Humanitylovepeace29 Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 I don't want to get into all on here but long story short I messed up big time .i have anxiety and even though I try to live a 'normal ' life it has rendered me to be paranoid about things .i would meet people and get scared because of irrational thoughts that something bad could happen to the point I couldn't pursue things and would just leave it but through this crossroads at my life I found someone who instead of giving me anxiety took it away ..he reminded me of my loved ones ,of home.but I acted horrible ,erratic he stayed completely loyal and stuck with me through it all ..the way it ended was horrible ..very bad things were said ..it's been a year I feel like I will never get over him ..he saw things in me my loved ones saw and his sense of humour ,everything about him was parallel to myself and people I am close to ..i found such comfort and I know he was my soulmate I was a coward and never tried to rectify it ..it's been a year I don't know what to do ..he wanted to settle down and was at the stage where he wanted to get married..I still live day by day thinking one day I will be strong enough to contact him but I don't know if he's single anymore what are the chances he will be??what should I do?? I feel like this regret and pain will last forever my chest feels weird even typing this ..please someone advise me I will be so grafteful Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Have you received any treatment for your anxiety? How long did you date, and what do you mean when you say you were erratic and that it ended horribly? It's anyone's guess if he is single now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humanitylovepeace29 Posted June 26, 2017 Author Share Posted June 26, 2017 One year and a half I met him randomly in London it was a big deal for me as I had chosen not to pursue things with others because of being a prisoner of my own mind I always felt in edge so to find someone who 'felt like home ' was a huge blessing at a awful time ...the end was horrible because I said really horrible things i didn't mean it's too complicated to get into just that I am left with a lot if regret and have thought about it every day since it happened last year I honestly feel like I am going to die without him ..I wish I had shown him when I had the chance how much I cared ...I know in my heart he's probably not single now so if I try to rectify it and it goes nowhere that bit of hope that keeps me going will be lost I don't know what to do ..I just need someone to help me I have good people around me but inside I feel they think shouldn't she be over him by now idk Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humanitylovepeace29 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Any input?? I'd be very grateful Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Are you medicated for your anxiety? if not you need to see a doctor. There is no point debating with you about this man if you suffer from serious un-treated anxiety you won't be able to process what we say. Words have consequences. You said things you regret but they are said, it's too late to take them back and you need to accept you ruined it and that is exactly why your anxiety should be treated so you don't ruin another good relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Anxiety is mainly rooted in fear. And you said you were a coward for not rectifying what needed to be rectified. So it's fear based. So, in my mind, it's perhaps the fear that needs to be addressed. Whenever I feel fearful I ask myself what it is I am most afraid of. What is the worst thing that will happen in a given situation? Would I just be afraid of rejection? Would I just be afraid of losing face? Would I just be afraid of confrontation and conflict? Would I be afraid of messing things up? (even more). Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Anxiety is a mental health issue....you need to seek treatment. The longer you put it off the worse it's going to get. If you don't have confidence in taking risks, then you can't accept or make changes in your life. If you can't make changes nothing will ever progress in a positive manner....you will be constantly stuck in a cycle of fear, then regret, fear, then regret, fear, then regret........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humanitylovepeace29 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Should I contact him or leave it??and just try to move on as hard as it will be or should i take the risk knowing I probably will be in a worse off place??i feel like there's no real closure should I do it?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humanitylovepeace29 Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 Anyone?? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Anyone?? You're acting like nobody's posted on your thread. How about responding to those folks who have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humanitylovepeace29 Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 You're acting like nobody's posted on your thread. How about responding to those folks who have? I know I am very grateful I have taken in what people have said and am thankful for people's input just still don't know whether I should message him ..I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me how I should go about it idk so confused Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Should I contact him or leave it??and just try to move on as hard as it will be or should i take the risk knowing I probably will be in a worse off place??i feel like there's no real closure should I do it?? No, do not contact him. Given your extreme anxiety condition, reaching out to him will not accomplish what you hope it would and would likely actually compound the anxiety. A person should never do anything, ever that is driven by anxiety that exists at the level of being a disorder. You need to find another outlet for some of that anxiety as soon as possible. There is no such thing as closure for a person with an anxiety disorder. For most people, closure comes from within and as a result of reaching a point of acceptance and being able to look back on the situation objectively and with a level-head. For a person with an anxiety disorder, seeking that only fuels anxiety -- there comes a ton of "I coulda, woulda, shoulda". That happens to people who don't have an anxiety disorder sometimes, but for those who do, it becomes never ending. Link to post Share on other sites
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