Got any funny first date stories ?

[Chilli]

Well l don't actually date anyway but l did jump on the online thing after my divorce for a little while.

 

But l have two funny ones, lovely girls really.

 

The first one, she was into antiques and prospecting.

So she had this 28ft RV she use to go away prospecting in. She was only 5ft.

Well when we were talking l said there was an old shed on my place with lots of old bottles.

She said ahh really, how cool l'd love to look through it.

So l said ok cool no worries come down, we can meet and scrounge through the bottles.

She rocks up, all 5ft of her, climbs down outa this huge 28ft RV, 3 hour drive down the coast to my place, god l laughed. Out pops two little dogs behind her.

We spend the morning scrounging through the old shed for bottles, later we go inside and she makes up beautiful toasted sandwiches and stuff, Races out to the RV , disappears in there for awhile, comes back with cakes and wine and we had a beautiful lunch in my kitchen all sweaty and dirty from a few hours out in the old shed.

Classic day.

 

The other one , again , gorgeous girl, person l mean , although a cutie to for sure.

She was about 4hours away so we ended up talking for a wk or two before l could get over there.

and l said you know though , 4 hours each way, she says ahhh, just stay at my place.

Oh ok.

Well , on her page on the date site, she had 5ft or something ,and l knock at her door and she comes racing out, not kidding , she must be like 4ft 6 maybe, even shorter, shoulda measured her haha, ,but really cute.

l chuckle to myself thinking ahh, l thought it was guys lied about their height, never really considered a girl doing it.

But l didn't mind , thought it was really cute actually. And what a gutsy little bugger.

She owned 4investment properties , had this big $4,ooo racing bike especially built, taught aerobics, absolute classic lady.

Hardly knows me but just says ahh, just stay at my place, on the couch of course she adds,.

She made tea and we watched movies and talked most of the night,, great little women.

Edited June 26, 2017 by Chilli

[CptInsano]

I had gathered my courage to call a girl and ask her out, but her mom answers the phone. Mom seemed to be very chatty and talks my ear off for 15 minutes, and then remembers to ask what I was calling for. I flat out told her that I was trying to see if I could take her daughter out on Saturday. Turns out the daughter wasn't home, but mom accepted the date on her behalf. ("It's okay, she doesn't have any other plans.")

[ZA Dater]

Arrived, sat down to coffee, she left to use the restroom, never returned and I got a rude text 10 min later.

[Gaeta]

Arrived, sat down to coffee, she left to use the restroom, never returned and I got a rude text 10 min later.

 

haha what did you do to piss her off?

[Gaeta]

First date and he wanted to go to the movies. While sitting in the theater before the movie starts his ex wife and 3 kids came and sat next to us lol. There was no second date.

 

First date with a man with just a head shot as a profile picture. I am sitting in the coffee shop and I see this huge pick up truck arriving and this 400-lbs man jumping out of it. YeP it was him! He said he knew he was not what I expected, he asked if we still could have a coffee, I said sure. We spent 2,5 hours laughing our heart out!! He was the funniest guy I came across.

 

First date with a man from Florida that was up in my City. Big black man with gold all over his mouth. He had an anxiety attack about 10 minutes into our meeting. I was too classy for him lol

[CptInsano]

First date and he wanted to go to the movies. While sitting in the theater before the movie starts his ex wife and 3 kids came and sat next to us lol. There was no second date.

 

And I thought you liked meeting family ...

[ZA Dater]

haha what did you do to piss her off?

 

Perhaps she found me REALLY unattractive haha.

 

 

Having said that, what made this funny was I was secretly relieved.

 

 

2: Lunch with an acting student, actually one of the better dates, she then decides to text me 3 hours later how much she didn't like me from minute 1. I guess I was angry now I just laugh.

[Chilli]

haha what did you do to piss her off?

 

Yeah l was thinking , you charmer you

[Chilli]

Perhaps she found me REALLY unattractive haha.

 

 

Having said that, what made this funny was I was secretly relieved.

 

 

2: Lunch with an acting student, actually one of the better dates, she then decides to text me 3 hours later how much she didn't like me from minute 1. I guess I was angry now I just laugh.

 

 

ahhh , her loss man.

[SevenCity]

Met an online date in the city for a drink. She's about 45 minutes late - I was just about to leave.

 

She is apparently a scatterbrain (but a licensed psychologist) and had to excuse herself because her dress was on backwards.

 

We talked for one drink and parted ways. She texted me saying there was no connection (I felt the same).

 

Fast forward 2 months and I get a flirty text from her calling me by a different name. I had no idea who it was and told her she had the wrong number. She said I left her a voicemail (she just got to checking them from the night we went out).

 

I had her send a pic. I then realized who it was and told her we already had a date and determined there was no chemistry. "Oh sorry". She said

 

Loon

[Gaeta]

Met an online date in the city for a drink. She's about 45 minutes late - I was just about to leave.

 

She is apparently a scatterbrain (but a licensed psychologist) and had to excuse herself because her dress was on backwards.

 

We talked for one drink and parted ways. She texted me saying there was no connection (I felt the same).

