I have a date.

[ZA Dater]

In about 6 hours I am going on a date, only the third one this year I might add.

 

 

Few things to know

 

 

1: She is from Tinder

2: She is quite pretty to me

3: She likes to party it seems, whereas I don't really

4: I am taking her to dinner

5: I am not sure we have anything in common at all but we seem to chat well enough on what's app.

 

 

I don't really know what the idea is here really, been sitting at home too long, eating on my own too long so I decided to pick up Tinder again, unlike many times before I have had some decent enough matches but its so hard for me to figure out what I actually want.

 

 

I suppose if she is a total party animal I am jus wasting my time because someone like that is totally incompatible with me.

 

 

Do I try show romantic interest or do I hold out for date 2?

[trailwolf]

just go and have a good time , go with the flow , if it doesnt work out dont worry about it there will be other dates !

[knabe]

And by all means forget about the "third date this year" stuff. The thing that sabotagues you is your own negativity.

[Gaeta]

Why in the world are you taking a stranger out to dinner? A first meet should be simple like a coffee, a walk in the park, an ice cream.

 

On top of that you know you don't have much in common so why are you gonna shed money on her? Then you'll be back on here complaining women are just out to get a meal out of you.

 

Other than that I will you a good time

[ZA Dater]

Why in the world are you taking a stranger out to dinner? A first meet should be simple like a coffee, a walk in the park, an ice cream.

 

On top of that you know you don't have much in common so why are you gonna shed money on her? Then you'll be back on here complaining women are just out to get a meal out of you.

 

Other than that I will you a good time

 

I do dinners because I have learnt my own ability to wow instantly isn't great, I need time to actually try and shine, dinners give me that time.

 

 

I am hoping we somehow click enough but not sure that is going to happen in this instance because I never really know what people on Tinder truly want, I always seem to end up getting it horribly wrong.

 

 

In this instance I don't really care if I don't see her again, a dinner with company will simply be nice.

 

 

My problem as always is a near complete inability to be charming, not matter what I try or what I say so I go into this knowing that is going to be the challenge.

[Bastile]

I agree with rethinking the dinner date thing for future reference.

 

Taking out girls from Tinder for dinner is an overinvestment. It's putting you in the boyfriend category.

 

Drinks is better.

 

My advice is to treat the dinner as rapport building. Then extend the date to drinks, and make things more sexual.

 

Have fun

[Gaeta]

I do dinners because I have learnt my own ability to wow instantly isn't great, I need time to actually try and shine, dinners give me that time.

 

You need to learn how to extend it. You invite her to a coffee, pick a place that has a lot of attractions around, before the coffee ends you offer to go for a walk by (insert attraction), that's how you extend a date.

 

I have been on first dates where the man took me for a coffee, then offered to walk to the ice-cream parlor at the corner then we walked to the local baseball game and sat there for a couple of hours. It cost him under $10 and we spent 4-5 hours together.

 

 

I am hoping we somehow click enough but not sure that is going to happen in this instance because I never really know what people on Tinder truly want, I always seem to end up getting it horribly wrong.

Then why do you keep on using it?? Go toward a good paying site. Finding partner is an investment, instead of shedding $100 on dining a stranger get yourself 2 months on eHarmony or Elite.com

 

 

By offering dinner to women in Tinder you are just coming across as desperate.

[SevenCity]

You need to learn how to extend it. You invite her to a coffee, pick a place that has a lot of attractions around, before the coffee ends you offer to go for a walk by (insert attraction), that's how you extend a date.

 

I have been on first dates where the man took me for a coffee, then offered to walk to the ice-cream parlor at the corner then we walked to the local baseball game and sat there for a couple of hours. It cost him under $10 and we spent 4-5 hours together.

 

 

Then why do you keep on using it?? Go toward a good paying site. Finding partner is an investment, instead of shedding $100 on dining a stranger get yourself 2 months on eHarmony or Elite.com

 

 

By offering dinner to women in Tinder you are just coming across as desperate.

 

Dinner is not a good first date, neither is coffee (unless it's at night).

 

Make your dates when it is dark out. Nothing sends across a friend vibe like the bright sun. Drinks is good because you can bail after one if you are not feeling it. I suffered through 2 dinners with women who looked nothing like their profile and will not do it any more.

 

Paid sites have no bearing on the quality of women / chances for getting laid. I've had better success on Bumble than eHarmony. The latter seems to host a lot of desperate chicks (unattractive) - not ones who are more serious. Also, many people are on both paid and free sites - with free sites having more people (because they are free).

