we became friends, once in a while she posts pictures with her male friends, trying to get me jealous, she even initiate some texting and then ignores me altogether.

 

This girl, told me that she smoked weed, and she smokes and drink, the typical party girl signs.

I don't smoke or drink, I eat healthy and exercise myself.

 

So, I feel sorry for her. Sorry that she had such a messed up family, and life. I don't know, I'm not used to break up with any girl on the phone, when I do, I prefer to do it in person. And always give a legitimate reason for the breakup.

 

Sometimes I hate myself for breaking up with her this way, but I couldn't tell her that I broke up with you because you are not a wife material.

I really wish her a happy life, I know that she hates me, and maybe she want to date me to revenge from me. by dumping me. so she is the winner in this game. And feel better about this situation.

 

What do you think guys?

Am I a wrong for breaking up with her this way?

If I can help her to move on, then how?

She is by all means no wife material, and I'm not looking for sexual flings.

She is super hot by the way.

Cliffs,

 

Dated a girl, found out she is a hardcore party girl, (no wife material) made an evil plan to dump her for stupid reasons. She still digs me.

How can I help her move on.

You should read the entire post.

Edited July 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[kendahke]

So, my job requires a lot of travel. And there is this girl, I used to date online.

well, first off, there is no such thing as "dating someone online".

 

Dating requires in person interaction.

 

I knew her back in the childhood times. She is somehow a relative to me. So one day I thought maybe I should set a date with her.

 

I beg your pardon?

 

Dated a girl, found out she is a hardcore party girl, (no wife material) made an evil plan to dump her for stupid reasons. She still digs me.

How can I help her move on.

 

By blocking her and not dating your relatives.

You should read the entire post

.

 

Um, no... I read as much as I needed to read to understand this messiness.

Edited July 17, 2017 by kendahke

[Supernova007]

well, first off, there is no such thing as "dating someone online".

 

Dating requires in person interaction.

 

 

 

I beg your pardon?

 

 

 

By blocking her and not dating your relatives.

.

 

Um, no... I read as much as I needed to read to understand this messiness.

 

I understand that this is messiness, she is somehow relative, her grandmother husband was the brother of my grandmother. Long story

 

We are not a family, or frequently visit each other.

[Zahara]

Help her move on by staying no contact.

[Supernova007]

Help her move on by staying no contact.

 

Is there any other way around? Let's imagine if I set a date with her, and then told her that she need to work on herself because she has daddy issues. And that's why she will fail with me and all future BFs. would that help her be a better person and start choose wisely in the future? And she is the only one who is going to fix herself, not me or any other man on the planet.

I'm not an animal in the end, I'm a human being and I want to help her move on. I feel really bad for this circumstances.

[Zahara]

Is there any other way around? Let's imagine if I set a date with her, and then told her that she need to work on herself because she has daddy issues. And that's why she will fail with me and all future BFs. would that help her be a better person and start choose wisely in the future? And she is the only one who is going to fix herself, not me or any other man on the planet.

I'm not an animal in the end, I'm a human being and I want to help her move on. I feel really bad for this circumstances.

 

Stop perpetuating the drama. You're not her parent or her therapist. Most likely she would tell you to shove it with your holier than thou speech. She's not changing just because you tell her to -- change comes from one's own self-awareness and reflection.

 

You need to work on your own mess. Stop playing games and leave her alone.

[Supernova007]

Stop perpetuating the drama. You're not her parent or her therapist. Most likely she would tell you to shove it with your holier than thou speech. She's not changing just because you tell her to -- change comes from one's own self-awareness and reflection.

 

You need to work on your own mess. Stop playing games and leave her alone.

 

Dear, easy on me.

I'm not saying that I'm a holier person. All what I'm looking for is a real long term fulfilling relationship. I believe I'm a one woman man. That doesn't not make me holy or complete, but that is my own belief system. From my experience when you wine and dine a girl with daddy issues, she will repel it. And see you as a beta, that's why she likes the bad boys, because the represent their bad father. I'm not able to provide abuse and pain for a woman. That's not me. To keep her interested i must pretend that I'm the jerk. And I'm looking for a loving relationship.

Don't judge me as a bad person. I'm not bad, I have feelings too.

[Zahara]

Dear, easy on me.

I'm not saying that I'm a holier person. All what I'm looking for is a real long term fulfilling relationship. I believe I'm a one woman man. That doesn't not make me holy or complete, but that is my own belief system. From my experience when you wine and dine a girl with daddy issues, she will repel it. And see you as a beta, that's why she likes the bad boys, because the represent their bad father. I'm not able to provide abuse and pain for a woman. That's not me. To keep her interested i must pretend that I'm the jerk. And I'm looking for a loving relationship.

Don't judge me as a bad person. I'm not bad, I have feelings too.

 

SHE may perceive your speech as holier than thou. She is not going to be receptive to your words. Your belief system is your belief system but she may not appreciate you telling her how she should behave and how she should live her life.

 

You've deemed her as not relationship material. Let her go on her way and live the life she wants to live. You need to move on as well and fix your own issues. The way you have behaved in this scenario is less than stellar as well.

[Supernova007]

SHE may perceive your speech as holier than thou. She is not going to be receptive to your words. Your belief system is your belief system but she may not appreciate you telling her how she should behave and how she should live her life.

 

You've deemed her as not relationship material. Let her go on her way and live the life she wants to live. You need to move on as well and fix your own issues. The way you have behaved in this scenario is less than stellar as well.

 

Sorry, I read your answer several time, and I'm not convinced, anyway thank you very much. I really appreciate your reply.