 

Fast forward 2 months and I get a flirty text from her calling me by a different name. I had no idea who it was and told her she had the wrong number. She said I left her a voicemail (she just got to checking them from the night we went out).

 

I had her send a pic. I then realized who it was and told her we already had a date and determined there was no chemistry. "Oh sorry". She said

 

Loon

 

haha good one.

 

I remember going on a first date, just a coffee nothing too long. When I got back home I got a text from the guy and the text said: hi honey, sorry I took a nap, just woke up.

 

I replied: wrong woman! busted!!

 

Believe it or not, he still tried to get out of it with a stupid story.

[CptInsano]

[...]

I replied: wrong woman! busted!!

 

Believe it or not, he still tried to get out of it with a stupid story.

 

I gotta ask, what was the story? Some wireless network malfunction that transmitted a text a few days late?

[Gaeta]

I gotta ask, what was the story? Some wireless network malfunction that transmitted a text a few days late?

 

He said the text was meant for me. He had time to take a nap since his return from out meeting. Ya right. He had time to drive 27km and take a nap all this within 30 minutes. Sure!

[1fish2fish]

So, because I work out...a lot, and I lift...a lot, my metabolism is super fast (especially for a 50 something) and I am constantly hungry!

 

First date, we split 5 appetizers and have a couple of drinks. Plenty of food for a girl with a normal appetite, but I was absolutely starving by the end! No way was I going to subject my date to paying for my insatiable appetite and order more food.

 

When the date was over and we parted ways, I had to stop at the nearest grocery store to buy a rotisserie chicken. I ate the entire thing on my front porch once I got home.

[Miss Peach]

I've been proposed to twice on a first date. The first guy was looking for a green card. The second guy was serious and I still get strange messages from him many years later.

 

One guy I met online brought him mom with him to the coffee date. She approved of me but it's one of my shortest dates.

 

I've had a few guys try to open mouth kissing me when I met them and said hello. One guy wouldn't buy my coffee but wanted me to take him home so he could 'tuck me in".

 

I went out with a woman who kept telling me she didn't want to hook up but she kept grabbing my boobs and between my legs.

[CptInsano]

[...]

I went out with a woman who kept telling me she didn't want to hook up but she kept grabbing my boobs and between my legs.

 

Women are such pigs....

[Miss Peach]

Women are such pigs....

 

I always think back to the first time I had plans with a woman who I thought wanted to have sex with me. I was IMing with a guy I met online and I said 'What am I doing to do?". He replied "Anything she wants".

 

She took me home as soon as we finished our Starbucks.

 

I had another first date and the woman kept asking me to touch her butt because she loved how her butt looked in her pants. She had a nice butt.

[CptInsano]

[...]

I had another first date and the woman kept asking me to touch her butt because she loved how her butt looked in her pants. She had a nice butt.

 

I once had my ass grabbed by my lesbian neighbor. After I voiced my surprise she responded with: "Just practicing sexual harrassment..."

[Carpe Diem]

Back in university I met a woman who I agreed to go out on a date with. We we're going to go to a western bar and listen to this country group. I should have known there'd be trouble when she asks me the day before, if three male friends can meet us there. Beings as she'd bought the tickets to the event, I didn't feel like I could say no.

 

I get dressed up, pick her up and we head down. Her three friends show up an hour later, pissed to the gourd and covered in dirt, grease and sweat. They hadn't even bothered to wash their faces, hands or change after work.

 

Over the next hour, they proceeded to sexually harrass the waitress, yell obscenities at the band AND steal the f....... glasses and cutlery from the bar. No ****.... they were stuffing the heavy duty beer steins into their bags along with the knives, forks etc.

 

This was supposed to be a date. I'd had enough after about 30 minutes of wanting to bury my head in my jacket like those murderers with the media on their perp walk.

 

I told the woman, "sorry I'm not feeling well, I'm going to head out."

 

Ever since that day I consider a successful date to be one where everyone is sober, nobody gets harassed and nothing gets stolen.

 

Lol

[mistycord]

It's funny cause with the guy I'm currently dating, I didn't know that our first date was a date. Lol. I thought he had asked me to hang out as a friend (I'm super oblivious and need intentions spelt out for me lol) but when he walked me outside to wait for my uber home, he started getting really handsy with me and grabbing my waist and it became clear his intentions were not platonic lol. We kissed goodbye and it was super awkward since I was so nervous and I even texted him apologizing for how bad I was lol. We laughed about it and have had many wonderful dates (and kisses) since lol.

[mortensorchid]

I was supposed to have an OLD with someone last year and then he found my Facebook page through my phone number. I went to a Trump rally with a buddy of mine last year, we took some goofy pictures of ourselves holding Trump signs, then he Photoshopped us so that we were standing on the beach in the Planet of the Apes movie. This guy was not amused and told me in multiple texts / phone calls with scathing hot curse words all over them. Talk about dodging a bullet.

[healing light]

I was 16 when my good friend invited me to hang out at a cafe in front of a theater. I joined her to discover that I was on a surprise blind double date with a 21-year-old. The guy wasn't bad looking or anything, but I felt humiliated because I wasn't prepared/didn't have any money on me, etc.

