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Can you recover from drunken "I love you" text?


Hopeless.heartbroken

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Hopeless.heartbroken

Oh god where do I start? This guy and I were friends for 4 years. Like, inseparable. I fell madly in love with him but could never bring myself to let him know. I found out he was moving to the city and felt like it was a now or never situation. I had to tell him how I felt. I could tell he was freaked out and uncomfortable. After that he completely shut me out. I was shattered. Hated myself for a long time for ruining what we had. Fast forward 2 years and I run into him on the street in the city. I just moved here. We rekindled our friendship and have been talking and hanging out nonstop. It's been 2 weeks. All the old romantic feelings came rushing back. I fell right back in love. Last night, I went out with the girls and drank way too much. I texted him at 3:30am "I am so in love with you and I don't just want to be your friend". He didn't see it until 10 this morning but he hasn't replied. I'm panicking and don't know how to fix this, or if it even can be fixed.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Oh god where do I start? This guy and I were friends for 4 years. Like, inseparable. I fell madly in love with him but could never bring myself to let him know. I found out he was moving to the city and felt like it was a now or never situation. I had to tell him how I felt. I could tell he was freaked out and uncomfortable. After that he completely shut me out. I was shattered. Hated myself for a long time for ruining what we had. Fast forward 2 years and I run into him on the street in the city. I just moved here. We rekindled our friendship and have been talking and hanging out nonstop. It's been 2 weeks. All the old romantic feelings came rushing back. I fell right back in love. Last night, I went out with the girls and drank way too much. I texted him at 3:30am "I am so in love with you and I don't just want to be your friend". He didn't see it until 10 this morning but he hasn't replied. I'm panicking and don't know how to fix this, or if it even can be fixed.

 

This sounds like the plot line of a TV show my daughter and I watch together called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend!

 

I think you should probably just let it go....how likely it is that you'll run into him again?

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Well, of course. You just say "I was soooo drunk when I sent that text". Then they decide if they want to believe that line or not.

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Hopeless.heartbroken

I don't know. Most likely we will run into each other again. It's not a big city. But I don't want to let him go. I don't know why I keep pushing myself on him.

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todreaminblue

I think it needs to be honesty to fix this...dont text the guy again....if you see him again go up to him say im sorry for texting you when i was drunk..and i apologize if i made you uncomfortable..i shouldnt have texted you....if he says all sweet still friends ...say the text i sent i regret texting you while drunk but the feelings behind the text are true....and for that reason i cannot just be your friend.....then say i really do wish you the best and thank you for accepting my apology....and walk away

 

dont contact the guy again and be courteous if you do see him.....but....forget friendship..a friendship isnt what you want with him and honestly...probably all he wants from you...i wish you peace.....deb

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Hopeless.heartbroken

Hey, so do you think that when I texted him saying that I didn't want to be his friend, he took that as me literally not wanting to be his friend? Because that's not actually what I meant. I meant, like, I want to be more than friends. But maybe he misunderstood? I keep messing things up with him. I get so nervous around him. Ugh! It's so frustrating!!

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Hopeless.heartbroken

One more thing. Sorry for spamming. But how should I approach this with messing up again? I like him sooooooo much but the two times I've tried letting him know, he freezes up. Should I just try flirting and being cutesy with him? How can I let him know I like him without him running for his life? Why does he keep running from me?

 

Please help :(

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DashRiprock

OP,

 

Don't do anything. Go NC for a while. Good chance he may contact you. You said what needed to be said. Good for you. Too many people are too chicken s&^t to actually convey they have feelings for another person.

 

If you never hear from him, you have your answer. Just don't push it.

 

Good luck.

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Hopeless.heartbroken

He just texted me. After almost 24 hours. He said that he's not avoiding me but doesn't know how to respond to that message. He said he's very sorry to say but he just doesn't feel that way. And if we can't be friends, he understands.

 

Where do I go from here? Just leave him alone?

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Scarlett.O'hara

Trying to keep a friendship platonic when you have romantic feelings for someone is really difficult. It isn't surprising that the more time you spend together, the more these feelings build until finally it explodes and you tell him how you feel.

 

I know it is hard to accept, but the fact that he has rejected you twice means that he doesn't feel the same way. There is no point bringing it up again. I know it hurts, and I understand how hard it is when you get along so well, but he doesn't want to be more than friends.

