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To all ladies out there.. what's your problem with," I am a Carpenter."


Avarantor

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Good Morning everyone,

 

So I would like to ask you all this question. What is the first thing you think of when your talking to a man you're just getting to know, and you ask him what he does for a living? He replies, " I work in construction, as a carpenter."

 

Is your first thought a negative one, or positive?

 

My experience the last two months using online dating with sites like, Match, Tinder and Bumble have been overwhelmingly disappointing. I'll just say that my profile is well thought and organized, my pictures are clear, varied and often complimented. I am a good-looking guy, cause my mom said so! Just kidding, but looks are not my issue here. I can be somewhat shallow myself in that Zi do tend to choose who to "swipe right" with based primarily on physical attraction, the rest is generally secondary but still somewhat important. I can be very selective as well.

 

My more common and typical interaction on the online dating sites go something like this, we match,they have already seen several picturesof me, we start exchanging messages getting to know each other, things are going pretty well, we move into talking on the phone, still things are great, and then I get the question we all hear at some point..."what do you for work?" I reply through text, " I am a Carpenter" or "I work in construction, as a carpenter." Either way I word it, the result is the same.

 

They vanish after that conversation and I never hear from them again. In the first few days on Bumble I matched with 4 women who all ended conversations after I told them what I do for work.

 

I think ya get the point.. What is it exactly that turns you off from a decent enough guy based on what he does for a living? I couldn't care less what a girl I am interested in does for a living as long as she's happy with it herself.

 

Thoughts? Honest thoughts?

 

Just had two more girls vanish this morning after I mentioned what I did for a living. I hate to say but this is one of the minor reasons I decided to go back to college and get my degree.

Edited by Avarantor
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They're qualifying you, both economically and socially. BTDT. You don't measure up so poof they go.

 

Once in awhile you'll get one willing to take a chance on an unknown/unverifiable quantity but for the most part the parameters are solid and, for those ladies, you failed the employment interview. As a lifer in the trades, and being self-employed (worse!) for nearly 40 years, I failed plenty. It helps to come from a wealthy family but even that's no guarantee. Being pretty helps too but, again, there are lots of pretty boys around.

 

Mating is brutal man. I wish I had words to ease the suffering. It is what it is.

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Where are you from?

 

I am in Canada and any type of work in constructions means big pay, big vacations, big - I mean huge benefits like medical, dental, glasses, name it! No woman here would be embarassed to date a man that works construction.

 

My bf is from France. He's an electrician. He told me women in France want to date intellectual men, the type that goes to work with a tie in the morning and can quote Baudelaire. He said a woman professional like me would never be seen with an electrician.

 

When he moved here he could not beleive how electricians had a lot of respect and women were pleased. All constructions trades here pay more than an desk job. My daughter is a welder, fresh out of school it pays more than a lawyer out of school.

 

Here a lot of women value a man that can work with his hands. It comes from the fact during colonisation you'd only survive if your man could build a roof over your head and go hunt for your food. If your man could quote Baudelaire he was pretty useless to our survival.

 

So to understand it all you need to know where you are from and how your work is viewed and why it is view the way it is.

Edited by Gaeta
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RecentChange

Hum...

 

I have two very good friends in similar trades - and near universally they complain about their co-workers, that they are meat heads, I guess you could say "unrefined" etc.

 

And the few that I few do know in the trade who don't complain about those things....are guys I would never date, because well, they fit the complaints my friends have.

 

So "construction" would give me a pause, but not necessarily be a deal breaker.

 

I am a finance professional myself, and I tend to be drawn to other professionals - we share common lifestyles, used to working with intellectuals (those who work with their minds rather than their hands etc)

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I used to not care but after dating 2 blue collar men- result was they resented me for my 'privileged' life as a scientist/consultant... There is a gap that is not a deal breaker per se but people from different educational levels, industries etc have issues with understanding each other's life styles.

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kiss_andmakeup

I'm kind of surprised by this. Carpentry is an excellent skilled trade, and because fewer and fewer people are going into this field, the demand/wages for carpenters is consistently on the rise. Not that that should matter, but it's not like you're telling them "I work at Burger King."

