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Does this age difference matter?


heavenonearth

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heavenonearth

The other day my mother send me a photo of me as a 7 year old girl, in which I cried after having received a present from our neighbor.

I asked a guy I am dating what he was doing when that photo of me was taken, and he said he was just finishing up university...

 

Moments like these just completely puzzle me.

How is it possible that this person and me feel like equals?

 

I want to generally ask if a 15 year age difference (30/45) does matter.

Could this work longterm?

What problems could arise along the way?

What are the advantages?

 

This is the first time both of us date outside of our age group.

 

Ready to discuss.

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The age difference doesn't really matter here since you're 30 now. It would be different if you were still in your early twenties and inexperienced.

 

Something like wanting to have kids might be a possible problem in the future, depending on how you both feel about that. And maybe his health, but you don't have to worry about that yet

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I think that after reaching a certain age it stops being such a huge problem. It's different when a 30 years old dates a 15 years old.

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todreaminblue

age difference doesnt matter but personality does...15 years is a big gap...and you have to be like minded at heart level i believe for it to work...same goals in life same values....and kids are a consideration...

 

 

do big age gap relationships work? yes they can...takes effort and work like any other relationship...i dont feel that age comes into a relationship to make it work or not..people make relationships work not their age........you do have to think about aging though....like when he is 60 you would be 45 .....and how do you feel about that.....like you might be ready to travel and he might want to garden and be on a farm..........similar life goals then are the issue not really age......deb

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I think that after reaching a certain age it stops being such a huge problem. It's different when a 30 years old dates a 15 years old.

 

I agree. 30 year old woman and 45 year old man is a lot different than 18 year old woman and 33 year old man, in my opinion. Unless the 30 year old woman feels immature I guess.

 

ETA: Disclaimer: I'm almost 45 and find men in their mid forties very sexy :).

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heavenonearth
When you're together without reminders of the age difference, how do you and he feel?

 

For more general discussion and insight, here's a really long thread on the topic if you'd like to read:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/288549-consolidated-discussion-older-younger-woman-man-age-gap-dating

 

 

Thanks a lot.

 

Yeah, when we are together, the age difference rarely comes up.

It is more funny generational differences, such as, he hates texting and prefers calling, where as I prefer the other way around.

He's well traveled (I have traveled and lived abroad too, but not as much as him), and he's well established in his career. These are the biggest differences. And the fact that he has seen Nirvana live, and I haven't - haha.

That being said, we have the same humor, same values, same taste in music, same appreciation for certain cultural things (although I am more into contemporary pop culture than he is), and the same career background. We also are both currently living abroad and used to live in the same cities all around the world, but at different times, which is sort of funny.

 

I have, however, noticed people look at us in public. He looks his age (full grey head), but I look much younger, about early 20s. I think people may think I am his daughter. It makes me feel uneasy in some situations, so I avoid PDA, which is sad, because he enjoys being very affectionate in general).

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heavenonearth
age difference doesnt matter but personality does...15 years is a big gap...and you have to be like minded at heart level i believe for it to work...same goals in life same values....and kids are a consideration...

 

 

do big age gap relationships work? yes they can...takes effort and work like any other relationship...i dont feel that age comes into a relationship to make it work or not..people make relationships work not their age........you do have to think about aging though....like when he is 60 you would be 45 .....and how do you feel about that.....like you might be ready to travel and he might want to garden and be on a farm..........similar life goals then are the issue not really age......deb

 

 

A FARM SOUNDS GREAT :)

That gives us 15 years of traveling together - can't wait. LOL.

But yeah, it seems whenever the age gap comes up in conversation, we just think it's odd or funny, but don't indulge in it. It seems though we both are aware that something may come up in the future...

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heavenonearth
The age difference doesn't really matter here since you're 30 now. It would be different if you were still in your early twenties and inexperienced.

 

Something like wanting to have kids might be a possible problem in the future, depending on how you both feel about that. And maybe his health, but you don't have to worry about that yet

 

 

I definitely want a child in the coming 5 years.

He said that he would like to have kids, but if it won't happen in his lifetime, he'd be ok with that too.

He's the youngest son to his parents, and all his siblings have their own families. I do think deep inside he'd like that too, especially since he is a bit estranged from his family.

Either way, I feel if I wanted kids with HIM, it'd have to be in the coming 2 years, otherwise he'll start being too old, right?

That may put pressure on things, I have been thinking.

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As example on the children thing, Clint (Eastwood) had his last kid when he was 66 and his wife at the time, Dina, was 31 or so, so 35 years younger than him. Still worked out fine. Even their marriage lasted quite a long while by Hollywood standards, nearly 20 years. Dina went on to marry the ex-H of Clint's former girlfriend, Frances Fisher, with whom he had a daughter, at age 63 or so, Francesca. Frances is about 22 years younger than Clint. She had her daughter at ~age 41.

 

Showing you some of the possibilities. Age has relevance but people live their own lives. Up to you.

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The other day my mother send me a photo of me as a 7 year old girl, in which I cried after having received a present from our neighbor.

I asked a guy I am dating what he was doing when that photo of me was taken, and he said he was just finishing up university...

 

Moments like these just completely puzzle me.

How is it possible that this person and me feel like equals?

 

I want to generally ask if a 15 year age difference (30/45) does matter.

Could this work longterm?

What problems could arise along the way?

What are the advantages?

 

This is the first time both of us date outside of our age group.

 

Ready to discuss.

 

My folks had 13 years difference.

 

They got along for the sake of the children, but I don't think their marriage was a happy one. They didn't fight in front of us kids, but there was tension.

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