 

For that reason, I really think you should let him go. Friendship is never going to be enough for you. You will only end up going around in circles and possibly blocking the right guy from coming into your life because you are too preoccupied with the wrong guy.

 

You can't help the way you feel, and you shouldn't feel bad for being honest about your feelings, but there has to be a cut off point where you refuse to keep putting yourself through the rejection and unrequited feelings.

 

Take care.

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vintageluna

I once drunk texted one of my guy friends who I was attracted to and the text said how much I wanted to have sex with him. We laughed about it the next day. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
One more thing. Sorry for spamming. But how should I approach this with messing up again? I like him sooooooo much but the two times I've tried letting him know, he freezes up. Should I just try flirting and being cutesy with him? How can I let him know I like him without him running for his life? Why does he keep running from me?

 

Please help :(

 

Well, he keeps running from you because he's not interested in you romantically.

 

Whether or not you can remain friends really depends on how both of you can handle knowing you have a crush on him and it's not reciprocated. If you can laugh it off and he can feel flattered but honest/direct with and still be nice and normal acting, it can work. I have a friendship like this, although the genders are reversed since I'm female, and we often joke about it and still remain great friends. It helps that he's a mature person who has no problem meeting other women and I'm an easy person to talk to/be around.

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He just texted me. After almost 24 hours. He said that he's not avoiding me but doesn't know how to respond to that message. He said he's very sorry to say but he just doesn't feel that way. And if we can't be friends, he understands.

 

Where do I go from here? Just leave him alone?

 

If you really are feeling love for this guy then yes, you're better off cutting contact again.

He's been straight with you and you need to respect his feelings.

He sees you as a friend, no more so if you feel more then step away or this will only go in cycles and keep happening.

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thefooloftheyear

You should be happy he didn't use you for sex....That's what many guys would do in the same situation.....Then you would really know the meaning of pain and anguish....Did you consider the possibility that maybe he's gay? I only say this as its happened more than once to people that I know..

 

He sounds like a good guy that is just not into you...I don't really do opposite sex friends, but I dunno, maybe he shouldn't have rekindled the "friendship" with you when he knew you had strong feelings for him already...He needs to be a little smarter about that..

 

Quit stalking him and move on with your life..Its pointless to try and be friends with this guy..

 

TFY

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Oh god where do I start? This guy and I were friends for 4 years. Like, inseparable. I fell madly in love with him but could never bring myself to let him know. I found out he was moving to the city and felt like it was a now or never situation. I had to tell him how I felt. I could tell he was freaked out and uncomfortable. After that he completely shut me out. I was shattered. Hated myself for a long time for ruining what we had. Fast forward 2 years and I run into him on the street in the city. I just moved here. We rekindled our friendship and have been talking and hanging out nonstop. It's been 2 weeks. All the old romantic feelings came rushing back. I fell right back in love. Last night, I went out with the girls and drank way too much. I texted him at 3:30am "I am so in love with you and I don't just want to be your friend". He didn't see it until 10 this morning but he hasn't replied. I'm panicking and don't know how to fix this, or if it even can be fixed.

 

You waited to long with him! Now your trying to give a spark a new hit! There is so much going on and yet you don't see the picture. What IF?? That means why do you think he would be interested in you. What IF? There is someone or something that has his attention as well? You didn't get a answer yet because it's way to over his head. He might be still trying to recover from last night. You just have to wait it out. Don't wait so long because life you have now is shortening each day as you wait for him to say the answer you want or not the answer?

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Hopeless.heartbroken

Thank you guys for all the advice. I was so happy when we reconnected and the truth is I wasn't even planning of professing my love for him. Yes, I still felt it, and yes I was still hoping that he'd fall for me by us just being around each other, but I didn't want to act on those feelings again. I'm not dumb. No one likes getting rejected. I was fighting myself not to send that text. I guess the drunk girl won.

 

Yeah, I guess I don't blame him for running scared. I must seem like an obsessed psycho. I sure feel like one.

 

it doesn't help that I have like zero experience with guys. I had a couple crushes in high school, but besides him..not much action has taken place.

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Thank you guys for all the advice. I was so happy when we reconnected and the truth is I wasn't even planning of professing my love for him. Yes, I still felt it, and yes I was still hoping that he'd fall for me by us just being around each other, but I didn't want to act on those feelings again. I'm not dumb. No one likes getting rejected. I was fighting myself not to send that text. I guess the drunk girl won.