 

There could be a negative connotation, like the two posters above me mentioned, regarding it being a boys' club type culture, full of men who are "big and strong" but not very smart. I personally don't buy into this - I think it's actually very smart, given the over-saturation of useless bachelor's degrees in the job market right now - to take up a skilled trade.

 

You come across as articulate and thoughtful in your post here. Hang tight and hopefully you'll meet the right woman. A woman who judges you on behalf of your career isn't necessarily one you want to try a relationship with.

 

Although I have a college degree, after a gazillion career changes in my early-twenties, I ended up in a "trade" field as well (hair stylist). My husband is a medical doctor. While I'm sure there are people in his profession who would look down on someone in my field, those people are jerks. My husband couldn't care less. There is someone out there for you, I promise.

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I think the problem is that some women on OLD are looking for a provider. Someone that they can jump into a ltr with, get married, and have children with pronto. They are there for a very specific reason, and they feel that they are in abundance.

 

Generally, the women online that asked me about this stuff very early on were in that category. And were often of a certain age. If you date them, they'll talk about marriage very early too (usually with hints and being indirect).

 

The women 25 and under are more relaxed.

 

In real life, women of all ages are more relaxed.

 

For your end, stick to being a lover than a provider. Women that ditch you quickly based on this are actually doing you a favour, as well as themselves.

 

You get better relationships by not indulging that stuff at all.

Edited by Bastile
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CautiouslyOptimistic

It would not matter at all to me, personally. I'm college educated but was married to an "uneducated" construction worker for 14 years and he makes very good money, over six figures. I only point out the salary to debunk the stereotype that all construction workers are unskilled, lazy workers standing around a hole with a shovel in their hand. As far as the construction industry goes, carpentry is quite sexy to me because I think you probably have an artistic side.

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My first thought is positive, and money is not a consideration. But that doesn't help you because you want to know why many women online appear to be looking for something else. I suspect it is money or education, more precisely, the common misconceptions. It's better for you that these women disappear on you. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

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Eternal Sunshine

The problem is not the money, vacations or benefits which I know men in trades get plenty of. The problem for me would be that I already know we wouldn't match. When I started OLD, I was more open to giving men of different backgrounds a chance. Without fail, I found that each one that worked in construction or similar was crass, uncultured and just had different values and lifestyle to me. The differences were so obvious even few minutes into the conversation.

 

I like men that are classy and articulate. Traditionally I click best with other professionally employed men, academics or sometimes artists. How much they make is less important as long as they can comfortably support themselves.

 

In OLD, I want to minimize wasted time and dead end dates so I have to set pretty firm parameters.

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If they turn their nose up at it then they are not the woman for you. In the end you would be better off because the high class types are usually a nightmare in a relationship anyway. Date a working class woman.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

As a P.S. to my prior comments on this subject, when it comes to OLD, what someone does for a living is much less important than their grammar/writing/punctuation skills, which speaks more to intelligence than your job title, in my opinion. You seem intelligent based on your post, so I think it's unfair of you to be judged for being a carpenter.

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There's nothing wrong with being a carpenter.

 

My most recent ex was a carpenter and proudly stated it in his dating profile (although that's not how we met.)

 

Maybe put it in your profile to thin out the herd.

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It would not matter at all to me, personally. I'm college educated but was married to an "uneducated" construction worker for 14 years and he makes very good money, over six figures. I only point out the salary to debunk the stereotype that all construction workers are unskilled, lazy workers standing around a hole with a shovel in their hand. As far as the construction industry goes, carpentry is quite sexy to me because I think you probably have an artistic side.

 

I think when you are expected to show your value to another human being on a screen as how much you have in your bank account from the word go, there are other things going on...

 

I understand guys leverage this into sex. Yet I find that a weasel seduction, myself. Never did it as a kid, not going to start as an adult.

 

And I understand that guys leverage that into a relationship, which I find as one of utility. The lowest form.

 

Bad scene, best to steer clear, imo. There are loads of different ways of pulling women without playing this game. All OP would need to do is join some meet-up groups for a completely different experience.

