Stopme Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 OK, so this is the silliest 'thing' I have ever been in. I met a guy six months ago, he had just come out of a painful situation and didn't want to 'be in a relationship'. We have amazing chemistry and so we have been friends with benefits. I wish I could be comfortable with this but it doesn't sit right so we have this on again off again thing. But he always comes back and reconnects but 'as friends'. He has been hurt multiple times, says he doesn't want to get close or for me to get close to him. Our last no contact was two months, almost at the end of this time I was missing him. I was going to text but resisted. But he texted me the next night. So we resumed contact but now because of the distance he has put there things are weird. He texts all the time but we don't have conversations. He never makes plans. OK so he is using me for sex? No, we have both been seeing others in between these no contact times. Dunno. He is constantly apologising for his actions. I really think he likes me and enjoys the intimacy with me as we have chemistry but clearly has emotional blockages that are preventing him from moving forward. Ha! I answered my own questions. But after just going through a separation/divorce I have to ask myself what do I want and do I want it with a flaky guy with issues? Just venting. Feel free to tell me to walk (although I regularly do). Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Yes, he's using you for sex. Just because he's also using other women doesn't mean he's not using you too. He doesn't want a relationship and whatever story he told you to make you sympathetic is probably a lot of hooey. He's certainly not too hurt and scared to go around having sex with as many women as he can without any commitment or treating them seriously. This is never going to happen. If he ever meets a woman he is really into, he will be all over her. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 He doesn't want a relationship. I'm not sure you need to figure out exactly why, do you? You just have to decide if it's enough for you to be doing....this...with someone who isn't willing or capable of an actual relationship. Doesn't sound like you are. (I'm not knocking the guy; I'm not in a place where I want a relationship either.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Let's turn this around from wondering about his actions to looking at you. What do YOU want? Not necessarily with him - but from a relationship in general. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stopme Posted June 30, 2017 Author Share Posted June 30, 2017 What do I want? Hmm. Nothing spectacularly serious at this stage. No thoughts of living with anyone, marriage etc. Friends with benefits is not that bad but probably more than this, some dating, some caring. Not just about sex. He says it isn't about just that. This on again off again thing probably isn't just about sex as who would put in all the emotional effort? It must be pretty amazing sex!! Actually, it is Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 OK, if you want dates and caring...more than just sex, you need to look for more than FWB. FWB is generally not much more than convenient sex. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 emotional blockages -- There is no emotional laxative for this. If you're thinking you could be the one who helps him get over his past and be "the one", stop. He wants what he wants and that's different from what you want so it's time to move on. Don't string yourself along. You won't be the "fiber" in his emotional diet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 (edited) OK, so this is the silliest 'thing' I have ever been in. I met a guy six months ago, he had just come out of a painful situation and didn't want to 'be in a relationship'. We have amazing chemistry and so we have been friends with benefits. I wish I could be comfortable with this but it doesn't sit right so we have this on again off again thing. But he always comes back and reconnects but 'as friends'. He has been hurt multiple times, says he doesn't want to get close or for me to get close to him. Our last no contact was two months, almost at the end of this time I was missing him. I was going to text but resisted. But he texted me the next night. So we resumed contact but now because of the distance he has put there things are weird. He texts all the time but we don't have conversations. He never makes plans. OK so he is using me for sex? No, we have both been seeing others in between these no contact times. Dunno. He is constantly apologising for his actions. I really think he likes me and enjoys the intimacy with me as we have chemistry but clearly has emotional blockages that are preventing him from moving forward. Ha! I answered my own questions. But after just going through a separation/divorce I have to ask myself what do I want and do I want it with a flaky guy with issues? Just venting. Feel free to tell me to walk (although I regularly do). Please stop making excuses for this guy. Who hasn't been hurt in relationships? It's a part of living. He isn't emotionally blocked for someone he really wants to be with. He is just a FWB who gets back around to you when it's convenient to his FWB schedule. Of course he likes you and enjoys the sex what man wouldn't with no commitment in place. It's easy sex. Edited June 30, 2017 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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