 

Yeah, I guess I don't blame him for running scared. I must seem like an obsessed psycho. I sure feel like one.

 

it doesn't help that I have like zero experience with guys. I had a couple crushes in high school, but besides him..not much action has taken place.

 

 

In my present state of mind now I would have welcome a message like this from a woman like you. You mean what you say. That's why we men don't understand when I woman like you sends a message to us. We go all crazy and wonder way she said that. I know better today.. Thanks for sharing..

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Hopeless.heartbroken

I'm thinking of calling him to say I still do want to be friends. Having him in my life, even if as just a friend, is better than not having him at all. I'll swallow my feelings for him. I'll forget about it. I can't lose him again. He's really important to me.

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ExpatInItaly
I'm thinking of calling him to say I still do want to be friends. Having him in my life, even if as just a friend, is better than not having him at all. I'll swallow my feelings for him. I'll forget about it. I can't lose him again. He's really important to me.

 

OP, you need to give this guy space.

 

It is going to be very difficult to be friends with him now that you know he's not interested in you in that way and he's clearly uncomfortable. I think you need to take a few big steps back so you can detach. Unfortunately, he might not want to maintain the friendship at this point.

 

I also think you're under-estimating how much being in each other's lives could lead to more pain for you. How will you feel when he gets a girlfriend? Will you be able to handle it? If not, I would not insist on staying friends.

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Hopeless.heartbroken

In the 6 years I've known him, there's been times when he has had a girlfriend. Yeah, of course it sucks, but we were only friends so I didn't let my pain show. I smiled and listened when he'd talk about her. And I would be polite and understanding when he'd blow me off for her. But he was my friend. I never expected him to treat me like anything else. Hoped, yes. But expected, no.

 

My problem is, I don't think I'm pretty enough for him. I'm mediocre at BEST and he's damn near perfection.

 

I know if I was thin and pretty he'd be all over me. I am trying though. I just lost 15lbs.

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ExpatInItaly
My problem is, I don't think I'm pretty enough for him. I'm mediocre at BEST and he's damn near perfection.

 

I know if I was thin and pretty he'd be all over me. I am trying though. I just lost 15lbs.

 

This is a very unhealthy mentality. Not only do you not accept yourself as you are, you are also assuming that if you changed your appearance, he'd be interested. That is a futile battle and you have no idea if that's even true. Sometimes attraction isn't all down to physical appearance, and you're short-changing yourself by assuming it is.

 

Your posts all indicate you are a kind girl who wears her heart on her sleeve. There is a guy out there that would be delighted with that, but as long as you refuse to let go of your friend, you will not have enough real estate in your heart and mind to let anyone else in.

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Hopeless.heartbroken

I don't want to feel like this. But I can't help but think it's true. If it isn't, why has no other guy ever given me the time of day?

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I don't want to feel like this. But I can't help but think it's true. If it isn't, why has no other guy ever given me the time of day?

 

Appearance is important. It's important to be happy with your own appearance.

 

Once upon a time, I was the type who thought appearance is "shallow" and all that means something is the beauty within. Reality was, I - MYSELF - liked attractive people. I enjoyed looking at them, even if it wasn't in a romantic sense. I appreciated beautiful women too even though I'm not interested in them. We're all humans and we appreciate pretty things. Like flowers, houses, and people.

 

You should work on your appearance if you're not happy with it. Doesn't mean shaving your facial structures down to get a V-line, getting eye/nose jobs, but rather working on your exercises to achieve a healthy weight & fitness (like you have been doing), wearing sunscreen to protect your skin, and in general just taking good care of your own health. That way, there will be men who will find you attractive.

 

But I also echo what others have said. Your friend isn't interested in you as a romantic partner, and there is absolute NO guarantee that he will once you lose weight or become "prettier". You need to move on, because you CANNOT remain in contact with him and still be open to others. You're nowhere near the stage where you can be platonic friends with him.

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Hopeless.heartbroken

I've tried calling him 3 times today. I texted him a bunch of times too. It seems like he's totally avoiding me like the plague. I asked a mutual friend of ours and she said he made her swear that she wouldn't tell me this. He told her that I am an unstable drama queen who is obsessed with him and he doesn't have time to be my crutch anymore.

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He told her that I am an unstable drama queen who is obsessed with him and he doesn't have time to be my crutch anymore.

 

Well there ya go... your move.. and stop contacting him... stop.. stop...

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