 

After snacks and a round of pool, the guys decided to take us to a beach we had never been before. It was after dark and they decided it would be fun to "kidnap" us. My friend somehow thought this was super romantic, but when the guy who was paired with me came after me, I was ready and kicked his feet out from underneath him. There was no way I was going to let this stranger try to drag me somewhere, haha.

 

About half an hour later, my friend was heavily making out with the dude she came with while his buddy was clutching me tightly by the small of my back and burying his face into my neck. I didn't want to kiss him and didn't know how to say no, so I was just stiff as a board refusing to look him in the eyes.

 

As we headed to our car, my friend's date jumped out unexpectedly and mooned the windshield. My friend thought this was so funny and was so taken aback by how attractive her date was (he really was cute), that while she was driving us home, instead of turning left at an intersection, she headed down the wrong way into oncoming traffic (despite realizing what was happening at the time, I froze and was unable to say anything)! I had been on the phone with my mom at this point to let her know why I had been gone for so many hours, and I just remember seeing a stream of headlights while my friend screamed and continued to hit the gas pedal into oncoming cars that were swerving to avoid us.

 

Somehow she managed to make a U-turn and flow with traffic again. We were damn lucky--she didn't even get so much as a ticket. She said she was distracted by his good looks and was thinking about his butt on the windshield when she made the colossal traffic mistake.

 

Never again. Haha!

[Chilli]

Well , it's funny that butts on windshields should come up right when l'm dropping back to talk about her butt.

 

The little one, God damn , she had the cutest little bubble butt.

Well , when she was making tea , she bent over to check the oven . It was one of the ones that sit at floor level.

She knew l was admiring her ass but in my head l'm thinking , wow , that cute little ass of hers is really , really , low , with her height and all ,or the lack of haha.

l'm thinking , if l wanted to jump that, l'd have to get down on all fours or something. So then l start trying to figure out just how l could work it,.

l mean it was probably only about 2 feet from the floor , she was tiny..

If only she knew , but then again , she was a smart women and she probably did. But l've got all this stuff going through my head while she checks the oven.

 

You know she had a king size bed too. l was expecting a tiny little double or something but nope , no way , king size baby.

She was like this tiny little lump in that bed, kinda cool.

Edited June 28, 2017 by Chilli

[Bastile]

I took a girl out for a first date. She was Polish, and a former cocktail waitress. She was used to the pub/club/nightlife.

 

I was having a very bad week, and was in a mood to completely let loose. I was also on some tablets from the doctor at the time which I wasn't supposed to be drinking alcohol on... perhaps that had an effect.

 

She was ordering all sorts of different drinks that I'd never heard of. I was drinking beer, and whatever she was having too. I was drinking plenty enough for the both of us, and proceeded to get more drunk than I've been in many years.

 

Obviously she was quite mature and sensible where alcohol is concerned. As the night wore on, she was becoming less and less impressed with my behaviour. But for some reason I just needed a blow-out and let off steam.

 

I can be very social, especially when drunk, and kept disappearing - that made her mood worse. I went for a kiss at some point and got rejected - which was fair enough.

 

Eventually she said she was leaving, and being the gentleman that I am, I thought to walk her home as she lived nearby. She somehow diverted that into walking me to the trainstation... and I actually accepted the walk of shame

 

I thought she was obviously offish, so I just hugged her (which is cringeworthy).

 

It didn't stop there... when I got home, I started drunk messaging her. She replied to a few, then I never heard from her again. I spent the night throwing up, and I still can't stand the smell of cuban mojitos even now.

 

Probably the worst first date where I can put the blame solely on myself.

[Cooper04]

One of my first Tinder-dates a few years, maybe the very first, I can't recall.

 

Her pictures looked amazing, a beautiful Asian girl, looked around 24-25, but her profile said 32.

Meet up with her, she's still attractive but looks quite different from the pictures.

She tells me she's actually 39, but since the pictures were so old, it felt more "honest" to lower her profile-age as well...

 

 

Anyways, she gets about halfway through her first glass of wine, and then she starts crying. Apparently, her ex had cheated on her with her best friend. I don't really want to discuss her ex, but ask out of politeness.

Turns it she was with him at 18, meaning she was crying over an ex from 20(!) years ago..

I'm much too polite and timid to walk out on a date, so I stick it out. Things improve, we go to dinner and have a nice time.

She insists I should carry her home, I negotiate it down to a taxi.

So we end up outside her place, I've already decided never to talk to her again and just get out of there, but she suggests I come inside. I decide to say yes.

 

We go inside her building and stop outside an apartment where there is a lot of noise coming out. She says "Oh yeah, I forgot I live with my sister".

She heads inside, closing the door behind her, leaving me in the hallway.

After a few minutes she comes back out. Turns out her sister had company, and she walked in on them making out on the couch while watching a movie.

 

And guess who the dude was? Her ex from 20 years ago..

 

She then insisted we go to a hotel, I finally came to my senses and ran for the hills.