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I would have no issue with carpentry.

 

I'm an accountant but you likely earn more than me and work less hours (in the UK). Your experience is precious - and dwindling.

 

What are your values though?

I've dated a few guys who were in the more manual labour type sectors and we just did not match up in terms of values or expectations. I found this quite odd to be honest but it's generally been the same. The differences were too stark to ignore.

It came down to their upbringing and how that had been as to expectations.

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that all construction workers are unskilled, lazy workers standing around a hole with a shovel in their hand..

 

Over here that's the definition of a city worker. Six of them to patch a hole in the middle of the street and they can't even do it right. I'd be embarass to date one lol

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The problem is not the money, vacations or benefits which I know men in trades get plenty of. The problem for me would be that I already know we wouldn't match. When I started OLD, I was more open to giving men of different backgrounds a chance. Without fail, I found that each one that worked in construction or similar was crass, uncultured and just had different values and lifestyle to me. The differences were so obvious even few minutes into the conversation.

 

I like men that are classy and articulate. Traditionally I click best with other professionally employed men, academics or sometimes artists. How much they make is less important as long as they can comfortably support themselves.

 

In OLD, I want to minimize wasted time and dead end dates so I have to set pretty firm parameters.

 

Statistically speaking, a sample size of 30 is considered valid. How many blue collar guys did you date to come to this conclusion?

 

OP - The world is full of people who make assumptions and generalizations. Women on OLD are especially guilty of this because they have their pick of the litter. There are literally thousands of guys who will meet their criteria and they do not have to waste time to see that you may be different.

 

My mother was a snob like that (though my father was a linesman for the phone company). I have a professional job but do a lot of work around the house (carpentry, sheetrock, tile, electrical, plumbing, etc.). If I could do it all over again I would have gone into the trades as an electrician and now I would have my own company and I would only estimate jobs and let the young guys pull all the wires :)

 

If I were a woman, my first reaction would be "Oh this guy is gonna build me a dream kitchen and bathroom!". But alas, you will not be given a chance because they already have you labeled.

 

What's worse, is you will find women making substantially less (nanny, housekeeper, etc.) who still expect a professional guy and assume construction is not well paid (when in fact it can pay much more than a desk job).

 

As stated, women who will next you over your career are not worth your time. Perhaps to filter put a good manly pic of you framing a house.

 

To recap:

 

Women's OLD expectations:

Hot, fun, exciting, financially stable, good job, makes money, funny, witty, nice apartment / house, good family man, desired by other women, attentive but not controlling, makes me feel special, local, etc.

 

Men's OLD expectations:

Attractive.

 

:laugh:

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Over here that's the definition of a city worker. Six of them to patch a hole in the middle of the street and they can't even do it right. I'd be embarass to date one lol

 

That's a lot of the city/town workers in the business I work in!

It's embarrassing! Also drives me nuts!

 

I'd rather find an honest hard worker who loves what he does but has similar values to me.

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RecentChange

Women are also attracted to power and prestige.

 

When it comes down to the reptilian brain - if you have these things it means you out competed others.

 

Money = power

 

Esteemed position = prestige / competitive prowesses.

 

For ever CEO there are thousands of worker bees. For every doctor, the ones that couldn't make it into medical school. Men with those types of positions have greater collateral when it comes to dating.

 

Now, I am not saying that carpentry is easy work, nor does it not require great skill, but in our society it doesn't carry a lot of prestige, and is not thought as a career which took a lot of competition to obtain.

 

And this isn't just about gold digging. Some women will littterally be more sexually attracted to a man who has a prestigious career.

 

I am not proud of it, but I know if you took the same man, and put him in jeans and a T shirt, and told me he worked a trade, vs. an impeccably tailored suit and that he was an executive. I am going to be more physically attracted to the latter.

 

Now, that doesn't mean that all, or even most women feel the same way, but I am sure some do.

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To recap:

 

Women's OLD expectations:

Hot, fun, exciting, financially stable, good job, makes money, funny, witty, nice apartment / house, good family man, desired by other women, attentive but not controlling, makes me feel special, local, etc.