 

Tinder hasn't worked out for me. It's not all hookups but the women on it are just ugly or bizzare (or both). I had two dates from tinder - one was a pot head (with kids) and the other was 10 years older than her pic implied.

[BaileyB]

It's a "meet and greet" with a girl you don't know that you matched with on Tinder... Focus on getting to know this woman such that you can decide if you want to see her again.

 

It's totally inappropriate, during this first meeting, to make anything romantic or sexual. Save that for the next date, or the date after that... When you know each other a little more and you are more certain that she is interested and reciprocating. No pressure to "extend the date" during this first introduction - just go, have fun, and get to know each other.

[guest569]

I would have trouble getting to know someone over a walk in the park. Or a fricken ice cream. Im not 12 anymore. We all have different preferences. OP likes dinners, and his date said yes. OK?

[basil67]

I am not sure we have anything in common at all but we seem to chat well enough

 

I think common interests are overrated. When we met, hubby and I have very little in the way of common hobbies. We gave each other some new interests and still have pursuits which the other doesn't care for. There's plenty to talk about other than hobbies.

 

That said, I have some obscure hobbies. A good conversationalist will ask me about those hobbies or how I got interested in them. But a poor conversationalist's eyes will glaze over and they have nothing to say. Don't let your eyes glaze over.

[SammySammy]

I agree with Gaeta.

 

The only woman I would take on a dinner date is my wife. Or a long-term partner. Okay, maybe a woman who is a foodie (like me) or a food blogger. We could explore the new, interesting spot in town and give our opinions. Make an event or an adventure of it rather than a "date".

 

Otherwise, the chances of success are slim. Especially when you don't communicate well and you already know you don't have anything in common with her.

 

I don't "date". I go out and do things that I enjoy doing. If I meet an interesting girl who shows interesting in me, I might ask her to go with me. It helps if I have gotten to know her a little and choose something we both might like. If she doesn't want to go, then I go anyway. Enjoy my life. I often find that I encounter someone there who shares my interest.

 

For example, tomorrow I'm going to a Frida Kahlo exhibit. I've been fascinated with her and Diego Rivera since I was a child. I already know who I'm going with, but if I had met someone I would invite her to go with me. We'd hang out at the exhibit. Get to know each other. Probably do other things if the vibe is good. One of which may be get a bite to eat. If she didn't want to go with me, then I'm going anyway. And, having done this many times before, I know the chances of finding a woman who is also interested in Frida Kahlo - at a Frida Kahlo exhibit - or art in general - is very high. Meaning we have something in common. If I don't, then I'm going to enjoy the exhibit anyway. And go home happy.

 

Do things you enjoy. Talk to everybody. Start to match up things you enjoy with women who are interested in you and wouldn't mind doing things you enjoy with you. Your social life will change drastically.

[mortensorchid]

I hope it goes alright. You can't base a lot of things on how you interact on a dating app / website, most of the time it's just small talk and it's a text barely 200 characters long. You don't know this person at all until you meet face to face and experience them, even superficially.

 

And if it's now been said and done, how did it go?

[Gaeta]

I would have trouble getting to know someone over a walk in the park. Or a fricken ice cream. Im not 12 anymore. We all have different preferences. OP likes dinners, and his date said yes. OK?

 

Let me tell you what you've been missing:

 

I prefer meeting someone out and about in a park, where I don't have a table between him and I, where we move freely, where I see his maneurism, how he'll interact with others around like adults, kids, dogs, security. IF EVER there is a lot of attraction we can touch even kiss, or lay side by side in the grass in front of the water under a bright sun. That's not sexy to you? Some of my best dates were an afternoon spent at the park by a lake.

 

After shedding money on 10 dates with women that never returned his call OP will eventually change his MO.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Gaeta

[SammySammy]

Let me tell you what you've been missing:

 

I prefer meeting someone out and about in a park, where I don't have a table between him and I, where we move freely, where I see his maneurism, how he'll interact with others around like adults, kids, dogs, security. IF EVER there is a lot of attraction we can touch even kiss, or lay side by side in the grass in front of the water under a bright sun. That's not sexy to you? Some of my best dates were an afternoon spent at the park by a lake.

 

After shedding money on 10 dates with women that never returned his call OP will eventually change his MO.

 

He definitely needs to stop thinking of dating as taking someone you don't know to dinner.