[act00]

I honestly don't know why you felt the need to play this little game of "beta" and text and call incessantly. Was your goal to be so annoying and clingy she broke up with you? She finally barked at you, so you felt justified in breaking up with her. It was a childish move to behave this way instead of just outright telling her you were no longer interested. You would have to deal with the lumps, anger, mean words, crying, and that's just life and you move on. Instead you toyed with her and became a jerk.

 

How do you know she's posting pictures of her guy friends to make you jealous. They're her friends. She posts pictures of them. Big deal. Unless this is new behavior and she told you, I'm not sure this is the conclusion you should be drawing. You're unhappy she has male friends, and this is certainly a reason to not pursue a relationship with her if it's something you can't accept and can't trust her (and them).

 

Just be done with it. You determined after meeting her in person, she's really not the one for you, so just call it quits, and if she keeps contacting you, and especially if she's getting nasty, just block and move on.

[kendahke]

I understand that this is messiness, she is somehow relative, her grandmother husband was the brother of my grandmother. Long story

 

We are not a family, or frequently visit each other.

 

DNA, s0n... DNA

 

You most certainly are family.

 

You could live on different planets, but you're still family via DNA.

 

But that aside--you accomplished your goal to break up with her, so why are you still trying to be in her life by turning into her therapist, for which you do not have any training or qualifications?

 

If she doesn't want to change how she is, how is that of any concern to you?

 

You're now meddling where you have no business meddling. She's grown and can behave how she chooses--she doesn't need your permission or approval. You can just go away. In fact, why don't you just do that little thing?

[elaine567]

I am sorry but what on earth are you playing at?

She is not a toy to be pushed and pulled and manipulated by you.

She is human being not a pawn in your game.

Leave the girl alone.

She doesn't need your pity...

YOU have already decided she is not good enough for you, so go find your own "loving relationship" and stay out of her life completely.

 

I am sure she will get along just fine without your "evil plans" and strange interventions.

[Redhead14]

made an evil plan to dump her for stupid reasons -- There was nothing "evil" in your plan, except that you didn't follow through properly. You told her once it was over, and you kept the door open by accepting contact from her and not going no contact.

 

Your reasons were not stupid. You weren't happy with her.

 

How can I help her move on. -- Block and delete her first of all. And, it's not your job to manage her emotions and move on. That's her problem.

 

I'm not used to break up with any girl on the phone -- Given this girl's attitude and behavior, she doesn't take no for an answer no matter how it's delivered.

 

You should read the entire post -- I did and it gave me a headache She was a headache. Stop beating yourself up and get real with yourself.

[smackie9]

This could all have been avoided just by being straight forward and honest with her so she understands it's not working out and it's over. No drama, just simple communication. Then block/delete, move on.

 

If she can't cope with the rejection, that is her problem...don't make it yours.

[Supernova007]

DNA, s0n... DNA

 

You most certainly are family.

 

You could live on different planets, but you're still family via DNA.

 

But that aside--you accomplished your goal to break up with her, so why are you still trying to be in her life by turning into her therapist, for which you do not have any training or qualifications?

 

If she doesn't want to change how she is, how is that of any concern to you?

 

You're now meddling where you have no business meddling. She's grown and can behave how she chooses--she doesn't need your permission or approval. You can just go away. In fact, why don't you just do that little thing?

 

Thank you for your reply, the problem is that she is the one who initiate contact. I will ignore her completely.

[Supernova007]

I am sorry but what on earth are you playing at?

She is not a toy to be pushed and pulled and manipulated by you.

She is human being not a pawn in your game.

Leave the girl alone.

She doesn't need your pity...

YOU have already decided she is not good enough for you, so go find your own "loving relationship" and stay out of her life completely.

 

I am sure she will get along just fine without your "evil plans" and strange interventions.

 

She is the one who initiates contact. Stop putting the whole blame on me.

[Supernova007]

made an evil plan to dump her for stupid reasons -- There was nothing "evil" in your plan, except that you didn't follow through properly. You told her once it was over, and you kept the door open by accepting contact from her and not going no contact.

 

Your reasons were not stupid. You weren't happy with her.

 

How can I help her move on. -- Block and delete her first of all. And, it's not your job to manage her emotions and move on. That's her problem.

 

I'm not used to break up with any girl on the phone -- Given this girl's attitude and behavior, she doesn't take no for an answer no matter how it's delivered.

 

You should read the entire post -- I did and it gave me a headache She was a headache. Stop beating yourself up and get real with yourself.

 

 

Thanks, i think your answer is one of the best answers. And I'm sorry for your headache. but the last two days, I was devastated.

[Supernova007]

This could all have been avoided just by being straight forward and honest with her so she understands it's not working out and it's over. No drama, just simple communication. Then block/delete, move on.

 

If she can't cope with the rejection, that is her problem...don't make it yours.

 

Thank you for your answer. I started see things better now.

[Supernova007]

Thank you all for your replies,

 

But I think I turned into the Beta mode this last weak, so I started having these feelings and thoughts.

I hadn't talked to a female, or gone on a date, for maybe 3 weeks now. All what I was doing was work. So maybe I missed the attention, and became a little be*it/ch. It's my own problem. And the other problem was accepting her calls and unblocking her. I will ignore this woman completely and I will make sure she doesn't have any influence on me or guilt trip me anymore.

BTW, one of the reasons I felt guilty is after she instate contact me with me then ignore me, i visit her facebook page and find posts how all men are stupid for treating her like shei*t, and posts of the kind, when you give all you are mistreated. And some other posts about that people who truly love someone, must hurt and suffer. And all that crazy teenage stuff.

 

One must not be beta, and that is exactly my problem.

Thanks all