 

Men's OLD expectations:

Attractive.

 

:laugh:

 

And the idiot here is...?

 

Lol!

 

Precisely why you need to need to get to know someone first before jumping into anything - sexual or otherwise.

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Wow talk about generalization and sterotyping.

 

I have been to Uni and have a good education. I am considered somene with a wide range of general knowledge. My electrician boyfriend beats me at anything in the field of geography, world history, current economy, general knowledge in any field. He's a walking encyclopedia and the biggest gentleman I ever met.

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TheParadox7

I don't have one, and I don't see why it should be a problem. My stepdad does carpentry along with electrician duties, and my mother never complained once. It's what he loves doing.

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Wow talk about generalization and sterotyping.

 

I have been to Uni and have a good education. I am considered somene with a wide range of general knowledge. My electrician boyfriend beats me at anything in the field of geography, world history, current economy, general knowledge in any field. He's a walking encyclopedia and the biggest gentleman I ever met.

 

My sample size is far greater than 30...;)

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Okay, so as the OP, or original poster I would love to say, thank you to everyone for their replies and for their honesty. It's very refreshing!

 

I thought I would mention a couple things about myself that you may or may not find pertinent to this conversation. After high school ended I tried to attend college for a couple years without much thought given as to why I was going. I didn't know at the time what I wanted to do for a living. Although my father paid the bills there was no conversation with him or my mother about the need to take it seriously. Those years in college didn't amount to much except a lot of "withdrawals" and "F's" which left me with GPA under 1.0. I had all kinds of reasons to not go to class during that time, but looking back at them now I realize it was just the laziness of a 19 year old with no diirection.

 

I knocked on my best friend's neighbor's door at twenty and started in the carpentry/construction business that day, I am still with that same company almost twenty years later. I am in my early 40's and around 36 I Decided to go back to school. I wanted to get my degree, for myself..

 

Seven years later, after 30 some classes my GPA is around 3.8( still have to retake a couple of those F's to replace them) I never recieved anything lower than an A in any class, or paper or test. It's a wonder what time does to us and our ambitions. I absolutely love school now and will continue to learn for the rest of my life. I am an internship away from my degree in Historic Preservation, a couple courses away from a degree in History as well, and I was also working on finishing up my Pre-reqs for Nursing school. I thought that school would be a better use of my time then coming home from work, cracking a beer and watching Tv, although I do find time to relax and have fun too.

 

To those of you who think all blue-collar workers are "crass" and unintelligent I am sorry some of my brethren have made you feel this way. I don't curse, I shower ever day, I volunteer at a local hospital emergency room, work side jobs for myself in the evenings and weekends, I workout regularly and stay in shape, and actually enjoy "reading" albeit mostly non-fiction history/biographies. I enjoy the work I do as a carpenter, but I don't think it defines who I am.

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Women are also attracted to power and prestige.

 

When it comes down to the reptilian brain - if you have these things it means you out competed others.

 

Money = power

 

Esteemed position = prestige / competitive prowesses.

 

For ever CEO there are thousands of worker bees. For every doctor, the ones that couldn't make it into medical school. Men with those types of positions have greater collateral when it comes to dating.

 

Now, I am not saying that carpentry is easy work, nor does it not require great skill, but in our society it doesn't carry a lot of prestige, and is not thought as a career which took a lot of competition to obtain.

 

And this isn't just about gold digging. Some women will littterally be more sexually attracted to a man who has a prestigious career.

 

I am not proud of it, but I know if you took the same man, and put him in jeans and a T shirt, and told me he worked a trade, vs. an impeccably tailored suit and that he was an executive. I am going to be more physically attracted to the latter.

 

Now, that doesn't mean that all, or even most women feel the same way, but I am sure some do.

 

It's so dangerous to go down that route.

 

Why as a professional myself I am more attracted toward men working with their hands that can build things? I know many women like me, professionals who much prefer a man that gets dirty during the day. There is a sense of devotion and loyalty in these men I have not found in professionals.

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