 

That's probably one of the most difficult and awkward ways of getting to know someone.

 

Participating in an activity together seems to be better. More productive. Even if it's just a walk in the park.

[ZA Dater]

She cancelled 1 hour before the date.

[elaine567]

He definitely needs to stop thinking of dating as taking someone you don't know to dinner.

 

That's probably one of the most difficult and awkward ways of getting to know someone.

 

I agree.

Nerve racking. What to wear? What to eat? Often formal, stilted and polite conversations that can be agony as there is little or no external stimuli to prompt topics for discussion, each minute needs filled, else it just gets awkward, and it is all played out in front of other diners too.

ZA dater doesn't drink either so it is not even a case of both loosening up as the wine flows

[ZA Dater]

I think I need to address the "take her to drinks" comment. I don't do this because I myself don't drink so its a fairly pointless endeavour. As for taking someone for ice cream, yes I have done that too and it did work out but I am conscious of that appearing "cheap".

 

 

As for doing things I like and meeting people, that's all good and well if women like the things I like which they do not. I enjoy fast cars which most ladies do not so meeting people like that never seems to work for me.

 

 

Buying dinners has never bothered me because

A: I need to eat

B: Sometimes it just much nicer to go out and eat which I wont do on my own, I have done it before and its one of the most self conscious things I have done.

 

 

I don't think a date is going to happen with this particular person, am I super bothered, not really, I wanted to invite her to a lunch next week with my car club but I find if you don't invest too much you don't really feel like you have lost out when things flop.

 

 

Activity dates such as hiking have never really worked for me ever, if anything they feel even more awkward for whatever reason.

 

 

Also I think the members of this forum need to take credit for the advice given, really don't feel too bad about being given the cold should so perhaps I am just getting more indifferent to rejection and adopting a "couldn't care less attitude".

[Gaeta]

He definitely needs to stop thinking of dating as taking someone you don't know to dinner.

 

That's probably one of the most difficult and awkward ways of getting to know someone.

 

Participating in an activity together seems to be better. More productive. Even if it's just a walk in the park.

 

Agree.

 

What's screaming sexy? A woman dressed in her formal attire for dinner at night or a woman in a short little summer dress with her lotioned skin shining under the sun, her hair in the wind and free to act bubbly around you? You don't get that at a restaurant.

 

OP trust me, I met 200 men online. There's a good reasons why I stopped accepting restaurants invitations. It's boring and limiting.

[Gaeta]

As for taking someone for ice cream, yes I have done that too and it did work out but I am conscious of that appearing "cheap".

 

BINGO!!

 

If it works it works!!! Use it !! Don't spoil it by wondering if it's cheap!!! It's not cheap, it's fun, it's casual, it has no pressure, and it's outside. If you like each other you can take her out to dinner on your second date!!

[ZA Dater]

BINGO!!

 

If it works it works!!! Use it !! Don't spoil it by wondering if it's cheap!!! It's not cheap, it's fun, it's casual, it has no pressure, and it's outside. If you like each other you can take her out to dinner on your second date!!

 

I think the issue is one of me. I never get second dates so I have taken to maximising the first date, knowing I wont get a second one. Which on the face of it makes no sense but I took one for ice cream and we sat there for 3 hours, was also an evening date so essentially whether I have dinner or I sit and have ice cream the scenario is the same.

 

 

I once did a movie as a first date, utter disaster, will never do that again. As something different I have met someone from a foreign country who is here to learn English, I have offered to teach her a bit if she teaches me some of her language, I think something like that could be fun and funny. There is no real dating potential in that though.

 

 

I also did a cycle as a first date, again didn't work out so well at all.

 

 

You are probably right though. More of the issue is probably with me than the activities chosen because when I thought about it this morning, its seemingly impossible that one person can have so many bad experiences.

[telemakus]

Do what you want. If you enjoy the experience better going for dinner, go for dinner. Either way it won't make a difference on whether you get a second date. That's just determined by how you look.

[ZA Dater]

Do what you want. If you enjoy the experience better going for dinner, go for dinner. Either way it won't make a difference on whether you get a second date. That's just determined by how you look.

 

Hahah! That's made me laugh.

[fred123]

Do what you want. If you enjoy the experience better going for dinner, go for dinner. Either way it won't make a difference on whether you get a second date. That's just determined by how you look.

 

just by how you look?

[telemakus]

just by how you look?

 

Yes of course